HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 1998-04-08, Page 5A Final Thought
People are usually willing to meet each
other halfway, but their judgements of
distances vary considerably.
THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, APRIL 8, 1998. PAGE 5.
Arthur Black
Just makes
common scents
A rose by any other name
would smell as sweet
William Shakespeare
A rose is a rose is a rose
Gertrude Stein
Do you have any idea how they make
perfume?
You don't want to know.
Okay, I'll tell you anyway. Two ways
they've been making perfume for years is
(a) by agitating captive wildcats called
ocelots, then collecting the secretions those
distressed cats give off through their musk
glands, and
(b) by collecting something called
ambergris which is a blob of slimy goop
infrequently regurgitated by certain species
of heartburn-plagued whales.
I have a simple question I would like to put
to Messrs and Mesdames Lauder, Chanel et
al. That question is: who in their right mind
wants to smell like whale vomit?
Not me.
How about the seductive aroma of cat
musk? I'll pass again, thanks very much.
I've cleaned out 'way too many boxes of
kitty litter to be turned on by any feline
fragrance — and those were from cats which
weren't even agitated.
In any case, thanks to an enterprising chap
The money go round
It is not really betraying any state secrets
when I express the view that most people
take money for granted. It plays such an
everyday role in our life that we seldom, if
ever, stop to think what our life would be like
if there were little or none of it left.
I should say that, when I talk about money,
I am referring to the bills and coins which we
use on a daily basis and not the bank
accounts which, in reality, contain the vast
majority of what is known as a nation's
money supply.
But governments do think about such
things, which is what led to Ottawa's
decision to get rid of the one and two-dollar
bills in favour of coins of similar value. The
main reason behind all this was the much
lower cost involved in the use of coins but
even the fact that Ottawa would be saving
close to half a billion dollars by making the
switch was lost on some people who looked
upon the whole matter as an insidious plot.
Italy is now the latest country to make a
switch from bills to coins. That country's
government, which finds it difficult to come
to any agreement, had no trouble in deciding
to eliminate the 1,000 and 2,000 lire notes
and replace them with coins. There are about
a billion of them now in circulation which
will mean that Italian wallets will not be
quite so thick.
They will, nevertheless, Be heavier, as a
1,000 lire coin will weigh considerably more
than the equivalent note. Canadians can
already vouch for that.
by the name of James Berard, I don't have to
worry about those options anymore. Berard
is the head honcho of a firm based in New
York called SmeIITHIS. This company is a
relative newcomer to the dog-eat-dog
(whale-eat-cat?) international perfume
manufacturing business, but already
SmeIITHIS is setting that industry on its
ambergris- bedaubed ear.
Berard and his laboratory boffins, geniuses
that they are, decided on an utterly novel
approach. Instead of going with the old
standards like whale ambergris and ocelot
sweat, they sent out teams of researchers to
ask people about their favourite smells.
In other words, the marketing premise for
SmeIITHIS became: find out which smell
people actually like, and then bottle it.
SmeIITHIS manufactures perfumes, alright
— but with fragrances unlike any you've ever
found in a bottle. Thus, SmellTHIS can offer
a vial of Fluffy Pillow, guaranteed to make
you smell "like fresh sheets dried on a
clothesline".
Not into laundry? Then perhaps you'd like
to sample Rain Forest. "A sweet jungle rain
smell sensation".
Or, for customers with a sweet tooth, Soda
Pop Fizz. "Smells just like a freshly - opened
can of pop."
Or maybe you'd like to try the SmelITHIS
variation called Cake Batter. "Yellow cake
smell. Extremely yummy".
SmellTHIS markets a fragrance for every
At the same time the government opted for
the printing of a 500,000 lire note which is
five times the buying power of the largest
one currently in circulation. This is worth
about $425 Canadian and, in a country where
tax evasion is a growth industry, there shOuld
be a considerable demand for such currency.
Anybody who has been to Italy will know
that a 1,000 lire note is worth in the vicinity
of $1 Canadian which will explain why
Italians have to carry around large amounts
of paper money. It takes quite a bit of mental
arithmetic to make the adjustments when you
go shopping there, with cashing travellers'
cheques a real experience. Don't say I didn't
warn you.
Another little characteristic of money
which pops up now and again is known as
Gresham's Law which stated simply means
"bad money drives out good."
My first acquaintance with that came years
ago when I went to live in Spain. At the time
there was a five peseta note (worth about 10
cents), which, unknown to many foreigners
such as I, the government had decided to take
out of circulation.
The day after I arrived, I did a bit of
shopping in a nearby store and the clerk gave
me change with a lot of these five peseta
notes. It was only later when I tried to give
one to somebody else that I was told they
were out of circulation.
What to do? If went back and accused the
clerk, he would claim that he had not given
me any. Finally the next day I hit upon a
solution.
