The Citizen, 2004-12-02, Page 5THE CITIZEN, THURSDAY, DECEMBER 2, 2004. PAGE 5.
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Danger! Teddy bears ahead?
Fear is essential. It is like a drug. Fear
makes you think you will die. For that
reason each moment has intensity. It is a
kind of purification.
So spake a man who should know a thing or
two about fear. Those are the words of Luis
Miguel Dominguin, one of Spain's most
famous bullfighters.
Anyone who makes a living coaxing razor
sharp horns backed by 800 kilos of angry.
galloping bull past his nether reaches is
someone who simply has to know the meaning
of fear.
Some would call that brave; others would
call it foolhardy. I call it a copout.
It's all very well for Dominguin to face
down a fighting bull but you'll notice that
never once in his long career did he take on
that most bloodthirsty and man-hating creature
of the wild.
Yes, friends. I'm talking about the teddy
bear.
Statistical fact: each year, more human
beings are killed by teddy bears than by
grizzly bears. How? Let me count the ways.
Kids choke on those cute button eyes and
loose tufts of fur.
Besides — who knows where that teddy
bear's been? Nursery school? In Fido's
mouth?
Viruses and bacteria can piggy back into
your house on teddy's pelt and lay the whole
family low with infections various and sundry.
I didn't discover the teddy bear's toxic secret
— a writer by the name of Laura Lee did.
She's just published a book entitled 100
Most Dangerous Things in Everyday Life and
What You Can Do About Them.
What's'really riveting about Lee's book is
the revelation that when it comes to life-
threatening agents in your life it's the little
things you need to keep an eye on. It's the
Former premier Ernie Eves is taking
longer to retire than Frank Sinatra and
his party is hoping the final curtain will
all soon.
Sinatra seemed to be on farewell tours most
>f his later years. Eves has rarely been seen for
nonths, but is far from gone.
The former Progressive Conservative
vernier was defeated by the Liberals more
han a year ago and said quickly he would not
lay as leader and his party would not have
wanted him to, anyway.
Eves helped set in motion a race won by
ong-time backroom strategist John Tory in
>eptember.
Eves has rarely been seen in the legislature
it contributed to its debates since. Some in his
iarty feel his absences set a poor example.
He also still has not given an undertaking he
vill give up his seat of Dufferin-Peel-
Vellington-Grey (the name sounds like it
ncludes half the province), which would be a
rucial help to his party's revival.
Tory has held news conferences, attended
nedia scrums and toured making speeches,
vhich are some help to making him better
nown.
But the best place for a leader to make his
•iews and style known is the legislature, where
e can ask questions and speak in debates
overed from across the province.
Eves's riding would be a natural one for
bry to run in. Eves unquestionably will not
un in another election. Ex-premiers
-aditionally do not stay long as backbenchers.
Mike Harris quit the legislature within two
ieeks of Eves being chosen to succeed him
nd Bob Rae, defeated as New Democrat
remier, also was quickly out of the door.
Eves's riding, for a candidate who can
teddy bears, not the Iberian toms that will do
you in.
Typically, humans concentrate on the big
picture and walk right into the open manhole.
We go all white-knuckled at the prospect of
boarding an airplane, but we're more likely to
die in our own car driving down to Starbucks.
We're paranoid about getting AIDS from a
blood transfusion, but we're 30 times more
likely to get struck by lighting than to be
jabbed by a tainted hypodermic.
Afraid of being mugged? You're far more
likely to mug yourself by slipping on the bath
mat in your own bathroom.
And while you're in the bathroom — careful
with the toothbrush, eh? Hospital emergency
rooms treat more than 2500 people each year
for injuries sustained while brushing their
teeth.
Always the little things.
What sort of little things? Oh, books.
Doctor's neckties. Underwear.
Books are bad. ERs routinely handle more
book casualties than many sports injuries. In
Britain more people are hurt by books each
year (2,707) than by training weights (1.884).
And it's no better on this side of the pond.
Karen Miller of the American Library
Association says "From working with books
for many years, I could offer up things like
broken toes when books fall, losing one's
balance when reaching for books and
repetitive stress from shelving them." And
master its name, is a fairly safe seat for a
Conservative. The party has no riding it could
offer Tory in Toronto, where he lives.
Eves's riding also is where he chose to run
after returning from a year in private business
in 2002 and needing to get back in the
legislature, having relinquished his northern
seat. It is used to helping out a new
Conservative leader and would do so again.
Liberal opponents accept Tory will run there
and commonly call him "the aspiring member
for Dufferin-Peel-Wellington-Grey."
Why is Eves taking so long? One view is he
is trying to line up a job. He is not wealthy,
having been a middle-income lawyer, MPP
and minister for many years, although his
companion, Isabel Bassett, is the widow of
media tycoon John Bassett.
When he left the legislature in 2001, he was
quickly snapped up as a vice-chair at a
• reported $1 million annual salary by the
Canadian arm of the investment bank Credit
Suisse First Boston.
But the bank has problems like many others
with its U. S. operation, including one of its
top officers being sentenced to jail for
obstructing a government probe. and it may
not be able or want to take Eves back.
