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The Citizen, 2005-03-10, Page 5Other Views THE CITIZEN, THURSDAY, MARCH 10, 2005. PAGE 5. I’ll sue you I'll probably get sued for the next four words 1 write: Dirk and Enid Spendrake. There. I wrote it. As soon as they see their names in print, Dirk and Enid will be on the blower to their lawyers who’ll be typing out writs just as fast as their fingers can fly. The Spendrakes will be on my butt just as surely as the sun will rise tomorrow. Oh yeah - they’ll sue me alright. Why not? They’ve sued just about everybody else. Over the past few years the Nanaimo, B.C. couple has sued: their neighbours, the local police, the RCMP, the town council, a justice of the peace, a couple of unions, several newspaper employees, one judge and innumerable lawyers. They've been temporarily muzzled by a B.C. Supreme Court Justice who has issued an order prohibiting Dirk and Enid from filing any more court actions without his say so - but that won’t last. The Spendrakes will just badger the judge, his barber, the chauffeur, his cat - whatever takes. And then they’ll come after me. I don’t mind. There are so many frivolous lawsuits clogging our courts I’ll be dead and planted before my name even comes up. It’s even worse in the U.S. where 52,000 lawsuits, many of them ridiculous, are currently wending their torturous way through the courts. Such as Patricia Frankhouser’s. Patricia, who lives in Jeannette, PA. is suing the Norfolk Southern Railway as a result of Farewells cozier than in the past Parting speeches when political leaders retire are being sanitized as if scrubbed by Molly Maids, so voters are deprived of some useful thoughts. This happened again when Ernie Eves, defeated as Progressive Conservative premier in the 2003 election and an MPP of substance more than two decades, made his final appearance in the legislature. Liberal premier Dalton McGuinty said Eves showed class and grace, particularly in offering advice after losing, and did not stoop to personal acrimony, which had some truth. New Democrat leader Howard Hampton said Eves conducted himself as every MPP should and Eves continued the harmony by urging politicians to recognize there is good in all parties. If McGuinty had said what was most on his mind he would have chided Eves for insisting in the election the financial picture was so rosy he’would balance his budget and encouraging the Liberals to make costly promises they could not deliver, but he kept silent. Hampton would have lamented his party got nowhere near as many votes as Tories tarnished by weakening services while living high on taxpayers’ money. The three leaders were so much on their best behaviour you would have thought their mothers were watching and Eves mentioned his was, on TV, as she often does. Opponents similarly offered only compliments when Eves’s Tory predecessor as premier, Mike Harris, retired, though he was much more responsible for those problems than Eves. McGuinty said admiringly Harris transformed politics by showing that those wanting to win support have to present ideas clearly and simply, as Harris did in his Common Sense Revolution. Hampton said Harris made a contribution by starting a debate on what the public’s role should be in the ownership and control of in my dreams Arthur Black being hit by one of their trains. Patricia only sustained a few cuts and a broken finger, but her dignity suffered a massive hemorrhage. She was walking on the tracks, you see. when the train struck her. Her lawsuit maintains that Norfolk Southern should have posted signs alongside the tracks warning people that trains might come along from time to time. What did she think - that she was on a reallllllllly long staircase? The low handrails should have been a clue. Don’t laugh. If current trends are any indication, Patricia will soon be a rich woman and Norfolk Southern will be posting signs along all its trackage that read WARNING: TRAINS MAY BE ON TRACKS. Fear of lawsuits is driving a lot of dopey labeling these days. I’ve got one of those cardboard thingies that you put on your windshield to keep the sun out. It carries a warning in the bottom left hand comer that says: PLEASE REMOVE BEFORE DRIVING. There’s an entire website devoted to wacky health facilities, energy production, water and sewage treatment and schools. NDP MPPs chummily even sang a song they wrote, predicting more “golfing with the lads,” that would have made some of their feistier predecessors turn in their graves. Contrast this to Bob Rae replying to farewells after being defeated as NDP premier a decade ago and urging “ordinary and extraordinary people” to speak up against the newly-installed Harris with his plans to slash spending and government. Rae commended an earlier Tory premier, William Davis, for recognizing deficits can be helpful particularly in a recession and showing a sense of proportion and balance. He said Harris and his “right-wing zealots” had lost this completely, their philosophies were absurd and they should recognize government was no evil, but the means people had chosen to come together to accomplish goals. Harris, who had a tough hide both in imposing policies and ignoring criticisms, still joined the traditional ovation for a departing leader. But Rae was a milquetoast compared to his predecessor leading the NDP, Michael Cassidy, who retired after one unsuccessful term. Cassidy used his farewell speech to charge Davis “sold himself like soap” to beat him in an election. He complained Davis favoured business and set limits on how much it could donate so high they enabled him to buy TV warning labels. Like the label that appears on a child’s scooter that reads WARNING: THIS PRODUCT MOVES WHEN USED. Or the label’attached to a toilet brush cautioning