HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 2006-06-01, Page 5THE CITIZEN, THURSDAY, JUNE 1, 2006. PAGE 5.
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The best things in life are cheap
M ini-confession right off the top: I
haven't seen my own face for about
a quarter of a century.
Most of it, anyway. I am a 'beardo' — I've
worn chin fur since one morning 'way back in
1982, when I looked at my lathered-up mug in
the bathroom mirror for the umpty-gazillionth
time, realized that unless I took drastic action,
I was condemned to repeat this dreary,
potentially blood-letting ritual once a day for
the rest of my natural...
So I took drastic action. Tossed my Gillette
single blade razor in the wastebasket.
I'd long ago given up on electric razors
because — sorry Philishave, Ronson, Braun,
Remington, Norelco et al — electric razors do a
lousy job. Lots of sound and fury signifying
nothing much except a brutish buzz cut that
has to be repeated in a few hours time..
What's the positive side of a nasty hand-held
machine that's cumbersome, power-sucking,
whines like a Skidoo and gives you razor
burn?
Scraping hair off your face, manually or
electrified — who needs it? I gave it up 24 years
ago and let my face go au naturel.
Nor have I regretted it. Especially when I
stroll down the aisles of my local Pharmasave
and see what my jettisoned Gillette single
blade razor has morphed into.
Gillette's latest razor — Oops — make that
"shaving system", boasts an injection
cartridge that features six, count 'ern, six
separate blades — five in a row and a sixth on
the back of the razor.
What's more, modern face scrapers are
encouraged to invest in a Persian bordello's
worth of salves, unguents and emollients
designed to 'moisturize' facial stubble into
The most ambitious politician in Ontario
is back, in the number two job, but his
chances of achieving his real aim of
becoming premier are almost nonexistent.
Greg Sorbara was reinstated as finance
minister after a judge ruled police were not
justified in including his name on a search
warrant looking for evidence of criminal
activities in a company with which he had
been involved.
Sorbara's yearning to be to be premier has
been as clear as if he put an ad in the "job
wanted" columns.
He ran for leader after seven years as an
MPP when the Liberals were in opposition in
the early 1990s and left the legislature after he
failed to win top prize.
Sorbara lost to Lyn McLeod, whom the
Liberal establishment mistakenly felt would
cash in on pent-up demand for a first woman
premier.
Sorbara made one of the best speeches in a
leadership convention in memory, outlining
where he wanted his party to go with passion,
showing he has some of the needed talents.
Sorbara wanted to run again for leader in the
mid-1990s. when Dalton McGuinty, now
premier. was chosen, but hesitated because
some Liberals felt it would be risky to choose
a leader of Italian origin whose family was
connected to developers, as his' was..
Sorbara still refused to give up and got a
second opinion foam a dozen close friends,
who advised him not to run and that Ontario
was not ready for an Italian-Canadian premier.
This may have been wise judgment, because
Ontario to its shame still has elected premiers
only of Anglo origin, although it could be
argued it might have been otherwise if a party
had put forward a non-Anglo with the right
policies and abilities.
Sorbara is now back as second only to
McGuinty in cabinet, because finance
something like a field of ripe wheat ready for
the combine.
Then there's the actual shaving cream, of
course. It comes in gooey mousses, aromatic
gels, sleek tubes and powerful aerosol bombs
in a variety of scents and tinctures, all of them
expensive.
And it's all unmitigated BS, men. All you
need for the closest, cleanest shave you'll ever
need is a single, sharp razor blade, a brush, a
cake of ordinary soap — and plenty of hot
water.
End, as Tony Soprano would say, of story.
But we never seem to want it simple. We
want it complicated and pricey. How else to
explain the fact that consumers now line up for
the privilege of buying drinking water — Evian,
Perrier, Dasani — in tiny plastic bottles at
prices that make what we shell out at the gas
pumps look like a bargain?
We can get all the perfectly safe drinking
water we want absolutely free out of the
kitchen tap, but no thanks, I'd much rather
fork over a couple of loonies for a half-litre of
Gerolsteiner.
It doesn't make sense. But neither does the
fact that Levis is getting rich selling jeans with
factory-made holes in the knees and rips up
the butt.
Used to be if you had a pair of pants that
ministers have a say in virtually all spending
and therefore influence throughout
government.
Most recent premiers -have underlined this
by naming their finance ministers as deputy
premiers, including Liberal David Peterson
with Bob Nixon, New Democrat Bob Rae with
Floyd Laughren and Progressive Conservative
Mike Harris with Ernie Eves and Jim-Flaherty.
Sorbara is considered a possible future
premier also because he was Liberal party
president for years and instrumental in
organizing its election win in 2003. He made
many friends among grassroots members who
might support him if McUuinty left.
Sorbara's power in the party has been
emphasized publicly because the
Conservatives have called him "the real
premier" and turned up in the legislature
wearing t-shirts proclaiming this.
But this was more an, attempt to belittle
McGuinty and - portray him as a puppet of a
minister than a genuine assessment.
