The Citizen, 2001-04-25, Page 5Bonnie
Gropp
The short of it
Superstitious facts
S
S ay goodbye to the hardy prune, folks. It is
about to go the way of the pterodactyl,
the cedars of Lebanon and Cro Magnon
man (well, not counting Davey Hilton).
Which is to say the humble prune is
wobbling on the edge of extinction — in name
at least. You'll still find the juicitied form of the
familiar old fruit sitting in tiny shot glasses
beside your morning bowl of Wheatabix.
It simply won't be called prune juice, that's
all.
It's an image thing. The marketing folks
whose job it is to sell us prunes have long been
vexed that their product has become the butt
(sorry) of many a night club comedian's
routine. All those one-liners about wrinkled
codgers slurping a stew made from wrinkled
old prunes in order to keep "regular".
That is simply not the kind of public
recognition that the hip and happening folks at
the California Prune Board want to see
perpetuated.
Sorry, make that the California Dried Plum
Board. That's the new name the fruit honchos
want on their letterhead - and that's why,
sooner or later, some smirky supermarket clerk
is going to tell you "Of course you can't find
prunes in the store, ma'am. They're called
dried plums now".
Oh, well. It's not. the first time Nervous
Nellys have contrived to prettify the names of
our foods.
Remember turnips? Probably not if you're a
young'un. They're sold as rutabagas now.
Farmers used to grow fields of rape. The
horror, the horror. It's called canola now.
Nobody will ever mistake canola for a criminal
act.
An Italian sausage meat maybe, buf not a
criminal act.
Then there's the kiwi fruit. Is it called that
because it's grown only in New Zealand?
No.
Did it get that name because it looks like the
small flightless bird customarily seen on cans
of shoe polish?
No, again.
It's called kiwi fruit because somebody
thought the original name - Chinese
gooseberry - was "needlessly offensive".
Oh, the ever-so-sensitive Name Police have
been busy, busy, busy.
Don't be surprised if you can't seem to find
filberts anymore. They're marketed as
hazelnuts now.
And don't ask for garbanzo beans. Ask for
them under their new approved moniker: chick
peas.
Try to buy wieners at many a food store in
the States and you'll be met with a blank look.
Good night, sweet prunes
That's because they're sold as 'hot dogs'.
Which is wussy AND wrong. A hot dog isn't
a wiener - it's a wiener on a bun.
It's only a matter of time before these Brave
New Worlders get around to some of the other
questionable foodstuffs lurking at the corner
store.
What kind of a name is broccoli?
Gorgonzola sounds positively subversive. Not
to mention muesli - which is hard to pronounce
much less spell.
Reminds me of the story of the Jewish man
who walks into an extremely elegant gourmet
food shop in Montreal. The counterman,
dressed in a tuxedo, intones loftily, "Can I be
of assistance to you, sir?
"Yes," says the customer. "I would like to
buy a pound of lox."
"Ah," says the shopkeeper, "You mean a
pound of smoked salmon."
"Okay, a pound of smoked salmon."
"Will there be anything else?"
"Yes, I'll take a dozen blintzes."
The counterman smiles. "You mean a dozen
crepes."
"Okay, a dozen crepes:"
"Anything else, sir?"
"Yes. A pound of chopped liver."
"Again the patronizing smile. "I believe you
mean 'pate'."
"Alright, pate. And I want this delivered to
my house Saturday morning."
The salesman draws himself up and sniffs,
"Schmuck! You think we schlep on Shabbos?
A letter to Bernard Landry
Other
Views THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, APRIL 25, 2001. PAGE 5.
CHER BERNARD:
B y your verbal antics lately I take it that
you have decided to become the "enfant
. terrible" of Canadian politics. No insult
is too gross in your efforts to demonstrate how
badly you feel Quebec has been treated in
Confederation. There is nothing left to do, if I
read your mind accurately, but to separate from
that Canadian riffraff and set out on a glorious
future of your own.
I should have know when you
contemptuously referred to the Canadian flag
as "un chiffon rouge" that you were up to no
good, but poor me! I just didn't appreciate the
depth of your separatist ardour. How could I
have made such a mistake?
First of all, cher Bernard, I am also French
speaking and take just as much pride in that
language as you do. Furthermore, I would like
to remind. you that there are plenty of other
French-speaking Canadians outside the borders
of Quebec who mirror our feelings about the
language and culture but, strangely enough, do
not feel that Francophones have been
systematically shafted by the rest of the
country.
Why you, pauvre Bernard?
Perhaps I had better tell you about another
country where there is a French minority that
feels just as strongly about their French
heritage as do you and your kind in Quebec.
Yet they do not go around beating their breasts
bemoaning the cruel trick fate has played by
putting them into a country that they think
treats them like second class citizens.
I refer, of course, to Switzerland. You know,
Bernard, the land where the cheese has holes in
it, watches grow on trees, the cows moo with
German, French and occasionally Italian
accents, people yodel the national anthem and
-shoot apples Off 'each other's head on their
national holiday.
Ah, you remember, Bernard! Can I remind
you a little bit of this country of minorities
(there are three, not just one),
Like you and your friends' ancestors,
Bernard, many of them came from -France in
search of a better life and were promptly
forgotten by the French. But that did not deter
Raymond
Canon
The
International
Scene
them; if anything it spurred them on to making
a better life for themselves in their new land.
They brought with them their talents; many of
them were, in fact, highly skilled artisans and it
is no accident that today most of the Swiss
watch industry is located in the French-
speaking cantons.
