HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 2001-08-22, Page 5THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY. AUGUST 22, 2001. PAGE 5.
Other Views
You might call these caveat empty
here's a
T
television commercial where a
customer in a drugstore has never heard
of Preparation H.
Where has he had his head'?
I'm no expert on consumerism, but I'm
pretty sure of one thing: the folks who sell us
stuff don't think we're getting any smarter.
There was a time, not so very long ago, when
manufacturers gave us credit for some
elementary motor skills. You might for
instance, buy a toaster, take it home, remove it
from the box, find the plug and stick it in a wall
socket.
It's not that simple any more. A friend of
mine bought an electric iron recently.
When she pulled it out of the carton she was
confronted with a tag that read: WARNING:
DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY.
I've got a bottle of Nytol in the medicine
cabinet but I'm afraid to crack it. It says on the
label: WARNING: MAY CAUSE
DROWSINESS.
Some retailers like to cover all the bases.
Like a set of Made-in-China Christmas lights
that carry the caution: FOR INDOOR OR
OUTDOOR USE ONLY.
And my all-time favourite. This `instruction'
appears on those little packages of peanuts
American Airlines passengers get to browse
on: INSTRUCTIONS: OPEN PACKAGE;
When I was going through the
European stage of my upbringing, I
frequently wore a beret. It kept my
head warm, was easy to carry when not being
worn and did not blow off.
I became quite attached to it and whenever a
story about berets crops up, I take notice. Such
stories are, however, few and far between.
However, one has just materialized involving
a little American company, Bancroft Hats,
located in a tiny town in Arkansas called Cabot.
It is the community's chief employer and for
over a century has been making hats for the
American army. Of late it has begun to feel the
chilly winds of both foreign competition and
political meddling.
The competition came about when the
Pentagon decided to increase.the number of its
soldiers wearing berets. Unfortunately for
Bancroft, it could not keep up with this
increased demand and so Washington opted to
waive a long-standing rule that uniforms could
only be made in the U.S.
Three foreign firms, two British and one
Canadian, Dorothea Knitting of Ontario,
managed to cash in on this change of policy
and were duly offered contracts.
So far so good! The first row broke at just
about the same time as an American spy plane
was forced to land in China after being buzzed
and damaged by a Chinese fighter jet. One of
the British firms admitted it had subcontracted
part of its order to China.
The thought of having American soldiers
wear Chinese-made berets was too much for
the politicians in Washington, Not surprisingly
the British firm lost the Chinese portion of the
contract.
Next, the Army Rangers, who were
origirially the only ones wearing the black
beret, objected to lesser mortals • (i.e.
infantrymen) wearing the same headgear.
Former Rangers organized a march on
Congress to protest this "terrible" blunder.
It didn't stop there. The Pentagon next
EAT NUTS.
Do they,really think we're that stupid?
Not always. Some of these no-brainers are
the companies' responses to the blizzard of
frivolous lawsuits that consumers have
launched in recent years.
You heard about the woman who sued
McDonald's because the takeout coffee she
spilled in her lap was 'too hot'? Yeah, well she
won.
Which explains why the coffee you get in
most fast food joints these days is little better
than room temperature.
A group called the Michigan Lawsuit Abuse
Watch sponsors an annual Wacky Warning
Labels contest. Some of the contenders that
were sent in this year included one for a
novelty rock garden set that cautioned:
EATING ROCKS MAY LEAD TO BROKEN
TEETH.
Another warning accompanied an electric
router: THIS PRODUCT NOT INTENDED
Raymond
Canon
The
International
Scene
invoked a 50 year-old-rule that forbade the use
of foreign cloth in American uniforms.
Consternation was the order of the day at
Bancroft since the company had never made
any secret of its use of 20 per cent foreign cloth
and that the straps came from Pakistan.
The Pentagon's move also conveniently
overlooked the foreign content of the hats
being made in Canada and Britain.
No matter! Bancroft was forced to halt
production and lay off 50 of its workers.
Not surprisingly the company asked its
district congressman to look into the matter. He
claims that his research shows the move had
nothing to do with the foreign- origin of the
cloth and everything to do with pressure put on
the Pentagon by the above "mentioned Rangers.
The latter, not surprisingly, wanted the army
to stop producing black berets for other units
and leave them solely to the Rangers as in the
past.
At the time of writing the army had not
Final Thought
He who permits himself to tell a lie once,
finds it much easier to do it a second and
third time, till at length it becomes habitual;
he tells lies without attending to it, and
truths without the world's believing him.
This false-hood of the tongue leads to that
of the heart, and in time depraves all its
good dispositions.
— Thomas Jefferson
FOR USE AS A DENTAL DRILL.
But the Wacky Warning Label judges
reserved first place for a piece of printed
advice that came with a pair of hockey shin
guards: WARNING: SHIN PADS CANNOT
PROTECT ANY PART OF THE BODY
THEY DO NOT COVER.
