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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 2004-10-21, Page 5THE CITIZEN, THURSDAY, OCTOBER 21, 2004. PAGE 5. Other Views Oh, of all the crust! Man does not live by bread alone. — Eric Gill Ah, yes. One of the hoariest clichés in the Bromide Bible. But perhaps it's time for an update. Perhaps the new version should read: Man does not live by bread at all. Or even: Bread is dead. You think I exaggerate? Consider this: Wonder Bread has filed for Chapter II bankruptcy in the United States. Wonder Bread! That pillar of American society that seemed as impregnable as Mom, Apple Pie and the Right to Carry Concealed Assault Weapons! Of course there are those who would argue that the manufacturers, .Interstate Bakeries, should have been sued to death years ago for daring to slap a 'bread' label on the spongiform confection they churn out, but that's a quibble for another time. The fact is, good old bread of all descriptions is under attack right now. Wonder Bread is merely the first casualty. It's the Low Carb fad, naturally. Dr. Atkins and his calorie-cutting imitators have demonized what used to be known as the staff of life for its high carbohydrate content. And North Americans, cbese and obedient little lemmings that we are, are waddling away from bread in droves. Which, as inmate # 55170-054 Martha S. might say, is a good thing. On one leVel anyway. . .The fact that doughnut maker Krispy Kreme just suffered its first quarterly loss ever can only be good news for you, me and our cholesterol-clogged arteries: But this is not just about gooey doughnuts and plasticized white sliced bread. It is also about French baguettes politics in Ontario has become deadly serious and it has had to turn the clock back two decades to find a few laughs. These came when William Davis, premier from 1971-85, spoke to the Progressive Conservative convention that chose a new leader and news media have never stopped marveling at his sense of humour, as if it was something from another planet. Davis, supposedly paying tribute to defeated premier Ernie Eves, began to a standing ovation from Tories happy to remember times they were -winners, and beamed he would reconsider his retirement if balloting had not closed. Davis said until others praised Eves and his predecessor as premier, Mike Harris, he did not realize how able they were or he would have stayed as premier and "they could have carried me another 10 years." Eves is renowned for his slicked-back hair and expensive suits; but Davis said he was not going to refer to hair and pointed to his own, thinning and grey. He said he would not mention suits because after he was chosen leader, Alan Eagleson, then party president, told him "Davis, you have got to get a new wardrobe" and no-one ever offered such advice to Eves. Davis had been noted for brown and dark blue snits off the rack, but suddenly emerged in custom-made pinstripes of all hues and while Eagleson later was jailed for fraud, he was sounder in helping Davis look more a man of his time: Davis chuckled he often 'flew close to Eves's riding on hiS way to his cottage in an Ontario Provincial Police helicopter, "always on government business, of course, carrying all my studies of the issues facing Ontario." Davis, 75, said a reporter asked if he hoped and Jewish bagels. Russian black bread and German pumpernickel. Italian focaccia, Indian pita, English scones, Spanish panes — the list is endless. Just about every culture on the planet has a cake, a bread or a biscuit that anchors their identities and fills their bellies. We've been mixing salt, water and various flours together and shoving them into ovens for more that 8,000 years. Aysh is the Arabic word for bread. It also means life. This is pretty important stuff that Dr. Atkins and his Carbo Nazis are messing with. Mind you, they're not the only ones tinkering with the goodies we put in our mouths. Russian scientists have just announced that they've figured out a brand new way to make chocolate biscuits — entirely out of blood. Scientists at the Voronesh State Academy began experimenting with blood recipes 12 years ago when they learned that a local meat processing plant was throwing out up to seven tons of animal blood every day. The filling of the biscuit they've come up with is made from cow's blood cells and they claim it tastes just as good as the real thing. - They also point out that blood contains virtually no fat and is loaded with iron and to see old friends and he replied "at my age you don't call anyone old friends — they are friends of long standing." He noticed a grandson of former premier Tom Kennedy and recalled when Kennedy was agriculture minister and there was a heavy rain, he would announce that was a $3 million rain for the farmers of Ontario. "How Tom Kennedy could calculate how many inches of rain meant how many millions of dollars for farmers I never knew," Davis said. "He was the only minister of agriculture who had that capacity." Davis said he recruited Eves to run-for MPP because he was respected locally, although "not the world's greatest lawyer — but listen, a lot of people said I wasn't the world's greatest lawyer. That's why I went into politics." Davis, in the style of many comedians, interjected asides the -audience appreciated such as "how much longer till the votes are counted?" and "how much time do you want me to eat up?" He lamented he had only a few notes scribbled on a slip of paper, while the public relations executive who spoke before him "had six people writing his speech for two weeks — I can't afford that kind of help any more." He claimed his cabinet was dhdded when it designated Eves a Queen's Counsel, "but I protein. Doctor Atkins would be pleased. To say nothing of The International Vampire Guild. Meanwhile, culinary breakthroughs from the U.S. Army continue apace. You may recall that just a couple of years ago, American army chefs came up with a sandwich they said could