HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 1998-01-07, Page 5A Final Thought
Our duty is to be useful, not according to
our desires, but according to our powers.
Henry F. Amiel
International Scene
By Raymond Canon
THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 7, 1998. PAGE 5.
Heady times
for this guy
I do not consider myself bald.
I am simply somewhat taller than my hair.
Anon
Let me throw some names at you: Sean
Connery. Donovan Bailey. Patrick Stewart.
Michael Jordan. George Foreman. Sinead
O'Connor. Mark Messier. Evander Holyfield.
Notice anything those folks all have in
common? It's more what they don't have in
common: scalp foliage. Dome fur. Head hair.
Every person on that list sports a noggin as
naked as a cue ball in a wind tunnel.
Not only are they bald — several of them
are voluntarily bald. Basketballer Michael
Jordan, singer/nutbar Sinead O'Connor and
hockey legend Mark Messier could still put
away their gillette razors and grow bushels of
hair if they cared to. They don't.
They opted for baldness.
Finally! After centuries of bad jokes (not
to mention wretched wigs and toupees) —
bald is chic.
Is government
too big?
The Ontario government waited until I was
safely out of Canada before it released its
damaging news about the true state of
Ontario Hydro. The nasty details have,
however, caught up with me and, since I am
working in an area where monopolies have
been, and still are to a considerable degree, a
way of life, I am going to mix a few
observations, together with my lecture notes,
and share them with you.
In Europe, state monopolies have been
coming under increasing fire as it becomes
evident that consumers have been
shojtchanged in both price and quality of
services. Governments would have you
believe the opposite but, as the evidence
mounts, they are giving up this approach and
are looking for ways to inject competition
into the picture.
What I see here reminds me of the ads that
both Ontario Hydro and their union used to
publish: we were assured that the current
situation was for the best. We now know that
it is not, and the question naturally arises as
to how inefficiently we are being served by
monopolies in general.
To a degree, taxpayers have themselves to
blame, as they have looked to governments
to provide more and more social services
without really looking at either cost or
And not just with human skulls. What's the
trendiest building an upwardly mobile
metropolis can throw up these days? A
dome!
Seattle's got the Kingdome. Houston has
the Astrodome. Here in Canada, Toronto and
Calgary boast the Skydome and the
Saddledome respectively.
I tell ya, for a guy who's had a wide part in
his hair since before Wayne Gretzy could
skate, these are, urn, heady times to live in.
Seems like just about everybody's trying to
be bald these days. Where I live, the hit of
our fall fair last September was Bevan the
Barber. That's because he showed up,
clippers in hand, and proceeded to shave the
heads of our entire fire department and police
detachment. Every officer (men and women)
cheerfully agreed to have their heads shaved
to raise some money for charity.
Now, there was a time not so very long ago
when all of those folks would rather have lost
an arm than appear bald in public.
But no more. Bald is In. Glory be.
You can't imagine how sweet this latest
fashion development is for those of us who
have had to go through life as 'follically
challenged' persons.
efficiency. In Europe, government spending
(as a percentage of gross domestic product)
has gone up dramatically since 1960. In
Sweden it has more than doubled (31 to 64
per cent), France from 35 to 55, Germany
from 32 to 50, Italy from 30 to 53.1n Canada
it is not that bad but bad enough — 29 to 45.
There comes a time when taxpayers will
take no more and this sentiment has stopped
the increase in Europe, at least for the time
being. To hear some people talk over here,
you would think the sky was falling but the
drop has been only about one per cent. Can
you imagine what the reaction would be if
the drop were five per cent or even 10 per
cent?
I think that every taxpayer should be
obliged to carefully study a little bit of the
economics which is taught on a regular basis.
It is called the "deadweight loss" of a tax.
Very briefly, if, at some point, you increase a
tax by 10 per cent, the loss to the economy is
about, say, 15 per cent. Increase that tax by
five per cent more and the loss rises not to 20
per cent but to 25 or even 30 per cent. In
Canada the increase from 29 to 45 means a
much larger loss to the economy in spite of
government claims to the contrary.
