HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 2000-09-13, Page 6THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 13, 2000. PAGE 5.
Other Views
Talk about body double trouble
To the perfectly lovely young woman who
approached me in the grocery store this
morning: I’m sorry. I apologize. I was neither
drunk nor off my medication.
To everyone who wasn’t at the grocery store
this morning, here’s what happened.
I’m standing in the produce section looking
for a ripe cantaloupe among the mottled
bowling balls before me when suddenly this
woman - this total stranger - comes waltzing
up the aisle and says “Hi. Remember me?
From the party last week? I’m the one who just
moved into Howard’s house.”
Number one: I don’t know any house owner
named Howard. In fact I don’t even know any
indi gents named Howard.
Number two: I know perfectly well that I
haven’t been to any parties recently.
To sum up: I have no idea who this woman is
or what she’s talking about.
So how do I handle the situation? I do what
I always do when someone I’ve never met
engages me in a totally meaningless
conversation. I lie.
“Oh right!” I say. “The party - great party!
How could I forget? That’s a swell house
you’ve moved into iC-G'”
Assessing the world’s
Are you taking a trip in the near future
on one of the better known airlines and
want to know just what the service etc.
is like. If so, you will benefit from my recent
assessment on some of the more notable
companies flying in and out of Canada.
In spite of all the airlines’ advertising, they
are only as good as their actual performance.
Air Canada:
Be prepared for possible mediocre food and
service as you fly on Canada’s “National
Airline.” The employees cannot seem to make
up their mind whether they want to turn you off
or turn you on. I got it one way on a recent trip
to San Francisco and the exact opposite on
theh way back.
I hope that the company will pull up its socks
before the year is out. As it is, for the first time
in a long while, I am not using them to fly the
Atlantic.
It would be nice to think that Canada has an
airline which stands out with regard to
excellent service, but that has not been the case
in this country since Wardair was bought out.
Lufthansa:
By and large you get typical Teutonic
thoroughness although one stewardess (who
was on the same two flights as I) had obviously
forgotten how to smile. Food is above average
but there’s no wiener schnitzel on the menu.
One of the best things I ever saw was on a
long transatlantic flight. The staff had the
children go around the plane picking up all the
waste paper, etc. It kept them busy at a time
when they would normally be restless and
ornery. They were delighted to be asked to do
it.
Swissair:
The airline’s excellent reputation was
marred by the tragic crash in 1998 off the coast
of Nova Scotia but the cause appears to have
been a design defect and not pilot error.
The service is great. I really enjoy flying on
the airline, not least because it gives me a
chance to give all three national languages a
work-out.
If you are flying Sabena, the Belgian airline,
Swissair has recently bought a controlling
interest, the first example of a major national
airline being owned by a foreign company.
Juding from what I had heard about Sabena,
they could use some outside help.
KLM:
Arthur
Black
Why do I behave in this shameful and
dishonest fashion? For one thing, the old
noodle isn’t quite as whipcrack-sharp as it used
to be. I don’t have gray matter upstairs, I have
Swiss cheese. I sometimes forget a face. Hell,
I sometimes forget entire families.
So when I get into a conversation with a
(possible) stranger, I pretend I’m with it in
order to play for time, on the off chance that I
just might remember something.
The other (and more important) reason I
feign comprehension is that I have a brother. A
brother who is ahhh, somewhat less ‘mature’
than I, to be sure. A brother who is obviously
not nearly as dashing or charismatic, but a
brother who, aside from some totally
superfluous cranial fur, looks a lot like Yours
Truly.
The fact is, people get us mixed up. A lot.
Raymond
Canon
The
International
Scene
The Dutch air industry seems to have fallen
on hard times. First there was the bankruptcy
of Fokker, the famous aircraft company. KLM
then decides it cannot go it alone, and at the
present time is discussing-a merger with
British Airways.
This would not be the first British/Dutch
merger. Shell Oil and Lever Brothers come to
mind but they are, of course, not in the
business of transporting passengers.
There is also the question of a vicious fight
with Alitalia over a proposed alliance which
went sour.
Over the years KLM has managed to give
above average service, but the excellence
which comes to mind when I think of things
Dutch has to do with its cruise vessels or its
flowers, not its airline.
Quantas:
Given that Australia is so far away, it is
essential for this country’s airline to make the
trip as pleasant as possible and this Quantas
does in the vast majority of cases. It has a good
safety record and makes its Boeing 747s as
comfortable as possible.
This is the airline I would choose when
flying to Australia but I would be interested to
know if anybody has had above average flights
on another airline to that destination.
CSA:
The Czechs have a small but efficient airline
that flies from Prague to Toronto and does it in
good style. Czechs are sometimes call the
Swiss of Central Europe and it shows on its
airline.
The planes are clean, the crew is efficient
although on one trip there was a stewardess
with two left hands; I was glad that she was not
flying the plane. (I am left-handed but I only
have one).
You can actually fly from Toronto to
Singapore by CSA, if you wish, by way of
Prague, which is one of the most beautiful
cities in Europe.
So people often yak away at him under
the impression they’re conversing with his
more elegant brother and vice versa. And since
we only live a few miles apart, it happens
often.
