The Citizen, 2004-08-12, Page 5THE CITIZEN, THURSDAY, AUGUST 12, 2004. PAGE 5.
Other Views
The only good lawyers
What's black and brown and looks
good on a lawyer? A Doberman.
There are a million lawyer jokes of
varying degrees of viciousness and contempt.
What's the difference between a rooster and
a lawyer?
A rooster clucks defiance...
Why such spleen and venom for a profession
most of our mothers wish we'd chosen? I can
give you a partial answer in two words:
Johnnie and Cochrane.
Why does California have the most lawyers
and New Jersey the most toxic waste dumps?
New Jersey got first choice.
Johnnie Cochrane is the smooth-talking
California mouthpiece who got O.J. Simpson
off on a murder rap a decade ago.
You can bleat about due process,
incompetent prosecutors and gullible juries,
but it was the smoke and mirrors defense- oh,
let's not pussyfoot - it was the lies and
distortions invented and disseminated by
Johnnie Cochrane and his slimy crew that
enabled a guilty-as-hell, two-time slash-throat
murderer to spend the rest of his life playing
golf while -his victims rot in the ground.
I know it; you know it; Johnnie Cochrane
knows it.
Why is it that man-eating sharks never attack
lawyers?
Professional courtesy.
For those of us not versed in the niceties of
jurisprudence, the question is not about the
finer points of law. The question is: haw can
'Johnnie Cochrane look at that face in his
bathroom mirror each morning?
The cynical answer? Easily. He's a lawyer.
Everyone knows who is boss in the
government of Premier Dalton
McGuinty - but who is his number
Did you hear about the terrorist who
hijacked a 747 full of lawyers? He threatened
to release one every hour until his demands
were met.
Most of us will never have to share a
courtroom with Johnnie Cochrane, thanks be,
but chances are we'll have an unpleasant
experience involving a lawyer sooner or later.
It comes with the territory they haimt.
Lawyers are the well-dressed ghouls who
traditionally inhabit the shadows that hang
over divorces, bankruptcies, batteries,
slanders. libels, foreclosures, disclosures - you
name it. If human agony is in the mix, a lawyer
or six won't be far behind, sniffing the spoor
and running a tab.
Satan to a lawyer: I will make you king of
the world, but it will cost you your soul, the
soul of your wife, your children, your in-laws
and your friends.
Lawyer to Satan: So what's the catch?
No question about it - lawyers are the E.coli
in the human Petri dish. Pond scum incarnate.
Lower than a garter snake's belt buckle.
Or maybe not. Allow me to introduce the
concept of Holistic Lawyering. It's the
brainchild of a skinny, bright-eyed Vermont
lawyer by the name of Bill van Zyverden.
as having to tell ministers involved in scandals
it is time to go. Premiers have said over the
years their most distasteful job was firing
ministers and some sent deputy premiers to
ministers dropping hints they should resign,
Premiers have not always appointed deputy
premiers solely to make governing more
effective, however. Tory William Davis named
the first, Bob Welch, in 1977, to protect
himself from a rival in his own party.
Davis had won only minority governments
in two successive elections and some Tories
were pressing him to resign and give, his
powerful, younger finance minister, Darcy
McKeough, whom he beat for leader in 1971,
a chance to win a majority.
So Davis appointed Welch, milder and no
threat, as a sign he was staying and McKeough
did not head his list of potential successors,
and McKeough took the hint and departed
from politics.
Tory Frank Miller named Bette Stephenson
as deputy premier partly to attract women
voters,' but the former president of the
Canadian Medical Association was capable
enough to have run for leader except for the
bias that existed against women at the top.
Liberal premier David Peterson named
Robert Nixon deputy premier after Nixon led
their party unsuccessfully in three elections
and became admired as "the best premier
Ontario never had."
are ...
Even in law school, van Zyverden realized
he'd make a lousy conventional laWyer. He had
no interest in or taste for the vicious, dog-eat-
dog adversarial style of lawyering that left
everyone involved feeling like victims of a
drive-by gangbang.
Why can't — he asked himself ingenuously
- the resolution of standard legal issues be
based on mutual respect, dignity, compassion.
reconciliation and forgiveness?
"I see the legal process as an opportunity for
healing and growth," he said, "rather than an
adversarial game about winning at all costs
and the destruction of others."
Van Zyverden went on to form an
organization called IAHL - the International
Alliance of Holistic Lawyers.
Its aim? To turn the legal experience as we
all know it completely on its head. Holistic law
seeks peaceful, non-antagonistic solutions to
legal conundrums.
Don't go to a holistic lawyer if you're
looking for a big payoff or hoping to put the
screws to your ex. Holistic lawyering is about
-fairness, kindness and coming out a better
person than you went in.
The IAHL won't take over our legal system
anytime soon — _it has just 700 members
worldwide. Newfoundland alone has more
lawyers than that. Canada has nearly 100 times
as many - 67,139 at last count.
Still, it's a start. Holistic Law. 'Run it over
your lips a couple of times. Feels good.
Of course, there's a,down side.
If Holistic Law takes over, what'll we do for
Lawyer Jokes?
