The Citizen, 2004-06-17, Page 5THE CITIZEN, THURSDAY, JUNE 17, 2004. PAGE 5.
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Confessions of a junkie
Okay, for starters, the headline is
misleading. I've never done junk
heroin. Never even saw any. as a
matter of fact.
Ditto for LSD, PCP, Angel Dust. Peyote.
Ecstasy. Quaaludes. crack, horse tranquilizer,
rat poison, charred banana peel and crystal
methamphetamine.
As for conventional habit-forming
mindbenders, hard booze puts me to sleep,
(right after it makes me stupid), beer makes me
pee all night and the last time I tried pot I
stared at a geranium for three hours and
consumed a two-quart tub of Caramel Mocha
Fudge ice cream solo.
So I shy away from drugs, but I'm addicted
just the same. The monkey on my back?
Crossword puzzles.
Fiendish device, the crossword puzzle. Just a
simple little grid of black and white squares
and a list of clues as to what words might fill
those white squares. The crossword isn't even
a hundred years old (the first one appeared in
the pages of The New York World in 1913) but
it's as ubiquitous as dandelions and Dixie
cups.
There are different kinds of crosswords, of
course. Most newspapers carry a standard
version with straightforward clues and only the
occasional knuckleball ('Southwestern Indian
tribe — three letters' Answer: 'Ute'.).
The New York Times carries a daily puzzle
that most crosswordophiles consider to be
pretty chaiier18t:: — although Bill Cl_iircitTitfF:ll as
it in in ballpoint and times himsel. ...._
stopwatch. -i
And then there's the cryptic crossword.
This is where terminal crossword junkies go
to die — or at least to be driven crazy.
premier Dalton McGuinty is not running
in the federal election, but his
fingerprints are all over it.
The Liberal•premier has finally admitted he
hurt his federal party's chances of winning by
breaking a promise not to increase taxes and
making the word Liberal as popular as West
Nile Virus.
He also unwittingly has strengthened the
ranks of candidates running against his federal
party.
McGuinty swept the province in the October
election and one result is a record 16 former
members of the legislature, mostly Tories, are
running federally.
The only time anywhere near as many ex-
MPPs ran federally was in 1984, when a group
including Sheila Copps switched looking for
more power.
Most of the former MPPs now running lost
their seats in McGuinty's landslide and a few
left at different times or for other reasons. -
The former MPPs are experienced, ready-
made candidates who know their ridings, won
campaigns in them and do not need on-the-job
training.
Most have worthwhile reputations and
would not have lost but for the McGuinty
sweep against which individual MPPs often
were powerless.
Progressive Conservative Tony Clement,
displaced by McGuinty, was the most admired
of the Tory ministers: although this is not
saying a lot: for his efforts to contain SARS
and later his brave run for leader of his federal
party. He is virtually assured of a federal seat.
David Turnbull, another Tory victim of
McGuinty, was mired in gridlock as
transportation minister, but had kept his
affluent Toronto riding for 13 years. It is likely
to welcome him federally.
The clues that accompany cryptic crossword
puzzles are twisted, pun-laced anagrammatic,
misleading and coded. Example: the clue is
"Crumpled paper leads group of spies to start
thrilling expedition for treasure". The answer
is "APPRECIATE".
Here's why: 'Crumpled paper' refers to the
first five scrambled letters of the answer —
'APPRE'.. 'Group of spies' gives you the next
three — 'CIA'. 'Start thrilling expedition' twigs
you to take the letters that 'start' the next two
words — to wit, 'T' and 'E'. And finally,
'treasure' is a synonym for the answer —
'APPRECIATE'.
And to truly appreciate the innate
deviousness of the genre you need to know that
a lot of serious cryptic crossword solvers
would dismiss that clue as way too obvious.
Cryptics come in various strengths. The
Globe and Mail's can be a real brain teaser.
The National Post's is pretty lame. And The
Times of London crossword? Fuggetabouddit
— unless you were bOrn in Blighty and eat
dictionaries for High Tea.
But why would anyone subject him or
herself to the daily challenge and all too
frequeTi: tii-piliation of crossword puzzles?
Well, it's a good workout for u,c uraii..
The late great radio broadcaster Peter
Growski used to kick start his mental
McGuinty cannot be blamed for eliminating
such opponents — it is his job. But David
Johnson, also a certain winner federally, would
be sitting home watching the federal election
on TV but for McGuinty.
Johnson was the Tories' Mr. Fixit in three
senior ministries until unions helped defeat
him in 1999 and the party consoled him by
making him chair of the Ontario Municipal
Board.
Johnson seemed removed from politics until
McGuinty fired him and he complained
bitterly the Liberals failed to show traditional
tolerance and he could not wait for revenge.
McGuinty also provoked David Tilson, who
had been an above-average Tory backbencher
left out of cabinet and seemed to have had his
fill of elected politics when he resigned his
safe seat so Ernie Eves could enter the
legislature after the party chose him leader and
premier.
The Tories compensated Tilson by making
him a vice-chair of the OMB, but when
McGuinty fired Johnson, Tilson saw the
writing on the wall and left to run federally. He
is likely to be seen as someone who sacrificed
for his party and be elected.
