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PAGE 14 THE CITIZEN, THURSDAY, JUNE 10, 2004.
Counsellor offers tips to deal with today's stress
Sound advice
Counsellor and speaker Gabe Delbianco says that knowing
one's self, recognizing negative stress and dealing with it in
an appropriate manner are all key to achieving total
wellness. (Bonnie Gropp photo)
By Bonnie Gropp
Citizen editor
A society that's more aware of its
health, is also more aware of what's
diminishing that health.
There is not more stress in society
today than in the past, but people
have increasingly, albeit subtly, put
more pressure on themselves.
Gabe Delbianco. a counsellor and
speaker based in Auburn, reminds
that not all stress is bad, however.
"We've put stress simply in the
negative, but it can be a friend. In a
great book Life is Short, Wear Your
Party Pants it says 'Let's give
thanks for stress because it tells
where your life's a mess.'
Sometimes stress is telling us that
something's very wrong and we
need to alleviate that stress in our
Can a New Life Spring from
Missions? was the theme of the fall
rally of Huron-Perth Presbyterial of
the Women's Missionary Society.
The vice-president, Bernice
Richards, presided for the day's
activities. The women were
welcomed by Rev. John
Hogerwaard, minister of Atwood
Presbyterian Church and Jeannie
Ballantyne, Atwood WMS.
Reports of the Southwestern
Ontario Synodical held in Niagara
Falls were given by Ina McMillan,
Ruth Laing and Eunice Bisset.
The morning speaker was Eric
Heweson, Listowel. He displayed
several perennial flowers and gave
many gardening hints for growing
perennials.
Marion Smith, Monkton, gave the
treasurer's report. Money for the
life."
There is a tendency today to
respond to the issue of stress by
treating it chemically. "We are a
symptom-oriented society. As soon
.as we are given something that
makes us feel better we grab it. But
it's not dealing with the cause of the
stress."
Stress needs to be treated bodily,
emotionally and psychologically.
This is why it's important to pause
and listen, said Delbianco. "For
example working harder may give a
bigger paycheque, but it could be
taking you away from family, and
that might be a stress factor."
Delbianco talks about the hero
effect. "We always have
congratulations for the martyrs but
we need to redefine that because
being a hero may not always be
schools in Joba, India, is to be sent
to the Presbyterial treasurer, to be
forwarded to the Snyodical
treasurer.
Jean Sangster, Bayfield, reported
on the Pennies for Patrick project.
Patrick says that the only hope for
Malawi is through the churches.
The area educational consultant,
Rev. Anne Yee-Hibbs, gave the
scripture and meditation on the
meeting theme and spoke of the
studies available following the Bhil
Study.
The afternoon program began
with duets, We've Got this Moment,
and In the Garden, by Joyce Schalk
and Kate Tormey, accompanied by
Mary Chapman. Barbara Tubb,
Doris Webb and Janet Gibson, St.
Marys, gave the afternoon
devotions.
smart."
"We need to change the
mythology of what's important,
simplify our lives, take time for
reflection."
Unfortunately, people tend to feel
all of this self-healing is too
superficial when there are bills to be
paid. "They are looking for
permission for a more balanced
lifestyle."
Delbianco feels that people are
more open to being informed about
making some good choices for
themselves. "I try to teach people
how to talk to themselves about their
value. `What did I do today for my
wellness?' Get rid of the negative
stress and allow the positive stress to
teach you."
Finding the means to help you
with this can be the biggest
challenge in a rural community.
"The hardest thing is the distance to
resources."
As well receiving counselling is
still seen by some as a "bit of an
embarrassment, but people are
becoming more open."
While the pork crisis of a few
years ago was extremely difficult,
Debianco said it opened the
counselling field to farmers. "As
awful as it was it created specific
counselling. It brought us closer to
recognizing farming as an industry,
one that needs the same resources as
any other to run its operation."
More and more companies and
industries are conducting Employee
Assistance Programs (EAP) which
usually cover about six weeks of
counselling. "It's not a lot but it
gives people strategies for coping."
EAPs have increased a
hundredfold over the past 10 years, a
timeframe which has seen stress
finally recognized as a disease, said
Delbianco.
It's a disease that can be managed
for the most part quite simply. "I use
the word red; relax, exercise and
diet. Stress is like a traffic light. You
stop, check it out, proceed with
caution then go."
