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The Citizen, 2005-03-24, Page 5Other Views THE CITIZEN, THURSDAY, MARCH 24, 2005. PAGE 5. Laugh? I thought I’d diet Are you fat? I am. Not grotesquely fat. 1 don’t get mistaken for the Graf Zeppelin. I don’t look like the Michelin Man or Pavarotti. We’re not talking Orson Welles North, here. But fat. Fatter than I want to be. Fatter than I ought to be. About 25 pounds heavier than I was the last time my back didn’t ache and my knees didn’t hurt. And I know exactly who to blame it on - that chubby guy in the mirror. It’s such a bummer, being fat. It sneaks up on you, one egg nog at a time. All those second helpings. The sour cream on the potatoes. The bagels, the Turtles, the extra pats of butter. That irresistible burger with fries. That ‘impulse’ Crispy Crunch at the checkout counter. Suddenly (well, not so suddenly) there you are. Fat. There are solutions of course. Bookstores are full of them. There’s Pritikin and Dr. Atkins’ Diet Revolution, not to mention the South Beach diet, the Grapefruit Diet, the Cabbage Soup and even, I swear, the Submarine Sandwich diet. There’s just the one small drawback with all these diet fads: they don’t work. Not for most of us anyway. Because they are all cither too boring or annoying or expensive or complicated and most of us creep back to our old lifestyles and the bad diet that got us throwing our money away on diet books in the first place. Tory losing backroom stigma Ontario voters have long distrusted backroom politicians, but Progressive Conservative leader John Tory appears to be winning them over. Tory, who has spent almost all his political life as a party strategist, has not only won a seat in the legislature, but overcome a tradition of half-a-century that backroomers cannot get elected. Tory was at the top, or some may think the bottom, of this profession. He was principal secretary, or chief staff political adviser, to William Davis, whom he helped get elected more times than any other recent premier, and ran federal campaigns. In one, Tory committed the most notorious election gaffe in memory, running a TV ad that emphasized the partial facial paralysis of Jean Chretien, then Liberal opposition leader. Chretien responded with dignity, “this is the face God gave me” and won sympathy. Prime minister Kim Campbell apologized, but it helped her lose. This now appears forgotten, judging by the ease with which Tory won a by-election in Dufferin-Peel-Wellington-Grey riding, although the Ontario Liberals may think of some way to remind voters of it next election. Other backroom politicians who tried to get elected but failed include Tom Long, who ran two successful election campaigns for Tory premier Mike Harris. He did not know his limitations, however, and ran for leader of the Canadian Alliance and was rejected Hugh Segal, a chief adviser to both Davis and prime minister Brian Mulroney, twice ran unsuccessfully for the Commons in an Ontario riding and failed in a run for federal Tory leader Dalton Camp, whose varied career included writing speeches for Davis, coining the appealing phrasp “cities are for people” (not cars) and was a senior adviser to Mulroney, ran federally in Ontario twice but could not attract voters. Arthur Black So....what? Gastrointestinal bypass surgery? Sewing our lips together? Actually, there’s a much cheaper and simpler solution that would work perfectly for about 98 per cent of us fatties: We just need to keep our mouth shut more often. The simple truth is, we eat too much. Doctor Black’s Diet Revolution: Eat iess, lose weight. You’re welcome. Actually, I have another diet tip that might help: the story of Patrick Deuel. Mister Deuel is a resident of Valentine, Nebraska. He is 42 years old. Last summer he was admitted to the Avera McKennan Hospital in Sioux Falls, South Dakota in grave condition, suffering from diabetes and heart failure. Why heart failure in such a relatively young guy? Doctors attributed his medical condition directly to Mister Deuel’s body mass index. He was fat. Real fat. One thousand and seventy-two pounds fat. That is more than a full-grown horse and just a bit less than a mature pilot whale. Patrick Deuel weighed more than twice as much as a fully-loaded Harley-Davidson Eric Dowd From Queen’s Park Pierre Trudeau’s chief aide, Jim Coutts. had similar ambitions. The Liberal prime minister considerately freed up a traditionally safe seat in Toronto by naming its MP to the Senate, but voters did not give their blessing. The most effective press aide to a premier was Sally Barnes, who had Davis’s confidence and could speak for him on virtually all issues, but could not win the confidence of voters. Murray Weppler, .a press adviser to New Democrat provincial and federal leaders, and Ellen Adams, senior aide to two Ontario NDP leaders, were among others who fell short in elections. The last backroomer of note to win a seat was Donald C. MacDonald, who was a party organizer when the Co-operative Commonwealth Federation, later the NDP, chose him leader in 1953. Some who plan campaigns for parties remain more fascinated by organizing, planning and devising strategies and have no interest in running. Others accept they lack talents required for the public arena and already have some status in their parties and would not want to give it Final Thought The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it. - Chinese proverb Sportster. Patrick Deuel was so obese that he hadn't been able to get out of his house for seven years. In fact, for more than half a year he hadn’t even been able to get out of bed. When they got him to the hospital Mister Deuel was too far gone for the gastric bypass surgery they thought he needed, so hospital dieticians put him on a strict 1,200 calories-a- day regimen. That's less than one supersized Big Mac meal. Mister Deuel rallied and the bypass surgery was performed successfully last October. Last week there was a newspaper photograph of the man walking across the Avera McKennan hospital lobby. Sort of. He is supporting himself on two aluminum walkers. He is wearing running shoes, sweat pants and a tee shirt. He is barely recognizable as a human being. His torso is bulging, his belly distended and sagging almost to his knees. He has giant fat rolls on his back. Even his elbows have double chins. But what’s really sobering is - this is the new Patrick Deuel. After he’s shed a mind­ blowing 450 pounds. He’s now down to a svelte 610 pounds and hopes (some day) to bottom out a^around 240. 