The Citizen, 2004-01-29, Page 5THE CITIZEN, THURSDAY, JANUARY 29, 2004. PAGE 5.
Other Views
Water, water everywhere, nary a drop for free
My great-grandparents, God bless 'em,
are no longer with us, and perhaps
it's just as well. I think a single, 60-
second glimpse of the modern world would
drive them stark, raving bonkers.
Consider: my great-grands all died before
1900, which means they never saw a
pilot — light, airplane or Palm. They would not
know what to make of the initials ICU, IUD or
IBM.
They would be equally mystified by an I
Mac, a Big Mac and a Mack Truck.
But I think the phenomenon my forbears
might have most difficulty wrapping their
minds around is the sight of modern day folks
voluntarily and enthusiastically buying
drinking water.
Savour that on the tongue for a moment: we
BUY drinking water. The earth is 80 per cent
water. It lies around unsupervised and
unclaimed in lakes and streams and puddles.
Ninety-nine per cent of the water that comes
out of Canadian taps is perfectly drinkable and
free. And yet we line up to purchase pricey
little plastic bottles of the stuff.
And not just for our own consumption. Last
week I wrote about an Australian entrepreneur
who is currently marketing a product called
Dog Plus K-9 water.
That would be flavoured designer water. For
dogs.
Is he crazy? Crazy like a fox terrier. He's
charging $2.70 a bottle and the stuff is flying
off the shelves.
Watermania is morphing into new and even
more bizarre behaviour. It is now routine to see
people walking down the street, shopping in
Former premier Mike Harris has been
turfed out of his last remaining office at
the legislature and, unlike some of his
predecessors, he will not be invited back soon.
The Progressive Conservative premier had
hung on to the office after he stepped down in
2002, which broke a tradition. Retiring
premiers normally can't wait to get out of the
door.
They either don't want to stay as nobodies
in a place they once were gods, don't want to
be thought of as looking over their successors'
shoulders, or are keen to get on with new
careers, piling up directorships and otherwise
collecting money.
Harris claimed he needed the office to
continue working for Ontario's Promise, a
program he set up to encourage business to
help youth, which also looked suspiciously
like an attempt to divert attention from
government under-funding of services for
children. It has raised some money, but not on
the scale Harris implied.
The Liberals who defeated the Tories in
October also felt Harris wanted the office more
as an excuse to continue claiming travel
expenses to and from it on top of his
legislature pension, and have reclaimed the
space. The former premier has had to
surrender his keys, like a tenant behind in his
rent.
This underlines there is no love lost between
Harris and his Liberal successors led by
Premier Dalton McGuinty.
Some: former premiers have been invited by
successors in different political parties to
return to work-at the legislature.
Frank Miller, a defeated Tory premier, was
appointed by Liberal premier David Peterson
in the 1980s to head a provincial agency
promoting exports.
Peterson called Miller an indefatigable
salesman and he also was liked for being
friendly and without airs. As an example, he
stores, all the while clutching their canteens of
Evian or Naya or Dasani water.
Like - what, folks? You're going to expire of
dehydration walking from your car to the
Seven-Eleven? Future archeologists will find
your bleached skeleton curled up in front of
the supermarket deli section?
Canada doesn't have a Death Valley. There
are no Gobis or Saharas in the Great White
North. As a matter of fact we have more fresh
water than any nation in the world. And we've
got backup reserves in glaciers, icebergs,
permafrost and Arctic ice-packs.
The country is not without its hazards — you
can drown, go over Niagara Falls or be buried
50 feet deep in an avalanche, but you can bet
your houseboat you aren't going to die of
thirst.
There are megatons of fresh water out there,
and it's absolutely free.
But the strange truth is we ENJOY paying
for water. How else to explain the menu in the
ultra-chic 2 West restaurant in New York's
Ritz-Carlton?
Diners at the 2 West are offered a choice of
24, count 'em, 24 different brands of....water.
They range from flat to sparkling and,
er...that's it, really.
sold cars for two sons' dealerships and had no
hesitation driving to MPPs' homes and
kneeling in their drives to change licence
plates.
When Miller died, Peterson said if there had
been a poll to find the most popular member of
the legislature during his years in it, he had no
doubt Miller would have won.
William Davis, who was Tory premier for 14
years, more middle-of-the-road than right
wing Harris and got on well most of the time
with members of other parties, was asked by
New Democrat premier Bob Rae to head a
similar agency.
Davis has always retained stature in his party
and Rae may have wanted to show critics he
could attract a top Tory to work with him, but
Davis felt it was appropriate and accepted.
Other retired party leaders invited back to
public posts by opponents include Robert
Nixon, who led the Liberals in three elections
and was named by the NDP as agent general in
Britain, and Tory Andy Brandt, who was
appointed by the NDP to a long and successful
run as chair of the Liquor Control Board.
Davis reached even further across party lines
when he convinced Tory prime minister Brian
Mulroney to appoint the articulate former
Ontario NDP leader Stephen Lewis
ambassador to the United Nations, which
prompted his current role leading its fight
against AIDS in Africa.
