HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 2004-10-21, Page 5THE CITIZEN, THURSDAY, OCTOBER 21, 2004. PAGE 5.
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Oh, of all the crust!
Man does not live by bread alone.
— Eric Gill
Ah, yes. One of the hoariest clichés in
the Bromide Bible. But perhaps it's
time for an update. Perhaps the new
version should read: Man does not live by
bread at all. Or even: Bread is dead.
You think I exaggerate? Consider this:
Wonder Bread has filed for Chapter II
bankruptcy in the United States. Wonder
Bread! That pillar of American society that
seemed as impregnable as Mom, Apple Pie and
the Right to Carry Concealed Assault
Weapons!
Of course there are those who would argue
that the manufacturers, .Interstate Bakeries,
should have been sued to death years ago for
daring to slap a 'bread' label on the
spongiform confection they churn out, but
that's a quibble for another time.
The fact is, good old bread of all descriptions
is under attack right now. Wonder Bread is
merely the first casualty.
It's the Low Carb fad, naturally. Dr. Atkins
and his calorie-cutting imitators have
demonized what used to be known as the staff
of life for its high carbohydrate content.
And North Americans, cbese and obedient
little lemmings that we are, are waddling away
from bread in droves.
Which, as inmate # 55170-054 Martha S.
might say, is a good thing. On one leVel
anyway. .
.The fact that doughnut maker Krispy Kreme
just suffered its first quarterly loss ever can
only be good news for you, me and our
cholesterol-clogged arteries: But this is not just
about gooey doughnuts and plasticized white
sliced bread. It is also about French baguettes
politics in Ontario has become deadly
serious and it has had to turn the clock
back two decades to find a few laughs.
These came when William Davis, premier
from 1971-85, spoke to the Progressive
Conservative convention that chose a new
leader and news media have never stopped
marveling at his sense of humour, as if it was
something from another planet.
Davis, supposedly paying tribute to defeated
premier Ernie Eves, began to a standing
ovation from Tories happy to remember times
they were -winners, and beamed he would
reconsider his retirement if balloting had not
closed.
Davis said until others praised Eves and his
predecessor as premier, Mike Harris, he did
not realize how able they were or he would
have stayed as premier and "they could have
carried me another 10 years."
Eves is renowned for his slicked-back hair
and expensive suits; but Davis said he was not
going to refer to hair and pointed to his own,
thinning and grey.
He said he would not mention suits because
after he was chosen leader, Alan Eagleson,
then party president, told him "Davis, you
have got to get a new wardrobe" and no-one
ever offered such advice to Eves.
Davis had been noted for brown and dark
blue snits off the rack, but suddenly emerged
in custom-made pinstripes of all hues and
while Eagleson later was jailed for fraud, he
was sounder in helping Davis look more a man
of his time:
Davis chuckled he often 'flew close to Eves's
riding on hiS way to his cottage in an Ontario
Provincial Police helicopter, "always on
government business, of course, carrying all
my studies of the issues facing Ontario."
Davis, 75, said a reporter asked if he hoped
and Jewish bagels. Russian black bread and
German pumpernickel. Italian focaccia, Indian
pita, English scones, Spanish panes — the list is
endless.
Just about every culture on the planet has a
cake, a bread or a biscuit that anchors their
identities and fills their bellies. We've been
mixing salt, water and various flours together
and shoving them into ovens for more that
8,000 years.
Aysh is the Arabic word for bread. It also
means life. This is pretty important stuff that
Dr. Atkins and his Carbo Nazis are messing
with.
Mind you, they're not the only ones
tinkering with the goodies we put in our
mouths.
Russian scientists have just announced that
they've figured out a brand new way to make
chocolate biscuits — entirely out of blood.
Scientists at the Voronesh State Academy
began experimenting with blood recipes 12
years ago when they learned that a local meat
processing plant was throwing out up to seven
tons of animal blood every day. The filling of
the biscuit they've come up with is made from
cow's blood cells and they claim it tastes just
as good as the real thing.
- They also point out that blood contains
virtually no fat and is loaded with iron and
to see old friends and he replied "at my age
you don't call anyone old friends — they are
friends of long standing."
He noticed a grandson of former premier
Tom Kennedy and recalled when Kennedy was
agriculture minister and there was a heavy
rain, he would announce that was a $3 million
rain for the farmers of Ontario.
"How Tom Kennedy could calculate how
many inches of rain meant how many millions
of dollars for farmers I never knew," Davis
said. "He was the only minister of agriculture
who had that capacity."
Davis said he recruited Eves to run-for MPP
because he was respected locally, although
"not the world's greatest lawyer — but listen,
a lot of people said I wasn't the world's
greatest lawyer. That's why I went into
politics."
Davis, in the style of many comedians,
interjected asides the -audience appreciated
such as "how much longer till the votes are
counted?" and "how much time do you want
me to eat up?"
He lamented he had only a few notes
scribbled on a slip of paper, while the public
relations executive who spoke before him "had
six people writing his speech for two weeks —
I can't afford that kind of help any more."
