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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 1998-01-21, Page 7January is Alzheimer SOCIETY OF HURON COUNTY INC. FORGET US NOT Alzneimer Awareness Month Services available in Huron County include: • Special Steps (Friendly Visitor program) • Caregiver Support Groups • Resource Library • Wandering Persons Registry • Speakers Bureau • Workshops/Education Sessions • Telephone Reassurance CALL: 482-1482 Alzheimer Society of or Huron County 1-800-561-5012 Box 219, Clinton Ontario, NOM ILO We Deliver Your Freedom with: • Home Oxygen • Wheelchairs • Electric Scooters • Hospital Beds • Bathroom Equipment II Electric Reclining Lift Chairs MED-E-OX 282 euncoast Drive, Goderich (519) 524-2020 1-800-265-5500 gimoq pa ra-med HEALTH SERVICES 1111111 (Servicing The County) • Homemaking • Nursing • Foot Care • Lifeline Emergency Response System CALL 524-5346 or 1-800-463-3158 50 South St., Goderich THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 21, 1998. PAGE 7. re• Son uses humour to cope with Dad's Alzheimer's By Janice Becker Citizen staff The story of a father deteriorating from the effects of Alzhiemer's could be depressing, heart wrench- ing, but when related by one son, it becomes a tale of heartwarming hope. With the shine of truly loving emotions in his eyes, John Freiburger, now of Belgrave, speaks laughingly of his father, Carl, and the disease they dealt with together, along with other family members, over the last six years. The tale of Carl coping with Alzhiemer's begins in January, 1992. Due to a personal situation, John returned to live at his parents' home on the edge of Bluevale that winter. His mother was ill and help was needed. Before the end of the year, John's mother passed away and his father's personality began to change. For months, the family a'tributed the change to the stress of his wife's death. Though she had been gone for some time, Carl, who at the age of 77 still had his driver's licence, con- tinued to return to the hospital to visit his wife. "He became confused when he couldn't find her," said John. In dealing with his loss, Carl became obsessed about taking his walks, a life-long routine. That need for routine began to show up in every aspect of his day, John said. "The smallest change would upset him." As the months passed, Carl's insistence on routine and his quick mood changes intensified. Though diagnosed in 1993 with the first stages of Alzheimer dis- ease, John said he and his brothers and sisters, refused to accept the suggestion. "Dad just doesn't want to remem- ber, he doesn't care," was how John explained the family's feelings towards their father's condition. However, as his father's daily caregiver, John began to notice fur- ther changes in his personality. Smiling, John tells how it was often a struggle to get his father to take his evening bath. "I would run the water, but he would refuse to get in. He would become angry and we would argue every time. He was like a child. Once, I left him to get in and min- utes later, saw his car heading down the road." John soon realized his father's problems were more than just stress and the need for routine. He began to read literature available on Alzheimer's and saw the similari- ties. "I still had not accepted my father as suffering from Alzhiemers until I read about the first and second stages of the disease and it just clicked. I thank God for the litera- ture that is out there. Once I under- stood it, it was easier to accept." It was then that his caregiving relationship with his father began to improve. "Alzheimer sufferers are not stu- pid," he adds, "Dad just had his own way of doing things.' Even the bathing became an easi- er obstacle to overcome, said John. "If he didn't want a bath, I let it go and tried the next day." John soon discovered his father preferred to bath in the morning and the struggles were over, in that area anyway. "I soon realized I was here to make him happy. I would have done anything to make him happy." With a grin creasing his cheerful face, John tells how they sang non- sensical songs together while his Dad drummed the table. "They never made sense, but he was happy." They also had a code whistle of sorts for John's arrival home from work. John would recite his portion upon entering and his father would finish the tune. One day, the ending notes were followed by a loud crash from the livingroom. As it turned out, Carl had fallen asleep in a rocker, and not one to be thought of as lazy, he quickly jumped up upon hearing the familiar sounds. However, this time, he stumbled, hit the coffee table and broke off the corner. John found his father sprawled across the table, a smile on his face and a simple explanation, "I guess I was asleep." One suggestion for caregivers is to not set the sufferers up for fail- ure. "Don't ask too many ques- tions," said John. "Don't put them in'a situation where they can't answer." As John tells of the years with his father, story after story emerges of difficult times coped through humour. As a new business owner, John had developed the routine of bring- ing the day's cash receipts home to do the bookwork' in comfort. He noticed, on more than one occasion, the cash was $60 to $80 short. He then asked his staff to be very careful when dealing with the money. He soon learned the advice to the staff would not stop his cash