the purchaser that it is “not to be used for oral hygiene.” It would be funny if it wasn’t so sad - and some of it’s very sad. Such as the two Colorado teenage girls who now have criminal records and a big fine to pay. All for baking cookies. Taylor Ostergaard and Lindsey Jo Zellitte had this idea one night. They didn’t want to go to a local dance because they figured there would be drinking and fighting, but they wanted to do something. Lindsey said: “Why don’t we bake some cookies and take them around to the neighbours?” So they did. Whipped up a huge batch of chocolate chip and sugar cookies, decorated them with paper hearts then took them around to several homes in the neighbourhood and left them by the front door on paper plates with the message “Have a great night.” One of the recipients, Wanita Young, aged 49, filed a lawsuit. She claimed she was “frightened” by the unsolicited cookies on her doorstep. Sad,eh? Nope, I’ll tell you what’s sad: a Colorado judge found the two girls guilty and ordered them to pay the woman U.S. $900 for “distress”. Nice work, judge. You don’t know the Spendrakes, do you? commercials on a scale opponents could not match. Cassidy went after Davis’s ministers in turn, accusing attorney-general Roy McMurtry, now an august chief justice, of supporting police whether they were right or wrong. He scoffed that Frank Miller, then treasurer, later premier and renowned for his good humour, was so determined to be genial “if the legislature buildings were burning down, he would say how nice it was to toast his feet in front of a fire.” Cassidy turned on the Liberals and said they had become right-wing reactionaries and missed a chance to reach out to ordinary voters. Davis responded charitably that Cassidy was frustrated at losing and he did not hold his criticisms against him. But the former NDP leader got on a provincial board while the Conservatives were out of government and their first act when they returned was to announce he was fired, an example all the honeyed parting words do not mean a lot. Letters Policy The Citizen welcomes letters to the editor. Letters must be signed and should include a daytime telephone number for the purpose of verification only. Letters that are not signed will not be printed. Submissions may be edited for length, clanty and content, using fair comment as our guideline. The Citizen reserves taxtor of unfa r bias, pre udice or inaccurate information. As well, letters can only be .. ■ -;x Of . 'Aprinted as space allows. Please keep your tetters brief and concise. Bonnie The short of it Good neighbours With the warming of the sun, the lengthening of the days I begin the first yawning stretch out of hibernation. It’s no secret to readers of this column that I am not a big fan of winter. The long nights, the opaque days and biting chill seeping into every pore and marrow just don’t do anything for me. Like a mother bear I give in to the laziness and luck myself away for as much of the interminable cold season as possible. 1 acquiesce to the lethargy gaining comfort from fopd and soft covers. But, 1 feel now the slow awakening. I am revived and eager to wile away my hours outdoors, hands sunk in dirt, barefeet caressed by soft grass. I am also ready to see my neighbours. I love those chance meetings that occur on a bright spring day. Or those lazy visits in simmering summer heat. Mark and I live in a pretty great neighbourhood. Initially it was the pretty part that got our attention. All set to build our dream home as newlyweds we found ourselves drawn to a brick box with a for sale sign on the lawn. I was charmed by the size, envisioning a house full of kids, and Mark by the trees. Glorious, stately maples lined both sides of the streets casting shadows and colour. After making the decision to buy rather than build, Mark swore that the day those trees had to be cut down we would be selling. Well, many have gone, but we’re still there, in no small part to the fact that it’s a great place to be. Over the years we have watched neighbours come and go, but with rare exception, they’ve all been the best. Once the young couple on the street, we have now fallen appropriately, given our middle-age status, between a pleasant mix of seniors and young families. Some have lived in the area for as long as we have if not longer. They were there when I pushed baby buggies up the street. With my husband out of town for work, they gave me assistance and support. They were privy to my husband’s penchant fot playing practical jokes on his family. (I will never forget the look on one neighbour’s face when a bucket of water was poured on my head from two storeys up). And I’m sure the antics of my teenagers provided some entertainment too. These days Mark and I follow the fun of the neighbourhood children at play. It’s an area of boys so fun is not the quiet world of often gentile girls, but rather one that echoes with the cracks of baseball bats, or the lip-hum imitation of trucks and tractors. One of my greatest pleasures of warm weather is being able to hear it all - the laughter, and even the tantrums. But equally pleasant is the socializing. I’m not someone who lives in anyone’s pocket, however I am ready for a break in normal routine. I’m ready for warm nights on the deck, a drink and conversation with he folks next door while supper sizzles on the barbecue. I want to step out my door and say hello to the neighbour hanging clothes on their line. On a lonely Sunday afternoon, I know that simply moving to my front yard will open the door to communication. There is always at least one person tending to gardens or other outside details to break the aloneness. So spring can’t come soon enough. I have oeen blessed by the gift of good neighbours. I’m anxious to see them again.