He claimed his cabinet was dhdded when it
designated Eves a Queen's Counsel, "but I
protein.
Doctor Atkins would be pleased. To say
nothing of The International Vampire Guild.
Meanwhile, culinary breakthroughs from the
U.S. Army continue apace. You may recall that
just a couple of years ago, American army
chefs came up with a sandwich they said could
stay fresh for up to three years.
Yeah, I'm betting that would be a real taste
treat after sitting at the bottom of some GI's
backpack for 36 months.
But not content to rest on their laurels, these
same culinary Columbuses have come up with
dried food pouches that will last virtually
forever. And when a soldier gets to feeling
peckish, all he has to do is pull out a food
pouch, rip it open and re-hydrate the contents.
By peeing on it.
That's right. No need to hump bulky
canteens of water when you've got your own
in-house irrigation system. Besides, you don't
have to use your own urine. Swamp water will
do, or a couple of scoops from any old mud
puddle. There's a specially designed filter
inside the dehydrated poucheS that will filter
out the creepy-crawlies.
Well, what the hell. There's a school of
thought that says we should all be drinking a
glass of urine every day. Gandhi did, and lived
to a healthful, ripe old age. And even our own
scientists will admit that drinking urine
probably won't do you any harm.
Who knows? Maybe this is the diet
'breakthrough we've been waiting for. I know I
could lose a few pounds if I was restricted to
personally re-hydrated U.S. Army rations
Of course I wouldn't call it the Army Whiz
Diet. I'd call it by its proper name.
Fasting.
voted for you. I have discovered when you are
premier, yours is the only vote that counts."
Davis left them laughing saying Eves won
one riding election and the only person who
didn't support him was his former track coach
and a university football friend of. Davis, "but
he obviously hit his head too often, because he
ran as a Liberal candidate."
None of this is dazzling wit, but Ontario
politics has been starved for humour. The
Liberals have not had a moment's joy since
being elected to government because they are
unable to pay for and broke promises.
The Conservatives are reminded daily it will
be tough to escape a record of misusing
millions and the New Democrats have not seen
any sign voters even consider them for
government.
Usually one party is up and others down, but
all are down and they cannot see much to joke
about.
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2.--
An inspiration
The story I'm about to share is not a
happy one. But it is a true one, an
inspiring one, about a little boy and his
parents who are all incredible people.
The story begins probably close to a decade
ago, when a young man, my husband's
nephew, met a girl. They were together in
every sense of the word, best friends who
shared a mutual respect and love for each other.
While people who were in their company more
frequently may have seen the odd storm gather,
for those of us close, but on the periphery, it
was a relationship of calm and understanding.
It was no surprise that they married, and even
less surprise that they planned to have a family.
In the summer of 2003 their firstborn made his
arrival, early and dramatically.
Within days, however, mysterious physical
problems were showing up. They increased as
time progressed.
When Brodryck was six months, it was
determined that both parents were missing the
same chromosome, one which breaks down the
fatty protein in the brain. The result was a rare
disease called infantile gangliosidosis. The
prognosis was death before the age of two,
probably from a heart attack.
Even worse is the brutality of this illness.
The face and head become enlarged and
misshapen. The rib cage and spine curve
outward. There is blindness and an exaggerated
startle reflex that often causes choking and
towards the end respiratory arrest. The child
will never sit up, crawl or walk.
For his parents, who now had to prepare for
the logs of their little boy, one loved long
before his birth, curie a second blow, the 25 per
cent chance of this occurring with any other
children they have. Testing would determine it
prior to birth but for people with .so much love
to give, how difficult is the decision that would
follow?
Another tragedy is how little is known about
gangliosidosis. It is so rare that there is
virtually no support for the families.
Physicians, the young father has said, gave
them the diagnosis, explained what they knew
would happen and sent them on their way.
And they went, prepared to learn as much as
they could. Their strength and their love have
been inspiring. There is no burden in having
this child; in their eyes you can see that
Brodryck has been their blessing for as long as
they may have him.
They have fought for him finally being put in
touch with a Toronto doctor who is studying
this disease. They have been approved for a
study in Maryland as well. The former it was
hoped would ease the inevitable for Brodryck,
the latter would, for his parents, give purpose
to his short life.
And giving up was never an option. In
August; Brodryck missed his first birthday
party. He was rushed to the hospital with
respiratory problems. Subsequent respiratory
arrests put him in London hospital. Last week
he had his first cardiac arrest, and was moved
to the critical care unit. Each night, Mom or
Dad was by his side. Each day, they hoped to
bring him home, to care for him theruSelves.
Those of us who love them are humbled by.
this young family, the bravery and will of
Brodryck, and the dignity and courage of his
parents. They have given that dear little boy
who was cheated of so much, a gift we would
all wish for, a lifetime of unconditional,
unwavering love.
The day after this column was written, Oct.
16, Brodryck Brian Gropp lost his courageous
fight.
Political laughs getting few