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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 2005-05-26, Page 5THE CITIZEN. THURSDAY, MAY 26. 2005. PAGE 5. Other Views Do you want ice with that? She was big. Awfully big. Nearly 900 feel long and 100 feet across. Heavy, too - more than 46.000 tons. And moving full steam ahead through the night. Unfortunately, the object she struck was even bigger - scientists reckon between 150.000 and 300.000 tons - and it was dead in the water. The Irresistible Force and the Immovable Object were only in contact for about 12 seconds, but it was long enough to fatally cripple the former and send it corkscrewing to the bottom of the sea. Such was the brute majesty of that anonymous iceberg drifting in the north Atlantic some 450 miles off the coast of Newfoundland on that April night in 1912. The greatest triumph of British technology, the biggest ship ever built, the unsinkable Titanic - destroyed along with more than 1500 souls. By a colossal chunk of ice. Mind you. that’s nothing compared to what the iceberg did to the city of Belfast. That's where the Titanic was born, in the famous Harland & Wolff shipyards. She was the pride not just of Harland & Wolff but of the entire city. It took two years and the sweat of nearly 15.000 yard workers to float the Titanic. It took just a few frantic hours to wipe all traces of her from the face of the earth. When word filtered back of the disastrous maiden voyage the entire city was stricken. Belfast went into an economic death spiral that would take her from being one of the busiest shipbuilding centres in the world to a depressed and emotionally frozen backwater. The shock was so great that for decades, even to mention the word ‘Titanic’ would get you fired and blacklisted at any shipyard in town. A Dalton by any other name ... Premier Dalton McGuinty is trying to give himself a new name, but it is not exactly what others had in mind. The Liberal premier wants to be known as ‘The Education Premier,’ which he thinks would recognize his efforts in that important area. Some around the premier have been hinting at his ambition for some time and after the recent budget Education Minister Gerard Kennedy claimed McGuinty “is working hard to be the education premier” and demonstrated his right to that title. Kennedy pointed to McGuinty’s increasing money for universities and supporting public over private schools and the peace he has brought, although bought would be more apt, with teachers. Premiers want their names to be linked to good works. But opponents in the legislature have been giving McGuinty less complimentary names, including McLiar,’ because he quickly broke promises to keep down taxes and balance the budget. Progressive Conservative house leader Bob Runciman called him Premier McPromise. claiming “he serves up billions and, just like McDonalds, he doesn’t deliver.” Runciman also called McGuinty “Mr. Dithers Junior,” a follow-up to a British magazine’s description of Liberal Prime Minister Paul Martin as “Mr. Dithers.” A newspaper columnist has called McGuinty “Sir Liesalot,” a pun feeble enough to make any knight of the round table reach for his sword. Another calls the act of saying one thing but doing another “pulling a McGuinty,” so the premier’s name may yet enter the language to join such words as Scrooge and Churchillian - McGuinty would hope to be closer to the latter. Arthur Nearly a century later, Belfast still hasn’t recovered, but psychological assistance is on the way. Rita Duffy. Northern Ireland’s best-known artist, has a plan to exorcise the ghost that cripples Belfast. She figures the city’s problem is that it suffers from a massive case of group cryophobia - fear of ice. One of the best ways to conquer fear is to confront it. People who fear flying get into planes, discover that it doesn’t kill them, and the fear dissipates. Gephyrophobics learn that they can. in fact, cross bridges and survive. Rita Duffy figures the same thing should work for a city full of cryophobics. Show them a little ice and they’ll get over it. Well...not exactly a little ice - a lot of ice. Rita Duffy plans to hogtie an iceberg and tow it to Belfast. “A huge mountain of ice seems to be the most eloquent way of describing where we are,” she says. “There is a certain type of madness in Northern Ireland society, a denial of what has happened to us.” She plans to select an iceberg off Greenland and tow it down the old Viking sea lane, symbolizing the trek of the early people who first settled Northern Ireland. As it passes the islands of the west coast of Scotland, the iceberg will be illuminated. Ultimately Eric Dowd From Queen’s Park McGuinty’s party similarly has been given nicknames. Newspapers have labeled it “the Fiberals” and “Team McFib.” Those who dream up such nicknames get a lot of mileage out of Scottish names. One nickname has prompted another and they are more in vogue than at any time in decades. Health Minister George Smitherman, who lacks a soothing bedside manner in dealing with the medical community, has been called “Furious George,” after Curious George, the children’s cartoon character. Conservative leader John Tory, who expressed concern Smitherman could hurt relations with doctors, dubbed him “Injurious George.” Among earlier premiers, Ernie Eves, the Conservative who preceded McGuinty, was anointed “Landslide Ernie,” because he won his first riding election by only six votes. Mike Harris sometimes was called “Iron Mike,” because he was thoroughly confrontational and did not easily bend. A wrestler had the same name'. Lyn McLeod, Liberal leader before McGuinty, was besieged by demonstrators denouncing her as “Lyn McLiar” after her party backed off promises to gays. William Davis, an earlier Conservative premier, was dubbed “Brampton Billy,” because he slipped a reference to that Toronto- it will be anchored at a spot close to shore and clearly visible to all the citizens of Belfast. And everyone will watch