HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 2001-06-20, Page 5THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, JUNE 20, 2001. PAGE 5.
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A whole new way to lose
was speechifying in Regina recently, and /
found myself with a free evening to kill, so
I did what I often do in cities when I'm
looking for a cheap thrill: I went to a casino.
Not to gamble - hey, I know a mug's game
when I see one - just to stroll around and
watch.
All casinos are inherently repellent,
dedicated as they are to a lethal brew of blood,
simple greed and boneheaded gullibility. The
idea is to whip the wallet-bearing clientele into
a mindless spending frenzy. Thus, the cheap
drinks, the harsh lights, the never-ending
cacophony of pings and boings and bells and
sirens.
And the absence of clocks. The folks who
run casinos wouldn't want you fretting about a
petty thing like time going by.
Yep, casino designers have thought of just
about everything to keep the customers in front
of the slots or the gaming tables. -
Ironically, enough, that's become a bit of a
problem.
Gambling is a sedentary pastime. You don't
get much of a cardiovascular workout
hoovering loonies into the maw of a one armed
bandit and you don't develop great pecs
Keepin
/am sure that most of us have sworn
somebody to secrecy only to find that the
thing that was supposedly secret was
common knowledge before too long. I would
hazard a guess that keeping a secret in
government circles is just about as difficult as
at the personal level.
I got thinking about this the other day when
I came across something in my diaries that
referred to my having to sign the official
secrets act, something that I have done on a
number of occasions. After one of these
signings, I found myself working with an
international intelligence agency, whose name
shall go unmentioned, but whose activities, at
least the ones I was concerned with, were
housed in a former monastery.
- We used to get into the spirit of things by
leaving the building with as pious looks as
possible but I think the whole charade would
have been more successful if we had been
given robes of some monastic order to wear as
we came and left.
When I was leaving the Soviet Union by way
of Finland, I was told, after clearing customs,
that I could not drive to the Finnish side of the
border unless I was escorted by a military
motorcyclist.
In due course one arrived and we set off. The
Finnish post was about two to three kilometres
down the road which was lined by high wooden
fences.
The escort, I presume, was to make sure that
we did not try to find out what secrets were
lying behind the fence but it would be a
foolhardy person, indeed, that would risk being
thrown into some Soviet military prison by
taking a last minute peek while leaving the
country.
The Swiss are able to hide their entire air
force in mountain caverns, which is certainly
no secret in military circles. However, unless
you are up really close, it is hard to see exactly
how they do it.
I.discovered years ago how it is done when I
passed through Monis, in Kanton Glarus,
where their military airport, like others all over
:he country, is beside a mountain. There is a
:axi-strip from the runway right up to the
mountain where it appears to stop.
It is only when you get very close that you
playing Blackjack against the dealer. A
dedicated player could get seriously out of
shape - even die — before he's lost all his
money.
Naturally, the casino masterminds are
concerned about such a possibility. Enter
"Pedal 'N Play" and "The Money Mill" - two
brand-new casino machines fresh from the
drawing boards of an outfit that calls itself the
Fitness Gaming Corporation.
These machines are a literal fusion of
gambling and recreation technology.
"Pedal 'N Play" is a bicycle welded to a slot
machine. "The Money Mill" is a slot machine
combined with a treadmill.
In other words, all those casino addicts
steadfastly clutching their plastic buckets of
quarters and loonies now have a chance to lose
pounds as they lose their money.
And just to remind the users of "Pedal 'N
can see that there is really one big door that is
painted to look like the side of the mountain.
When you open it, the planes can taxi in and
out.
They have also, like the Swedes, fixed up
some of their four-lane highways as emergency
runways but these are hard to spot unless you
know what you are looking for.
When the Americans were first building
military jet aircraft, they wanted the location to
be as secret as possible. One of these planes,
the Airacomet, was built in an old factory in
Buffalo, far from any runway. The windows
were painted over and the designers went to
work.
When they were finished, it occurred to
somebody that they could not get the plane out
of the building; there were simply no entrance
large enough. They had to dismantle the plane,
put the various pieces in crates, knock a hole in
the wall and transfer the load on to nearby
railway cars.
It was then shipped by rail to a "secret"
airfield in California to be tested. When it was
not being tested, they attached a four-bladed
propeller to the front of the air intake so that
anybody looking at it from any distance would
think it was just another airplane.
The irony of all this is that, after the secret
testing was finished, the plane turned out to be
no better than existing propeller driven aircraft
in service at the time and it was never used
militarily.
When all is said and done, it is doubtful
whether there are as many things kept secret as
you might think. You may or may not know
Final Thought
Men are what their mothers made them.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Play" and "The Money Mill" of what the
exercise is really about, the bicycle and the
treadmill are programmed to- stop functioning
whenever their attached slot machines are idle
for more than 20 seconds.
A chance to become slim and insolvent at the
same time. Does life get any better than that?
