HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 2002-06-26, Page 5THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, JUNE 26, 2002. PAGE 5.
Other Views
Don't look now, but your body is
changing. On second thought - DO
look. Look down on those stumpy
Bide appendages that jut out like' miniature
Floridas from the side of your hands.
We call them thumbs.
My dictionary defines the thumb as "the first
digit on the hand. differing from the other
fingers in having only two phalanges
(knuckles) and being more flexible and
opposable to the other fingers".
Now take your favourite hand and put the tip
of your forefinger to ,the tip of your thumb,
making the "OK" sign.
That, my friend, is what separates you from
every other beast on the planet. Some other
critters have thumbs, but they're not opposing
thumbs.
Other animals can't manipulate shovels,
knitting needles, screwdrivers, a ballpoint pen
or the magnification dial on an electron
microscope in any meaningful, consistent way
- and that's the main difference between Us
and Them.
Our thumbs gave our ancestors the ability to-
grasp objects and fashion them into tools — at
first, crude spears; later, farming implements;
eventually, printing presses, microchip
factories, and Palm Pilots.
Imagine trying to get through a day without
using your thumbs. Imagine trying- to make a
pot of ' coffee, do up a zipper, lace . up your
shoes or even open the door'to your car.
Handy. little digit, the thumb. Useful in
language too. If we're clumsy, we say that
Writing an article totally solely about
Canada would be beyond the
boundries of this column so I
decided to ask my famous uncle, Johann
Wolfgang Amadeus von Kanon, professor
emeritus of economics of the University of
Oberamriswil in Switzerland to take a long,
hard look at our country and, using some
examples of what other countries have done in
similar situations, make suggestions as to how
to bring our economy more into the real world.
In short. how can we make a great country
even greater.
Uncle Johann agreed readily to do this
. assessment since he has finished his
monumental study entitled The relationship
between the wine industry in Canton Thurgau
and the value of the Swiss Franc, and was
looking around for something to do. He did
ask me to explain to him about some ruckus in
Ottawa. He hoped it did not affect the
government's ability to carry out sensible
economic policies. I replied that I had the same
hope.
Uncle Johann is always telling his admiring
Swiss students that, in order to get more
affluent, "you vill work schmarter, not harter."
Not that working harder doesn't help but it is
not everything. He cites Ireland as a fine
example. Normally one of the poorer countries
in western Europe„ the Irish decided that, if
they wanted to attract foreign businesses to
locate there, they would have to reduce
business taxes to the lowest ratc_possible. '
They would also have to improve their
education system to turn out students able
to handle the high tech jobs that the same
foreign businesses would offer. The result?
A level of unemployment that dropped from
considerably above Canada's to one that is
below ours. Step number one is not to tax
businesses too heavily.
That, argues Uncle Johann, is "schmart."
The beauty of this, he says, is as follows:
you encourage businesses to implement
productivity enhancing methods; this is an area
we're 'all thumbs'. We have the option of
'thumbing our nose' at a blind hockey ref.
- or of 'thumbing' through a dictionary looking
for new things to call him. Iraq (at Idst
report) was 'under the thumb' of Saddam
Hussein.
We can veto a project by voting `thumbs
down', or give the go ahead with a 'thumbs
up'.
(Don't, by the way, give the thumbs-up
signal to natives in Sardinia or Greece. It
means something quite different there —
something North Americans associate with a
different upraised digit.)
The doughty little thumb has served us
well since well before the dawn of civilization
— and it appears to be morphing into a
new phase in order to serve in the ages to
come.
Our thumbs are getting bigger.
Doctor Sadie Plant, a researcher at Warwick
University in England, conducted a survey
involving young people under the age of 25 in
nine cities around the world. Her conclusion?
Young people have more powerful thumbs
than you and I. In fact, their thumbs are
where Canada sorely needs to improve. What
too many in the export sector have been doing,
instead of becoming more productive, is letting
the low exchange rate do the job in selling their
products.
If there is a royal road, argues Uncle Johann,
this is the one that has to be followed in order
to raise a standard of living as a nation. The
Norwegians and Dutch, he insists, have
realized this; we have to as well.
He shudders at all the outstanding budgetary
debt. "Vat are you trying to do? Rival Belgium
or Italien?"
Sure, he argues, "You haf paid a vee bitchen
off but big deal!"
He insists that the more we pay off, the less
interest we will have to pay on what remains
and this will put more of the taxpayers money
back where it belongs. Don't succumb to the
theories that give all sorts of inefficient
subsidies or loans to such places as hotels in
Shawinigan Falls."
What Dummkopf thought of that?" he asks
laughingly. "That sounds like some of the
things they used to think up at the Kremlin or
in the Congo. Stop giving tax dollars •to
inefficient causes and this will channel money
to such important things as education, health
care, culture, the environment and the like."
Once you get Uncle Johann going, he's hard
to stop. "What have we got in Switzerland,"
asks, "except scenery and brains? If we dug a
hole here, all we would find would be China. If
Canadians dig a hole, you may find China too
but on the way you• find all sorts of natural
resources. I think God must have spent the
already more muscled and dexterous than their
other digits.
It's not hard to figure out why. Think
Nintendo. Think Amusement Arcades.
Think cell phones.
