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The Citizen, 2005-04-14, Page 5Other Views THE CITIZEN, THURSDAY, APRIL 14, 2005. PAGE 5. Take your hands off my hands Why do you figure Michael Jackson wears that white glove so much? I think 1 know. I think it's because the hand that’s in the glove is close to half a century old and beginning to look it. And Michael Jackson. AKA The Neverland Kid. simply couldn’t stand the rest of the world knowing that his hands look old. He's not the only one trying desperately to turn back the biological clock. Hair dyes and wrinkle creams are selling as never before. Wave after wave of new diet fads wash over the populace. You see people signing up for Pilates and tai chi lessons. Jumping in the pool for aquafit classes. Wheezing around gymnasiums with their fellow aerobics fanatics. All in an effort to slam the door on Father Time. And then there’s the knife. In 2003, U.S. surgeons performed nine million cosmetic surgeries, ranging from botox injections to liposuction and not forgetting chemical peels, dermabrasion and microphlebectomy - which is a fancy word for stripping out varicose veins. Fountain of Youth pursuers are getting their lips inflated and their bums trimmed, their boobs fluffed up and their tummies sanded down. Not to mention ear tucks, eyelid, nips and extra-chin removals. The latest surgical fad? The hand job, so to speak. Folks are lining up for ‘hand-lifts’ a reconstructive procedure that removes liver spots and injects fat cells to smooth out wrinkles on the customers hands. A proper hand-lift will set you back somewhere between five and six grand Liberals also protect selves Ontario’s Liberals are big on protecting residents and there are signs at the same time they are protecting themselves. The most common thread running through the policies of Premier Dalton McGuinty’s government is saving people from dangers mostly real but a few inflated. This course to a large degree has been forced on them, because they inherited a massive deficit and have little to spend on new programs that cost money. But there are indications it is paying off politically, because the Liberals have taken a slight step up in polls and there is little else to account for it. The Liberals’ actions include banning smoking in all workplaces and enclosed public places starting June next year, to which only diehard (a sadly apt description) smokers and those profiting from them can object. The Liberals have become the first province to ban pit bulls, which have caused horrific injuries, and will empower courts to send owners of other dangerous dogs to jail. They will protect a huge area of south- central Ontario as greenbelt for the public’s benefit, while owners of land on it will see their values drop. The Liberals will protect other land from being paved, and residents’ health by forcing designated cities to build housing more intensively in their downtown cores. Doctors have warned sprawling suburbs that encourage residents to drive almost everywhere cause pollution and obesity. The Liberals have ordered elementary schools to remove junk foods such as potato chips and pop from vending machines and replace them with healthier snacks such as milk, granola bars and yogurt. They temporarily banned sushi, raw fish, fearing it could contain parasites, but ate their depending on the toniness of your surgeon/specialist. And you'll need to hire someone to turn the pages of Vanity Fair for you while you’re recovering - it can take six months for the hands to ‘settle’ as the cosmeticians say. Even then there might be a teensy-weensy bit of scarring to contend with. And oh yes - you’ll need to check- in with your surgeon for a wee tune-up (more injections, possibly some ‘colour' adjustments) every six months or so. But hey - look at the up side. You come out of it with hands as smooth and soft as a papoose’s posterior. Why, those hands will look like they belong to an 18-year old mademoiselle of leisure. Might seem a little incongruous if they’re attached to the arms of a senior citizen, but what the hell - wear long sleeves. Or not. My hands are even older - and older looking - than Michael Jackson’s, but I’m kind of fond of them. For one thing they are indisputably my hands and nobody else’s. There’s that purple seam that runs across my right index finger between the first and second knuckles. Picked that up opening a can of dog food back when 1 was a pup. My left thumb is still crooked from that time I pitched off a Eric Dowd From Queen's Park words after being persuaded it was safe. The Liberals have ordered bars, restaurants and liquor and beer stores to post long-needed signs warning pregnant women that drinking alcohol can cause defects including brain damage to their babies. They have ordered elementary schools to provide 20 minutes of physical exercises daily starting this fall. McGuinty has promised his government will have bullying-prevention programs in all schools by the end of this year, mentioning one of his children was bullied. To cut deaths and injuries on roads, the Liberals will require children too big for toddlers’ car seats, but too small to be fully protected by seat belts, to travel in booster chairs. They also will allow police to charge owners when they cannot identify drivers of vehicles that illegally pass school buses parked with lights flashing. In other protective measures, the Liberals will attempt to preserve historic buildings by giving municipalities power to prevent their demolition. They will help municipal fire departments buy equipment, the first government in two decades to do so. They have started public consultations aimed at regulating providers of traditional Chinese medicine including acupuncture, who treat many Ontarians. toboggan and jammed it into the frozen turf four or five decades ago and one of my knuckles bears a dime-sized scar from a clumsy fistfight way back in Grade I I. And then of course there are the wrinkles. My hands have more seams and creases than an unironed bedspread, but I don’t mind. I earned