The Citizen, 2004-11-25, Page 5Bonnie
Gropp
The short of it
THE CITIZEN, THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 25, 2004. PAGE 5.
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Would somebody please explain to
me why every newspaper,
magazine or flyer I pick up lately is
telling me 'way more than I ever wanted to
know about Paris Hilton?
Near as 1 can tell the 20-something
American heiress (I prefer heirhead) is on the
world's celebrity radar screen because she is
(a) rich (b) blonde (c) dumb and (d) er...that's
it.
Lifetime achievements?
Well, she did make that porn video with one
of her boyfriends which mysteriously got into
instant world-wide circulation. Then there's
her role in that TV show The Simple Life, in
which she plays a rich, blonde, dumb urban
princess who finds herself stuck out in the
sticks.
And she had a nice PR spike this past
summer when she went on line with a
hysterical e-mail offering a $15,000 reward for
the return of Tinkerbelle, her kidnapped
chihuahua.
She'd 'forgotten' that she left the dog with
her grandmother.
Oh yes, and her book. Mustn't forget her
just-released literary opus entitled The
Tinkerbelle Hilton Diaries: My Life Tailing
Paris Hilton.
Hmm.
Fake kidnapping of dog named Tinkerbelle
closely followed by book launch of
Tinkerbelle 'biography'.
Coincidence? Or is that the fetid odour of a
desperate press agent I smell?
The book is a bestseller. natch.
Paris Hilton has. against all reason, become
so famous that she is now trying to trademark
her name as a logo — it's a tiny tiara with a
Ontario's politicians do not provide
much memorable debate, but they
have their moments.
A New Democrat leader. Stephen Lewis,
accused Progressive Conservative minister
Don Irvine of being so inflexible "he is like the
pre-Cambrian Shield in human form."
An NDP premier, Bob Rae, claimed the
Liberal party, which has been said to change
its mind depending on which way the wind
blows, is like a beanbag because it resembles
the last person who sat in it.
A Tory minister, .Dennis TimbreII, was
described by a rival for leader as so boring that
if he was going down for the third time,
someone else's life would pass before his eyes.
These witticisms are recalled in the new
Little Book of Canadian Political Wisdom
(Key Porter Books.)
A reporter who has covered the legislature
for 41 years would suggest others, one or two
of which even changed history
Tory premier William Davis was an
unexciting speaker lacking charisma, but kept
his job longer than any premier in the past
century and an aide explained "bland works,"
which could be a guide to others.
Davis was notorious for his long, convoluted
sentences which Liberal MPP Sean Conway,
in another phrase that should be remembered,
described as like the old ColOnial Railway,
which twisted, turned, chugged up hill -and
down dale and meandered through the
remotest sideroads before eventually reaching,
. to most people's amazement, its final
destination. .
Davis used a memorable phrase when he
stopped an expresSway being bUilt from
northwest Toronto through,housing‘to the city
centre and declared "cities are for people."
This won him a brief reputation as an
environmentalist and helped win -an election
and was believed to have been dreamed up by
stylized "P" in the centre of it ('P' for 'Paris'
or 'Princess', geddit?).
She plans to use the logo to 'brand' her
personal lines of fragrances, body lotions, bath
gel, cosmetics — even footwear and kitchen
utensils.
Martha Stewart, what hath ye wrought?
Am I the only one who finds it bizarre that a
character model as dubious as Paris Hilton
can be turned into a profitable marketing
tool?
But then, why not? Robin Hood parlayed a
career as a rural mugger into an immortal
legend as a champion of the dispossessed. And
we know that tomorrow's rising sun will shine
on O.J. Simpson once again setting out on his
endless quest to bring his wife's murderer to
justice.
And Q.J. armed only with a golf cart and a
set of clubs.
Celebrity is an odd commodity. It makes no
value judgments on the mortals it deigns to
favour.
Pete Rose said it best. Rose was one of the
best players in baseball. He was also a
gambling addict and he went to jail for betting
on games he'd played in.
When he got out, one of the surprises
waiting for him was an invitation to appear on
The Tonight Show, After thanking Doc
•
Dalton Camp, the Tory back-roomer clever
with words as a newspaper columnist, who
was advising Davis.
Liberal MPP Elmer Sopha made criticisms
worth remembering of rituals he called
unworthy of reasonable adults, including the
lieutenant governor arriving for the throne
speech "with enough military to settle the
problem in Vietnam and then reading it with
all the eloquence of a chloroform pad, while
retired premiers like Leslie Frost fell asleep in
their chairs."
Liberal premier David Peterson, after his
government was defeated and he lost his seat,
explained he retired "because of illness — the
voters got sick of me," a jest that could be an
epitaph for many.
Rae was angered because the federal
government raised money here and would not
pay enough:- back and accused its finance
minister of grabbing it and fleeing "like an
absconding debtor."
A Tory industry minister, John Rhodes,
described an Ontarian as someone who goes to
a French movie, climbs in his German car,
stops at an Italian restaurant, orders Belgian
beer and Danish cheese and on arriving home,
takes off his Korean shirt, Rumanian pants and
English shoes, puts on his Taiwanese pyjamas,
turns On his Japanese stereo, picks up his
American ballpoint pen and writes to his MPP
complaining of lack of jobs.
