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The Citizen, 2005-01-13, Page 5Other Views THE CITIZEN, THURSDAY, JANUARY 13, 2005. PAGE 5. If it itches, don’t wear it I have never been known as a fashion plate. As a statement of the obvious, that ranks right up there with Joe Clark declaring he has never been recruited as a Chippendale model, but I want to make my fashion position clear before 1 introduce you to Simon and Jeremy. You need to know that my idea of sartorial splendour is baggy jeans, running shoes, my old high school sweater and a baseball cap of indeterminate vintage. I am, in short, a slob. Happy, hirsute hobo though I be, I would not go as far as the aforementioned Simon Wilkinson and Jeremy Stewart. They are a pair of popular young graphic designers working out of Toronto who have announced that their purpose in life is “to inspire more critical thought on the idea of clothes and their role in the construction of our identities.” Or when pressed to put it more succinctly, they explain: “We want to kill fashion.” Personally, I find that just a little bloodthirsty. I have no interest in killing fashion But I wouldn’t mind seeing it roughed up a little. I’ve had a chip on my shoulder about men’s casual fashion ever since the ‘branding’ phenomenon surfaced a couple of decades back. Suddenly it became, well, fashionable, for major clothing manufacturers like Gap, Eddie Bauer, and Roots to print their labels on Liberal campaign slogan in disrepute Ontario's Liberals had a catchy slogan “choose change” that helped win the last election, but prefer not to be reminded of it. Premier Dalton McGuinty and his party in fact keep getting reminded. They used the slogan to help suggest they would provide a radically different government that would for* example keep all promises and vastly improve services. They have not lived up to it, although they have made some worthwhile changes. Almost as their first act they broke a promise not to increase taxes and they reduced treatments available under medicare. The Progressive Conservatives and New Democrats scoff almost daily their “choose change” slogan was a fraud and voters would not have supported them if they had known. The Liberals’ slogan captured a mood among voters for an end to Tory policies that weakened services while cutting taxes, however, and few have been as effective. One was Tory Mike Harris’s call in 1995 for a “Common Sense Revolution” - the word “Revolution” always written like jagged graffiti so it suggested an uprising, although it addressed particularly middle-class concerns at high taxes Hams inspired more slogans for and against him than any Ontario politician in memory and some are on a collection of campaign buttons reporters covering the legislature recently acquired. There is “Harris - he’s the real thing,” meaning he would do what he said, which he largely did (and a copy of a soft-drink commercial.) And “Harris - the future starts now.” Harris also had “I like Mike,” rhyming making an easier-to-remember slogan and recalling the “I like Ike” of Dwight Eisenhower, one of the best-liked U.S. presidents. Harris inspired even more slogans against him, including “Anyone but Harris”; Harris with a red bar across his face and the demand “Recall”; and a grisly one shaped like a label Arthur Black the outside of the garment - sometimes in a banner headline right across the chest. Wait a minute! I’m supposed to BUY that overpriced Tommy HiIfiger sweater AND turn myself into a walking billboard? For free? That scam ticked me off. But not as much as it ticked off Simon and Jeremy. It’s the very reason they started the GSSR. Stands for Grey SweatSuit Revolution. That’s what the aforementioned lads are encouraging us all to dress in, all the time - the classic, hooded top, elasticized-waist, oatmeal-grey sweatsuit most often seen in gyms and at the warm-up track. Are they serious? Very. Naturally they have their own website - www.thegreysweatsuitrevolution.com - and they’re recruiting apostles around the world. They’ve already mounted a Grey Sweatsuit installation in the display window of a fashion boutique in Toronto’s trendy Yorkville district. In a couple of months they plan to have a full­ blown show at the Museum of Contemporary Canadian Art. Eric Dowd From Queen’s Park reading “City morgue. Narrfe: Jane Doe; Address: unknown; Cause of death: Harris cuts; D.O.A.” NDP premier Bob Rae, whom Harris defeated, also provoked critical slogans.. One from opponents read “Don’t blame me - I didn’t vote for him.” but another with a red bar through his face was from a once-friendly labor union, angry he forced civil servants to take unpaid time off to save money. The cleverer slogans include another union’s jeer at “Pink Slip Floyd,” Rae’s finance minister Floyd Laughren, dubbed Pink Floyd after the rock group and his leftist tendencies and now attacked for job-cutting Tory premier Ernie Eves, whom McGuinty defeated, used a slogan that was understandable, “Ernie - because we’ve come so far,” which suggested Harris started well and Eves should be left to finish the job. But by then Harris had lost his early popularity and Eves dithered so much voters were uncertain whether he was continuing in Harris’s footsteps or making a new start. Rhymes are always popular. There was “I’m with Brian,” although it did not identify which; “All the way with Drea,” a reference to Tory minister Frank; and “Thank you, McKeough,” Final Thought The man who does not work for the love of work but only for money is not likely to make money nor find much fun in life. - Charles Schwab At the risk of repeating myself...wait a minute! A Yorkville boutique? A show at the Museum of Contemporary Canadian Art? Isn’t that