HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 2001-06-13, Page 5Bonnie
Gropp
The short of it
THE CITIZEN. WEDNESDAY. JUNE 13, 2001. PAGE 5
Other Views
A few good words about Ottawa
Good old, grey old Ottawa. Just when
you're thinking the time has come to
grab the old .303, lead the whOle town
out behind the barn and put it out of its misery
like a knackered nag, our own Duckburg-on-
the-Rideau comes out with something so
outlandish you can't help but laugh and let
bygones be bygones.
Ottawa is Canada's hands-down, hothouse of
Light Entertainment. Just look at the standup
comics our nation's capital has put on stage for
us over the years.
Mackenzie King. A prime minister who
conducted seances with his shaving mug and
spent his evenings prowling the back streets of
Ottawa, muffled in a cloak, endeavouring to
'save' fallen women - no matter what he had to
pay.
Think of the magnificent - if unofficial —
coat of arms Ottawa has given us. Dexter
Supporter: Trudeau swooshing down a royal
banister; Sinister Supporter: Joe Clark
contemplating an empty luggage carousel;
Crest: Stockwell Day rampant on a Seadoo,
about to open his mouth and insert a swim
flipper.
Ottawa is the only Canadian city
with the chutzpah to field not one,
but two teams of breathtaking ineptitude and
near catatonic inertia - and then to name
them as if they were variations on a single
theme!
I refer of course to the slew-footed Ottawa
Senators of the NHL...and the....Senators of
Ottawa.
Ah, yes...the Red Chamber -•- a veritable
Irecall in the not-too-distant past the huge
sigh of relief that went up with the rapid
decline and fall of the Soviet Union. Now,_
went the argument, we will no longer have to
worry about the threat of international
communism and can get on with putting our
lives in order and enjoying them.
This sentiment was followed by what was
frequently described as a "peace dividend."
The money that was spent on such things as
atomic missiles that could kill all our enemies
10 times over (before they killed us eight times
over) could now be spent on peaceful things,
improving what we had and obtaining what we
had been forced to do without.
The Garden of Eden was within sight!
If only it had been that simple!
Unfortunately, hardly had the name of the
Soviet Union been changed back to Russia
when that old spoilsport Saddam Hussein,
fresh from a seven-year-old indecisive war
with Iran, decided to do with Kuwait what he
had failed to do with his other neighbour.
Then the various ethnic elements of
Yugoslavia tried to settle once again scores that
had been festering since the Dark Ages. War,
we discovered, had not disappeared; it had only
changed_ its locale and style.
At the same time a goodly number of
countries, Canada included, realized that they
could no longer continue to feed at the trough
of deficit financing and they, like their citizens,
had to come go grips with debt. Living within
their means became a new and not very
pleasant necessity. All this meant that we had
to forego some orthe things we had expected
to enjoy.
All this at a time when it was becoming clear
to most of the same countries that demands on
health care services were increasing
exponentially, due to populations growing ever
older and more demanding. In spite of zillions
of extra dollars being thrown at health care
services throughout the industrialized west, not
one country has these costs under control or
Arthur
Black
hive of backroom hacks and bagpersons
snoozing oft' their mortal coils in
snug and cozy 'sinecures. A grateful nation is
only too happy to reward these pinstriped
mummies with vast ransoms of taxpayer loot,
expecting in return nothing more than a
heartbeat.
Be it ever so faint.
Ottawa is the very crucible of Canadian
satire.
But last month the town outdid itself.
Actually, this particular pratfall goes back a
full year and more than 200,000 - taxpayer
dollars. That's the money and time that the
Ottawa Economic Development Corporation
spent interviewing more than 150 government,
technology and tourism leaders around the
world. Purpose: to come up with an official
motto for the city.
And what do the citizens of Ottawa get for a
year's worth of effort and a price tag that reads
• two hundred large?
They get: OTTAWA. TECHNICALLY
BEAUTIFUL
And the most common reaction from the
Ottawa citizenry since the unveiling of the
motto has been: "What the @%&* is that
supposed to mean?"
Raymond
Canon
The
International
Scene
even knows, for that matter, how much more
will achieve the desired results.
In short, the recriminations that are going on
in Canada are taking place elsewhere.
We are also reluctantly being forced to
realize that global warming may actually be
taking place, but getting governments to move
resolutely on this issue is tantamount to asking
the pope to become an atheist.
Countries cannot readily agree on what cuts
in injurious emissions to make; if they actually
do, they don't follow up. They may even later
rescind them as the Americans have recently
seen fit to do because it is not "in the best
interests of their economy."
It is quite obvious that man's worst enemy in
this case is not global warming; it is man
himself.
A couple of years ago I kept hearing all sorts
of stories about the New Economy heralding
the disappearance of the business cycle. Well,
somebody must have forgotten to tell the cycle
about it because the past few months we have
seen its return in as vigorous a form as ever.
For years we watched many stocks reach
unsustainable levels yet, if a word of warning
was uttered, it was dismissed for the most part
as something approaching sour grapes. Not any
more!
