The Citizen, 2004-06-10, Page 5Final Thought
No one can make you inferior without y our
consent.
— Anna Eleanor Roosevelt
Other Views
THE CITIZEN, THURSDAY, JUNE 10, 2004. PAGE 5.
That wasn't so hard was it?
Never put off until tomorrow what you can
put off until the day after tomorrow.
— Mark Twain
S o I'm sitting on my favourite stool in one
of my favourite public establishments,
sipping my favourite beverage (relax,
ma, it's coffee — and decaf at that) when a
wild-haired guy looms up in front of me and
says: "We need to talk."
"Why?" I say.
"Why not?" he says.
So we talk. Or rather, he does. Turns out he
thinks he's "a pretty funny guy" and wants to
write a newspaper column. He wants to know
how I got started. How much.I get paid.
But mostly: "How long does it take you to
write one of those things anyway?" • „./
Oh boy.
Alright. let's consider the modest screed
unspooling before your eyes, right now,
Dear Reader.
When you get to the end you will have read
(I trust) 70 to 75 sentences, give or take. That's
about 780-odd words. Approximately half a
page of tabloid newspaper space, if the editor
has been generous with his type size.
And how long did it take me to write those
785 words?
Seven days.
It always takes me seven days, because I
have to write a new column every week, and I
start on next week's column the moment I send
this week's to the editor.
Sort of. Column-writing is a delicate
business. You can't just fire up the computer
and rattle it off. It's like a Japanese tea
ceremony — certain rituals and ancient'customs
must be observed.
For instance, on the dawn of the first day of
tackling a new column I find it helpful to
smash my left fist down on the alarm clock and
premier Dalton McGuinty is risking
falling into the clutches of those he said
he would not touch with a bargepole —
the public relations firms who look on
government as a way to earn a fast buck.
The Liberal premier, before he won last
October's election, was incensed at the
Progressive Conservative government's use of
PR consultants.
He was annoyed particularly at the tight
clique who worked for the Tory government in
elections, lived comfortably on contracts
handed them by the same government between
and grew rich peddling their knowledge of the
inside of government to outsiders who
believed this gave them huge influence over
what government does.
McGuinty said he would end the use of
consultants, but it has been revealed he hired
David Herle, a partner in Earnscliffe Strategy
Group, the most influential public relations
firm in Ottawa, his home city, to give strategic
advice leading up to his budget in which he
broke his promise not to increase taxes.
Herle is national co-chair of Liberal Prime
Minister Paul Martin's election campaign, his
company works on contracts year-round
thoughtfully provided by the federal Liberal
government and his office is considered the
place to go if you want to lobby that
administration.
McGuinty recruited exactly the kind of
consultant he deplored when he was in
opposition. except this one is a Liberal.
McGuinty also has hired Peter Donolo, who
was communications director to Jean Chretien,
Martin's predecessor as prime minister, and
another Liberal; to help in studies of how to
remedy the shortage of electricity.
bag an extra hour or so of sleep. That way, I
can approach the new column refreshed and
rested.
I also believe in writing discipline and
decbrum. I know some of my more slovenly
colleagues happily slump in front of their
monitors and peck out their prose dressed in
rumpled pyjamas and three-day beard stubble.
Not for me, thank you. I doh' t go near my
desk until I've shaved, showered, etceteraed
and picked out my wardrobe for the day. By
then it's time for breakfast. No point in writing
on an empty stomach, right?
No point in trying to kick-start a cold motor,
either. I always take time after breakfast to do
the cryptic crossword in my morning paper, to
get the creative juices flowing. Cryptics can be
tough. Often the clues contain allusions to
politics or sports. I find it helpful to digest the
entire newspaper before I even try the
crossword.
Usually I have the crossword finished by 10
a.m., about the time my dogs are clamouring
for their morning walk. Other people go to the
gym, swim lengths, lift weights — I walk the
dogs.
I don't try to hurry it or cram it into a 20-
minute time slot. Proper dog-walking can
pretty much eat up the rest of the morning. But
they're worth it.
After. lunch, there's a post-prandial torpor
that takes hold making the eyelids heavy and
The premier's message now appears to be
public relations consultants are welcome
providing they are Liberals_
McGuinty had criticized the Tory
government and its agencies' excessive hiring
of consultants of all types at a cost of $662
million in their last full year ih office.
He was upset particularly particularly by
their spending on PR consultants who also
were senior party strategists. Leslie Noble,
who has a PR firm and ran election campaigns
for former premiers Mike Harris and Ernie
Eves, once collected $250,000 for advice on
how to drum up support for selling a provincial
utility that was never sold anyway.
Paul Rhodes, who had his own PR firm and
became communications guru to Harris and
Eves in elections, was paid close to $1 million
for advising a wide range of government
branches on various issues over eight years.
Tom Long, who chaired campaigns,
collected among other amounts $650-an-hour
for writing speeches for the government,
which values him in the range of the author of
the Harry Potter books.
How good are all these PR experts at
providing advice? Herle would not say what he
told McGuinty on the grounds it was
requisitioned by a client, although taxpayers
any thought of intellectual work (i.e. column-
writing) highly unattractive. As a writing
professional, I never give in to this feeling.
Instead I resurrect the crossword and
vigorously attack the remaining unsolved clues
until sleep overtakes me.
