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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 2005-03-03, Page 5Other Views THE CITIZEN, THURSDAY, MARCH 3, 2005. PAGE 5. Advertising that’s really in your face Marshall McLuhan once declared that advertising was the greatest art form of the 20th century. He should see what’s happening to advertising in the 21st century. There was, for instance, a photograph in my newspaper last week of one Andrew Fischer of Omaha, Nebraska. Andrew is an average-looking dude, 25 to 30-ish I’d reckon, wearing fashionable horn­ rimmed glasses and a tasteful, understated turtleneck. He's got just a wisp of moustache and a tidy van Dyke goatee dusting his chin. Charming. Presentable. And then there's Andrew's forehead. His forehead carries a black and white slogan that reads: SNORESTOP. IT SIMPLY WORKS. Those four words make Andrew Fischer's forehead worth $55,500 more than yours or mine. Mister Fischer, clever little entrepreneur that he is, has rented out his forehead as advertising space. Snorestop, a company dedicated to muffling the nocturnal log­ sawyers of the world, is paying Andrew 50 Big Ones and change to keep their brand name up there, front and centre for the next 30 days. Brilliant idea? It certainly is for Snorestop. Andrew's smiling face, with Snorestop’s banner emblazoned across the top of it, has been picked up by the wire services and flashed to newspapers arid television stations all over North America and Europe. The They’re mad in rural Ontario So which is the most precarious post in the Ontario cabinet? Few would associate it with peaceful pastoral scenes, rolling fields and lazy rivers - much more likely it would have something to do with the smoky, noisy, stressed-out cities, where tempers flare easier. But four of the last five ministers of agriculture, food and rural affairs, or some combination of these titles, have been turned out to pasture the moment voters got the opportunity. New Democrat Elmer Buchanan and Progressive Conservatives Noble Villeneuve, Brian Coburn and Helen Johns all lost their sears in elections and the only survivor was another Tory, Ernie Hardeman. The casualty rate among agriculture ministers is far higher than for other posts — they are the kamikaze pilots of government. It also is some indication of the unhappiness people in rural areas have felt over the past decade and they are now madder than they have ever been. Their concerns include prices they receive lor staple products falling to their lowest in 25 years, while they lack the subsidies major competing countries give. They have lost hundred of millions of dollars through mad cow disease and compensation from governments has been nowhere enough to pay for it. Governments are regulating them more to protect the environment and consumers. The Tories brought in strict rules that are costly, telling farmers how to store and apply manure. The Liberal government plans to charge them tor the first time for water they draw from rivers, streams and ponds, even on their own land. The Liberals have designated a huge slab of south-central Ontario as greenbelt on which they will prohibit building. This is great for ensuring open space for future generations, but many owners counted on selling land when -4hcy got oider to provide their pensions. Horse farms that provide riding stables are company has already garnered a million bucks worth of free publicity with this little caper. Not too shabby for Andrew Fisher, either. Fifty-five thousand, five hundred bucks is not exactly chump change for a young college student. And if he’s like the rest of us, he probably didn’t have any conflicting plans for his forehead for the next month or so anyway. It's amazing what inventive types can come up with just by using their, well, heads. Take Frank J. Smith of Orlando, Florida. Frank is the proud possessor of U.S. patent # 4,022,227. His statement of claim reads: “A method for styling hair to cover bald areas using only the individual’s own hair, comprising separating the hair on the head into several substantially equal sections, taking the hair on one section and placing it over the bald area, then taking the hair on another section and placing it over the first section, and finally taking...” Well, you get the idea. Frank. J. Smith has claimed a patent giving him exclusive ownership of the 'comb over’ - having difficulty continuing, because they are taxed as businesses rather than farms. Rural residents are even more starved for doctors than the rest of the province - they have 20 per cent of Ontario’s population,.but only 10 per cent of its doctors Another study shows many women living on farms are stressed and face health and safety hazards because they have to help run them while their husbands take extra jobs to survive. These hazards include operating heavy farm machinery designed for males, handling pesticides and other dangerous chemicals and washing laundry contaminated by them. About 1.000 tobacco farmers and their families, with whom not all will sympathize, are fuming because the Liberals are restricting smoking dramatically, but are slow to find money to help them switch them to other types of business. Thp downturn on farms is being felt throughout rural areas and many stores are having difficulty hanging on. Liberals are among those raising alarms. Ernie Parsons, an eastern Ontario MPP and no rabble-rouser, said in 58 years he has never seen farmers under more economic or personal Final Thought Be daring, be different, be impractical; be anything that will assert integrity of purpose and imaginative vision against the play-it-safers, the creatures of the commonplace, the slaves of the ordinary. - Cecil Beaton that lame and desperate camouflage gambit deployed by balding men trying to convince themselves that they’re really not losing hair. Lucky for comb over giants' like Pierre Berton and Rene Levesque that they're no longer with us. Presumably, Frank J. Smith of Orlando, Florida would be slapping them with patent infringement lawsuits. Moral of the story: even a bad idea (and believe me, men, comb overs are ALWAYS a bad idea. Those wispy strands of filament plastered across your burgeoning pinkness make you look like a walking bar code) - even a bad idea can be a moneymaker for somebody. Which brings us back to Andrew Fischer and his forehead-as-billboard concept. Now that’s what I call a GREAT idea. Even greater for me than for Andrew. See, Andrew has what is known in the barbering business as a 'high' forehead. The Snorestop pitch fits snugly in between his eyebrows and his hairline. 