As luck would have it, I ran into my brother
downtown just an hour after the grocery store
incident. “Happened again, bro!” I said. “Some
wacky woman came up to me in the store -
swore she met me at some party. Said I’d
remember her because she’s living in
Howard’s place.”
He looked at me a little oddly. “That was
Sidney Shannon,” he said. “You met her at
Molly’s birthday party last week. You talked to
her for half an hour, spilled your wine on her
and ate all the shrimp off her plate.”
Oh ... yeah. Molly’s birthday party. It’s
coming back now.
So anyway my apologies Sidney. Just a
touch of amnesia brought on by the old war
wound.
And while I’m in a confessional mood - that
guy at the party who tried to make you wear a
lampshade and sing Barnacle Bill The Sailor
with him?
That was my brother.
airlines
I have found Czech cuisine rather bland so
that fits right in with airline food in general.
Concorde:
What can I say? Given the horrible crash in
Paris, it may sound like a death trap. It is not.
All planes run risks of some sort and the fact
that this is the first fatal accident since the
aircraft started commercial flights says
something about the attention to safety.
Crashes like the one at Paris are spectacular
but it bears repeating that by far the most
dangerous part of any flight is the trip to and
from the airport.
There you have it. Being an old pilot, I love
flying and, as often as possible I try to spend
some time in the cockpit when I am on a long
flight. Most airlines are prepared to grant my
wish and the pilots and I can talk shop.
As you can see I have good and bad to say
about most airlines but, given the costs of
running an airline, it is difficult (but not
impossible) to give superb service day in and
day out.
I long for the good old days of Wardair’s
international flights but, when I first started
flying the Atlantic, it used to take me 11-12
hours. Cutting that to a little more than half has
been a boon for me since I cannot sleep on
long flights. I ask for an aisle seat so I can at
least stretch out my legs and get up and walk
about whenever I feel the need.
Now and again one of the crew tries to inject
a bit of humour, which helps a great deal. The
best one I have heard to date came from a pilot
who stated, “Well, folks, we have reached our
cruising altitude so I’m going to switch off the
seat-belt sign. Feel free to move about but
please stay inside the plane ’til we land. It’s a
bit cold outside and, if you walk on the wings,
it upsets the trim.”
We need more pilots like that.
Given the blandness of airline food, I can
only wonder when Tim Horton will set up shop
in the rear of the aircraft. “One medium coffee
with milk and a sour cream glazed, please!”
Final Thought
Gossip is mischievous, light and easy to
raise, but grievous to bear and hard to get rid
of. No gossip ever dies away entirely, if
many people voice it: it too is a kind of
divinity. - Hesiod
Bonnie
Gropp
The short of it
We’ve got a problem
The world is indubitably changing and we
have been forced to go along with it.
While I am not by any stretch of the
imagination comfortable with, nor welcoming
of, all the new technology being introduced to
us o’n almost a daily basis, I have done my best
to if not exactly embrace its existence, then at
least shake its hand now and again. I am able to
find my way around a computer better than
around Toronto. I actually enjoy instant teller
machines and paying my bills by telephone.
Even the cell phone, a tool which in the hands
of some zealots has turned me right off, has
been a recent purchase. Used simply to check
on the welfare of my kids when not at home it
has brought invaluable peace of mind and
much needed sleep.
And though my knowledge of the internet
and its capabilities is limited, and my comfort
level about carrying on business transactions is
still on the apprehensive side, I have learned to
traverse my way around the world wide web.
With smug satisfaction I e-mail my kids and
friends, check out sites, and on occasion leave
a message.
But here is where I notice a problem. A
rather disturbing one at that. A friend and I
were talking recently about a disgusting
message left on a youth’s home page.
Notwithstanding its immaturity, its horrendous
spelling and grammar or its abhorrent
profanity, the information in it was slanderous,
hateful, and as only a true coward would, sent
anonymously.
What truly angered me is that there is
apparently very little can be done to trace the
sender. That is a wrong that needs to be
corrected.
A teenage girl years ago received a phone
call from another young female who for
reasons unknown, wanted to beat the fermer.
And I don’t mean at baseball. We are talking a
good old-fashioned butt-kicking. For weeks
this sweet, dear child was frightened,
wondering whom she needed to be watchful of.
Fortunately nothing ever came of it. And now
with the arrival of *69 the chances of
identifying such a threat are improved.
Safeguards such as this need to be built in to
the system as well. The filth vehemently
spewed forth on this page (which by the way
any youngster could discover and read), the
venomous fallacies could not be published in a
newspaper or reported in any public forum.
Nor would it be.
It is not right that any individual should be
slandered or threatened, particularly without
knowledge of who their attacker is. In a perfect
world such a problem would be eliminated
simply because humans would have too much
class to show such cowardice. The petty
jealousy and insecurities that tend to launch
such childish tirades would cease to exist as
well.
However, it is not a perfect world and for that
reason everything that can be done to stop
negative behaviour should be. There is no
excuse for acting like an idiot. There is even
less, however, for standing by and allowing it.
My computer naivete is dazzled when I
consider the minds responsible for all of this
new technology. That it has linked us
internationally, that it has improved many
aspects of our lives is unquestionable.
That said, and please forgive my ignorance if
there’s something obvious that I’m missing, I
find it hard to fathom why those minds haven't
come up with a system to protect its users
from such abuse.
Frankly, I think it’s inexcusable.
J