My barking dogs invariably awaken me
before the entire afternoon, is lost. A perfect
time to get up and get working on that column
— except, as the dogs, so clearly indicate, it's
time for their afternodn walk. By the time we
get back to the house, the dinner gong is
sounding. Hi-ho. What's a struggling writer to
do?
Evenings are not very productive, I find.
There are chores to take care of, phone calls to
respond to and besides, The Simpsons are
usually on.
I try to get to bed early because morning
comes all too soon, and I have an alarm clock
to bushwhack.
This is pretty much the pattern for the first
six days of my writing week. On the seventh
day I arise like a samurai warrior. Grim.
Determined. I barely glance at the crossword.
On this day my partner walks the dogs. I sit
down at my desk, fire up the computer, poise
my hands like incoming eagle talons over the
keyboard and....
Notice how messy my desk is. I straighten
things up. I check my e-mail. I sharpen my
pencils, check my e-mail again, re-set my
.computer clock, check the e-mail to see if I've
had any late deliveries, and then...
Ibitethebulletputmynosetothegrindstonemysho
uldertothewheelrollupmysleevespullmyselfup
bymybootstrapskeepmyeyeontheballand JUST
WRITE THE DAMN COLUMN!
Let's see, that's.... 777...778...yep, 779
words.
_There now. That wasn't so hard, was it?
paid for it.
But whatever he is doing for Martin' is not
having much success, because the pritne
minister has tumbled in recent months from
seemingly assured of a coronation to being
unsure if he can even hold on to government.
It is difficult to see why McGuinty needed
Herle anyway, because his dilemma was
whether to raise taxes and break a promise or
leave services under-funded, as they had been
under the Tories.
.It is an insult to his cabinet to imply it could
not decide this or maybe McGuinty should
have turned to his longest-serving member,
Jim Bradley, who was one of only two
ministers who opposed former Liberal premier
David Peterson calling an election a year early
in 1990 which he lost.
As for the Tory PR hotshots, Noble and
Rhodes suggested the Tories unveil the budget
outside the legislature that became the final
nail in their coffin in the election last year.
Long ran for leader of the Canadian Alliance
helped by Noble and Rhodes and they fumbled
it so badly he had to drop out even before the
first ballot.
If these are typical examples of help these
experts give, McGuinty and other government
leaders are wasting taxpayers' money.
Answer to a prayer
I have a favour to ask. I really need some
prayers for sunshine and warmth this
weekend. Which isn't all that unreasonable
since that's something everyone's hoping for.
But I have a particularly special time
planned, an escape for womanhood, ohe of
those rituals that puzzle and bemuse the
masculine gender. Under a canopy of blue,
bathed in sunshine and soothing heat
(remember to pray) my sister, my. son's
fiancée, myself and any other familial gal
interested in some therapeutic exercise will be
creating centrepieces.
As noted this is pretty much the domain of
the female; I'm more than certain that the
menfolk will be making themselves scarce as
the pots, oasis and flowers tumble onto the
table.
But, for the estrogen-dominated there's
something soothing about the process, working
gently with your hands, snipping and placing
to create something lovely.
And then there's the benefit of just spending
time in the company of girls. Having raised
both sons and daughters I never really gave
much thought to how necessary it is for women
to have contact with other women. It was fun
keeping up with the energy of my young sons.
It was interesting seeing a side of growing up
that I didn't experience as a youngster.
My sons were my friends and my teachers.
At various times I received an education on
everything from baseball to Star Wars.
Seeing both genders growing up, there were
even times when I thought little boys were so
much easier to deal with than little girls. In a
Winnie The Pooh world, boys are the
rambunctious, but uncomplicated, Tigger, girls
are the moody, protective Rabbit. In retrospect
I have made an interesting discovery, however.
While there's little question that the
complexities of young girls in particular could
often make for challenging child-rearing, I also
had the benefit of in-house confidantes, Heart-
to-hearts were regular, voices to share stories
and ears to listen to mine.
With daughters I had 'sisters sympatico',
kindred spirits in the what's yukky and what's
not department. From griping about guys to
fashion advice it was a world that separated us
from the land of smelly socks, monosyllabic
conversations and car shows.
Now with both my girls grown and moved
away, with a son back for the summer, I am a
stranger in my own home. Well, not a stranger
exactly. Though the two gents certainly
recognize me, they just don't know who I am.
Thus when I talk no one listens. I'm vapour at
the dinner table, sitting outside the inside
jokes, the lady from the Land of Estrogen, a
foreigner in Testosterone World.
And it's all okay. Guys too need guy
company, guy talk. As much as I've ever felt
every woman should have a daughter, I believe
every man should have a son. As I can't take
part in a lot of the conversation, or lack thereof,
it's nice to sit back and watch my men be men.
However, it all intensifies a need for a
healthy infusion of estrogen into my
atmosphere. I am more than keen to wrap
myself in the comfort of the company of
women. I want to talk about foolish things that
men simply don't understand. I want to sip
wine, dine on cheese and crackers, and get just
a little silly. I want to listen to voices that echo
my feelings, my insecurities, my complaints
and my joys.
All of this and sunshine too would be the
answer to a prayer.
McGuinty wastes on Liberal spin