HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 1998-11-04, Page 5THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 4, 1998. PAGE 5.
Arthur Black
Fifty-four channels
and nothing on
Imagine what it would be like
if TV actually was good.
It would be the end of everything we know.
Marvin Minsky
I'm a middle-aged guy . . . still several
years away from my old age pension. I'm
relatively hale and hearty — still ride a bike,
paddle a kayak, go for long hikes and brisk
swims.
I can dance (albeit awkwardly) climb
ladders, shoot a few hoops in the driveway
and even, once in a while, stay up to the wee
hours of the morning.
And yet ... and yet ...
I am old. Incredibly old. I'm so old I grew
up in a house without a TV set.
Am I a member of the last generation able
to say that? Probably.
When I tell young kids of my boobtubeless
upbringing, they look at me like I'm a
neanderthal just recently escaped from a
melting glacier.
It even seems incredible to me. I now have
two television sets in my home, and I'm
hooked up to cable, which means I get CBC
and CTV and Baton, not to mention NBC,
CBS, ABC, CNN, TNN, LIFE, A&E, The
Woman's Network and a host of channels I
don't even know the call signs of.
We live in, as videophiles never cease to
Languages tough
all over
Right now I am still working away at my
ninth language and it is not proving to be a
real chore remembering when the two are
alike and when they are not.
The Czechs are very patient and even pay
me compliments now and again but then not
very many people take the trouble to learn
their language. They are probably impressed
that I am willing to do just that.
I have no choice if I want to survive in this
country, I have to learn it as quickly as
possible.
However, I am rapidly becoming
convinced that the devil had a hand in
creating languages and he must be sitting
_back laughing his head off at our efforts to
learn another tongue.
Fortunately I had a very early start but it is
still a tough haul.
Take English, for openers. English
spelling drives you crazy. I know of no
language that has so many words spelt one
way and pronounced another. Who thought
up the combination 'ough'? It has four
different ways of being pronounced but can
never stand alone.
George Bernard Shaw, the great Irish
writer, even created a prize for whoever
could devise a more humane way of spelling
crow, a 500-channel universe — an electronic
beehive the potential of which would make
pioneers like Alexander Graham Bell and
Thomas Edison drool with envy.
And I look at it all and say "big deal''.
Because what do I-get from this vast tele-
universe? I get crummy music videos, lame
sitcoms, numbing religious scam shows,
endless sports and most of all a plague of
commercials trying to sell me stuff I don't
want, can't use and couldn't afford anyway.
I'm developing a severe case of
Schwarznegger Thumb from zapping through
the channels on my remote trying to find
something watchable.
Pity. If I lived in Juneau, Alaska, my
search would be over. I'd simply click on
Channel 23 and tuck the remote under the
sofa cushions forever.
In Juneau, Channel 23 is the designated
station for GCI Cable. What you get when
you tune in, is live, 24-hour coverage of
Gastineau Channel, the main waterway
through the city.
You can watch sunrises, sunsets, boats
passing, seagulls squawking, kids fishing,
seasons changing — everything that happens
every day along the banks and upon the
waters of Gastineau Channel.
Folks in Juneau call it the Channel
Channel.
And they love it.
GCI Cable first started broadcasting live
coverage of the waterway in 1993.
Money was tight for programming and it
was all they could afford. Five years later,
the soothing "program" has become so
By Raymond Canon
in English. His example of stupid spelling is
a classic.
The word 'fish', he said, could also be spelt
'photi': ph as in photo, o as in women, ti as in
action.
The list of such monstrosities is endless.
Becoming a citizen of Canada is relatively
easy compared with learning the language.
German is not much better: Granted it has
a phonetic alphabet but have you ever looked
at German word order? Take a look some
time.
'He said, that he in the field with his.
mother worked had.'
Even worse is 'He admitted that he last
evening his homework had done should.'
You think that I am joking? I am not!
Then there is the tendency to string
together words to form a bigger one. Here is
my favourite: Kunstsachverstaendigen-
stellvertreter." It means 'art critic
representative.'
The devil was right in there when they
created French. To begin with, it has no less
than four accent marks, some of which are
nothing more than a monument to a letter
which has dropped out of the language.
Many of you have some high school
French. Do you remember the word 'la foret.'
Good!
You may remember too — that there is an
accent mark over the o. All it does is
represent the letter s which dropped out a few
centuries ago. There are, by the way, any
popular that the company refuses to bump it
for regular programming.
"We get more positive feedback from this
than from anything we've ever done," said
GCI's marketing manager.