Tory premier Mike Harris might deserve
Severinson for not playing Jailhouse Rock-
Rose observed that despite all the records he
set in 23 years as a major league player, he had
never before been invited on the show.
Then he turned to the studio audience and
said: "You gotta go to prison to get on this
show!"
Well, not quite, but it certainly doesn't hurt.
The downside of empty celebrityhood? Not
much really. Both Paris and Pete have entered
Celebrity Neverneverland, where people are
famous just for being famous. Neither will
ever have to buy a drink or a meal again.
And there will be rafts of invitations to
parties and openings and galas. And endless
doting admirers to fawn and adore.
Of course, celebrities are expected to sign
things a lot — autograph books, eight-by-ten
glossies, posters, t-shirts.
Pete Rose has probably signed more
baseballs than he caught during his career.
Could be worse. He could be Ed Graham,
the drummer for the British rock band The
Darkness.
Graham was doling out signatures at a press
conference recently when he was confronted
by a fan carrying a dog.
A stuffed dog. The tearful fan explained that
the dog was the deceased pet of his
grandmother, from whom he (the fan) was
estranged. The only way the fan could achieve
peace of mind was if Ed Graham would
consent to...sign the dead dog.
In an unusual location for a signature.
Graham explained it this way: "When (the
grandmother) died, she left him the dog. He
said, 'If you sign it, I might be able to make
peace', so I signed his testicles."
No doubt Ed used a ball point pen.
mention for naming his policy platform The
Common Sense Revolution, a saw-off between-
advisers wanting to suggest both upheaval and
caution, and common sense. This was new to
Ontario anyway and caught on and helped win
an election.
Liberal Premier Dalton McGuinty probably
would prefer to be listed for such banter as
saying the Tories blamed him for everything
except 'premature baldness, but is more
thought of as saying "I won't raise your taxes,
but I won't cut them either" and a few months
later doing the former.
A newspaper's labeling of McGuinty's party
as "Fiberals" because they failed to keep
promises might merit a mention, because other
media and opponents use it so often it has
become part of the language.
But the cleverest line may have been that of
a columnist who called Davis, who was
notoriously indecisive in answering questions,
"the master of the unequivocal maybe."
Not all memorable lines come from
politicians.
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Happy to be female
Growing up, I was pretty sure that it
would have been better to be, a boy.
It just really seemed like a lot more
fun.
Even as a very young child in the late 1950s
and early 1960s I could see what appeared to
be a bit of an imbalance in gender roles.
Certainly my dad worked very hard at his job.
He owned his business and spent long hours
running it. However, after a hectic, exhausting
six days and nights, Sunday was traditionally
for him a blissful day of rest.
What wasn't lost on me even then, was the
fact that while Mom worked pretty darn hard
too, she still had plenty of chores to keep her
busy on Sunday. And even to a small child
those chores seemed to be all about mhking
Dad's day of rest more comfortable. While
he put his feet up, read the paper or snoozed,
Mom was getting meals ready or doing
dishes.
The scene played out in virtually all my
friends' homes too. The men did work from
sun to sun and as the adage continues, the
women's work was never done.
Add to this that girls of my age often wore
dresses, were encouraged to play gentle
games, not climb trees, and the whole idea of
living my life as a female was just absolutely
not attractive. While my friends and I seemed
to be being groomed from a very young age
for... something, boys were generally only
expected to, be, well, boas.
Fast forward to the early 1970s and things
began to look at little more promising. At least
on a certain level. Women were liberated.
Yet, while I Am Woman may have rightly
moved us beyond the kitchen it did, however
seem that we had only added to our
responsibilities. Now, in addition to most of
the housework, (men really still hadn't caught
on that well' yet to the idea of sharing this part
of the burden) we were expected to take
advantage of our newfound independence and
pursue fulfilling careers. Men may still have
been working from sun to sun, but women had
run out of hours.
The 1980s and 1990s - were all about
Superwomen, stressed out over tending to a
home, caring for children, while achieving
success in the professional world. Yet, subtle
changes were being noticed. There was a
greater balance in the shift of household
responsibilities. Many men took on tasks that
the men of my father's generation would never
have dreamt of doing.
Then as a new century dawned, a strong
emphasis was placed on taking care of one's
self, The stresses of life can be hard to avoid
and as poor mental and physical health does
not a productive person make, people began to
look at ways to soothe body, mind and soul.
For my recent birthday my son and his wife
gave me a gift certificate to a spa. This past
'weekend I used it and enjoyed some
pampering that my husband would never
allow himself.
Certainly there are men who enjoy
pedicures, manicures and facials. But their
numbers are few. Most that I know could not
savour the experience, seeing it instead as .a
colossal waste of time. Others may be
intrigued but intimidated by what their peers
would think.
As a woman, I am open to the benefits of a
little nurturing. For the time I was at the spa
my mind closed down, I relaxed, and with no
guilt whatsoever, enjoyed. That this type of
self-care is an easy option' for me is the final
edge. With unflagging certainty, I know that I
am finally thrilled to be a woman.
There are words to remember