Loading...
The Citizen, 2003-09-03, Page 5THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 3, 2003. PAGE 5. Other Views Hair today and gone tomorrow "The law. sir is a ass. . .a idiot” f anyone needed visual confirmation of the words Charles Dickens put in the mouth of Mister Bumble, one need go no further than a typical British courtroom during a typical British trial. There you might watch one of Britain’s most eminent barristers mellifluously declaiming subtle and abstruse points of law in soaring language with Shakespearean flourishes and Miltonian profundity. And he will be dressed like a geriatric drag queen. British hamsters wear robes and wigs. Have done since the 17th century. And 1 don't mean understated Frank Sinatra hairpieces or sleek Captain Kirk toupees - the wigs the Brits wear are mangy, white page boy bobs, made out of horse hair, crudely cut, heavily powdered and heavy as sin. Sure, they made a dynamite fashion statement back in the 1600s - but nowadays — why? Traditionalists argue that the wigs and robes help instill respect for the law. Yeah, right - but why not go for something lighter and more contemporary, like Groucho Marx glasses and a Ronald McDonald clown suit? Ah, well. Men have always been a little loony in the head hair department. I haven’t got as much mileage (or hair) as Rumpole of the Bailey, but I’ve lived through brush cuts, boogie cuts. Elvis pompadours, ducktails, Afros, Beatle cuts, mohawks, buzz cuts and the Mel Gibson mullet. I don’t want to come on like I’m cutting edge A war going on among newspapers What happened when The Toronto Star described The National Post as the “house organ” of the Ontario Progressive Conservative party was almost as ugly as any dispute between politicians approaching an election. A columnist for the Post confronted a Star columnist at a news conference on SARS hours later and demanded to know how his paper dare accuse hers of bias when his is a mouthpiece for the Liberals. This encounter looked like being more engrossing than any updating on SARS, but the news conference was quickly ordered underway and brought it to an end. There is a war going on among newspapers that gets into higher gear around elections and even more so when four papers are competing for their lives. The Star had complained specifically that Tory Premier Ernie Eves leaked to the Post a letter he wrote to U.S. President George W. Bush supporting his invasion of Iraq, which enabled that paper to print it first, a minor coup. The Post, because it supports U.S. policies, printed it without criticism, which also helped Eves. The Post editorially constantly expresses far right views and quarrels with Eves’s Tories only when they are not right wing enough, but there is no parly further right that residents can vote for. so in effect it encourages them to vole Tory. The S'/r/r usually urges its readers to vote Liberal and has accused police in Toronto oi unfairly targeting, stopping, questioning and arresting biacks I he Post, which sees cops as always tops protested the Star has run a "hysterical smeai campaign" and created "anil cop paranoia' which has turned trendy when it comes to hair, but - well, I AM cue-ball bald. And that, my friends, is the latest hot look for gents - no hair at all. And not just on the head. Any day now you can expect to see the kickoff of a Canadian advertising campaign featuring TV commercials and glossy magazine ads for Arm & Hammers latest cosmetic come-on: Nair for Men. The male-targeted hair removal gel has been selling briskly down south for the past year and a half. According to a survey released by the company that manufactures the stuff, 30 percent of American males between the ages of 18 and 34 regularly shave off their chest hair. When did this start? I thought the hairy­ chested he-man was the standard all 90-pound- weaklings aspired to. Ah, but that was before Ah-nold. As a body builder, Governor-elect Conan proved that you could have a chest as bare as a baby’s bum and still look like a walking bag of walnuts. According to scientists. Schwartzetcetra and his hair-removing imitators may simply be responding to a biological imperative. Researchers at Oxford and Reading blacks against police. The Toronto Sun, which unhesitatingly describes itself as conservative, also has taken off after the Star, particularly because Eves, since he succeeded Mike Harris as premier, has abandoned a few of Harris’s far-right policies. The Sun was dismayed because the Star praised Eves for having “eased the province back on to a more moderate path, leaving behind the worst excesses of Harris’s Common Sense Revolution” and the Sun lamented “the bad news is the Liberal Star likes the Conservative premier.” The Sun contended Harris and his CSR saved Ontario in 1995 after successive Liberal and New Democrat governments brought it crippling debt and near ruin and concluded “if the pathologically Liberal Star approves of provincial Tories, it is reason for Conservatives to start worrying.” The Sun called the Star the Liberals’ "media pals" and scoffed Star editorialists were "crybabies” for protesting against Tory advertisements attacking Liberals for opposing banning teacher strikes. The Liberals have said there are better ways. Ihe Star persuaded a Liberal MPP to sneak a reporter into the Don Jail to expose degrading and unhealthy conditions lor inmates and the Post sniped universities suggest we humans originally shed our furry, primate pelts half a million years ago to protect ourselves from disease-carrying parasites. “Smooth skin has therefore become an evolutionary calling card we use