Sorbara also woos reporters who cover the
legislature more than any politician in
memory. As both finance minister and
backbencher he has had a habit of climbing a
Final Th ought
Don't judge each day by the harvest you
reap, but by the seeds you plant.
— Robert Louis Stevenson
looked like they'd served as a doormat for a
herd of stampeding Longhorns, you either
made them into glad rags or popped them in
the thrift store drop-off box. Now they're
marketed for top dollar as pre-stressed jeans.
Go figure.
Then there's Nike, the company that made
$13.7 billion U.S. last year by convincing us to
put their sports shoes on our feet. Nike's latest
moneymaker? The Nike 'Free'.
It's an ultra-light, ultra-flexible shoe with
almost no sole and a barely-there upper. It's so
minimal it's....almost like wearing no shoe at
all.
As a matter of fact, that's how Nike pitches
the 'Free' shoe in their television ads.
"The first shoe to feel like `no shoes"' the ads
say.
Think about that. Nike wants you to
shell out over a hundred bucks for a shoe
that will make you think you're walking
barefoot.
Why not just...walk barefoot?
The ultimate consumer absurdity? I
nominate The Idea Store, the latest branch of
which just opened in Whitechapel, London,
England.
"The Idea Store" carols a brochure, "is a
drop-in centre where you can learn English,
acquire job-seeking skills, get legal advice,
study sign . language...or chat with your
friends or yak on your cellphone."
There's a fee, of course.
Thanks anyway, but we've already got an
Idea Store in my neighbourhood — minus the
yakking and the cellphone chatter. What's
more, there's no admission charge. It's
absolutely free — and chalk full of ideas.
We call it the Public Library.
spiral staircase to their seats while MPPs
debate below and chatting to them about
himself and his policies.
Sorbara goes out of his way particularly to
seek out reporters who have criticized him,
which other politicians don't do, probably
because they would consider it humiliating.
Sorbara could be seeking cozy relations with
media to help his government, but also tries to
get himself personally on good terms with
them. -
But Sorbara will be well into his 60s by the
earliest McGuinty is likely to quit, which
would be if he loses the 2007 election, and
Ontarians now tend to choose younger, more
vigorous sounding premiers.
Newer Liberals will be more established by
then, the front runner mostly being seen as
Attorney General Michael Bryant, who is so
eager to be premier that McGuinty would be
advised not to accept his advice to tour any
dangerous housing projects.
Sorbara can hope McGuinty will name him
deputy premier, but memories of his
connections to a comply investigated by
police and earlier links to other developers that
have been criticized will stick and are no help
to someone who wants to be premier.
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The web untangles
There it is, that deep, hollow chime that
welcomes you to your desk when you
turn on the computer. It's like an alarm
clock to start the workday. Which is
appropriate considering that so much of what
we do today revolves around our computers.
When I first began working at The Citizen I
used a typewriter. It was a small part of the
job, used of course for writing.
Today, our computer is used for everything
from photo development, to putting the paper
together, to communication. Add the intemet
and it has created an entirely new way of doing
business.
And not all of it's good. Each day after the
morning 'bell', I grab a coffee and sit down to
cope with any new e-mails. I like to clear them
up early because, like a Huron County
snowstorm there's no digging out if you let up.
They just keep on coming. On average I
probably receive more than 50 each and every
day.
One of the interesting ways the internet has
proved useful is as a research tool. With the
touch of a few buttons you can get information
from a variety of sources on an infinite number
of topics. While it's common knowledge that
you can't trust every source, there are those,
such as Wikipedia that are invaluable. Virtually
any question can be answered for us now.
There's not really a sense of wonder about
the world at our fingertips now. Computers and
the internet are pretty commonplace. But every
once in awhile something happens to remind
you that this technological tool just took you
somewhere you couldn't have gone before.
Several years ago a friend mentioned a book
I once owned. It had been a favourite among a
circle of us, passed around, read and re-read.
However, neither of us on this particular day
could remember whatever came of it. She
recalled the name, and I began a half-hearted
search, which continued off and on for quite
awhile. When I finally found some
information on it, I realized that this book,
though one I had enjoyed was not the one I had
been thinking of.
Unfortunately, on a new search now, all I
had on this one were the names of the hero and
the author, and I wasn't exactly sure about
those.
A little more searching disclosed that there
was an author in the 1980s with the name I
remembered. And then, I found a site
dedicated to helping you find an elusive book.
I logged on, asked my question and left the
site to check my e-mail. Within minutes I was
notified by e-mail that I had a response. What
I received was an extensive list of books by
this author. That in itself impressed me; I had
Googled, Yahooed and Asked Jeeves with
minimal results. Here now, was proof that
while the author may have fallen into
obscurity, she was at one point quite prolific.
Scanning the list, I was delighted to see not
just the name of the book, which I recognized
immediately, as well as its sequel. Since then
I've found them, used, on-line and will soon be
reviving a literary memory.
Without a doubt, just decades ago, I'd have
stood little chance of solving my mini-
mystery. I could have scoured used bookstores,
frequented yard sales, but the odds of
discovery would have been very much against,
I presume.
And who has the time for that anyway? I'm
entirely too busy checking my e-mail.
The bid to be premier dashed