those wrinkles packing snowballs and paddling canoes; pounding nails and washing dishes. I like my hands just the way they are. But they’re not the most impressive set of dukes 1 ever saw. Those belong to a senior citizen brother-in-law of mine whose hands have done more things in this life than most. And they show it. They are big and red and beefy. They don’t look like the kind of hands you would find hoisting a Wedgwood china tea cup or conducting a symphony orchestra. Nevertheless they are a spectacular pair of paws. Here is some of what his daughter, Adrienne, wrote about her father’s hands: “His hands have always fascinated me...they have built homes to shelter family and friends, held every tool imaginable with confidence and skill, tinkered cold, silent engines to life and knuckle-danced their way across countless kitchen tables to entertain a mesmerized child. With fingers like thick sausages and the grip of a grizzly, his handshake reveals the strength and integrity that define his utter being. His hands are the book of his life. Their wrinkles and blisters, their nicks and scars are the words in his wonderful tale.” Michael Jackson, eat your heart out. They have urged residents to boycott a movie about the murder and sexual violation of two young women now that the courts no longer allow them to censor. The Liberals are even providing protection against guards, forcing security guards, who often push people around, to take sensitivity training and conform to a code of ethics. McGuinty seems to fancy himself as a combination of Oliver Cromwell, the lord protector, and Mary Poppins. The Liberals may be motivated out of the goodness of their hearts, because they once pleaded with the previous Progressive Conservative government to stop a bar having a contest to see how far patrons could toss a dwarf and the Tories laughed at them. But the Liberals’ fondness for protecting seems to be helping them in polls, because they rose to 44 cent, which normally is enough to win a majority, in the most recent assessing Ontario parties. A separate poll on nationwide opinions has added it found Canadians’ biggest desire is to have pit bulls banned like Ontario. McGuinty seems to have got his teeth into a useful issue. Letters Policy The Citizen welcomes letters Io the editor. Letters must be signed and should include a daytime telephone number for the purpose of verification only. Letters that are not signed will not be printed. Submissions may be edited for length, clarity and content, using fair comment as our guideline. The Citizen reserves the right to refuse any letter on the basis of unfair bias, prejudice or inaccurate information. As well, letters can only be printed as space allows. Please keep your letters brief dr.d concise. Bonnie Gropp The short of it When the well’s dry Work hard, dream big, set ^our goals. You can be anything you want. Yeah, right. If a few decades on this earth have taught me anything it's that despite popular belief you really can’t have it all. Hard work isn’t always going to pay off, and the good guy doesn’t always win. And the reason. I’ve discovered, is that there are too many people out there who don’t want it to happen. It may not be a conscious effort, but they manage to whittle away at everything, from your finances to energy, until you have neither the will or desire to keep on fighting. When 1 was a child, an adult told me that once I was grownup, once I started making my own money I could buy what 1 wanted for myself. Lovely in theory, but life seemed to have other plans. Bills came in, cars broke down, kids needed money for school. Not that I’ve been too badly deprived. I’ve been blessed with good health, a great companion in life, terrific kids and grandchildren. My home is my haven and good friends keep me on an even keel. There has always been enough money to let us enjoy a pleasant lifestyle. It’s just never been enough to let us do it without some worries. It’s not that I think I deserve any more than anyone else. The frustrations I’m feeling are being reiterated by a good number of folks. We’re working hard, we’re trying to see that our future is taken care off. And everywhere we turn, people want more from us for less. Heating your home, already costing enough, is going to get more costly it seems as natural gas and oil are expected to increase. Hydro already has. The price of fueling your car soars towards the $1 a litre mark while the federal government rakes in millions in new tax revenues. Worse yet is 'hat there have been reports the prices will go even higher this summer. Then if you can actually afford to put fuel in your vehicle, there’s the insurance. No one can afford it, and it’s illegal not to have it. There are no deals, no benefit to shopping around. Believe me, we’ve tried. Caution and claims were driving the cost of insurance up, the companies told us in the wake of 9/11. Yet, after ail their whining our noses were rubbed in the stories about billions of dollars in profits. So we pay through those noses, taking comfort in the fact that we are protected. And that feeling remains unless you make a claim. Last weekend, the wind flipped over our barbecue causing considerable damage. Unfortunately, our deductable is almost half the price of the barbecue and to file we would lose the 10 per cent no-claim deduction we currently enjoy. In other words, don’t bother. And all of that stuff we insirre resides within a municipality in which taxes continue to rise. At council meetings I watch as municipal representatives struggle with finances in much the same manner a household does. There is no way to maintain what is there, or make much needed improvements to infrastructure without bringing in more money. Yet having run a household perhaps I could offer a hint. When money is tight it’s the ‘staff’ at our house that takes the hit. It’s simply not a given that my compensation will go up regularly. Obviously we pay for what we have. But insurance and taxes keep rising and we have to pay them. What happens if someday the well runs dry?