Final Thought
Can anybody remember when the times
were not hard and money not scarce?
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Excellent question. .
Bob Chiarelli, the mayor of Ottawa,
attempted to explain that the new slogan is
intended to let the world know how hi-tech and
computer savvy Ottawa is.
"This is targeted at the business community,"
huffed mayor Chiarelli, "and it was created by
the business community".
A slogan to the mayor and a few assorted
internergeeks perhaps; a lame non sequitur to
the rest of the world.
And it's not as if Ottawa didn't have other
great Canadian slogans to aspire to. There's the
Toronto Maple Leafs motto: DEFEAT DOES
NOT REST LIGHTLY* ON THESE
SHOULDERS
There's the Whitehorse slogan:
SOURDOUGH CITY
And then there's my all-time favourite. The
motto that graces the "Welcome" sign outside
the town of Biggar, Saskatchewan (population.:
2, 626): NEW YORK IS BIG, BUT THIS IS
BIGGAR!
Ottawa can do better, gosh darn it! And as a
public service I'm willing to get this ball
rolling with a couple of free-for-the-asking
National Capital Mottoes.
How about: OTTAWA - JUST THIS SIDE
OF HULL ON EARTH
Or: OTTAWA - WATCH THE SIDEWALKS
ROLL UP AS THE SUN GOES DOWN!
Or, in the spirit of patriotic nationhood and to
cement the common bond between the city and
every working person in the country, how
about: OTTAWA: COME VISIT YOUR
MONEY!
When I was working in the Czech Republic,
I periodically ran across people who longed for
the good old days of communism when they
had a job with little chance of losing it, they did
not have to be saddled with things like making
decisions and had generous welfare programs.
They forgot, however, that they didn't have
much in the way of freedom of speech or many
of the other freedoms for that matter.
But this brings me to the realization on this
side of the former Iron Curtain that the good
old days for some people are those where the
enemy was real - it was the Soviet Union and
China and all their satellites. We were under no
illusions about how much of a threat they were
'to our way of life and we_ willingly geared all
our energies into frustrating their efforts to
subjugate us.
Now we have all the above-mentioned
problems on which we cannot seem to get a
handle.
On top of all that, I apparently make so much
money writing this column that I have been
subjected to an income tax audit. Where are the
Russians when I need them?
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Thinking about BW
Well, I'm back. My mug is once again
at the top of this column and I bet
you think you're going to read
about the wedding. You're right, even though,
my family and I have moved into the phasst we
have come to think of as AW — after wedding.
Bridal nuptials, as everyone who's been
there knows, take a good deal of time and
planning. After weeks of "Ask me after the
wedding" or "We'll see alter the wedding", we
realized that things around our household had
become divided into a timeline of our own
making. As the big day approached, it was
with bemusement we noted that once the big
day was done, a whole uneventful summer
would be looming before us. After the
wedding life would be back to normal
Yeah right. Before that day was over we
found ourselves with commitments into July.
Yet, while we have clearly moved on, as
mother of the bride I am reluctant to leave the
BW phase behind me. This was my first child
to be married and I will linger. After all, the
amount of work put into it demands it, right?
The plan had been for a backyard
celebration and we achieved one which we,
hope will be a lovely memory in times to
come. They were blessed with a day that was,
while not perfect, quite acceptable for the
occasion. The clouds' intrusion was
interrupted each time and they danced away
without raining on the day. The ceremony and
the reception all went without a glitch (at least
none that I noticed). The newlyweds enjoyed
their time with family and friends and, as is
typical, received a bounty that was the envy of
all the long-marrieds in the crowd.
But there are other memories for me, in the
generosity and kindness shown at every turn
in those days leading up to the wedding. From
kind words to deeds, our daughter and her
husband, our family, were blessed well beyond
the moments of sunshine and the gift-laden
table.
For example, an outdocii- wedding meant
preparing not just for the ceremony, but our
backyard as well. Well, of course, things never
go as smoothly as you wish, and with just
• weeks to go we found ourselves without a
lawn. Neighbours offered their help and family
descended to, as my daughter put it, "help us
grow grass" for the ceremony.
When the first mention ,was made of a
wedding at our home, a young couple who
lives next door graciously offered the use of
their property for the tent. Despite
inconvenience they were supportive and
accommodating. Then as a dismal forecast
loomed, and under drizzle we prepared the
interior of the tent, they had a bouquet of
flowers sent to our home reminding us to Keep
Smiling.
People in the community stopped by with
words of support and encouragement. We were
offered the use of a gazebo which could be
transported to our home. No one refused us
anything; actually we rarely had to ask as
people were so quick to offer their help. A bit
of concern expressed regarding boarding my
pup, for example. prompted an offer to pick up
our hyper-active pooch and get her out orthe
way for the day.
I could go on and on. Every day it seemed
there was a gesture. a word, an overture which -
quite frankly in those busy, busy days. may
have seemed unappreciated. Words cannot
expressmean, what in retrospect they have conic to
And yet an other affliction