HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 2006-04-06, Page 5Final Thought
Tact is the ability to describe others as they
see themselves.
— Abraham Lincoln
Other Views
THE CITIZEN, THURSDAY, APRIL 6, 2006. PAGE 5.
After looking at my family history, I've
come to the conclusion that we Blacks
have spent entirely too much time
cavorting at the shallow end of the gene pool.
We have a penchant for doing decidedly goofy
things. Take Uncle Pinky. (Yes — 'Pinky'
Black. Don't ask.) z
Uncle Pinky is no longer with us, but his
spirit lives on at our annual family reunions,
where each year, sooner or later, someone will
rise and relate The Cattle Prod Incident.
It happened decades ago at the Ontario
Public Stockyards in Toronto. Uncle Pinky
was a founding member of Black Brothers
Livestock, Inc., a firm that acted as a
middleman between farmers who wanted to
sell their stock and firms like Swifts and
Canada Packers looking to buy them.
One day, as happened from time to time, a
cow lay down in one of the stockyards alleys
and refused to get up, causing a massive traffic
problem. When a half-ton of Holstein declines
to budge, there's not a lot you can do. -
Unless you're an innovative and forward
thinking chap like Pinky.
"Stand, aside! Stand aside!" Uncle Pinky
commanded the crowd surrounding the cow.
He must have looked like something out of a
Buck Rogers B movie. Uncle Pinky was
wearing heavy insulated gloves and a leather
helmet. He had a thick black coil of electrical
cable wound around his body. One end of the
coil was attached to a massive battery pack on
his back, the other terminated in a long steel
wand that he held in his hand like a divining
rod.
It was his own invention — the prototype for
Forget those masterminds in the smoky
back rooms with their fancy tactics and
negative ads — there are other aids to
winning elections.
One of the surest is to have a mom, dad,
husband or even grandfather pave the way.
The legislature is crammed with MPPs
whose relatives were members and has added
another. It may have set a record.
Christine Elliott, who won a by-election for
the Progressive Conservatives in Whitby-
Ajax, is the wife of Jim Flaherty, a former
deputy-premier who held the riding but
switched to federal politics and is now finance
minister and second most important Tory in
the land next to Prime Minister Stephen
Harper.
Elliott, a lawyer and community activist in
health and childcare, had credentials of her
own as a candidate and said from the start she
hoped to win on them, but voters inevitably
would know Flaherty is her husband.
' Flaherty had won the riding comfortably
and, while many quarrel with his far right
views, is admired for being successful in most
things he touched and bravery in giving up
safety to run for his federal party when its
prospects looked dim. He undoubtedly won
some votes for his wife.
Other politicians helped by their families
include Liberal Premier Dalton McGuinty,
who won a riding that had been held by his
respected father, Dalton senior.
A brother, David, who has been an MP for
two years, is now talking about running for the
vacant: federal Liberal leadership and has
discussed the possibility with the premier.
It might be difficult to find two people
outside David's riding who could describe his
achievements in his short political life and it is
inconceivable he would talk of running for
leader or anyone would take notice if he did
not have the magic name McGuinty.
Former New Democrat premier Bob Rae's
what may well have been the world's first
electric cattle prod. One touch of the wand to
the cow's flank, a modest burst of voltage, and
the beast would undoubtedly spring to its
hooves and be off and running.
"Stand back!" thundered Uncle Pinky
grandly. He touched the wand to the cow's
rump. The cow mooed once and died on the
spot.
Uncle Pinky always maintained the cow had
died of a sudden heart attack but everybody
else pretty much concluded Uncle Pinky
needed to fine tune his cattle prod.
Bizarre behaviour runs in the family. I have
a nephew who won a bet (and made the front
page of The National Enquirer) by diving into
a dumpster full of pig manure and coming up
with an apple in his mouth.
He came by such behaviour honestly. His
dad once decided to see how quickly he could
drive across Canada. Drove straight through
for the last three days. When he got to
Vancouver he had to go to a doctor because he
was unable to close his eyes.
Me? I've never done anything to match my
colourful kinfolk, except maybe...
Well, there was the time back in the 70s
when I won a balloon-tire bike in a pig-out
career in elected politics seemed a thing of the
past 1I years after his government was
defeated, but he also has talked of running for
federal Liberal leader and this ambition is
being fuelled by his brother John, a key
Liberal insider.
Tim Peterson is a Liberal MPP and brother
of David Peterson, premier from 1985-90.
Deb Matthews is a sister-in-law and Liberal
MPP, and those who chose them would know
their family connections.
Conservative MPP Norman Miller was
helped by being a son of former premier Frank
Miller, who held that post only a few months,
but was the warmest political header of recent
times.
The Miller name is virtually unbeatable in
his former riding and when his son opted to
run, the party promptly dropped others who
had been canvassing for the nomination.
Liberal Infrastructure Minister David
Caplan is the son of Elinor, a former minister,
and Conservatives taunted him as "Elinor's
b*' but he has outlived it.
Environment Minister Lauren Broten has
explained she was motivated to enter politics
by an uncle, Albert Roy, an outstanding justice
contest.