1 wish him luck and I owe him big time. He’s a personal inspiration to me. I’ve put that newspaper photo of Patrick Deuel where I figure it will do me the most good. Scotch-taped to my refrigerator door. up to go knocking on doors pleading for votes. They also have seen backroomers run and be rejected. This discourages them from trying. Voters tend to be wary of backroomers, viewing them as a breed who watch the battle, but don’t get into it. They also see them as manipulators who often bend the truth and are rewarded when their party is in power by its steering taxpayers’ money to them, the most generous dispensers being Tories under Davis and Harris. Elected politicians rate low on the scale of professions people admire, but at least have been prepared to enter the public arena. And backroom strategists would rate even lower. Tory is being accepted more than other backroom strategists because he is articulate, earnest, restrained, not glib and has moderate policies. He has not taken huge sums of money from governments he worked for, perhaps because his family is wealthy particularly from communications and he does not need any. Voters also mostly have forgotten his role in the backrooms and he was given a safe riding to run in - not all his tasks will be as easy. Letters Policy The Citizen welcomes letters to the editor. Letters must be signed and should include a daytime telephone number for the purpose of verification only. Letters that are not signed will not be printed. Submissions may be edited for length, clarity and content, using fair comment as our guideline. The Citizen reserves the right to refute any letter on the basis of unfair bias, prejudice or inaccurate information. As well, letters can only be printed as space allows. Please keep your letters brief and concise. Bonnie Gropp The short of it Time to appreciate It was one of those all too rare relaxing evenings. Nothing to do but kill time; a peaceful end indeed to a pleasant day of warming temperatures, sunny skies and melting snow. Needless to say my mood was calmly upbeat. There was a serenity and good humour that comes to me only with the lengthening days. And then... “Just think. Six more months and it will be fall.” I can only assume that a previously hidden sadistic streak prompted this out-of-the-blue remark from my hubby. Sadistic because as most of us know, a half a year really is never as long as it should be. I can’t imagine why the reality would be as everyone says, that time passes more quickly the older you get. But 1 admit I have become protective of the minutes, hours and days, as they do seem to be gliding just a little too slickly through my life. Each Monday arrives with the same nostalgic feeling for a weekend gone too quickly, and a big sigh for a long work week ahead. Then in a blink of an eye it’s Friday again. I have barely recovered from my last birthday and find myself half-way to another. And the swiftness with which I have reached middle-age adds another twist to this. Passing by a mirror, I am occasionally nonplussed to see the face of an older woman looking back. Life has moved on such silent quick feet that parts have me have failed to keep up. Heart and mind tick along feeling quite young. But then a new ache or a new wrinkle brings me to the real world. And that world, despite the fact that as a babyboomer I belong to the majority, suddenly seems full of younger people. The first hint of this came when my physician decided to retire. His replacement? A much vounger doc with years of practice ahead of him. While at the time it was not a huge age difference, it did give me a bit of an odd feeling to realize that for the first lime I was putting my health in the hands of someone younger than me. Next was the spiritual health. When I was growing up the minister of our church was grey-haired, quiet in conversation, fire and brimstone from the pulpit, /certainly took him seriously. The same could be said of those since. However, when our most recent minister left a few years ago, the congregation extended a call to a handsome, long-haired fellow. Call it a failing on my part, but it was initially strange to be seeking spiritual guidance from someone not much older than my eldest child. Then the other day I happened to notice a group of police officers. And I really felt old. Round-faced, and not a crow’s foot in sight, they hardly commanded authority. It doesn’t seem that long ago that a cop was an older guy, grudgingly revered, occasionally feared. With these boys, I had more of an urge to comb their hair. Children are in schools teaching children. Fresh-faced girls are my fashion gurus. Interestingly, it seems only in careers of finance and insurance do I encounter my world-weary peers. It can be a little scary thinking how quickly I got here. But that only makes me appreciate ever,' minute flying through my day. There is certainly not enough time to take it for granted.