1, on the other hand, as a chromedome of some decades standing, am pretty much ALL forehead. Andrew gets four words on his ah, billboard. I could print the Sunday edition of The Toronto Star on my noggin and still have room left over for a Thought for the Day and the first four verses of O' Canada. In English and French. This could be my big break, folks. Wish me luck. Tell your friends. This space for rent. stress. A rift between cities and rural areas is growing and the latter claim the urban- dwellers have too much influence on provincial government decisions. You can almost see the sweat dripping from the brow of the current Liberal agriculture minister, Steve Peters, as he struggles to persuade cabinet colleagues from places which mainly grow sidewalks that farmers need help. Away from the restraints of the legislature recently Peters conceded he was having difficulty getting compensation for tobacco farmers approved by the cabinet because it is only a small, distant group. Farmers are holding protest meetings, blocking highways with tractors and starting to descend on the legislature in large numbers. The new Conservative leader, John Tory, a lifelong resident of downtown Toronto, has been quick to recognize the issue. He has begun his campaign to obtain a legislature seat in a by-election in a largely rural riding by declaring “I believe in rural Ontario.” Farmers have been given admiration before, however - what they are really looking for is some money and a lot less interference. Letters Policy The Citizen welcomes letters to the editor. Letters must be signed and should include a daytime telephone number for the purpose of verification only Letters that are not signed will not be printed. Submissions may be edited for length, clarity and content, using fair comment as our gu'deline. The Citizen reserves the right to refuse any letter on the basis of unfair bias, prejudice or inaccurate information. As well, letters can only be printed as space allows. Please keep your letters brief and concise. Bonnie Gropp The short of it Dark side of progress The internet - a technological advancement which has proven to have had both a remarkable and troublesome impact on society. Nq question the internet has linked the world in ways unthought of in the not all-too-distant past. It has opened an entire field of communication and altered the way people do business. Connections are made internationally and websites make locating and contacting a specific industry or business a swift matter. Certainly, in the professional world the modern age of technology has primarily benefitted the business owner. Where once it took several employees to do a job, often now it takes just one and a computer. But, few can argue that doors have been opened to allow for expansion into broader markets with the internet. For personal use, the internet has also made life easier and more difficult. E-mails provide another option for distant family members to feel closer together. It can be a useful resource tool for children and adults, in addition to providing a level of entertainment. A lonely evening at home can be broken by playing an on-line game of cards or even chess. But, this 'convenience’ that has been added to our lives comes with a couple of time-worn, but no less wise addendums. Handle with care, and trust your instincts. There are spam e-mails, that junk that no one asked for cluttering up your inbox. There is solicitation and advertisements. There are viruses. But these are the minor problems. It’s no secret that unmonitored children are getting an early education on the internet. And it’s not ever, that they’re necessarily searching for it. Pornographic websites can turn up in surprising places. Years ago when my kids and I first became interested in getting connected we had a difficult lime convincing m> husband. The selling point was telling him th.1’ he could look up all sorts of things about cars, even Mopars When it comes to Mopars he’s the typical boy and his toys. Hemis, B-bodics, he never gels tired of looking. So, of course, Mopar was his first search. The top site was something like Mopar Guys, which made sense, thus he clicked. And found himself on a gay porn site. Answering his holler I was bemused and amused. But, also rather alarmed. There was nothing to suggest that this site was definitely not for any Mopar guy I know. But if mine could find it, it was proof how easily a wrong turn could be made. Chat rooms too can be a benefit or a bane. Many people have found companionship and comfort, but others have been lured and seduced by a stranger. They are not places for the vulnerable. I personally hate how the internet allows people to be nasty. Billboards, for example, are sites where people can post messages on a variety of topics. They can be unfair to innocent people by allowing individuals of less than stellar character to hide behind anonymity. I recently stumbled on a site on which someone had posted an incredibly hurtful, rude message regarding a famous individual. True or not, it can be read by anyone with access and will be accepted at face value by some. The internet has done so much. But progress unfortunately always seems to have a dark side.