an awful lot like...you know... fashion shows? And what’s this about recruiting role models? “When we had interest from a source in Los Angeles about extending the project there,” says Stewart, “the first mission was to get a picture of Will Smith in a grey sweatsuit. The more pop culture icons the better!” Oh yeah. Will Smith in a grey sweatsuit. Sorta like Tiger Woods in a Nike golf shirt. Or Wayne Gretzky in a Ford Taurus. Don’t look now, Simon and Jeremy, but you’ve been co-opted. You’ve cosied up to the. very beast you sought to slay. I figure it’s only a matter of time before I turn on my television and catch an animated version of Che Guevara decked out in a baggy grey hoodie and urging me to express my rugged individualism by running out and dropping a couple of hundred bucks on the “all-new, NO LOGO sweatsuit!” (From FASHIONFREEDOMINC., A Division of WilkoStewart Enterprises). Thanks boys, but I’ll pass. I’ll continue to take my cues for what’s in vogue from the late, great Gilda Radner. who once explained: “I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn’t itch.” a union’s sarcastic jibe at Tory Darcy McKeough, the first finance minister to talk of cutting public jobs. Larry Grossman, a Tory leader who never made it to premier, had a slogan “Let’s be the best we can be,” which sounds like president John F. Kennedy’s “Ask what you can do for your country.” A button the Tories put out after they lost government in 1985 promised optimistically “We’ll be right back,” but it was a decade before they returned to govern. Candidates used puns on their names like “I’m a Snow man” by Jim Snow, a longtime Tory minister. A button put out by Jimmy Carter running for president read “America needs change” and may show where “choose change” originated. The slogan this writer liked best urged “Let’s put Leona in her place - Queen’s Park” and Leona Dombrowsky is now environment minister. But if there is a lesson from slogans in election campaigns it is don’t trust them. Letters Policy The Citizen welcomes letters to the editor. Letters must be signed and should include a daytime telephone number for the purpose of verification only. Letters that are not signed will not be printed. Submissions may be edited for length, as our guideline. The Citizen reserves clarity and content, using fair comment the righ ' to refuse any letter on the basis of unfair bias, prejudice or inaccurate information. As well, letters can only be printed as space allows. Please keep Bonnie Gropp The short of it A Murphy Day Let’s talk about Murphy, shall we? This would be the fellow whose name was given to the ‘law’ by which we all reluctantly live. “If anything can go wrong, it will.” The origins of the law are credited to a Captain Edward Murphy, an engineer working at a U.S. Air Force base in 1949. There is some controversy regarding the actual wording of the original phrase, which was prompted by the workmanship of a colleague on a project. Some stories claim that Murphy’s remark was “If there is any way to do it wrong, he’ll find it.” It was in the re-telling of the story by others that the phrase was dubbed Murphy’s Law. The captain’s family, however, say the actual statement was “If there’s more than one way .to do a job, and one of those ways will result in disaster, then somebody will do it that way.” According to an article excerpted from The Desert Wings, March 3, 1978, the saying got public attention for the first time when it was used in a press conference. Dr. John Paul Stapp creditted Murphy’s Law for the Air Force’s good safety record on that job. Consider all the possibilities before proceeding, he advised. Then gradually over time it became the cliche we’ve come to know today, the proverbial pain in the posterior of all people. I recently had what I like to call a Murphy Day. Rather than one thing go wrong it was an ugly chain of events from morn to night. An untucked shower curtain resulted in a tiny pond on the bathroom floor. I spilled the milk, broke an egg and slopped coffee on my reading material. I missed an important phone call while drying my hair and couldn’t find m\ car keys. (The spare set was already missing). And this was a’l before I got out the door. At work, I got a phone call that my little four-legged baby was having a tussle with a bigger, unleashed pooch that had strayed onto our properly. Then a fuse blew in the office and some of my unsaved efforts on the computer were gone for good. Back home, after hastily preparing supper, I headed out the door to take a picture. As 1 threw the purse, camera and gloves onto the front seat, my horn honked. Puzzled, but rushed, I started the car, then got out to clean it off, shutting the door behind me. Only when I attempted to get back inside did I realize what that honk had been. I had inadvertently hit the lock button. (And yes, those spare keys are still missing.) An hour later, my hubby, who had managed to break his way into our vehicle, and I, having found someone to take the picture for me, were more than ready to go inside and put the day behind us. Which we did until the furnace quit. Using Murphy’s Law as a preventative measure is brilliant. To think ahead to all the possibilities, to the potential for disaster, to recognize what can happen, is generally the best way to avoid trouble. And it is in this manner that it best applies to Murphy s original statement. The more familiar form we have come to know was probably in response, however, to the fact that what can go wrong is often out of our control. My Murphy Day was a mix of haste and happenstance. Time for thinking would have eliminated some of the problems, but generally it was pretty much a day when if anything could go wrong, it did.