I went to the same store, made a purchase
and sure enough the clerk figured I was just
as naive as the day before. He gave me
discriminating schnozz. There's Cut Grass for
folks who like that "just-mown" aroma.
There's Beach Smells for surf 'n sand types.
They even offer Canned Peaches for people
who want to smell like ... well, canned
peaches, I guess.
Digestively-driven customers might also
opt for Sucker Candy. Or perhaps Vanilla
Shake. And for you folks who really want to
spice up your love life, Red Hot Chili
Peppers.
This company provides aromas that even
allow you to travel back in time. As an adult,
you're not likely to sprinkle Johnson's
Talcum Powder behind your ears for a hot
date. But what's to stop you from dabbing on
a few drops of StnellTHIS Baby Powder
("The official baby butt powder smell to a
T")?
Long in the tooth ex-bikers can even revisit
their "Wild Ones" days with a swipe of New
Leather Jacket in each armpit.
I know I'm hooked. I've already ordered a
bottle of Salon Shampoo ("The classic get-
your-head-massaged-as-you-relax green
apple smell").
I've been in love with the smell of green
apples since long before Roger Miller wrote
a hit song about them.
And the head-rub? That's just a bonus.
Us bald guys don't get to have our heads
massaged that much you know.
Call me a romantic, but ... it just makes
scents to me.
another pile of the five peseta notes. I then
made a few more purchases and just when he
figured I was going to accept even more of
the notes, I proceeded to pay him with all the
five peseta notes I had acquired. He could
not claim that they were out of circulation
since he was the one who had given them to
me.
The look on his face said it all!
What happens when the monetary system
breaks down? Well, you do one of two
things. You either barter or you find
something else to use as money. I found this
out when I went to study in Germany after
World War II. Cigarettes were frequently
used as a currency as were American dollars
while bartering was alive and well.
Only when the new German mark started
to prove to be stable did the dollars, the
cigarettes and the bartering disappear.
You can imagine, then what the situation
would be like if we had rampant inflation and
nobody trusted or accepted the Canadian
dollar.
Just give me a call; I'll be glad to give you
a few tips on how to survive. I'll bet there are
a few readers who have immigrated to
Canada that have been through all the things
I have described and can vouch for what
happens to your handling of any medium of
exchange.
The
short
of it
By Bonnie Gropp
I could say no
You could always say no.
This remark, directed recently to me was
with regards to my children, not I hasten to
add in any respect related to discipline but
rather to the amount of time spent on the
road carting them here and there.
If you would indulge me briefly I offer a
sample of time spent travelling just in the
past week. Without going into too many
details, in addition to travelling back and
forth to work on a daily basis, plus on my
part to two evening meetings, we also fitted
in five trips to Wingham, two to Listowel,
one to Stratford and three to Vanastra for the
kids.
Before continuing further I stress that what
you just read is not exceptional practice on
my part, but in one form or another the norm
for parents of non-driving kids. At least in
this area. Sitting at ball registration the other
evening, I heard several stories from parents
about this very fact.
However, to the majority of my family and
friends this lifestyle is enigmatic. As they
live in town or cities much of what their kids
had wanted to do was, with the exception of
sports, if not within a few blocks, at least
just a bus ride across town. Thus, that
chauffeuring often defines our plans is
beyond the realm of their imaginings.
So, why don't I just say no? Firstly, I feel
kids are not to blame that they live miles
away from their friends and from the things
they enjoy doing. I grew up in a mid-siie
town. There were places, with which I was
content until I could drive, where I hung out
with friends, the majority of whom were,
like me, urbanites. I walked to school so
extracurricular activities weren't a problem
either. Not that I did them, but I had the
option.
Secondly, I believe it is important to keep
young people busy. As a parent this is my
choice, so if they must travel out of town to
find employment or pursue a hobby then I
guess I have to see that they get there.
The last, and possibly most relevant
reason, was something another mother said
to me many years ago. "I do this because
that's why I had kids." Admittedly, taken
literally at the time I found the comment a
trifle bizarre. The idea of having kids so that
you could run yourself ragged taking them
hither and yon, was certainly not mine.
But then I began to look a little more
closely and it made absolute sense. I had
children to offer them as many chances to
be everything they can, to provide them with
as many opportunities to enjoy this life as
possible. I want them to meet new and
interesting people, try new and exciting
things. I want them to be as young and as
full of wonder as they can for as long as they
can.
I wouldn't be honest if I didn't say that
there are days when I'm literally driving
myself crazy. Then the martyr syndrome
afflicts me and I feel just a little taken for
granted. For an instant, I am tempted to say
no. But a quick glance at my quickly
growing children and I am reminded that as
a chauffeur I am soon to be redundant. One
more parental service no longer required.
International Scene
By Raymond Canon