HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 2005-06-02, Page 5THE CITIZEN, THURSDAY, JUNE 2, 2005. PAGE 5.
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Anyone for some finger food?
Customer: Waiter! What’s this fly doing
in my soup! Waiter: Hmmm. Looks
like the backstroke, sir.
AH corny joking aside, put yourself in
Denny Lynch’s Hush Puppies. You’re a young
management type living in San Jose.
California and. by and large, your personal
universe is unfolding as it should. You're
happily married. Your car starts every time you
turn the ignition key.
The restaurant you operate - a Wendy’s
outlet - is a popular one. You’re full up most
nights with lots of enthusiastic regulars. More
than a few of them even make a point of
coming up to the cash register and telling you
how much they liked their meals.
Then comes the evening of March 22, 2005.
A woman at table 13 is causing a ruckus. She
is demanding to see the manager.
Well, it happens. Sometimes a burger is
underdone, or the coleslaw is missing.
Occasionally the coffee is lukewarm instead of
piping hot.
But it’s different this time. The woman is
white-faced and she is coughing and retching
and pointing disgustedly towards her
unfinished bowl of Wendy’s chili.
More specifically she is pointing at a
brownish, eraser-sized morsel sitting on the
plate beside her chili bowl.
It looks like it could be a chunk of meat or
maybe a sprig of celery, except for one thing.
It has a long, manicured fingernail attached
to it. It’s a portion of a severed human finger.
And the customer is claiming that she found
Paying tribute to the greatest
Speaking of turncoats — and many are
after Belinda Stronach switched federal
parties — Ontario legislators paid
tribute recently to the most notorious of them
all
Stronach, who changed once, was a model
of steadfastness and loyalty compared to J.
Earl McEwen.
McEwen, who has died at 94, owned a
grocery store in Kingston Township and went
into politics because the municipality would
not salt the street in front of it. He had no
grand passions for changing the world.
He became reeve and riding president for
the Progressive Conservatives, ran twice for
them in federal elections in the 1960s and lost,
and seemed a dyed-in-the-wool Tory.
McEwen began straying when he failed to
win the Tory nomination in Frontenac-
Addington in the 1971 provincial election and
ran as an independent, but lost.
In the next provincial election in 1975,
McEwen shifted to the Liberals and won. He
said they had better policies.
But he may have been drawn more by the
Tories under premier William Davis having
lost support, particularly because many felt
they intervened too much. His timing was
impeccable, because his former party lost
seats and fell into minority government.
But for someone ready to run for almost
anyone to get elected, McEwen showed little
enthusiasm for the legislature.
He made no effort to get along with other
Liberal MPPs and rarely attended caucus,
which sometimes shapes policy, or spoke in
the legislature.
McEwen criticized the Tory government in
his only remembered speech, calling it “an
untrained fruit tree growing wildly in all
directions.”
But in 1984 he dropped his major bombshell
of switching back to the Conservative fold.
He claimed he was unhappy with Liberal
policies and that leader David Peterson and
iwo or three others “were running the whole
it the hard way - by chomping into it.
Oh, and she says one other thing, between
her gasps for breath.
She says she’s suing.
And sue she does. Anna Ayala, aged 39, of
Las Vegas, hires herself a lawyer and files a
multi-million dollar claim against JEM
Management Group, which owns the Wendy’s
franchise where she...ate.
Naturally, the story goes global. There’s
something about tales of body parts in fast
food that tickles the morbid funny bone of
news reporters. Letterman and Leno crack
wise about it. Anna Ayala’s story becomes the
•‘kicker’ for newscasts all over the planet.
And at Wendy’s, they’re in full damage
control. They call in the cops, who grill every
Wendy’s employee who possibly could have
slipped the digit into the chow. They give the
whole staff Voice Stress Analysis tests to
discover if any of them are lying.
They hire a fleet of private investigators to
track down the person who used to be attached
to the finger. They trace all their chili
ingredients back to their suppliers to see if
anybody along the way suffered a serious hand
thing and the rest of us didn’t have any say.”
McEwen was by no means the only MPP to
feel a leader dominated a caucus, but others
tried to get their views known by speaking, up,
publicly if necessary.
McEwen said he spent less time at the
legislature “because there was no sense being
there. You don’t accomplish anything. Out in
the riding you get things done.”
He said he “could not sit in Toronto guzzling
booze, while telling the people back home
how hard I’m working.”
Other MPPs have recognized they have to
balance their time. They need to be in their
ridings to look after constituents’ problems,
but the legislature is where larger concerns are
raised and solutions debated.
McEwen complained as a Liberal he lacked
opportunities for advancement, but no
government would have given a cabinet post to
someone who contributed so little.
He also said he had never really stopped
being a Conservative, but his switch seemed to
be motivated more by fears he could lose an
election due in 1985.
His winning margin had declined steadily,
while the Conservatives had regained their
majority and were high in polls, temporarily.
Pinal Thought
Don’t bother just to be better than your
contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be
better than yourself.
- William Faulkner
injury.
Wendy’s also offers a $50,000 reward for
information about the origin of the finger. Just
hours later they double the award to $100,000.
