HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 2002-07-31, Page 5THE CITIZEN. WEDNESDAY, JULY 31, 2002. PAGE 5.
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Oh, just
Hear ye, Hear ye - the Stubby is back. I
have in my hand a press release from
the Brick Brewing Company of
Waterloo, Ontario that breathlessly informs us
"The Stubby stands tall once again! More than
18 years after Canadians bid farewell to the
beloved Stubby beer bottle, Brick Brewery is
bringing back the unique bottle that Canadians
still remember fondly."
Colour me underwhelmed.
I actually grew up in the Jurassic Era of
Canadian brewing history - when ALL
Canadian beer came in stubby bottles.
This would be back in the 60s and 70s.
Before that, beer came in a delightful variety
of containers - green bottles, amber bottles,
clear bottles, short and tall bottles.
And, of course. cans.
Anyone out there still holding on to their
'church key'?
Yes, kiddies, there was a time when beer
came in cans without the familiar pull tab. You
needed an instrument to punch a couple of
holes in the top before yoO could ah, liberate
the elixir, as it were.
The church key was a three-inch strip of
metal with a sharp perforating tip on one end
and a bottle cap remover on the other. No self-
respecting hoser was without one dangling
from his key chain.
Actually, there's been quite a turf war going
on in the beer world for many decades. Way
back in 1929. technicians at the American Can
Company were trying to figure out how they
could steal some business from the bottle
makers who had the North American beer
O ntario's Progressive Conservatives
boast they are the only party that
protects taxpayers' money, but they are
'ailing to deliver.
The Tories, first under premier Mike Harris
tnd now under Ernie Eves have talked more
shan any other party about safeguarding the
public purse. This theme runs through almost
every line of their Common Sense Revolution
orogram that won them two elections.
They keep passing laws with such names as
the Taxpayer Protection and Government
Efficiency Acts. They have imposed so-called
'business plans' on every branch of every
ministry detailing almost how to sharpen the
pencils.
Harris tried to suggest the Tories are more
prudent than others by claiming "We are not
government - we are the guys who came to fix
government."
Tory businessmen in government have long
jeered that their Liberal and New Democrat
opponents have 'never met a payroll,' the
cardinal sin, and their latest cry is government
must be 'accountable' with public money.
But all the talk has not prevented spending
excesses like those revealed in Hydro One, the
provincially-owned electricity transmission
network. According to government, the chief
executive had an annual $2.18 million salary
and perks including $214,000 in Car
allowances plus $110,000 for limousines (you
could run a formula one racing team for less)
and membership in seven expensive clubs.
The utility also spent '$360,000 to sponsor
yacht racing, the CEO's favourite sport, and
the elected Tories supposed to keep an eye on
things appeared to know none of this until
news media and opposition parties blew the
whistle.
,.-. There have been other spending abuses that
axpayers struggling to pay groceries can
vadily -- appreciate. Two ministers, Chris
Stockwell and Tim_Hudak, and their staffs had
lefty bills for late-night drinks paid by the
government. despite its policy of not
reimbursing for alcohol, and others even billed
for a fishing licence and chewing gum.
market pretty well sewn up.
Made economic sense when you think about
it. Tin was cheaper than glass and much
sturdier. The can weighed less, and stacked
better. A beer truck could carry twice as many
cans as bottles with no danger of breakage.
There was just one tiny problem: those early
tins reacted with the beer to make it taste like
weasel urine.
By 1934, the can makers figured they had
solved that problem with a plastic lining that
separated the beer from the metal. More and
more brewers started switching over to cans.
Then the bottle makers fought back with the
stubby. It had the advantage of stackability
plus it was a standardized unit for the entire
industry - any brewing company could use any
other brewing companies bottles and the
customer would be none the wiser.
The only disadvantage: the stubby was a
squat little sucker and ugly as sin.
I don't remember the Stubby as being
'beloved' as the Brick Brewing Company press
release refers to it. I remember it as being All
You Could Get. It hewed to the dictum
announced by Henry Ford when he was
unveiling his famous Model 'T"way back in
Health Minister Tony Clement was found
paying an aide $300,000-a-year, four times
what such assistants normally are paid, the
only explanation being he is a long-time Tory
party worker.
The Tories have not been reasonably alert in
business dealings. They sold a piece of land for
$1.27 million which the purchaser promptly
resold for $3.9 million, and another for $1.92
million the lucky buyer resold for $4.39
million.
They also privatized a stretch of the toll road
Highway 407, part of which the purchaser
resold for more than three times that amount.
The Conservatives promised to make
Ontario a good place for business, but did they
have to make it this good?
But no-one should be surprised by these
misjudgments by Tories who claim to be
businesslike. The last long-lived Tory
government under William Davis, premier
from 1971-85, started building a domed sports
stadium in Toronto maintaining it would cost
taxpayers only $30 million, but they wound up
contributing $300 million before handing it
over to private enterprise.
Davis invested $800 million of taxpayers'
money including interest buying shares of an
oil company, supposedly to get an inside view
of was going on in that industry at a time when
he was worried about rising oil prices, but they
Final Thought
When the character of a man is not clear to
you, look at his friends.
— Japanese Proverb
the 20's.
"Mister Ford, how many colours will your
automobile come in?" a reporter wanted to
know.
"You can have any colour you like" grumped
Mister Ford, "as long as it is black."
And here we are in the new millennium
being sold on the Stubby all over again.
