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THE CITIZEN, THURSDAY, OCTOBER 12, 2006. PAGE 5.
Other Views
I'm a raving coulrophobic
i've always known there was something
wrong with me but I didn't know there was
a name for it.
Well, there is — it's coulrophobia. Your
obedient correspondent is — or at least has
been — a raving coulrophobic.
And don't risk a hernia hauling down the
Oxford English — it means clown hatred.
The guys that circuses routinely employ to
provide comic relief always freaked me out as
a kid 'way more than the lions, the pythons or
the Bearded Lady of Borneo.
To me, clowns were not amusing and
harmless. They looked like eerie, alien
bogeymen.
I never understood how everybody else
could laugh at them. I wanted them rounded
up and shot.
I guess I'm no longer a true coulrophobic.
As an adult, being in the presence of a
professional clown just makes me edgy and
creeps me out. A certified coulrophobic would
suffer a panic attack — maybe even a
breakdown.
Should that be surprising? We're talking
about encounters with total strangers wearing
ash-white faces, hideously exaggerated make-
up, lightbulb noses, neon spaghetti fright wigs
and shoes the size of skateboards.
Is it a coincidence that one of the minor
ogres of the 20th century, serial killer John
Wayne Gacy, used to entertain the
neighbourhood kiddies dressed up as a
character he called Pogo the Clown?
Lon Chaney, senior — a guy who spent a
good part of his career scaring the beejeebers
out of movie-goers — had little good to say
about the clown profession.
"There is nothing funny about a clown in the
moonlight," said Mister Chaney.
David Kaye would doubtless agree. "To a
toddler, there's nothing funny about a clown
—he's a monster," he says.
David Kaye should knovV. His working
name is Silly Billy. He is, yup, a professional
working clown who specializes in entertaining
at childrens' parties in New York City.
But he's not your typical clown. No bulbous
schnozz or Phyllis Diller cosmetics for Silly
Billy.
"I don't wear makeup or a fake nose," says
Silly Bi er, Mister Kaye.
"My jumbo-sized glasses are the only thing
that makes me a clown and not just a guy who
is badly dressed."
Seems to work just fine. Silly Billy has lots
of work and no reports of terrified audience
members.
But coulrophobia is not an ailment that's
restricted to the younger set — as promoters for
a rock festival in Britain found out recently.
Organizers of an event called Bestival had
rented a venue on the Isle of Wight and were
McGuinty also recently boosted Wynne's
profile by naming her education minister,
perhaps partly because he expected Tory to run
against her.
Tory had strong support in the area when he
ran unsuccessfully for mayor in 2003, but this
is a big deficit for him to overcome and he
cannot feel comfortable he will win.
But based on 2003 results, by no means the
only guide to election prospects,
Conservatives do not have much better
chances running anywhere in Toronto,
which shows the plight they were left
in by their services-slashing govern-
ments under premiers Mike Harris and Ernie
Eves.
If Tory fails to win a seat, his party will have
lost its engine. He has built the party around
him, more moderate and relying on his
likeable personality, and climbed closer to the
Liberals in polls.
But the party probably would face its third
leadership race in five years and
no-one in his caucus looks an obvious
successor. Tory did not need to promise to run
in Toronto and could have stayed in the
Final Thought
The true secret of giving advice is, after you
have honestly given it, to be perfectly
indifferent whether it is taken or not, and
_never persist in trying to set people right.
— Hannah Whitall Smith
looking for a gimmick to sell tickets.
"I know!" yelped one organizer. "Let's have
a• circus theme! Monkeys! Elephants! Lion
tamers! And we'll give discounts to all ticket-
holders who come dressed up in clown
outfits!"
Bad concept.
The idea of listening to rock bands
surrounded by a sea of strangers all dressed
like Bozo was such a turn-off to so many
people that the organizers had to abandon
the idea and declare Bestival a Clown-Free-
Zone.
Sadly, some coulrophobics remain stricken
even after they've swept clowns out of their
life.
Regina McCann is a 28-year-old New York
state resident who works in -a funeral home.
She can handle that part of her life. What she
has trouble with are the nightmares that visit
her regularly. She dreams that she's in her car,
late at night, driving down a deserted street,
being pursued by "a whole bunch of clowns on
stilts of different heights."
Sounds kind of goofy — if you've never
experienced coulrophobia. For those of us who
have, it's not goofy at all — it's chilling.
Personally, I've never had dreams in which
I'm pursued by clowns, but if I ever do, I know
how I'll respond.
When the clowns run me to ground and start
to surround me, I'll be looking for one specific
clown in the pack.
And when I see him, he can expect no
mercy. After all, I know a little kung fu.
Yessir. I'm gonna go for the juggler.
area riding, where the only
question would be how big a majority he
would get.
Ridings also mostly like the increased
stature of being represented by a party leader.