stay fresh for up to three years. Yeah, I'm betting that would be a real taste treat after sitting at the bottom of some GI's backpack for 36 months. But not content to rest on their laurels, these same culinary Columbuses have come up with dried food pouches that will last virtually forever. And when a soldier gets to feeling peckish, all he has to do is pull out a food pouch, rip it open and re-hydrate the contents. By peeing on it. That's right. No need to hump bulky canteens of water when you've got your own in-house irrigation system. Besides, you don't have to use your own urine. Swamp water will do, or a couple of scoops from any old mud puddle. There's a specially designed filter inside the dehydrated poucheS that will filter out the creepy-crawlies. Well, what the hell. There's a school of thought that says we should all be drinking a glass of urine every day. Gandhi did, and lived to a healthful, ripe old age. And even our own scientists will admit that drinking urine probably won't do you any harm. Who knows? Maybe this is the diet 'breakthrough we've been waiting for. I know I could lose a few pounds if I was restricted to personally re-hydrated U.S. Army rations Of course I wouldn't call it the Army Whiz Diet. I'd call it by its proper name. Fasting. voted for you. I have discovered when you are premier, yours is the only vote that counts." Davis left them laughing saying Eves won one riding election and the only person who didn't support him was his former track coach and a university football friend of. Davis, "but he obviously hit his head too often, because he ran as a Liberal candidate." None of this is dazzling wit, but Ontario politics has been starved for humour. The Liberals have not had a moment's joy since being elected to government because they are unable to pay for and broke promises. The Conservatives are reminded daily it will be tough to escape a record of misusing millions and the New Democrats have not seen any sign voters even consider them for government. Usually one party is up and others down, but all are down and they cannot see much to joke about. Letters Policy The Citizen welcomes letters to the editor. Letters must be signed and should include a daytime telephone numher for the purpose of verification only. Letters that are not signed will not be printed. Submissions may be edited for length, clarity and content, using fair comment as our guideline. The Citizen reserves the right to refuse any letter on the basis of unfair bias, prejudice or inaccurate information. As well; letters can only be printed as space allows. Please keep your letters brief and concise. 2.-- An inspiration The story I'm about to share is not a happy one. But it is a true one, an inspiring one, about a little boy and his parents who are all incredible people. The story begins probably close to a decade ago, when a young man, my husband's nephew, met a girl. They were together in every sense of the word, best friends who shared a mutual respect and love for each other. While people who were in their company more frequently may have seen the odd storm gather, for those of us close, but on the periphery, it was a relationship of calm and understanding. It was no surprise that they married, and even less surprise that they planned to have a family. In the summer of 2003 their firstborn made his arrival, early and dramatically. Within days, however, mysterious physical problems were showing up. They increased as time progressed. When Brodryck was six months, it was determined that both parents were missing the same chromosome, one which breaks down the fatty protein in the brain. The result was a rare disease called infantile gangliosidosis. The prognosis was death before the age of two, probably from a heart attack. Even worse is the brutality of this illness. The face and head become enlarged and misshapen. The rib cage and spine curve outward. There is blindness and an exaggerated startle reflex that often causes choking and towards the end respiratory arrest. The child will never sit up, crawl or walk. For his parents, who now had to prepare for the logs of their little boy, one loved long before his birth, curie a second blow, the 25 per cent chance of this occurring with any other children they have. Testing would determine it prior to birth but for people with .so much love to give, how difficult is the decision that would follow? Another tragedy is how little is known about gangliosidosis. It is so rare that there is virtually no support for the families. Physicians, the young father has said, gave them the diagnosis, explained what they knew would happen and sent them on their way. And they went, prepared to learn as much as they could. Their strength and their love have been inspiring. There is no burden in having this child; in their eyes you can see that Brodryck has been their blessing for as long as they may have him. They have fought for him finally being put in touch with a Toronto doctor who is studying this disease. They have been approved for a study in Maryland as well. The former it was hoped would ease the inevitable for Brodryck, the latter would, for his parents, give purpose to his short life. And giving up was never an option. In August; Brodryck missed his first birthday party. He was rushed to the hospital with respiratory problems. Subsequent respiratory arrests put him in London hospital. Last week he had his first cardiac arrest, and was moved to the critical care unit. Each night, Mom or Dad was by his side. Each day, they hoped to bring him home, to care for him theruSelves. Those of us who love them are humbled by. this young family, the bravery and will of Brodryck, and the dignity and courage of his parents. They have given that dear little boy who was cheated of so much, a gift we would all wish for, a lifetime of unconditional, unwavering love. The day after this column was written, Oct. 16, Brodryck Brian Gropp lost his courageous fight. Political laughs getting few