Oh, well. It's not as if we're going to be
losing much. Nowadays, Canadian beer comes
almost exclusively in a brown bottle with a
long neck.
That's just a Stubby with an erection.
It'll probably be a hit, the Stubby. Bob and
Doug Mackenzie wannabes will line up for the
privilege of buying it by the case. Maybe it'll
become a 'boutique beer' and they'll charge us
even more for the privilege of sipping our beer
from a no-neck bottle.
Which reminds me of the story about the
gorilla that walks into a tavern, sits down on a
bar stool, puts down a $10 bill and points to the
beer tap.
The bartender picks up the 10, serves the
beer, starts to get the change out of the cash
register and then figures to himself what the
hell, it's a gorilla.
He brings the gorilla back one loony in
change.
The gorilla says nothing. Just sits there
sipping his beer.
Finally the bartender can't stand the tension
anymore. He blurts "You know, we don't get
too many gorillas in here."
Gorilla says, "At nine bucks a beer. I'm not
surprised".
had to be sold in a depressed market for a loss
of $410 million.
Davis put another $140 million in an agency
he set up to design and sell innovative, high-
tech rail commuter systems around the world,
but packed this in and sold it for a mere $30
million.
He also took over a bankrupt resort and
poured $40 million into it trying to make it
workable, but eventually it was sold to private
enterprise for a paltry one-tenth that amount.
Tories when they get in power prove not as
smart at business as they claim and in business
dealings they often get stung. They tend to
want to help out business, whose donations
help put them in government, and they are
more tolerant of big-business types they hire to
help run government and fail to keep watch on
them.
The Tories for a lot of reasons have not been
the defenders of the public purse they claim to "
be - you would not want them as your financial
advisers.
Letter
THE EDITOR,
On behalf of the Alzheimer Society of
Huron County I would acknowledge the
Clinton Raceway, and the following sponsors:
Molson's, Canadian Sportsman, Fleming Feed
Mill, Hyndman Transport. Deli-Licious, Green
Gallery. Dinney Funeral Home, Blyth Festival,
Stone Garden Bed & Breakfast, Royal Bank of
Clinton and all those who purchased tickets for
your generous support and contribution to
Alzheimer Huron's first annual Day at the
Races held June 23 at Clinton Raceway.
A total of $2,942 was raised to help support
local programs for the residents of Huron
County affected by Alzheimer Disease and
provide "Help for today and Hope for
Tomorrow."
Sincerely,
Theresa Wilson
Fund Development Co-ordinator
Alzheimer Society of Huron County.
Change will be good
Summers in Sauble. A cottage. a friend,
the beach, sand and surf. Touring the
strip, games of mini-golf, flipping on the
trampolines, long • walks and roller skating.
French fries, milkshakes and ic6-cream cones
consumed in abundance. After all, at 10 there's
no concern about a girlish figure.
For a youngster it was a carefree, time, two
weeks of bliss which in the beginning
stretched endlessly. Only in the final day did
the hours move into fast forward, but until then
the summer vacation was nothing but joy,
For a youngster.
With typical childhood self-indulgence, that
perfect idyllic summer sojourn practised
annually by my family, was viewed by myself
as something equally relaxing to all. Goodness
knows Mom and Dad always seemed to enjoy
themselves, nothing to stress them but whether
or not the sun would shine that day.
Yeah, right. As children we spend a lot of
our time wishing we were older, so we could
do all the things that grown-ups can. Well, let
me tell you, I'm an adult now and this
growing up isn't all it's cracked up to be. The
responsibilities we deal with don't go away
just because we're on vacation.
In the weeks prior to our family vacation, 1,
as a child, did much of what I would on
holiday, only at home. My day began with
breakfast, then fun outdoors with friends until
bedtime.
It was a good thing too, because Mom and
Dad were tired and grumpy and never seemed
to have any time for anything. 1 couldn't
imagine what they were so busy doing. After
all, they were soon going to get a nice, long
break. ,
As a child on vacation, my days were filled
with any activity that could amuse me —
safely, of course. I was always accompanied
by a friend who helped to keep me ,mtertained
and out of the adults' way so they could have
fun with their friends. They were always busy
cooking for a Dig meal, or staying up late with
visitors. It was go, go, go.
Then the last Saturday morning at the
cottage, we rose early and after a hurried
breakfast, my friend and I were again hustled
away. And it was such a nuisance because any
time we wanted something it seemed we were
in big trouble. We were yelled at for tracking
in dirt or rooting for things that had been
packed away.
I could never understand it. because Mom
and Dad sure didn't seem all that rested after
*just having a holiday.
Now, I'm the grown-up. No more hopping
into a packed car with not a care in the world.
Prior to the holiday I begin this week. I have
been running around in circles tieing up loose
ends — appointments that need to be made,
mail that needs to be sent, bills that need to be
paid. ,
There has been extra laundry to do and pack
away for the trip, groceries to buy, food to
prepare, and more packing. There have been
lists and phone calls made, instructions left.
Once there, there will be meals to prepare,
cleaning to do. places to run. There will be
people to entertain, late nights and early
mornings. .
When I get home there will be unpacking,
straightening and laundering, which will be
finished in time for work.
I suppose to a child I will not h)ok like I had
much fun. But, as a grown-up I know that the
change, however hectic. did me good. It just
wasn't as easy as when I was a kid.
rin and beer it
Safeguarding the public