Doesn't surprise me. When I lived in
Thunder Bay some years ago, the local cable
station used to broadcast a video of a roaring
fire burning in a fireplace. You could turn on
your TV and watch the fire for hours as it
waxed and waned, the flames crackling
merrily in your living room.
And I never had to take out the ashes.
There's a lesson here for TV programmers.
U.S. National Cable Networks are
discovering that some of their most popular
programs are funerals and memorial services.
Why? Because it's real life, not TV
confection. And nobody's trying to scare,
shame, titillate or infuriate them. It's just ...
life going on. Without commercials.
The possibilities are endless — how about
an Aquarium Channel? Round the clock
coverage of angel fish, neon tetras and
kissing gouramis floating about their
business?
How about a train channel, with the camera
locked on a railway switching yard?
Heck, the programmers already have a
prototype in place. They've got the Weather
Channel, where you get to watch changing
weather patterns 24 hours a day.
Of course, there's really nothing very new
about that. We watched a Weather Channel
back when I was a nipper — long before
television came along.
Only back then we called it a Window.
number of those to tax your memory.
He was there too when the letter 'r' was
created in Czech. Many times it has an
accent which means that it must be
pronounced 'rzh'.
I frequently take a train from Frydek-
Mistek to Ostrava — stred (it means central). I
have to pronounce this as 'strzhed' when I
buy the ticket.
The ticket agent has a mean streak. He
pretends he doesn't understand it the first
time so I have to say it again. He must laugh
for the rest of the day.
Then there is Chinese. It has no alphabet,
only pictures. It also has tones so if you
pronounce a word with a rising tone, it
means something entirely different than if
you say it with a falling tone.
These tones vary so much from city to city
that a person from Hong Kong, has no idea
what someone from Shanghai or Beijing is
saying, or vice versa. Imagine that happening
in Canada.
But I have just started and here I am at the
end of the article. Get behind me, Satan! I've
had enough of you and your language pranks.
A Final Thought
The more you study, the more you find
out you don't know. But the more you study
the closer you come.
— Cozy Cole
The
Short
of it
By Bonnie Gropp
Let flowers bloom
The policy of letting a hundred flowers
blossom and a hundred schools of thought
contend is designed to promote the
flourishing of the arts and the progress of
science.
Mao Tse-tung
Arts and science — the oxymoron used to
described the five-year course in which I
was enrolled in secondary school.
The Oxford Dictionary describes art as a
human creative skill or its application, a
branch of creative activity concerned with
production of imitative and imaginative
designs and expression of ideas; branches of
learning associated with imaginative and
creative skill as distinct from technical skills .
of science.
And usually the first to be viewed as
expendable or frivolous.
With the new teachers' contract, came
adjustments to class schedules at many
secondary schools recently. While clearly
this was done with as little impact to the
students as possible, I was a little
disappointed to see that F.E. Madill dropped
yet one more art and one more drama course.
Madill, the largest secondary school in
Huron County, offers one Grade 11 and one
Grade 12 drama class. And for many years
anyone interested in OAC drama has had to
attend another school for at least part of their
final year.
Now, some may say, "So what?". But I'd
like to argue that thinking and while my
opinion might not change any minds, (it
seldom does) hopefully it will open a few.
First some history. As a five-year arts and
science student in the late 1960s I was
required to take advanced level courses in
every subject. With regards to the maths and
sciences, I can only say, it was a painful
exercise. My increasing sense of failure and
frustration with algebra and physics negated
any positive experience that learning music
and literature may have been for me.
And all the while I knew that, to a degree,
they were a waste of my time. There have
been days since when a question might have
been easier answered knowing more, but
generally, advanced math and science 1 have
made sure, are not a part of my life.
Fortunately my children have been able to
select courses that not only offer them a
well-rounded education, but will better
benefit them in their chosen careers.
So, is the arts a frivolous choice? I have
two creative children, who fortunately for
them, also have a corner of their brain that
functions analytically. Because they are
capable of understanding mathematic
equations, there is a sense from some that
their education would be better served by not
focussing so much energy on the arts.
But what these people fail to see is the big
picture. Drama classes benefit those
interested in teaching, litigation, the
ministry, or any profession which requires
public speaking. With technical lessons it's a
good base for anyone who may pursue a
career in photography or design. Music is
not just for would-be musicians. Those who
studied it may also be teachers, composers,
therapists, businesspeople. Art goes hand-in-
hand with such things as graphic design,
advertising or architecture, to name only a
few.
The world today is one of science and
technology, yes. But our artists should be
given the same chance to learn through OAC
to post-secondary. Just as no one would
think of mocking the scientist for not
understanding Dali, the inherent pleasures
given to us by those who understand depth
of field, tonal1quality or staging should not
be trivialized.
International Scene