Back in the Old Days (which is to say about
20 years ago), much of, the world used rotary-
dial telephones which were made to be
operated by the index finger. But on a hand-
held phone with a push-button pad, it's
actually easier to punch m a number with your
thumb.
Doctor Plaht also discovered that young
people are increasingly using their thumbs for
other chores formerly reserved for the index
finger — like ringing doorbells and even
pointing.
So it looks like the thumb is coming back -
just like the good old, bad old days of Ancient
Rome when bloodthirsty crowds in the
Coliseum got to use their thumbs to decide the
fate of fallen gladiators, right?
Wrong. That's a Hollywood myth. The
Romans considered the thumb to be a digital
representation of a sword. When they were
feeling merciful, they extended their fists with
their thumbs tucked in, out of sight.
Which is to say, they symbolically sheathed
their swords. When they wanted the poor sod
killed, they- abbed their thumbs forward in an
unequivocal stabbing motion.
Ancient Romans never used the thumbs-up
signal.
Unless of course, somebody was tail-gating
their chariot.
whole six days showering Canada with
blessings. With natural wealth like that, it's
hard to go wrong. If there is a service that the
public sector can't provide efficiently, let the
private sector have a crack at it and see if they
can do any better. Even a little island country
like Iceland has seen the wisdom of trying
that."
By now you get the point that Uncle Johann
is somewhat outspoken but he didn't get. to be
professor emeritus at the University of
Oberamriswil for nothing. He was off again
before I could thank him for his advice and
move on.
"Canadians should accept what Europeans
know, that they already have a two-tier health
system. Find out what is the most efficient
combination of the two. At the same time don't
let your governments throw all that gasoline
tax- into a fiscal pot. Make them allocate a
specific percentage of that revenue towards
transportation infrastructure. And if you had
any brains over there, you would
"Thank you Uncle Johann but my wife is
calling me for supper so I'll have to hang up."
Which I did. However, if you think he is
wound up about Canada, you should hear him
give the Italians a piece of his mind. And what
he thinks about American protectionism is
unprintable.
It always helps to have an outspoken uncle in
the family.
After nearly 15 years of having The
International Scene by Ray Canon as part of
page 5, The Citizen has decided to make a
change in content. We wish to thank Mr. Canon
for his contribution to our paper •over the
years.
Final Thought
The difference between a moral man and a
man of honour is that the latter regrets a
discreditable act, even when it has worked
and he has not been caught.
— Henry Louis Mencken
Bonnie
Gropp
The short of it
A nice weekend
W hat's it take for you to have a nice
weekend? Yes, I realize that at the
end of a long work week it takes
very little to amuse. But I'm talking about
those wonderful occasions when everything is
aligned, when fun times and moments blend
together for an almost perfect two days.
For me, those happenings are always about
family. Not that I don't like other people, but
my shyness, unless bolstered with a little vino,
tends to make time spent in the company of
casual acquaintances somewhat awkward.
Not so the family. After all you can't be shy
around people who once changed your diaper
or vice versa.
Anyway, I recently had the pleasure of two
days of family fun. They were rejuvenating,
refreshing and reassuring.
It was a Saturday and the 60th birthday of
my brother-in-law way up in Barrie. Now, I
admit to an initial trepidation with this one
because despite this being family, I would be
walking among unknowns. And not exactly
the type of unknowns with whom I am
accustomed to partying . As Jim is a retired
OPP inspector it was pretty much a surety that
there would be some good, old boys-out-of-
blue among the guests.
Also troubling for me was the fact that we
were arriving a little late which meant an
entrance. I hate entrances. I get where i'M
going early so I can be sitting in a corner by
the time others arrive. I am the observer not
the observee.
That's alright, I decided. I will slip in
unobtrusively and find my comfort zone. And
that might have happened, except that my
sister had not yet seen the haircut, which is
apparently a hit. With much ado about my new
do, she pronounced to the world at large —
OH. MY GOD, BONNIE, YOU GOT YOUR
HAIR CUT.
Well. needless to say all eyes were on me,
and the great fuss continued as she, wrapped
her arm around my" neck, pulled me into the
n{iddle of the room and introduced me and my
haircut to him and his wife, her and hey
husband. I have to tell you, it was -not exactly
the way this wallflower would typically blend
into a party.
Yet, I might have gotten past it, found my
wall and bloomed there, had it not been for her
and my mom, both so excited about my lack of
locks that they couldn't stop talking about it.
Fortunately there was wine, and I did relax '
eventually finding company in. of course, the
company of family, gabbing in a corner with
my sister-in-law and my mom, Then when the
rest of the party left and all that remained were
my sibs, their spouses. my hubby and my
parents, I was really free to kick back.
We had a lot offun that night, as families do.
There is history, and memories, of course. But
there are also the little idiosyncrasies which
only that part of your family knows so well.
There were many laughs, and I found myself
wishing, as I do so often, that we didn't live so
far apart.
Then the next day, my four kids and my
grandson were home with us. One might say it
was the reverse of the day belort. 'because no
one in this group ever makes too much fuss
about me. They know me in such a different
way than my first family and yet so much is
the same. The history and memories are there.
the humour is always there. as is thankfully-
unconditional love.
No one need feel shy around that.
This is the rule of thumb
Putting our country in order