The Fitness Gaming Corporation brochure
carols that "..,there is a new generation of
health-conscious adults who enjoy gaming, but
do not want to be subjected to a smoke-filled
casino. Promoting health and fitness on the
casino floor will capture a whole new audience
of gamblers!"
Well, I suppose.
And I suppose marks - fit as a fiddle or fat as
Farouk - will continue to stream into casinos
with dreams of instant jackpot wealth - even
though casinos are the biggest sucker bet this
side of moose pasture stock certificates.
That said, I can tell you one surefire way to
beat the casino odds: be sure to eat a meal and
order a couple of beers while you're there.
Food and drinks are usually first rate in casinos
- and cheap as dirt, to boot.
Which is natural - they've got other plans for
separating you from your money, after all.
Besides, it's the only break you'll ever get
that the Americans, with their secret NSA
complex near Washington, are able to listen to
just about every telephone conversation made
anywhere in the world. If they decide that there
is something interesting being said, they will
immediately make a special tape of the
conversation and study it.
Whether any or all of this is employed for the
benefit of American business is a good point
but there are indications that may be precisely
what happens.
Come to think of it industrial, not military,
espionage is all the rage these days. The spies
have to have something to keep them fully
occupied.
Letter
(continued from page 4)
the fines and penalties are so draconian that the
CFIA (Canadian Food Inspection Agency) has
noted a 100 per cent compliance (zero
violation) rate.
And finally the lively subject of GMOs and
biotechnology. You'll be relieved to hear that
pigs are still being modified the old-fashioned
way; Mr. Boar and Mrs. Sow produce a .litter,
and the most promising are selected for further
breeding. There are no genetically modified.
pigs in Canada.
In a way, I regret even bringing up this
subject; the danger to you health posed by, say,
exceeding your daily limit of fat is microscopic
compared to taking the car down the 401.
You could, I suppose, follow every little
piece of advice you've heard about what to and
what not to eat; you may not live longer, it'll
just seem longer!
I believe that the sensible enjoyment of good
food, expertly cooked, in good company is as
life-enhancing as almost any experience in life.
So keep on barbecuing and smoking (pork!) to
your heart's content, but just be sensible and
balance your diet with lots of fruit and
vegetables, and get plenty of exercise.
Interesting Factoid: People who drink
alcohol in moderation live longer than total
a bstai ners.
Charles Bruce-Thompson
Chef/Nutritionist
Ontario Pork.
No sordid details
Atragic story happened last week and
since then I have been fielding one
question over and over — "Are you
related to ?"
The answer, to the best of my knowledge, is
no. The death of a man and his daughter in
Stratford last week, with whom I happen to
share a last name, is no closer to me than any
other similarly sad occurrence.
What does make this one different, however,
is that because of the admittedly uncommon
name family members in that city are getting
drawn in.
Last week, when the story first broke, our
15-year-old niece was the only one home
when the phone rang. The man on the other'
end identified himself as being with a
prominent daily newspaper. He noted how
awful the deaths were, then asked her if she
had a comment to make.
Knowing virtually nothing about the family
or the facts, the stupefied teen responded
monosyllabically to his continued pressing
until he finally clued in that she really did have
nothing to say.
Also contacted was a nephew living outside
Stratford. When his wife failed to provide any
interesting tidbits either, the reporter then
asked to speak to her husband — I suppose
because he's the 'real' Gropp.
Now, I can understand contacting someone
who will give a final tribute to the news story,
who can make a comment about the deceased,
his life, and the type of person he was. And
when I read the news story, I will admit the
reporter did accomplish this with revelations
from neighbours about what a special 'person
they knew the man to be.
: However, also included was something that
really annoyed me. The writer had quoted one
individual, a comment ' which I considered
more suitable to a tabloid. It was nothing more
than hearsay. To tell you in full detail would
only be adding more dung, to the heap, but I
will say it began with "We heard that..." and
went on to give comment on, who found the
bodies and the reaction.
The point is that it offered nothing to the
article beyond sensationalism. Reporting that
someone heard something isn't admissible in
court and shouldn't be in a newspaper. It is my
understanding that reporting the news is to be
an unbiased account of the facts.
One of the things it is important for the
media to do, is clear up the rumours that tend
to accompany such stories, not report them.
While it may be difficult for acquaintances to
share personal details, insights can offer
perspective and insight into the tragedy. But
reporting what someone heard from someone
else, is irresponsible and unnecessary. Also,
while letting the readers know who found the
bodies may stop the talk on the street, any
other comment regarding what they heard that
poor individual's reaction was is crossing a
line.
I can't imagine why the reporter felt it, was
necessary to include the gossip; even if it was
accurate, it still amounts to gossip 'when it is
spewed from a third party. But, if he knows
better than I what people want to read in the
news then 1 am ashamed that this is' what we
have become. It is not enough to know that a
man and his daughter lived then died
tragically. It is not enough to know that he was
well-liked by his neighbours and to try to
understand what went wrong. Do we really
need sordid details to make a story better?
a secret not that easy
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