The Citizen, 2004-04-22, Page 5Final Thought
A round man cannot be expected to fit in a
square hole right away. He must have time
to int.41y his shape. ,ce;* — Mark Twain
THE CITIZEN, THURSDAY, APRIL 22, 2004. PAGE 5.
Other Views
Take that phone and shove it
/
t 's official: the alarm clock is no longer the
most hated technological device on the
planet
A study by researchers at the Massachusetts
Institute of Technology has conferred that
dubious honour on (flourish of beeps, squawks
and the opening bars of Beethoven's
Fifth) the cell phone.
Or 'yell phone' as I like to think of it. Why
is it that people who insist on yapping on their
cells in public think they have to holler like a
lumberjack to be heard? It might be different if
the conversations (the one side of it we get to
hear at least) were entertaining, but they never
are. They're about late invoices, dental
appointments, school pickups or breathless,
late-breaking 'travel updates'.
"YEAH, FRANK...BILL HERE. I'M IN
TERMINAL TWO RIGHT NOW. JUST GOT
OFF THE CALGARY FLIGHT. MY FLIGHT
TO MONTREAL DOESN'T LEAVE FOR 40
MINUTES SO I SHOULD BE DOWNTOWN
BY..."
Too much information, buddy.
What a phenomenon, the cell phone. I
remember visiting Italy a few years back and
being dumbfounded by all the mentally
incapacitated natives walking down the street
holding their ears and talking to themselves.
"They're talking on cell 'phones, dummy"
my partner explained.
Oh, 'yeah. Right. I knew that.
Italy — in fact, much of Europe — had long
been famous for its wretched telephone
service, so it wasn't surprising that when cell
phone technology arrived, it was gobbled up
like an all-dressed pizza. Here in Canada we
had a pretty decent telephone system in place,
so cell phones took a little longer to establish a
beachhead.
Awell-liked Liberal MPP died a few
weeks ago, but his party figures it can
still get some more mileage out of
him.
The Liberals are running Ralph Agostino,
brother of Dominic Agostino who died in
March, as their candidate in a crucial by-
election to choose a successor, hoping to cash
in on the family name.
The by-election is important to Premier
Dalton McGuinty's six-month old government
because its popularity has plunged,
particularly after being /eft a huge deficit and
unable to pay for promises, while it should be
on a honeymoon. It needs to avoid more
setbacks.
The Liberal hierarchy has shown its
eagerness to have an Agostino run by picking
Ralph over aspirants at least as qualified to be
an MPP and denying party rank and file in the
riding, Hamilton East, their traditional right to
choose.
The other potential candidates included a
five-times-elected municipal councillor who
managed a winning campaign for Dominic and
was endorsed by two other councilors who
also had ambitions to be an MPP but bowed to
their colleague's superior record.
Ralph Agostino, a separate school trustee,
then revealed he was thinking of entering the
race and McGuinty's office had hinted to him
it was - looking at passing the torch and
wondered if anyone in the Agostino family
was interested.
Liberal headquarters then announced flatly
"the party will be'nominating Ralph Agostino
as its candidate" even before a planned
nominating meeting at which riding Liberals
were supposed to choose.
It added Ralph, "will be acclaimed as
candidate." ignoring local Liberals' rights and
Well, they've landed. At last report 13.5
million Canadians subscribe to a cell phone
service and the numbers are still soaring
skyward.
Too bad cell phone etiquette hasn't kept up.
I used to take a perfectly wonderful early
morning ferry ride that was ruined by a single
cellphoniac. Ferry passengers — regulars
mostly — used to convene at tables in a large
common cabin where we sipped our coffee,
read the paper or kibitzed in a low-key, early
morning kind of way.
Then the jerk with the cell phone arrived, A
building contractor. He commandeered one of
the tables, hauled out his cell phone and
commenced to call a long list of customers and
suppliers, barking out job quotes, service
orders, work crew instructions and other
assorted business crap that only two people in
the universe could possibly have been
interested in.
The rest of us melted into the corners but
you couldn't get away from the guy. He had a
voice like Don Cherry.
I complained to one of the staff who
shrugged. apologetically. "There's no law
against it," he said.
He was right. Unfortunately.
The cell phone has not only shattered our
privacy it has imbedded itself in our language.
We have the 'cell yell' (already ranted upon);
McGuinty's promises every day to give
ordinary people more say in governing.
The Liberal brass's intervention by no
means assures the party will have the
candidate best equipped to perform an MPP's
duties of representing constituents' interests
and bringing worthwhile views to the
legislature.
Many will have difficulty believing the most
qualified person for MPP among the tens of
thousands in the riding just happens to be the
former incumbent's brother.
But a party normally has a head-start in
winning a riding when its candidate is seeking
to follow a relative who was liked and
respected.
Ralph Agostino will win some votes merely
because some recognize his surname and not
those of his opponents and will vote for a name
they know.
Liberal organizers will do their bit by
plastering the name Agostino in large letters,
possibly with Ralph somewhere in the fine
print, all over the riding.
Other voters will remember more
specifically that Dominic Agostino, who was
on his party's left wing, worked hard for his
riding in promoting the interests of its many
low-income residents.
Some will vote for Ralph because they feel
Dominic was a worthwhile representative or
we also have the hammy offshoot known as
'stage phoning' wherein some Suit
flamboyantly flourishes his Fido at a restaurant
table and proceeds, with much windmilling of
arms and mock opera gestures to impress the
clientele with just what a Big Time Operator
he is.
