Loading...
The Citizen, 1998-10-07, Page 5THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 7, 1998. PAGE 5. What a way to go It's not that I'm frightened of dying. I just don't want to be there when it happens. Woody Allan Call me morbid, but I've been thinking about death lately. Specifically, about all the ways I'd rather not go. Woody Allan notwithstanding, it looks from empirical evidence, that my attendance at the occasion is pretty well mandatory. All God and I have to work out are the details. On the off chance that The Big Guy with the Celestial Clipboard is reading this column, I'd like to submit a short list of the ways I would rather not shuffle off this mortal coil. No shuffling, for starters. I'd like to go out with a little style, a touch of flair. Please don't call my number while I'm lined up at a Burger King waiting for my cheeseburger deluxe. Don't let me be sandbagged by a potted geranium tumbling off some sixth storey window sill - and really, I wouldn't want to be caught, well, dead, keeling over into the chip dip at some journalists convention in North York. Speaking of mortal indignities, Lord, How much government? One of the things I am frequently obliged to talk about when lecturing is how much government should an economy have in order to operate most efficiently? This question gets asked because of all the steps being taken throughout the industrialized world to rid governments of many operations either because the government in question needs the money, or else the prevailing wisdom is that the private sector can do it better. I wish there Were a pat answer to this question but there is not. When we compare the Canadian economy with that of our neighbour to the south, we find that traditionally we have more government intervention here than they do in the United States. That should not be taken to mean that the Americans operate more efficiently than we do. In some cases,perhaps they do; in others they do not. Let's take a look at the railways. We found that, on balance, railways work more efficiently if they are privatized and so it was that Canadian National, formerly run by the federal government, is now operating as a private company. On the other hand our health system, in spite of all the alleged inadequate services, and there are some, is generally considered to be superior to that in the United States where close to 40 million people are totally without health insurance. Where do you draw the line? One of the reasons government-run organizations frequently get a bad press, as it were, is because their failures are spectacular ones and are dragged out into the public domain as part of the ongoing debate on public services. As you know, there are always any number please don't let me go like Elvis. The King of Rock and Roll. Dead on his toilet. Jeez. All things considered, I think lid prefer to be murdered. Shot by Hugh Hefner, say in a . fit of masculine jealousy. Or discretely poisoned by a distraught Miss Universe, driven crazy by the knowledge that she couldn't have me. I'd even settle for a baseball bat in the back of the noggin from Mark McGwire, unable to endure the irony of being shaded into obscurity by my simple, understated maleness. Believe me, there are worse ways to leave the planet. Ask Hans Dalmolen - if you can. The late Dutch salesman met his fate in the blades of a 21-inch rear-bagger lawn mower, wielded by his wife, after she discovered lipstick on one of his shirt collars. Or the Parisian landlady who made the mistake of criticizing one of artist Theodore Gardelle's paintings. Gardelle stabbed her. With a long-tailed comb. In 1953, an Albertan by the name of Fred Ralston gave his wife that long distance feeling by strangling her with the cord of the family telephone. Meanwhile a frustrated New Jersey of people prepared to criticize the government on occasion and I confess to being one of them. Then again there were the communist governments who reached new highs in operating inefficiently which just added more fuel to the fire. However, even such free marketeers as Margaret Thatcher, Ronald Reagan, and Nobel prize winner Milton Freedman would probably admit that there are times when government intervention is necessary. Can you imagine, for example, a company running an unemployment insurance program? Would they provide services. in outlying areas where there is absolutely no Chance of doing this service and making a profit? This brings us right back to the prime question of how much government service is too much government service and when it is absolutely necessary. My first recollection of life is of the great depression of the 1930s. We went right from that into World War II. This conditioned my desire to become an economist and do something about avoiding such calamities. If I had to do it all over again, I would still become an economist. However, in our efforts to be human, we erred on the side of becoming too generous and governments did things for people that people should be doing for themselves. This has resulted in labour markets in Europe, and to a certain degree in Canada being too rigid and have resulted in higher levels of unemployment than should be the case. Agriculture policies are a mess in Europe for somewhat the same reason. However, once you have a policy in place and a certain group of people become dependent on it, you and I both know how difficult it is to get rid of it when we realize how much it is costing taxpayers. With such vested interests, even what arc supposed to, be independent studies arc strongly criticized if they come out with housewife nixed her hubbo by suffocating him with a bag of his favourite potato chips. Back in 1843, two irate Frenchmen named Mellant and Lenfant fell into an argument over a pool table. Lenfant hissed "choose your weapons". Mellant did - an eight ball -- which he proceeded to sink in Lenfant's forehead. Sports can be dangerous - mortally so. In Germany, Peter Geiger clubbed his fishing buddy Horst Renk to death in an argument over bait. Geiger's weapon of choice: a dead snapper. Another German sportsman, Gunnar Waktel, used a bowling pin to club his best friend and bowling partner to death. His buddy's crime? 