New Democrat premier Bob Rae appointed
Floyd Laughren, who gave him steady, patient
help. Harris named Eves, a slicker performer
in the legislature than himself, and later Jim
Flaherty, a soulmate on the far right, but also
articulate. ,
Eves appointed Elizabeth Witmer because
she supported and helped make him leader
after her-own campaign collapsed, but also was
less eager to bite opponents' heads off than
many Tories, so most deputy premiers have
been worth their posts.
No one would have been surprised if
McGuinty had named Sorbara deputy premier
the moment he took office, because the post
has been given mostly to finance ministers and
the energetic Sorbara ran his winning election
campaign.
But McGuinty may have worried he would
offend senior Liberals who hung on in the
legislature through the party's unrewarding 13
years in opposition, unlike Sorbara who left
for a spell in the private sector.
McGuinty now is handicapped in promoting
Sorbara because he later emerged as having
once been a director of a company later
investigated by police and his only minister
about whom there has been even a breath of
scandal, so it may be a long time before the
Liberals get an official second-in-command.
Final Thought
I don't know what your destiny will be, but
one thing I -do know; the only ones among
you who will be really happy are those who
have sought and found how to serve.
- Albert Schweitzer
Simple pleasures
Well, another summer vacation has
passed - yet again all too quickly,
but pleasantly.
This interlude is a bit like devouring a
chocolate bar at the end of a long, harried day
- it's sweet, recharges the batteries for a time,
and for this hedonist is decadent indulgence
that's finished far too soon.
All of that' said, I did have a wonderful
holiday. It was the rare combination of
relaxation and busyness. I had my time at the
beach, time with my grandson and time to fill
social obligations. I lost myself in book after
book, soaked up sunshine and visited family. I
even had the unexpected surprise of having my
husband free from work to enjoy it with me.
In short, though short, it was perfect.
For a hedonist I've decided that at least the
pleasures I crave are of the simple variety. Just
how simple, you ask? Well, many years ago
when our family holidayed each summer at
Port Elgin, there was a favourite place to buy
French fries on the beach. Unfortunately, the
town bid them farewell so that a .pumping
station could be built on the site and nothing
remained but our cravings.
However the business, we learned just
recently, didn't disappear but actually moved
to a different tourist mecca further up the lake.
Precisely where, we discovered this past week.
So, for the first time in several summers I was
surrounded by sand and surf, dining on the
crisp cuisine my taste buds so fondly
remembered.
It was then that I recognized I'm not exactly
what one might call high maintenance.
While there are those in the world who crave
new experiences and adventures, I can find my
excitement pretty darn close to home. I dor't
need to be whisked off by jet to exotic locales
(good thing, my hubby tells me). The Eiffel
Tower may be impressive, but I prefer a
leisurely stroll on the beach and a perfect Lake
Huron sunset. And the view from the Grand
Canyon may be breathtaking, but frankly, I've
never tired of the one from my back deck.
While a cruise on an ocean liner would be
lovely, I'd be just as thrilled sailing the
omnipotent majesty of our own Lake Huron.
Champagne and caviar may be the ultimate for
others, but I'm happy with a dry Ontario wine
and some aged cheddar.
While some may seek their completeness in
achievement and recognition, contentment for
me is found in a blue sky viewed from a comfy
Adirondack chair, surrounded by my spouse
and kids.
- Expensive clothes and jewellery don't do
nearly as much for me as a cheap find in a used
book store.
I suppose there are folks out there who think
I'm just boring, totally lacking in any sense of
adventure or devoid of any interest in
absorbing the unfamiliar.
However, they're missing the point, which is
not that I don't want to see France (quite
frankly, I'd love it) but that I enjoy what's here.
It's pretty simple really, to look around you and
appfeciate what's near at hand. It's not . too
difficult for that matter to find pleasure in
things that are readily available.
I may never see the world. The opportunity
could perhaps never present itself for me to
take a cruise. So it's important I look at the
simple things 1 enjoy and appreciate their
value. After all, even the lowly French fry,
given the proper treatment and savoured in the
right locale, can be a real treat.
two?
The Liberal premier, unlike all other
premiers in recent decades, has not named a
deputy premier in the 10 months since he was
elected and this is raising concerns.
Previous deputy premiers filled a lot of
roles, the most common being standing in for
premiers - when they were away, as they
sometimes have to be.
When premiers were absent, from the
legislature, opposition parties put questions
they would normally ask him to the deputy
premier.
When McGuinty is away, he designates a -
different minister each day as acting premier to
answer questions for him and has given this
honour to several ministers in turn.
The stand-ins have included Finance
Minister Greg Sorbara, Health Minister
George Smitherman, Energy Minister Dwight
Duncan and Environment Minister Leona
Dombrowsky.
The Progressive Conservatives say this
rotating system fails to provide someone
equivalent to deputy premier with the all-
round knowledge and authority to answer on
any issue.
For those interested in the Liberals' pecking
order, it also makes it difficult to conclude
McGuinty prefers any minister over the others
as his deputy or even potential successor.
Tim Hudak, Tory spokesman on
infrastructure and a minister under former
premiers Mike Harris and Ernie Eves, says
McGuinty should have a deputy premier able
to make quick decisions on policy when he is
away.
Deputy premiers also have been useful to
premiers when they face-sensitive issues such
McGuinty government lacks deputy