Delbianco cautions that rest not be
confused with sleep. "People should
learn to find solitude, to reflect,
ponder and slow down.It can even be
a place in your home. A place where
you can say, 'This is my spot for
being alone' can go a long way."
Because of cell phones and the
Internet, society has become over-
connected. "As much as speed is
good, it's bad for people. Someone
always demanding something from
us and we can't even stop it."
Solitude, he said, must be
consistent, not bunched. "Better to
have a half hour every day, than six
hours in one day. That's bunched
time and it's a shock to the system."
Jean Edmunds, Mitchell,
introduced the afternoon speaker,
Rev. Joe Reed, a missionary in
Central America. He told of the
nutrition problems, the life of the
people living in city dumps, and
people working in the sweat shops,
etc. A question and answer period
followed.
The offering -was received and
dedicated by Monkton WMS
Courtesy remarks were given by
Helen Denseith, Harrington WMS.
The meeting closed with prayer by
Bernice Richards, Stratford.
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Delbianco also suggests that
people rediscover a hobby, not
something to make them money.
"You're not looking for a second
job, it's about play. Adults have to
learn how to play again and kids
have to be helped to remember how
to play."
A 'joy' journal is another way of
piAtting life in perspective. "It's like a
grocery list for happiness and your
sense of self-worth. Just jot down the
positives that happened to you that
day."
Delbianco also suggests that
grownups follow the example of
children. "We need a lot of laughter.
A child laughs 140 times a day,
while an adult usually averages four
times. Laughter releases chemicals
that alleviate stress."
Delbianco -tells a story about his
father who used to sit with a group
of friends and "kibbitz". "At the end
of the day they may still had roofs
that leaked, but the house was full of
laughter."
Regarding diet, Delbianco warns
that people are consuming too much
caffeine. "More than any other
generation. The average
consumption in the city is six
doubles a day. It does give that initial
high but you pay after. We have to
watch what we're putting into our
system."
The strain of achieving the perfect
bogy image is very real, impacting
adults and youth. "We are the first
generation to worry about having a
bit of fat on the body."
Delbianco suggests people learn to
divide their problems into smaller
pieces. "I call it the engineer
method. Slice it up, then you can
attack the smaller problems. You
may not get everything solved, but in
the end you will have accomplished
something."
And that accomplishment can be
as important to some people as
solving the big pfoblem can be to
others Finding out what works for
the individual is essential to stress
relief. For this reason Delbianco
recommends people try to get a
personality test done so they can
understand "how their mind is wired
and how to approach stress relief."
For example, telling an organized
person to "kick-back" and relax, can
actually stress them if things are in
chaos. Or telling someone to go off
by themselves when it's important to
them to feel connected can have a
negative effect.
"This is why self-help books can
be a problem. They are too general..
You need to know which one is right
for you."
Most counsellors can do a
personality test, but Delbianco often
conducts seminars. He has even
done the tests in-some schools.
Delbianco notes that men are still
less receptive to the idea of
counselling than women. "We
always say that men seek help after
they fall off the cliff. Women are
here when they see the cliff
approaching."
The starting point for anyone,
however, is to first find out who they
are. "A personality test is a test that
helps you describe yourself again."
People have to recognize the
danger of ignoring negative stress,
said Delbianco. "It's like an iceberg.
It's not the 10 per cent above the
surface that will kill you. People
should stop feeling embarrassed
about needing help."
The embarrassment, is a result of
what Delbianco calls the California
attitude. "People have to stop
thinking that it's hocum. Just as you
would change the oil in your car, you
need to care and pamper yourself to
make sure the engine runs a lot
longer."
"Talk joyfully about what you're
doing for self-help and this will
break down the barriers."
"We need to change from a
problem- discussing society to a
wellness society. We can't change
the what's wrong with the world, but
we can still have a tea and laugh."
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-Trust the Professionals -
The Huron County
Federation of
Agriculture
is hosting an
All-Candidates meeting
for the upcoming federal
election
on
MONDAY, JUNE 14
at 8:00 p.m.
The meeting will be at the
Huron Centennial School,
south of Brucefield, corner
of Hwy. #4 and Centennial
Road, 911# 39978.
Everyone Welcome!
Presbyterial holds rally