shortage. One day upon arriving home, depositing his work on the kitchen table and going to clean up, John returned to the kitchen, having for- gotten something. He came upon his father going through the receipts. After making other arrangements for doing the business' books, John said money from his wallet began disappearing. To catch his father in the act, he set up a video camera in the corner of the kitchen and soon had three occasions on tape. The family laughs about the incidents to this day. Carl's proclivity for picking up things, a symptom of Alzheimer's, did not stop with John's money. A walk through the neighbourhood could result in pockets full of fallen apples which were eventually stored in dresser draws as well as odds and ends from yards and the ballpark. However, even this habit had its up side. For the children of the com- munity who had forgotten a ball glove at the park, they always knew where to come looking and if a neighbour was missing a tool, it could probably be found at the Freiburger home. John is very thankful for the understanding of the community. They helped make dealing with his father's tendencies much easier, he said. One of the most difficult moments in caring for his ailing father, said John, was the day he Carl Freiburger had to take away his driver's licence. At the age of 80, Carl had achieved a lifetime of driving with a clean record. He did not understand why he could no longer drive. To handle the next task of taking away Carl's car, John thought the easiest idea would be to disable the vehicle, rendering it undriveable. However, his father would have none of that. He simply walked to the nearby garage, asked the mechanic to have a look and the car was running by the time John came home from work. After filling in the mechanic on his motivation, John's plan worked on the second attempt. "That was the hardest thing a man would have to do," said John. "My father looked so sad, deep down. That really hurt me." As John continued to cope with his father's deteriorating state and his own life, he tells of cases where his father actually helped him, gave him something he really needed. "Sometimes I would come home from work and Dad would be stand- ing in the garage ready to go out somewhere. When I asked him what he was doing, he would just say `Someone is coming to pick me up, aren't they?' I couldn't let him down." "I would take him for a drive in, the country and stop and visit a friend. I needed to get out and socialize too, instead of working all the time. Dad did that for me." Another great experience for John and Carl was Carl's twice-weekly visit to the Seniors' Day Centre in Wingham. For Carl, there were activities and socializing and for John, there was staff who understood what he was going through. It was also through that staff that John came to realize he could no longer look after his father at home. They were able to see things differ- ently than John and recognize the changes. A three-month trial stay at a gov- ernment-funded nursing home dev- astated the Freiburger family because of the conditions under which their father was kept. Often drugged and locked in his room, Carl was upset, disoriented and always asking to go home. The family spent much of every day with their father and hired someone to be with him when they could not. This expense was on top of paying for his housing at the facility. Then, because of a chance con- versation with a customer at his business, John learned of a senior's home near Lucknow and, after talks with his brothers and sisters, the decision to move Carl was made. John cannot say enough about the Country Road Lodge, operated by the Farrishes, which his father now calls home. More like a home than a hospital, Carl is completely off drugs, other than common, off-the-shelf med- ication, and is comfortable in his new surroundings, where he has been since June. "He enjoys coming to visit me, but now he is ready to return to 'his home'," said John. His father is now doing very well and is relaxed in his surroundings. Through the many ups and downs of caregiving for a parent with Alzheimer's, John said the support of his family was very important. "Regular visits from my sisters helped maintain Dad's routine and my brothers came as often as they could." "It is hard not only on the family, but their spouses as well. They have been great," said John. He tells of one brother-in-law who sits for hours playing cards with Carl. With a glint in his eye, John speaks of his father as an honest, trustworthy and straight-dealing man. "A handshake was good enough for my Dad." Though the story of dealing with a parent with Alzheimer's disease could quite easily be a tale of hard times and endless struggles, those are not the type related by John. He remembers the happy times. He tells that accepting the dis- ease, understanding it through read- ing and learning to go with the flow are key to coping. John has a little advice for those in similar situations: "have a good cry, get support and talk to people at a centre that understands Alzhiemer's." "People often fear their own future when a parent has Alzheimer's disease, but I don't. Dad is happy in his own mind as long as he has a good place to go." After almost six years of watch- ing a parent change, his dedication to his father is evident in one simple expression. "He did well for all of us. He was a good father."