The same riding earlier accepted Eves in a
by-election, when he needed to get back in the
legislature after a brief fling in private
business, in which the Conservatives chose
him leader and premier.
Eves earlier had lived in and represented
Parry Sound, but no-one called him a carpet-
bagger. Eves also was prudent enough to hold
on to the riding in the following general
election and won there, although his party lost
government.
Tory also could have promised he would run
in the Toronto area, where there are ridings, in
Mississauga, for instance, the Conservatives
lost only narrowly last time and have a much
better chance of recapturing.
Tory will not have difficulty disposing of the
Liberal complaints he will run in a riding
where he does not live — he can drive from his
home to any part of it in 15 minutes. But he
could breathe easier if he had not made an
unnecessary promise.
Say 'Cheese'
The colours of fall casting vibrant
hues against a sunny blue sky. A
welcoming warmth blessing you like an
autumn kiss.
This past weekend was a time to give thanks
and lovely weather made it even easier to think
of the blessings that abound. Surrounded by
loved ones, on a crystal clear day infuses one
with a sense of calm and well-being.
Life when you think of it, is moments strung
together. While there are those we might wish
to forget, there are as many, like those in a time
of Thanksgiving, that are meant to be
cherished forever.
A young girl I knew understood that so
many moments in a life are precious, and she
never let one go by without capturing it on her
camera. Her friends, her family, even herself,
she photographed obsessively, chronicling
even the most minute details. Nature was also
a favourite subject and her pictures reminded
us of the brilliant sunsets, the whimsical
clouds or the smiling daisies that bring such
beauty to our days.
None of us ever really paid attention, not
until she was gone. It was then we could truly
see the gift she had left us.
It's perhaps for that reason that I've noticed
since then that so many people seem to be
suddenly finding a passion for still
photography. Maybe it's the novelty of the
digital camera that has sparked the movement,
but whatever the reason everyone seems to be
taking pictures these days. You no longer need
to worry if you forget your camera because it's
almost a certainty that someone else w'll be
preserving the occasion and will be willing to
share it with you.
That's a definite bonus tnese days too.
Technology has made it possible for
photographs to be easily shared. Posted on
websites, or e-mailing the pictures taken today,
can be enjoyed by many almost immediately.
While I don't embrace this technical age
with the same kind of enthusiasm many do,
what it's done for informal photography is
interesting. Everyone seems to have a camera
and I can't help but smile to see so many
people madly shooting away, creating a photo
gallery of this face, that group and all the
moments in between.
I've been a fairly faithful picture taker,
memorializing our family events over the
years. And I have even been known to run and
get the camera for seemingly inconsequential
occurrences.
But I hadn't always looked for the magic in
the simplistic or thought about how even these
things deserve to be preserved for posterity.
Through my young friend's legacy I now know
how important those little moments are in
illustrating a full, rich life. The results of my
happy snapping have outgrown any photo
album and are stored in a photo box, somewhat
up to the challenge of holding the ever-
growing pictorial library.
To the few folk remaining who haven't
caught the photo bug, I'd encourage you to get
a camera and start shooting. No value can be
placed on our photos.
A picture can show a personality. They are
images of the past, and reminders of happy
times. They will help you see the sun on a
cloudy day, or take you to the beach in winter.
And they will help you remember that smile
that is lost.
So, don't just count your blessings — get
them to smile and say cheese — often.
Tory handicapped by promise
rogressive Conservative leader John Orangeville 1:10
Tory is being called a coward for
refusing to run in the riding where he
lives in next year's general election and he
must be having second thoughts about an
unusual promise he made.
After being chosen leader and winning a by-
election to get in the legislature in a partly-
rural, normally safe Conservative seat based
on Orangeville early last year, Toly said he
would run in 2007 in Toronto, where he has
lived all his life.
The new leader made the promise because
his party needs to win ridings in Toronto,
where it has none, to win an election and he
wanted to show he is confident it can win seats
here, including one for himself.
Tory lives in Toronto Centre-Rosedale
riding, where Liberal George Smitherman won
52 per cent and his Conservative opponent
only 22 per cent of the vote in 2003.
Smitherman since has become a high profile
health minister and strongman and recently
deputy premier in the government of Premier
Dalton McGuinty and he challenged and dared
Tory to run there.
The Conservative leader and Liberal
tough guy would have provided the
most closely watched riding contest of the
election.
But after much hesitating, Tory has opted to
run in the neighboring Don Valley West riding
where, he points out, he was born and lived
for 48 years before moving closer to
downtown.
Smitherman has accused him of being
chicken-hearted and later of lacking courage
and later still of "running home to his parents'
house" and it clearly is an issue he hopes to
drag on.
Tory is avoiding taking on Smitherman
because he would be harder to beat, but has no
easy path in Don Valley West, where Liberal
Kathleen Wynne also won 52 per cent of the
vote in 2003 and the Conservatives managed
38 per cent.
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