But to Ontario Liberals Harris is the most
confrontational premier in memory. He called
Confused? No need.
See that chap gliding up to your table
brandishing a cut-crystal goblet and a
wagonload of hauteur? That's the Ritz-
Carlton....water sommelier. He's ready to
offer his expert guidance to help you choose
just the right brand of, well, water, to go with
your meal.
Mind you, it's gonna cost ya. The cheapest
bottle of water on the 2 West menu goes for
eight bucks U.S. — and for that you get a dinky
little carafe that might fill a wineglass twice.
Is it a scam? You betcha. David Shaw, a food
writer based in Los Angeles, says it's turned
into quite the little moneymaker for high-end
restaurateurs.
"Order a bottle of water," he says, "and your
waiter will refill your glass so frequently,
you'll go through several bottles in no time."
There seems to be something about water
that brings out the charlatan in people. Not to
mention the sucker.
You heard about the big snowstorm that tied
up New York last week? Well it didn't tie
up New Yorker Gilberto Triplitt. He set up a
stand on a corner in downtown Manhattan,
and started selling - at a buck a pop -
snowballs.
"Freshly hand-packed!" he shouted at
passers-by. "Limited edition!"
He sold 60 in two and a half hours - even
though customers had to wade through a foot
of free snow to buy them. "I've always wanted
a snowball," said one customer.
The next big trend folks. Remember you
read it here first.
Designer snowballs.
their most admired MPP, Gerry Phillips, an
"asshole."
He is the only premier ever threatened by a
Speaker with being expelled from the
legislature, after he called McGuinty a
disgrace to the profession of politician and
said he "stinks."
Harris ran TV commercials sho,oCing
McGuinty looking grim and harassed as .in a
police lineup and claiming he was "not up to
the job".
And Harris is the only premier who still
needed a police escort after he retired.
Harris also came back in the October
election to warn if Ontario elected the
Liberals, it would lose economic prosperity.
The Liberals will not be inviting Harris to
any post at Queen's Park — but it is equally
certain if they asked, the belligerently partisan
former premier would kick them off his
doorstep.
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The world of lullabies
I'm sorry but I simply must. Several years
ago, after the birth of our grandson, an
acquaintance of mine, also a grandma and
also someone who writes for a living, said this
newest member of our family would provide
me with plenty to write about.
While, it's true I could probably fill this
column weekly with tales about Mitchell, I've
generally tried to steer away. After all, every
grandparent in the world knows how I feel and
the rest probably don't care.
But sorry, I just can't help myself. Always a
bright spot, he was even more so in this past
often trying week.
Grandchildren are something my husband
and I have eagerly anticipated, and, when it
comes to children, for me it's always been the
smaller the better. While others enjoy a
tumbling toddler, precocious pre-schooler, or
mini-adults, I'm enamoured with newborns.
Their smell, their neediness, those tiny little
hands gripping a finger are the ultimate. I
could wile away a day rocking an infant.
As my own children grew, my parental pride
and love grew with them. But there was no
doubt that with each I felt a longing for that
time when they had needed me as much as I
needed them. And obviously as finances and
common sense had to set a limit, I came to
accept that the next babies for me would be
those of my babies.
Four years ago it finally happened. And for
the first time in 17 years I had the pleasure of
cuddling a child with whom I shared genetics.
But while I revelled in this familiar joy, I have
since come to enjoy every phase of this young
man's life. With my own children, those usual
outside pressures took some of the fun out of
each stage; while it may have been necessary
to take the time for .an infant, as they grew
older I couldn't • ignore my other
responsibilities, like housework, in quite the
same way.
With Mitchell, his attendance at our home,
pretty much puts a stoptwork order in effect.
Recently Papa and I had the pleasure of his
company for a day and night. When I returned
home from work the house was a shambles as
Papa had devoted all his attention and energies
to his grandson. Nothing changed with my
arrival, other than we managed to fix and eat
supper.
Being entertained by him is easy and a
simple comment can warm the coldest day.
My over-protective nature recently prompted a
discussion with Papa about a proposed
snowmobile outing. Mark assured as Mitchell
continued to play, seemingly oblivious to our
conversation, until leaning toward me, his
beloved little face full of innocent earnestness,
he assuaged my fears. "It's okay. Don't worry,
Grandma. I will be alright."
Many times over many years I have heard ad
nauseum "If I'd known grandchildren were so
much fun, I'd have had them first.' And now
here I am, putty in the hands of 40 pounds of
charm.
We have been lucky in that Mitchell's
parents recognize the value for him in having
a close relationship with his grandparents.
When I think of some people who rarely have
the opportunity to see their grandchildren I
realize how fortunate we are.
He walks in the door and a dour mood is
cheered. He has taken the blah out of winter
and made springtime colours brighter. He has
brought back that wonderful world of bedtime
stories and lullabies.
Harris out and not welcome back