Sometimes the messages zoom right past the
ridiculous into the realm of the sublime.
Figure out this come-on which appears on bags
of Fritos: YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO
PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS
INSIDE!
More often, the instructions are as dumb as
the backside of a ditch. As on a package of
Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: WARNING:
PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER
HEATING.
But maybe the manufacturers are right about
our collective IQ. You heard about the guy who
shows up for work with both ears all bandaged
up?
"What happened to you?" asks his boss.
The guy says, "Aw, yesterday I was ironing a
shirt when the phone rang. And without
thinking I answered the iron".
The boss says, "Well, that explains one
burned ear, what happened to the other one?"
Guy says, "Well, jeez, I had to call the
doctor!"
budged. However, if the Rangers do manage to
have their way, the Bancroft plant may have to
shut down completely.
Meanwhile the Canadian firm is beavering
away making its share of the berets, hoping
that, for whatever reason, bizarre or otherwise,
its order may not suffer the same fate as
Bancroft's.
While the story does have its humorous
elements, it demonstrates very well the
problems that might crop up when a Canadian
company is servicing a foreign order over
which it has very little control.
I certainly hope the story eventually has a
happy ending for Bancroft. Any company, be it
American or Canadian, which has been around
for that long, deserves a better fate than being
put out of business by political meddling.
Letter
Letters to the editor are a forum for public
opinion and comment. The views expressed do
not necessarily reflect those, of this
publication.
THE EDITOR,
On behalf of the Maitland Valley
Conservation Authority (MVCA) I would like
to extend my thanks to everyone who helped to
make our 50th anniversary celebrations on
Aug. 15 such a success. We had a tremendous
day with a bus tour of the watershed, an open
house and a barbecue reception.
It was a wonderful opportunity to renew old
friendships, and also to recognize the
contributions of the many community partners
who help make the MVCA strong.
Together, we are working for the health Of
our rivers and foreks. Here's to another 50
years conservation success!
Sincerely,
Maitland Valley Conservation Authority,
Alison Lobb, Chair.
Bonnie
Gropp
The short of it
The lost was found
Iwas an interesting question the other
day. An acquaintance of my husband's
wondered if I still worked for the
newspaper. Having heard affirmation to his
query, he next seemed surprised to hear that
this particular employment is actually full-
time.
"So, what do you do, just take pictures?"
Now, I won't bore you with the tedious
details of workaday life behind the scenes of
The Citizen, but trust me. There truly is
significantly more to my job than
photography.
That said, I do spend some time with a
camera, and I would have to admit that under
the right conditions it can be one of the nicer
aspects of what I do. You come face to face
with interesting people. You are challenged to
try to see the world a little differently than you
might through just a glance.
And you find yourself in some pretty cool
places. .
One day last week, for example, I set out to
get a photo of the Maitland Valley
Conservation Authority's 50th anniversary
celebration tour. Arriving at the Wawanosh
Nature Centre I found not a soul around.
Having been warned that they might be late
but I should go early just in case, I was
prepared for what might be a bit of a wait.
Parking my car in a small space of
diminishing shade, I disembarked to a bench
in the sun. Seconds merged into minutes and
I began to wonder if there had been some sort
of miscommunication. With no way to double
check, my 21st century mentality began
spinning thoughts, ideas, questions around in
an attempt to find a solution.
"I really don't have time for this. There's too
much work back at the office. But since I've
come this far I should probably hang in for the
picture. Yet, if Ido, I'm going to regret it. So,
do I wait? Do I leave and try later? Do I drive
back to a telephone and see if there has been a
mix-up? Do I just forget it?"
As my head churned, concerned with time,
business and deadline, something began to
seep its way through the rushing current of
stress. I heard the symphony. Fluid as the
gentle pluck on harp strings, the rustling wind
breezed into my consciousness. The rat-a-tat-
tat of . a woodpecker pounded percussion,
while various birds filled in the blanks as
flute, clarinet and oboe. A dog trumpeted his
presence with short, staccato outbursts while
the lowing of some distant cattle backed up the
high-pitched wail of cicadas and the
chirruping of crickets.
Focussing on nature's tune, I felt myself
relax and with this the turbulent flow of my
thought processes began to calm. I figured out
how long I could rightly give to the assignment
and made a plan of action. Thus resigned to
some more waiting, I sat back to listen and
enjoy all that was around me.
In our hectic lives, nature is not always easy
to find, let alone to enjoy. We are fortunate that
MVCA through its conservationism has given
us places such as the Nature Centre where
much of what we've lost can be found.
It's interesting, I suppose. how-many of my
analogies are musical. Yet, one could hardly
think of any other way to compare the sounds
playing around. me that day. Reconciled to my
fate, I could find the beauty in solitude, in the
music of nature. Eventually, rather than see •it
as a disruption in my busy day. I took the
opportunity to take what it offered.
The case of the battered beret