HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 2002-02-13, Page 5THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 13, 2002. PAGE 5.
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And now for the weather .
Tonight's forecast: Dark. Continued
mostly dark with scattered light by
midmorning.
— George Carlin
Have you noticed a difference in the weather
forecasts this winter? They're warmer - and it's
not because of global warming.
This is a case of simple human tinkering. The
meteorological mullahs at Environment
Canada have decided to revise our wind-chill
readings upward.
They felt our old way of determining wind-
chill - based measurements of heat flowing
through a beaker of water 10 metres about sea
level - was largely meaningless for human
beings, who, unlike beakers of water, usually
have blood streams and relatively constant
body temperatures.
The experts revised the scale and made
subsequent wind-chill readings that were much
less harrowing.
So far so good. But in their clinical trials, the
experts conducted tests on a mere
dozen ....Torontonians.
Torontonians???
Pardon me for asking, I realize it's the centre
of the universe and everything - but since when
did Torontonians know anything about extreme
weather?
I was in Thunder Bay when Toronto's
slapstick mayor, Mel Lastman, asked Ottawa to-
send in the army to deal with a snowfall that
would have barely made the news in the rest of
the country.
There were localized patches of ice fog in
Thunder Bay the day that story made the news.
Caused, I suspect by a spontaneous outbreak of
widespread laughter.
You can't decide. the Canadian wind-chill
Irecently got a brochure in the mail that I
presume is similar to something that you
-may have received during the past few
months.
At any rate it informed me that I had "won"
a free flight to Florida where I would be the
guest of the Sodom and Gomorrah Cruise
Lines for seven days. Included in this was a
cruise to the Bahamas as well as a car rental
while I was in Florida.
If I didn't care for this offer, there were two
others, one to Los Angeles and the other to Las
Vegas.
Las Vegas? The last time I looked, that city
was a considerable distance from either the
Pacific Ocean or the Gulf of Mexico. But
geography is not a strong point with many
people so I put it down as yet another failure of
the American school system. About the only
visible water in Las Vegas is in the fountains in
front of the gambling casinos or what you put
in your scotch.
But back to the brochure! I was asked to call
a number to confirm my acceptance. In the
very fine print it mentioned that there was only
one call per customer. To translate that into
everyday language, this meant that you had to
accept on the spot. You could not find out all
the details and then phone back later after you
hachconsidered it.
Naturally, you paid by credit card.
I decided to do some checking on my own
since I have a number of contacts in the travel
industry. The ship in question was little more
than a glorified ferry and the trip was a short,
short cruise to put it mildly. It was almost as if
you went by fishing boat from Sarnia to Grand
Bend and back.
Yes, you guessed it. I turned down this
factor by holding up a thermometer at the
corner of Bay and Bloor. This is a vast country
- with icebergs off Newfoundland, palm trees
in Victoria, and every conceivable variation in
between.
Besides, each person is different when it
comes to feeling wind-chill.
Pierre Berton (born in the Yukon) has the
pain threshold of a muskox. He once passed a
kidney stone during a live radio broadcast and
never batted an eye. He could probably
sunbathe nude on the worst winter day Toronto
has ever known.
I, on the other hand, have been known to
whimper and bleat over a paper cut. Despite
many winters in northwestern Ontario, and
several forays to places like Yellowknife and
Whitehorse, I continue to exhibit the winter
resistance of a Monarch butterfly. My wind-
chill sensitivity does not belong on the same
planet as Mister Berton's, let alone the same
scale.
The other great truth is that weather
forecasts, by whatever measure or formula
arrived at, seldom have much to do with the
microclimate actually swirling around your
head at any given time.
The weather forecast I listen to predicted
rain for yesterday. It was dry as a bone. They
called for sunshine today. I'm writing this by
Raymond
Canon
The
International
Scene
"wonderful offer."
But this has not been the end of the
promotions. Since then I have been regularly
receiving by e-mail similar free offers while
my wife, luckier than I, has "won" three
cruises in the mail.
For all I know it may be the' same boat.
But such offers are examples of what can go
on in the tourist industry.
There are, to be sure, some excellent cruise
lines, those from Holland and Norway come to
mind, but the industry has become rather
crowded and the economic downturn has made
some of them rather desperate for customers.
But tourist brochures are notorious for
painting a bright picture of what is on offer.
You see wonderful sunsets, smiling people,
spacious rooms, delicious meals,
accommodating locals; everything is there to
make it the perfect holiday.
Reality is sometimes considerably different.
If you are not acquainted with exchange rates
and make the mistake of thinking that the word
"dollar" always means the Canadian variety,
the first slap of reality may mean that your
pocket book takes a hefty hammering. It can go
downhill from then on.
In addition, you also meet tourists from time
to time who make you think they should not be
• •
flashlight.
Reminds me of the story of the Indians on a
remote reserve in Alberta who asked their new
chief to foretell the coming winter - would it be
long or short? Cold or warm?