Eves's credentials also have been damaged
since he last looked for a job. He then was
who hasn't ripped open a finger on a loose
staple on a magazine spine? Or thrown out
their back lugging a box of National
Geographies down to the basement?
We better hope that Al Qaeda keeps fixating
On nuclear hardware and bio-weapons. If the
terrorists ever twig to the destructive potential
of a Tom Clancy novel, we're cooked.
And neckties. Next time you're in for a
medical checkup, be sure to ask for a doctor
who's not wearing a necktie. Medicos see a lot
of gross and grotty (not to mention infectious)
stuff in a working day and sometimes they
have to get up close and personal.
"You never know where -that necktie dangled
last," Nuff said.
And if you don't think underwear is a
potential human threat than you haven't been
keeping up with your U.K. Department of
Trade and Industry Bulletins.
Last year, the Department reported more
than 400 underwear-related mishaps ranging
from two London women who were
electrocuted when a bolt of lightning
coursed through the metal wiring in one of
their bras, to an unfortunate chap who
sustained a fracture and ligament damage
when his left middle finger became entangled
in the bra strap of his overly enthusiastic
paramour,
British Prime Minister Harold Macmillan
once sagely observed "to be alive at all
involves some risk".
How right he was — even if you don't mess
with bras.
By the way„ that bullfighter I mentioned?
Luis Miguel Dominguin'? Retired from the
bullring after a 36-year career. Died in his
sleep in his 70s.
100 Most Dangerous Things in Everyday
Lifr and What You Can Do About Them.
Published by Broadway Books.
curtain
completing six years as a dominating finance
minister in a government admired by business
because it cut costs and taxes.
But Eves as premier made (decisions
unpopular with business, including postponing
tax cuts and promising privatization but
backing off.
Some Tories feel business now sees him as a
premier who fumbled and flip-flopped and,
whose marketability is reduced, although there
would still be some job available to him, but
most assessments do not take enough account
of problems he inherited from Harris.
There is a belief in the party Eves is hanging
on hoping Tory, who was president of a cable
TV company and has connections to almost
the entire Toronto Stock Exchange, will help
him find the right job.
There also is some feeling among Tories that
Eves will resign his seat before the legislature
adjourns in December to give his successor a
chance to get in it before it restarts next spring.
But they are not betting on it.
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Bonnie
Gropp
The short of it
TGIF
As I write this it's Friday, the day I
anticipate with great eagerness from
week to week.
The majority of people in the working world
feel the same way. The Thank-God-It's-Friday
mantra is shouted over the airwaves and into
the minds of every stressed-out, tired
individual clocking off the last few hours until
the traditional two-day respite.
For my husband and me, however, Friday
has come to mean something more. With few
exceptions, since September, it has been our
pleasure to chauffeur our grandson to meet his
daddy fix the weekend. As a student living,
studying and working in Toronto, our son
spends enough of his time in traffic. We felt
we could help by picking up his little boy and
rendezvousing in the middle. It makes perfect
sense to me.
Thus you can imagine my dismay recently
when an acquaintance said we were foolish.
Why bother, when our son would probably not
mind at all logging the few extra miles, she
asked.
Why? In addition to doing what parents
everywhere do, which is help out our kids any
way we can, Friday night has become a 'date'
with our grandson. It's an occasion of
conversation and ritual. For more than an
hour, my husband and I have him all to
ourselves. The better question, therefore.
might be why would I even dream of missing
out on that?
For the trip, I sit 'in the backseat to assist
with food and drink, but more importantly m
fully enjoy the marvelous company. We catch
up on news about his Daddy, what the two
have planned for their weekend and how his
week at school went. We banter with Papa,
tease and play.
And in that time, that dearly-loved face and
delightful personality brings more smiles to
my face than have graced it in total in the
seven days since the previous Friday.
Also, as the months hawed passed, Mitchell
remembers other Fridays and things that
happened. The trips are becoming shared
memories. "Papa, remember when...'?
Grandma, is this the place where ...?"
And without trying, we are making little
traditions. First we stop for gas, and Papa gets
some handy help at the pumps. Then at our
meeting place, a Timmy Ho's, we pick our
spot, usually looking for a relatively empty
area, and stop. We are always early and
Mitchell knows the perfect way to fill the
time. The coat is buttoned, and with his little
hand held securely inside Papa's big one they
head in for his chocolate chip cookie and our
decaf.
When our son arrives new games begin.
Such as the time when told to open the trunk,
Daddy was surprised to find inside a delighted
Mitchell, who had learned he could access the
compartment through the back seat.
The reality is that this Friday night trip isn't
just to help my son. As a mom I sure don't
mind making things easier for my kids if I can.
It makes are happy therefore, to know that we
have lessened his time on the road. We get to
see the look on our grandson's and our son's
face as they greet each other after being apart.
It only compounds the pleasure of the entire
experience to see these two guys so ready to
hang out together.
And hot for anything would I miss the
chance to be with my grandson. The whole
thing is really a win-win situation. Time and
circumstances have lessened the minutes that
we can spend with him. I'll take every one of
them that I can get.
Tories hoping for final