Then there's the highway and byway
phenomenon known as DWY — Driving While
Yacking. I haven't seen the accident statistics
for people who have ploughed into trees
or been T-boned by a semi while chatting
on their mobiles, but I'll bet they're
impressive.
Other signs that the cell phone is here to
stay? The resistance that's building up to them.
One of Japan's hottest exports this year is a
product called "Magnetic Wood." It's a kind of
building material paneling that's saturated with
magnetic particles of nickel-zinc ferrite. This
apparently deflects 97 per cent of mobile-
phone signals.
More and more restaurant owners and
barkeeps are lining their walls with the stuff so
that their clientele can eat and drink in relative
peace and quiet.
I also note that July has been declared 'Cell
Phone Courtesy Month' and that the Yankee
equivalent of Via Rail -- Amtrak — has begun
to introduce 'Quiet Cars' on its commuter runs,
wherein the mobile phone is banned.
Other jurisdictions have a long way to go.
Down in the Sunshine State, the California
Highway Patrol estimates that 40 per cent
of the emergency 911 calls they receive each
year are false alarms caused by people
accidentally parking their behinds on their cell
phones.
'Butt Calls', the cops call them.
I call it Appropriate Stowage.
his brother probably will be in the same
mould.
Some will even vote for Ralph out of
sympathy, because of his loss and their feeling
Dominic died fairly young, 44, still working
hard in his MPP's role although ill, and even
gave up his life for it.
The Liberals know a candidate merely trying
to follow a family member in a riding usually
has an advantage. Among current MPPs,
McGuinty followed his father, Dalton senior,
whose name was well-known.
Liberal David Caplan took over the riding of
his mother, Elinor, who switched to federal
politics, but he became a strong advocate for
tenants and few would quarrel with his being
appointed minister responsible for building
new infrastructure.
New Democrat Shelley Martel followed her
father, Elie, and is enough like him that she is
a formidable questioner.
Progressive Conservative Norman Miller
was helped win a riding because of its fond
memories of his father, Frank, who was
premier briefly, outgoing and often rated the
best-liked MPP of recent decades. All are
above-average MPPs and worth their places.
The Liberals are now putting forward a
candidate whose brother was not only a well-
liked, but died working on the job
They may feel they have a dream candidate
— but there is an election yet to be fought.
Damn cats!
,, There may be nothing more hum bling. A
gorgeous summer day, you and your
pooch enjoying a leisurely walk.
And it doesn't matter how intelligent you
are, how wealthy, how stylish, when your
four-legged friend decides to squat, you are
going to be humbled. Business done, the dog
steps aside and you, being a responsible
citizen must stoop and scoop. Then you get to
lug around a bag of doggy-do for the
remainder of your walk.
Yes, we are humbled, but smugly so. After
all, people may smile to see us stooping so
low, but with a grudging respect. It's what's
expected. As owners of humankind's best
friend we are required by law, and by common
decency, to clean up after our pet.
So, therefore, you may hear a blood-
curdling round of cursing coming from me
some day as I tend to my flowerbeds.
Because, while my dog must be tagged, while
my dog must be tied or leashed, while I must
clean up any excrement my dog leaves on any
other property than my own, eats wander free.
to disrupt sleep, to defile gardens, flowerbeds
and worst of all, children's sandboxes.
This is why the other day when I came
home to find my dog had cornered a cat up a
tree, my reaction was sinister, though I was a
little dismayed to see that I took pleasure in
the discomfort of an animal.
Now to anyone ready to call the SPCA, hold
off. Guilt swiftly took over. I brought my baby
into the house to give the trespassing feline an
opportunity to get away. However, after a half
an hour of frantic scratching at the door,
panting, whining, running from room to room
and window to window, Ani was making it
perfectly clear that she was not going to rest or
give me any, until she saw this through.
Imagine when I opened the door and
discovered the cautious kitty had remained on
her eleVated perch. And would for a total of
five hours. One can't help but be impressed by
the patience, the calm and the grace of this
complex animal. While Ani frantically paced
and barked, her nemesis lay elegantly draped
across a narrow branch. While Ani gobbled up
water and used her outdoor facilities, the bane
of her existence sat quietly, even at times with
eyes shut, waiting for the safest moment.
But none of this takes away from the fact
that animal was disrupting my pet and my
home. Ani's incessant barking I'm sure was
annoying to many, but she was at home, only
doing what was instinctive for her and doing it
this time because of an interloper.
A cat-loving friend of mine once argued that
cats, being predators, keep rodents and other
unwanteds away. Today's well-fed feline is
not going to do the job. If they were, with all
the cats that wander into my yard I should
never see a mouse, but I do. Sadly, the only
time I have witnessed the feline's hunting
instinct at work, is the tragic mess left from
the annihilation of a nest of baby birds - not
exactly unwanteds. ,
Councils say that a cat bylaw is too difficult
and costly to police. I have joked about taking
the dirt from my flowerbeds and sending it to
my municipal representatives to see if that
might inspire them to see the value.
There is nothing more disgusting than the
stench of cat urine and feces. I don't want it in
my flowerbeds and I don't want my grandson
playing in it.
Vass a bylaw, tag and live trap those pests.
Dog owners aren't the only ones who need
humbling.
Liberals counting on a brother