Tilson also is taking another kick at
McGuinty by running under the slogan
'choose change,' which was McGuinty's well-
remembered catchphrase in the 2003 election
processes by solving The Globe and Mail
cryptic each morning before work — and his
working day started at 4 a.m.
Doctor Ronald Stuss, a researcher
specializing in Alzheimer's, was asked what
people can do to avoid the disease. His answer:
"the best way (to avoid the slide into dementia)
is to do crosswords."
Maintaining mental agility is the upside of
the addiction.
The downside? Same as for most drugs — the
Himalayas of utterly wasted time. Even if
you're a whiz who can knock off the daily
crossword in half an hour, that's still getting on
for four hours a week: which is two full
working days every month, which adds up to
two weeks out of your year.
Keep that up for a couple of decades and you
will have spent the equivalent of "10 months
hunched over a diagram puzzling out a seven-
letter answer for 'Not in one's cups'.
Don't strain...the answer is 'braless'.
Some of us strain less than others. Consider
the case of Ronald Knox. He was a British
Roman Catholic priest, an author and one
other noteworthy thing: a cryptic crosswords
solver of genius proportions. Having boarded a
train going from Oxford to London one day,
Knox sat down, opened his copy of The Times
and proceeded to stare intently at the cryptic
crossword puzzle. He did this for perhaps two
or three minutes, making no effort to fill in the
answers, until a fellow passenger offered to
lend him a pencil.
"No thanks," said Knox, looking up with a
smile. "Just finished."
I never knew Ronald Knox but I'm sure I
wouic: hated him very much.
and will remind changing to Liberals can have
its hazards.
Doug Galt, a Tory defeated by McGuinty,
was the hardest-working government whip in
memory, darting around like a football coach
organizing his troops in the legislature, and
such energy should help him win federally.
Some Tories seeking federal seats may be
better off if voters are unaware of their records
at the legislature.
Joe Spina belittled a Liberal as "that little
girl" and a New Democrat by demanding "why
don't you go nome and take care of your own
kids?"
But David Christopherson, a thoughtful
NDPer who dropped out undefeated, ran
unsuccessfully in a mayoral race, and says he
jumped quickly into the federal election to
prove he can still win, once said heretically his
party would be more credible if it admitted
others sometimes do good things:
Another New Democrat swept out by
McGuinty and running federally, Tony Martin,
was the only MPP ever to quit a comfy job in
the legislature, deputy speaker paying an extra
$11,545 a year, because he felt it ignored the
poor. Queen's Park has other politicians it
would much rather send to Ottawa.
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A smile on my face
here is just so much to Aike about
summer. Don't believe me? Just check
the smile on my face.
It's much easier to be happy in the summer.
You can burst outside the four walls that
confine you in the cooler months and reside in
a world lush with colour, fragrance and music.
It's traditionally the time of family and
celebrations. People come and go to activities
galore with no bad weather to keep them off
the road. While rain can dampen plans from
time to time, there is little doubt the show can
go on.
And that's important because nothing says
summer like professional theatre.
I went to see my first play of this season last
week at Stratford. Besides having the pleasure
of watching an outstanding production, the
event also provided me an opportunity to make
a special day of it and hang out with my
Toronto-based daughter.
I had been to plays in Stratford before I
started working at The Citizen, but ironically.
had only ever attended one show at Blyth
Festival, that one in 1986, just three years
before it became part of my job to do so'.
This weekend the curtain goes up on Blyth
Festival's 30th season. It will be the first I have
missed in 16 of them, because while I enjoy the
opening-night atmosphere, I don't like to be
greedy. Covering the gala event this year is a
final year journalism student who is arts and
enteria;nment editor for the college magazine,
But when I think hack tc the many I have
attended it's a shame that everyone doesn't
recognize they have a treasure in their own . •
backyard. Standing in tne
particularly on opening night, you meet
familiar faces — ones you know personally,
and those of strangers seen year after year —
zis well as recognize famous ones. The Blyth
Festival Singers and Orchestra lend a
celebratory atmosphere to the evening and
there is genuine enthusiasm in the air.
The Blyth Festival is unique among most of
the theatres in that its mandate is to produce
new Canadian plays. When I visit Stratford. for
example, I know that what I see on stage is a
proven production. If anything is wrong with it
it's as a result of the acting, directing and
technical work.
Obviously the cast and crew at Blyth have
those same facets to consider. But they also
give life to something new, and when we do
this, no matter how much we may love it, we
don't always know what we'll get.
Occasionally there are misses, but generally,
however, Blyth Festival consistently provides
something promising for theatre lovers.
I've had my favourites over the years. There
have been ones greeted less glowingly by
others such as End of the World Romance. But
there have been far more that my vote is part of
the general consensus. Playwright Anne
Chislett's Quiet in the Land and The
Tomorrow Box proved what I always believed,
that entertainment can be intelligent. A Field of
Flowers by Laurie Fyffe was a wonderful
story, while Norah Harding's This Time Next
Year and Sometime Never, I found enchanting.
I have laughed through The Melville Boys,
tapped my toes with The Girls in the Gang, and
shed a tear in Leaving Home.
So my summer wouldn't be summer without
my hours at the theatre. And this little theatre
in our own backyard has been responsible for
many smiles on my face.
Some former MPPS On federal
C5 al