'He goosed Gunnar just as he released his ball, 'causing him to miss a strike that would have given him a perfect game. Something like that - only a whole lot worse - happened to England's King Edmund Ironside 'way back in 1016. According to a book called The Porcelain God: A Social History 'of the Toilet, King Edmund was killed while seated on his privy. By a swordsman lurking in the cesspit below him. Ugh. That's even worse than the sendoff Elvis got. findings that run counter to the status quo. Witness the problems that the French government had with their national air carrier Air France just before the beginning of the World Soccer tournament because of the fully justified attempts to cut the airline's losses. Objectivity goes out the window in such cases. However, this is true as much in North America as it is in Europe. The next time you demand that the government do something or support something, stop and ask yourself if the same government is able to do it better than the private sector or is it the other way around. Unfortunately you are not going to get too much help in arriving at that decision since impartial studies are all too thin on the ground. Another thought to keep in mind is just because governments do something quite well in other countries is no reason to think that they could do the same in Canada. Each country has its own peculiar conditions which must be satisfied. In an area where it is all too easy to be led down the proverbial garden path, be extremely careful how you arrive at your decision. What do I end up telling my students? Simply that, in an age when it is important to become as self-reliant as possible, try to place your reliance on governments as infrequently as possible. A main reason for the horrendous budgetary deficits many western countries, including Canada, have run up is because too many people have demanded too much from their governments; the latter have, unfortunately, forgotten how to say no. They are starting to learn a little bit A Final Thought Talent develops in quiet places, character in the full current of human life — Johan Wolfgang von Goethe The short of it By Bonnie Gropp Pressure's off / My white dust cloth is raised in surrender. I concede to the gods of humility and admit my inability to maintain the standards with which I was raised. I cannot, I have finally come to accept, do it all. Regular readers of this column will probably know by now that my mother's mantra was the adage "cleanliness is next to godliness". Despite working all day outside the home, Mom always found the time for herself, but not at the expense of a tidy domain. Priorities were set and the nearness of our family home ultimately and always came first. A high school friend of mine, succinctly, yet with deadly accuracy, once summed it up at a reunion. "What I remember of your mom is that she was always sunbathing — and the house was always really clean." And, it wasn't just about the house. Mom rose early and had the evening's supper organized, sometimes prepared, before heading to work. Clothes weren't just washed and dried, they were laundered with precision, hung neatly on the line, co- ordinated by the part of the body which they adorned. The value of this housekeeping lesson was revealed early to me. When I once asked her why the jeans, the t-shirts, the blouses were all hung together, Mom looked at me as if I were a genetic mistake. "What would the neighbours think?" she retorted. Understand Mom is a sweet lady (and fortunately one with a sense of humour) but tidiness outdoors set the standard for behind closed doors and it was this ideal that I have attempted to emulate. From the time I first lived on my own I strove for June Cleaver perfection — a domicile of tranquility, everything in its place, babies sparkling clean, and quiet, me a class act, and looking like I cared. I have since, however come to a realization. I'm sorry, but I can't•live up to the 1990's idea of motherhood and womanhood. I can't be Super Mom, super fit and keep a perfect house. While I certainly haven't taken this new attitude to extremes; first impressions when people walk in my door are still important to me; I have learned of ways to fudge. For example, the two rooms in our house which resemble my idea of what Hell looks like (teen zone) are blocked from view by closed doors. I enter out of necessity and then only with blinders. Dishes are washed, but not dried, laundry is folded, but left in the basket. This way, you see, it all looks like I was just going to get to it, should someone come in unexpectedly. Tidiness remains a paramount issue so all those odds and ends must be picked up — then tucked into an already cluttered closet or drawer — which I'll get to someday. Dirty oven? Put clean foil in the bottom and keep the light off when anyone's visiting. Unfortunately Mom did catch me on this one. Sometimes still, guilt does start confusing me. But then I think and to paraphrase the late Erma Bombeck, remember that though I'd like those aforementioned bedrooms clean, sadly, soon enough they will be. I'll never be able to let go completely, nor would I want to, but there are moments when I actually smile and shake my head at the turmoil. It may be surrender, but the pressure's off. Arthur Black International Scene By Raymond Canon