A new restaurant had opened in town. As a
get-acquainted advertising gimmick the
owners announced that they would give away
a Schwinn Black Phantom to whoever could
eat the most submarine sandwiches.
A Schwinn Black Phantom? All the free
subs I could eat? I signed up.
There were only six registered contestants
on the day of the contest. After the fourth sub,
there were only two — me and a bulbous chap
who looked like he might just go the distance.
When I was half-way through my seventh
sub I hit a wall. I knew there was no way I
could eat another one but my opponent looked
a little green around the gills as well. This
called for strategy.
I sang out to the proprietor: "Mmmmm, this.
is delicious! For my next sub, could I have
extra salami and mozzarella?"
My opponent clapped his hand over his
mouth and bolted for the door.
I know...I know. Pretty lame compared to
my nephew and his dad and especially to
Uncle Pinky. Even lamer compared to Sonya
Thomas.
Sonya, who weighs 100 lbs soaking wet,
won $9,200 in an eating contest in New York
last month. She downed 26 grilled cheese
sandwiches in 10 minutes.
What's more, she patted her lips, pocketed
the cheque and went right back to work her
regular shift.
At a Burger King.
Sonya's a 'way tougher cookie than I am. I
haven't touched a submarine sandwich in 30
years.
critic and now a judge.
Liberal Monique Smith, Conservative John
Yakabuski and New Democrat Shelley Martel
followed fathers who were MPPs.
Martel's husband, Howard Hampton, is
NDP leader, but they were MPPs when they
met and it cannot be said one helped the other
get in the legislature.
Conservative Ted Chudleigh's grandfather,
Tom Kennedy, was a premier and
Conservative Laurie Scott's father was an MP
for 28 years.
A few have found their family name not
enough. Ralph Agostino tried to hold a
Hamilton riding for the Liberals two years ago
after his popular brother Dominic died, but
voters felt he lacked the drive and experience.
Long-time NDP labour minister Bob
Mackenzie tried to pass on his seat in
Hamilton to his union organizer son Andrew,
but failed.
Conservative minister Margaret Scrivener
hoped to bequeath her Toronto riding to son
Paul, but lawyer Julian Porter defeated him for
the nomination and could not win the election.
Porter is a son of a renowned attorney
general, Dana Porter — families are
everywhere in Ontario politics and mostly they
win.
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Bonnie
Gropp
The short of it
Pleasing Nietzsche
Without music, life would be a mistake.
— Friedrich Nietzsche
There probably is no other art form that
can bring so much satisfaction to such a
diverse population. Whether you walk in
Jimmy Choo stilettos or Tony Lama cowboy
boots there's a musical genre that speaks to
you.
Students at Hullett Central Public School this
weekend sang with the Cobblestones in a
performance at Memorial Hall. William
Congreve said that music hath charms to soothe
the savage breast, to soften rocks or bend a
knotted oak. You bad to believe it if you had,
as I, sat at the rehearsal Friday afternoon and
heard those angelic voices delivering melody
and magic.
Instilling a love of music in a child is one of
the greatest gifts you can give them. And it's
one of the least expensive too, as simple as
crooning to your infant while rocking them to
sleep each night.
Music's always been a fairly big deal in my
life, from my parents' penchant for country, to
Sunday drive sing-a-longs. But as a child in an
extended, otherwise adult family I was blessed
with a variety unique to my age.
My initiation to music probably began in
utero as my dance-loving parents spent
Saturday night tripping the light fantastic to
the likes of Jimmy Rodgers and the Hanks —
Snow and Williams that is.
As an infant on my grandmother's lap I
sucked my thumb while she sang me the old
standards. Family lore has it that by the age of
two I was a trained musical monkey performing
My Darling Clementine on command.
It was at the home of a neighbour that I first,
swayed to Moonlight Serenade, sang along
with Mitch and heard origs no radio station
was playing anymore.
The Saturday night Introduction to Country
Legends 101 continued into my teens as mom
and dad added Jimmy Reeves, PatsY Cline and
the Charlies — Pride and Rich — to the singers
who crooned from our record player.
Classics came to me from television. I was
pretty young when the Nat King Cole Show
aired, but the music must have reached me
regardless. That voice, as smooth as hot'-
buttered rum, is still one of my favourites.
Shows hosted by Perry Como, Frank Sinatra
and Dean Martin were also preferred viewing.
My future brother-in-law brought folk music
to us, while I was introduced to rock and roll
when my siblings hit their teens. By the time
Ed Sullivan brought the Beatles into our living
room in February, 1964, I was completely
enchanted. So much so, that for awhile I forgot
other music existed.
Thus while none of it would have been here
without blues music, it wasn't until later that I
came to adore the legends like Muddy Waters,
Robert Johnston and John Lee Hooker.
Then I met my soul mate. Mark's love of
music rivalled mine. However, while his tastes
'were for the most part congruent with mine,
there were inconsistencies that simultaneously
created great times or debate and opportunities
for enlightenment. We have come to respect
each other's preferences and our musical
interests have grown over the years to include
classical, jazz and (thank you very much, Son)
even some punk.
More importantly it's an interest we have
shared with our children. And it has indeed
enriched our lives. Nietzsche would be
pleased.
And for my next trick . • .
Politics run in some families