Now this chief was a modern Indian. He had
a university degree and spoke several
languages. But over the years of getting his
education, he had lost touch with the old ways
and traditional secrets of his people. When he
looked up at the sky he couldn't tell any more
about the coming weather than you or 1.
Still, he was a new chief, and he wanted to
inspire confidence, so to be on the safe side he
told the tribe that the coming winter would be
a cold one, and they should gather extra
firewood to be prepared.
But he was also a practical man. A few
weeks after his prediction, he called up
Environment Canada. "Is this going to be a
cold winter?" he asked. •
The meteorologist responded that it looked
like it was going to be a cold one, indeed.
The chief went back to his people and told
them to gather even more firewood.
Several weeks later, the chief called again.
Again the weather office confirmed that they
were in for a very cold winter.
Back he went to the reserve and urged his
people to stockpile even more wood. Two
weeks later he called the weatherman one more
time. "Are you absolutely certain it's going to
be an extremely cold winter?" he asked.
"No doubt about it" said the meteorologist.
"It's shaping up to be one of the worst winters
on record."
"How can you be so sure?" asked the chief.
"Well' for one thing," said the meteorologist,
"the Indians are collecting firewood like crazy.
let out of the country. When I was living in
Spain, a couple of people came up to me and
asked me if I spoke English. When I said I did,
they asked for help in getting somewhere. After.
I had finished giving them the necessary
directions, the couple said. "We see on the
taxis the word "libre" and our dictionary says it
means "free". Does that mean that we don't
have to pay?"
When I picked myself up from that question,
I answered that it simply meant the taxi was
free to take passengers. Paying was very much
the order of the day and with a generous tip.
They thanked me and then said. "Are you
American?"
"No", I replied."
"Well, you speak English very well for a
foreigner."
After a statement like that, I just couldn't
bring myself to tell them my nationality.
Creative brochures, combined with naive
tourists, make for really financially explosive
situations. Small wonder that the expression
"Let the buyer beware" still has as much
validity as it ever did.
Make sure you are not a naive tourist and
watch out for very, very attractive brochures.
Final Thought
You don't stop laughing because you're
growing old, you grow old because you stop
laughing.
— Anonymous
Plans blossoming
February, the month of hearts and flowers,
when love blooms. And while the air
isn't exactly redolent with the frdgrance
of bridal bouquets this time of year, for couples
planning summer nuptials preparations are
blossoming.
It was only a year ago that our daughter and
her husband were in the middle of wedding
details. For all involved it was a stressful time,
admittedly, but an exciting one was well, made
more so by the fact that they hall opted to marry
at our home.
In our bridal section, featured in this issue of
The Citizen, I wrote about the experience. This
was done, not because our home is so special,
not because we are so special, but rather
because it and we are nat. The purpose of
sharing the story was simply to remind all
bridal couples that the importance of any
wedding is primarily that it be yours. Make it
reflective of your tastes, include what matters
to you and it will be perfect. ,
I remember as my daughter and I alternately
worried (unfortunately she's a petal off the old
flower) about weather, yard work, dresses, and
those procrastinating men who just really_didn't
seem to share our sense of urgency, support
came from an impartial, though sympathetic
acquaintance. Just do all you can, she said.
Unless the groom, the bride or the minister
doesn't show up nothing else matters. At the
end of the day you'll still be married.
A simple remark that truly puts things' in
perspective. Certainly everyone planning a
wedding wants it to be memorable, remarkable '
in some way. You want your guests to have a
good time, even perhaps to be a bit impressed.
But it was the proposal that begins the process
with marriage as the goal. Nothing will change
that — not the wrong colour of cummerbund,
not the bridesmaid running off with the best
man, not a grumpy Mother Nature.
One of the more stressful days arrived just
shy of the wedding date. A colleague of my
daughter's noticing her edgy disposition told
her a story of a recent wedding. It seemed there
had been torrential downpours the evening
before and that day. It was a dismal, dirty
- atmosphere in which to be wed, but the bride
was calm.
As she stepped from the limousine prepared
to plunge hurriedly through the rain into
shelter, she slipped in the mud, and landed on
her posterior. Her gorgeous thousand dollar
dress badly soiled, she picked herself up, raised
her head high, and smiling the smile brides do
so well, walked into the church to marry the
man of her dreams.
Nothing so dramatic occurred at our
daughter's wedding, though Mother Nature
was, while not exactly cranky, suffering from a
little irritability. And while looking at the
wedding pictures later we noticed that the
groom and and an usher had gotten their tuxedo
jackets mixed up. Yet, true to what I've been
saying here, despite the cold, despite the ill-fit,
my daughter and her beau are married. It was a
lovely day for us and I believe for them.
There's no argument that planning a wedding
is a big deal, no matter *how simple. There are
things to be considered and always issues
which have the potential for dilemma or
disaster. But for brides and grooms currently in
the midst of putting everything together, it's
important to keep in mind the big picture. It's
your day, your wedding. Do what's right for
you, no more, and don't worry about things you
can't control.
Take time to read the fine print