Meanwhile it's as if a stink bomb has gone
off, not just in the outlet where Anna Ayala
dined on that fateful March night, but at
Wendy’s outlets all over California.
Customers are staying away in droves.
Wendy's starts reducing shifts and even laying
off employees.
But then some curious facts emerge.
Investigators determine that the severed
finger at the centre of the mystery was 'fresh',
so to speak - not cooked. In other words, it
didn't come with the chili. It was planted.
And then the San Jose police discover that
Ms Ayala is no stranger to lawsuits against
large corporations. She had previously sued
General Motors. Goodyear Tire and El Polio
Loco, another restaurant chain.
Anna Ayala is, in short, a fraud and a phony.
Her lawsuit is kaput and instead of moving up
to Park Place, she has gone Directly To Jail.
The upshot of her little scam? Fast Food
Chill. Wendy's restaurants in California
shoulder losses in the millions of dollars and
scores of Wendy’s employees are looking for
work. Wendy’s customers are straggling back
slowly, but nobody’s ordering chili.
On the upside, Anna Ayala is sitting in a San
Jose jail cell awaiting a date with a judge.
Here’s hoping the judge gives her the finger.
The Conservatives also planned to run an
outstanding candidate against him, Sally
Barnes, Davis’s articulate former press
secretary and president of the Ontario Status
of Women Council, who grew up in the area.
But Davis welcomed McEwen back, hoping
his return would be taken as a sign the Liberals
were falling apart, so his press aide lost her big
chance.
Running as a Conservative McEwen lost
anyway and the Liberals said the best thing
they had going was his record of switching
back and forth.
McEwen claimed he looked after the riding
so well he persuaded it to keep voting Liberal.
In the legislature the three parties paid over-
generous tributes, as they do to all former
MPPs who die. Conservative house leader Bob
Runciman pointed out that traditionally the
party which was represented by the deceased
MPP represented speaks first, “but in Earl’s
case we would have to flip a coin.”
No-one mentioned McEwen’s career
epitomized one of most distasteful aspects of
politicians defecting. Parties always welcome
them with open arms no matter how self
serving their motives.
Letters
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printed as space allows. Please keep
your letters brief and concise.
Bonnie
Gropp
The short of it
Tree huggers?
Whether it’s autumn’s fire or the
warmth of spring, there’s no
question that Mother Nature's
creativity paints a pretty picture from season to
season.
From the minimalist winter to the vivid
colours and broad strokes of fall, we are
blessed by a beautiful world. However, few
could argue that spring and summer offer us
the most diversity and pleasure.
A blazing summer day full of the sounds and
sights we’ve come to know is an eclectic mix
of the natural and less natural. The patter of
water sprinklers is light percussion in the still
heavy air. Hammocks sway gently to the
lullaby of buzzing bees and shrill cicadas.
But if summer is about relaxation, spring is
the season of birth and renewal. As we wake
from the cold, all around us are signs of new
life. Flowers begin their slow stretch from the
earth. Birds bring their songs, and sing them
often, to welcome the more pleasant
temperatures.
And the trees, as the days pass, move from
bud to beautiful, offering shelter and shade to
the birds above, the flowers and creatures
below.
It was the majestic maples that initially
attracted my husband to our home. The quiet
street was lush with sturdy old trees. “If these
trees ever come down, we’re moving,” he once
told me.
The reality, unfortunately was that many of
them did. Windstorms and age took their toll
until nothing was left of four of them but
stumps. Having grown accustomed to his
home by now, hubby opted to replant rather
than pull up stakes and went on a mission that
has been nothing short of fanatical.
I’ve teased him a bit about his tree loving;
anytime one has to come down he is like a
suitor reluctant to let go of a bad relationship.
Yet in all honesty ... well, let’s just say I love
what he’s done with the place. In his planting
scheme he’s considered our yin and yang
personalities: I have my places in the sun and
he’s able to remain in the shade.
And I tqo have become surprisingly attached
to some. There is an oddity out my kitchen
window, a ‘fiknarveled’ thing, as my mom
would say, that no one has been able to name.
But it was always easy to climb for my little
ones and I never see it without seeing them.
Then there is my favourite. Recently while
enjoying an idle moment on my deck. I
glanced at our impressive red maple and was
struck with such a sense of nostalgia that I was
overwhelmed. This tree has grown with us. As
the life we have created, it has matured and
been strengthened.
When we bought our house, this tree was
barely worth notice. Other than its dark leaves
there was little to distinguish it. Standing
somewhat away from the house in the
backyard it stood about 12 feet high. Low
branches also made this tree a perfect place for
climbing and each of our children rose to the
challenge at one time or another.
Its presence was pretty much taken for
granted, until one day we really looked at it
and noticed its now imposing size, its rich,
deep colour and profusion of foliage. Its
sturdy branches could easily now bear the
weight of a swing for our grandson; its density
provides a cool cover for our pet.
This natural beauty is the first thing to greet
me outside my window at the start of each new
day. I adore it.
And if it ever has to come down, 1 think I’m -~
going to move.