unconsciously to pick healthy mates,” says Sir Walter Bodner an Oxford University spokesman. Admittedly, those guys you see at the beach in thongs and what looks like a welcome mat growing on their backs probably aren't sexual turnons for anybody this side of a Lowland Gorilla in heat, still I think I’ll cling to what’s left of my body hair. My beard, I mean - particularly after what happened to my pal, Arvid. He was down at the local barbershop getting a shave last week and he mentioned the trouble he has getting a smooth shave around the cheeks. “Got just the thing,” said the barber, taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. “Before you shave, just put this in your mouth, between your cheek and your gum.” So Arvid tries it. He pops the ball in his mouth, it makes his cheek puff out and sure enough — the barber proceeds to give him the closest, smoothest shave he’s ever experienced. “This ib grape, Al,” says Arvid, trying to talk around the ball, “but what happens if I swallow it?” “No problem,” says the barber. “Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does.” the Star used ethically questionable tactics and should show similar concern for victims of crime. The Post complained the Star gave less space to a rally supporting the U.S. invasion of Iraq, attended by Eves, than to one opposing it and charged the Stai favours “the loony left.” The Post dug into history and accused the Star of betraying its early principles, when it campaigned against alcohol use, by entering a partnership with vineyards delivering Ontario wines to readers. The Post scoffed the Star has abandoned its roots and is “getting into the booze business.” The Sun has even taken a run at the Post, although politically they are almost twins. The Sun started publication in 1971 and the Post in 1998. The Sun called the Post grey, struggling and, because it has changed owners, not to be trusted as an advocate of conservative principles. The Sun argued it established itself as a strong, no-nonsense conservative voice long before Harris and Eves became premiers and decades before the Post and will be around long after these others have gone. These are harsh words for media to use about rivals, but those who make their living dishing out criticism to others should be prepared to take it. Final Thought Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. - Mark Twain Bonnie Gropp The short of it A rural life It’s a busy time in our communities right now. Just as spring was the blossoming of colour, September brings harvest gold. Fall fairs and the Thresher Reunion celebrate the bounty and the history of the rural way of life. And it’s a good way of life. While I admit to a personal preference for a more urban existence, my time in smalltown Huron County has taught me much about the richness of growing up country, about the quality of people who do and the strength of community. The Thresher Reunion is an example as shining as its steam engines of these facts. I confess that until I began working at The Citizen I had little knowledge of the event. But in the almost 15 years since I have been awed by its history, its longevity and its consistency. I am impressed as well by the volunteers who keep it going. My first year here, I was assigned to cover the Reunion. There were roughly 400 campers at that time. That number has burgeoned to over 1,000, many of whom arrive a week ahead. Such interest is typical of the entire event. Displays grow or are added. The craft show has no rivals for number, variety and attendance. Add to all this the reality that a group of committed volunteers works tirelessly not just to pull this off, but also to improve the fairgrounds on which the Reunion is held and whether it’s your thing or not you have to be impressed. And similar achievements are noticed in so many aspects of rural life. Smaller in number our communities may be, but when the people decide to put themselves behind something it’s generally a winner. As a person who moved into the area, I have watched wifh interest over the years, the fruition of many successes. But, I have also recognized that each ot the two villages this newspaper represents has its own unique personality when it comes to the type of successes. Blyth, for example, is a familiar town, one of long-time associations, businesses and industries of long-standing. Yet each summer it’s home for a company of thespians who blend and are welcomed. Its streets become a place of strangers as thousands of Festival attendees arrive and are greeted with warm smiles. To be here is to be a friend. That warmth has appealed to many others who have, through various activities and organizations found their way to the campgrounds. From the dog show to the recent Normoska car tour visitors haxe been attracted to this second-to-none site. Brussels at first glance appears to be less bustle. Many of its residents now commute to larger centres to work or are enjoying retirement years in the village. But given time one quickly notes an energy behind the sleepiness. As a service community it meets the needs of the agricultural industries which surround it. It is home to vital organizations which bling activity and betterment to the area. And as anyone in attendance at a Brussels Homecoming can attest, it's a community that sure knows how to throw a party. These thoughts came to mind last week, as I passed an upstairs window, through which I caught a glimpse of a distant farm Held. Its September gold was a world away from my residential home, but so close to the heart of living in a rural community, which is so many things to so many people.