Switzerland may be considered today as a
peace-loving country but at times its history
has been anything but. The French-speaking
Swiss were not able to avoid these turbulent
times but, unlike you, cher Bernard, they
certainly remembered where they were well off
and managed to avoid dragging up every day
all sorts of hurts, real or imaginary, You can
never accuse them of either plotting to return to
France or forming their own little country.
Even the French in the northern part of
canton Bern, who got a bit miffed at the way
they were being treated by the German
majority there, opted for setting up their own
canton, Jura, rather than choose either of the
two options mentioned above.
Get with it, Bernard. Accentuate the positive,
as the old song goes. Like your Swiss linguistic
brethren you have a lot of things to be happy
about. Think of the major role French,
Canadians have played in the progress Canada
has made over the centuries.
Sure there are times when some narrow-
minded Anglo makes you want to revolt. My
son and I were once sitting in a bus in London,
talking French to each other as we always do,
when a person sitting nearby wondered out
loud why "all those foreigners couldn't learn to
speak English!"
I promptly reminded her, in English, that I
was speaking one of Canada's two national
languages as was my right. Fortunately such
incidents are few and far between.
Well, cher Bernard, that's about it.
It is said that a diplomat is a person who can
sell you a one-way ticket to hell and make you
look forward to the trip. However, you are
obviously no diplomat and Robert Bourassa,
the former premier of Quebec, was right when
he said that you were "always brilliant and
sometimes intelligent."
What a shame to let all that brilliance- go to
waste!
Letter
THE EDITOR,
In recognition of National Volunteer Week
April 22 to. 28, I want to thank the many
wonderful volunteers who support the
Canadian Cancer society. This is also the
United Nations' International Year of
Volunteers, a special time to celebrate the work
of volunteers.
It is thanks to our many dedicated volunteers
that the Canadian Cancer Society leads the
way in the fight against cancer. Our volunteers
sell daffodils and go door to door during
Daffodil Month in April. They drive patients to
and from cancer treatments. they offer
compassion and support in cancer clinics,
lodges, and support groups. They plan and
organize our special fundraising events. Our
' volunteers are committed to our goat of
eradicating cancer and improving the quality
of care of people living with cancer.
In Huron and Perth Counties alone, we have
over 2,000 volunteers, who work as council
members, drivers, office assistants, fundraising
planners, health promoters and peer
supporters. They are a lifeline of support to
those in the community as well as the movers
and shakers for future advances in cancer
research.
I am fortunate to work with such committed
people who dedicate their time and efforts to
the Canadian Cancer Society and their
community. To all our volunteers, please
accept my sincere gratitude. We couldn't do it
without you!
Deborah Barton, Unit Manager
Huron-Perth Unit.
,i, a penny pick it up and all the day
you'll have good luck. Well, according
to The Old Fanner's Almanac at least
one per cent of people think so.
With plans for an outdoor wedding to be
happening this spring, I have been keeping a
eye on the old Almanac just to see how close
it's calling the weather thus far. However,
thumbing through recently I came upon some
information that I found to be kind of fun.
I don't consider myself a superstitious
person. While I do admit to holding my breath
when I delete those annoying e-mails that
promise me death and destruction if I don't
pass them on, I do delete them. And though I
may pick up a penny now and then I really
don't expect any more good fortune than it
would normally be my privilege to enjoy. I
just need all the money I can get my hands on
these days.
However, for those obsessed, it might be
interesting to know that many of these age-old
lessons come with addendums. You may have
been living by them for years, but what you
may not know is whether you're living right.
For example, that dime store rabbit's foot
you carry isn't going to bring you a lick of
luck. What you must do to get one that will
ward of the bad and bring on the good, is
shoot the rabbit with a silver bullet during a
full moon, then cut off its left hind foot and
plunk it in rainwater from a hollow stump.
And you can't just carry it around any which
way. The foot must be kept in your left back
pocket or around your neck until it has become
old and dried out at which point it has reached,
its highest potency.
I suppose it's a fairly safe assumption that
the majority of people these days carrying
around a lucky rabbit's foot are definitely
toting a charmless appendage.
The horseshoe above your door? In order to
work good magic the shoe must be lost by a
horse and found by you with the open end
pointing your way. No problem so far, right?
Then you must spit between the prongs and
throw the shoe over your shoulder, or nail it
above your front door with the two ends facing
up so that the luck will not spill out.
The Almanac also explains on what some of
the superstitions are based. The broken mirror
for example is because our ancestors believed
that the image we see in a mirror is our soul.
Thus, when you break the mirror your soul
has been set adrift. You can fix this however, if,
after waiting seven hours, you pick up the
pieces.
Or if you prefer... bury them at midnight in a
cemetery on a moonless, starless night.
Sometimes you just have to pussyfoot
around the superstition. The black cat,
through no fault of its own became connected
to the devil, ultimately meaning it carried bad
luck, thus driving the wary out of its way.
We'd probably all admit it's just a little silly.
And yet, the Almanac notes that a poll shows
28 per cent admitting to being a little
superstitious. Another 27 per cent admit that
they are somewhat or very superstitious, while
25 per cent don't miss a chance to knock on
wood.
Okay, maybe I am one of the 25 per cent but
I still swear I'm not superstitious. I just can't
see any point in not covering al l‘mlaases
when I can. And, if someone knows a
superstition that will ward off rain. I' r . open to
giving it a try.
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