it melt. "The iceberg is a figure of fear,” says Dully. "1 hope its melting will have a cathartic effect. Ice is the alchemic opposite of the fire of hatred and sectarianism, mistrust and dislike that has burned here for too long.” Is she serious? Or have leprechauns sprinkled her Guinness with pixie dust? She’s dead serious. She’s already been to Newfoundland to ‘inspect’ icebergs and investigate the mechanics of moving an ice cube the size of the Pyramid of Cheops. And she has some powerful people pulling for her. The mayor of Belfast is on side, as are many Northern Irish academics and business people. Rita Duffy reckons she’ll have the necessary money and technical expertise within three years. And while Ms Duffy and her colleagues are trying to attract an iceberg, Swiss scientists are trying to prevent theirs from leaving. Well...landlocked icebergs. Thanks to the global warming that George Bush says isn’t happening, Switzerland’s Alpine glaciers are melting away faster than a politician’s promise. The scientists’ solution? Wrap the glaciers in aluminum foil to deflect the suns rays and keep them cool. And no, 1 am not making this up. They plan to cover about 30,000 square feet of the Upper Gurschen glacier later this month as a kind of lest run. Lassoed icebergs ... foil-wrapped glaciers ... You can’t say we don’t live in interesting times. area community where he lived into every speech, even if it was on amending the Constitution or improving international trade. Davis was not merely proud of his roots — he wanted to avoid being seen as a big city lawyer and known as a defender of small town values and it helped him in elections. Darcy McKeough, a dominating treasurer who came close to becoming premier after Davis twice won only minority governments, was called “The Duke of Kent,” because he represented a riding of that name and had superior, lordly ways. Stuart Smith, a psychiatrist and Liberal leader during part of Davis’s reign, was scoffed at as “Dr. No,” by the Conservatives, because he warned economic problems were looming and they did not want to admit this, but he proved accurate. John Robarts, Conservative premier before Davis, was known as “The Chairman of the Board” because he allowed his ministers to make many decisions and felt his job was to preside over them and not dictate. Leslie Frost, Conservative premier preceding Robarts, was dubbed “Old Man Ontario,” because he seemed to represent Ontarians’ thinking, had his finger on their pulse and was not seriously challenged in three elections. McGuinty is more modest in hoping to be called the education premier, but some of his catchier nicknames will be hard to shake off. Final Thought The difference between a job and a career is a difference between forty and sixty hours a week. 7 - Robert Frost Bonnie Gropp The short of it Clothes encounters It seems spring isn't what it used to be. Or fall either tor that matter. And that s created a bit of a fashion dilemma for me. Remember when summer used to segue quite nicely into winter; the need for in­ between clothes therefore being quite unnecessary? With the first warm air wafting into our atmosphere the sweaters and jackets were packed away to make room for shorts, skirts and t-shirts. However, this cool spring has made me realize that at least some investment in fashion for this particular season is required. A dearth of mid-temperature clothing has had me bouncing back and forth this spring between shivering and simmering. So I went shopping. And nothing busts this old ego faster than trying on clothes..Standing an unforgiving 5’ 2” in a world where fashion is created for nothing short of 5’6", I slide on slacks that fail to fit or flatter. Throw in the adverse reaction of a half-century worth of gravity and it can take me hours to find nothing. It’s quite frustrating really, a fact I remarked on to the salesgirl who was amazingly enough, not a size 2 sweet young thing, but a peer. We embarked on a discussion about women, their often less than accurate, usually too tough opinion of themselves. Particularly if one compares to men’s attitudes. Women worry more about their looks than men do. They generally work harder at fighting aging, using everything from skin care and makeup, to exercise and diet. Recently a friend was pl inning a trip south. In preparation she was getting a new hairstyle, enduring waxing sessions and fighting claustrophobia in a tanning bed. She had gone shopping, was dieting and exercising. Hubby’s packaging on the other hand would travel as is. And let’s face it. Why wouldn’t our appearance be a priority when society continues to send the messages it does? Male stars of television sitcoms are overweight, overbearing or of average looks. Their female counterparts on the other hand are slim and pretty. Would you ever see it the other way? Rosie O’Donnell, for example, as the wife of Tom Selleck? It will never happen. In real-life paunchy, unattractive older men squire young pretty princesses. The voluptuous 40-something Demi Moore with rangy pretty boy Ashton Kutcher on the other hand is fodder for late-night monologues. And how many times have I heard that men get distinguished as they get older — women just get older? Women like Susan Sarandon, Jane Fonda and Goldie Hawn are positive role models for middle-aged females. However, they are also physical ideals that are unreasonable to try and live up to. Few of us have the resources they do. There are no chefs to help us eat right. There are no one-on-one fitness trainers pushing us on a daily basis, no fashion consultants, makeup artists or hairstylists to create the silk purse on those sow’s ear days. We do have one advantage in that we are better informed and better educated than previous generations on how to take care of ourselves. It has all truly helped in creating a generation of women who are healthy, intelligent and vibrant. It’s all actually a bit empowering. Or would be, if I only didn’t have to try on clothes.