All this adds up to the realization that a
monopoly is a monopoly, regardless of
which side of the fence it is ohi. To
demonstrate the point, just look at what has
happened to international telephone prices
since the monopoly was broken up. In short,
private sector monopolies can be somewhat
Oh, it's not being bald that's bad. That's
easy. The hard part is the lame jokes we have
to endure from our fur-infested, less-evolved
brethren.
"Hey, baldie ... is that really your forehead
or did someone forget to turn a floor lamp
off? Heeyuk."
"Don't walk too close to the budgie cage.
He'll think you're the egg that got away! Har
har!"
"Hey! Izzat the top of yer head or didja
clear a runway for mosquitoes? Nyuk Nyuk!"
The bummer is, no matter how dumb the
joke may be, bald guys are expected to react
like they've just heard a killer one-liner from
Dave Letterman. Otherwise you get branded
as a poor sport.
Am I bitter? Nah. I'm just sorry it's taken
the rest of mankind so long to figure out
something we 'natural' baldies have known
for years: that what's hair today can be gone
tomorrow; that we're not going bald: we're
gaining face; that a bald man is an honest
man — you can see he's got nothing to hide.
Take it from a guy whose medicine cabinet
is free of mousse and hair gel and expensive,
useless hair restorers — balder really is better.
No fuzz — no bother.
inefficient too!
For too long, economists such as myself
tended to look at government agencies as
being dedicated to serving the public interest.
Now we have come to the realization that the
agencies and their employees arc operating,
as much as anything, a policy of self-interest.
High on the list of priorities is the
preservation of the agency, not to mention
the jobs that it represents.
Perhaps the reaction to this stance has gone
farthest in Great Britain where, since the time
of Margaret Thatcher, governments have
been falling over themselves to sell off
monopolies or bits of them. Even Tony Blair,
the new Labour prime minister, has not seen
fit to refute the changes in this field
engineered by the Conservatives. This is
nothing short of remarkable.
I am not being a radical when I point this
out. However, the necessary changes have
become harder due to the proliferation of
self-interest groups that demand, and
frequently get, transfers of money or
regulations under the banner of "fairness".
Just remember that the Soviet Union, with
all its monopolies, fell apart simply because
its deadweight loss got out of control: a
sobering lesson which history has to teach us.
The
Short
of it
By Bonnie Gropp
Just a thought
Who can believe it?
Another year begins, what will be my 10th
at The Citizen. During that time, this space
has been filled many times with opinon and
reflection. As we are in the first week of a
brand new year, a time associated with
beginnings and change, it is perhaps more
appropriate, and I feel more inclined, for a
little introspection rather than supposition.
Also, after a lovely replenishing break
from work, I'm not sure I have an opinion on
anything. While I didn't shun news, either
print or broadcast, it was so easy in my
restive state to keep an open mind that
debate was a non-issue. Also, confrontation
was not an option.
So rather than feed you with the tiny
offerings of any viewpoint I may have, I
thought it best this week, just to share some
nibblings from the relaxed state of my mind.
As I have said my time spent with family
and friends over the holidays was restful and
enjoyable. I was among the fortunate who
could smile at their blessings, rather than
feel weighted by some despair or sadness.
Even as Christmas Day ended, it did not
leave me with the typical bittersweet flavour.
There was never the sense of melancholy
anti-climax that has at times accompanied
this very busy season.
Nor for that matter was there any
heightened anticipation. Every day was
faced with a calm, happy acceptance, and
concluded in much the same tone.
Even New Year's Eve, an occasion of
nostalgia, when the swift passing of time is a
harsh kiss on the cheeks of revelers, did not
bring on any despondency.
As I have thought of this in days since, I
have begun to wonder if at mid-life I have
finally come to practise what everyone
knows to be a common sense approach to
life — living each day as it comes.
I remember as a young child and teen,
how quickly I wished my life away.
Everything was about tomorrow. It held
such promise, it looked so good and I
couldn't wait for it.
I wanted to be old enough to cross the
street without taking someone's hand. I
wanted to be old enough to go downtown by
myself. I wanted to be a teenager. I wanted a
driver's license. I wanted to be 18, 19, 21. I
wanted to be taken seriously.
Well, I guess some things are just simply
unattainable.
The golden years will undoubtedly bring
me to another phase, where time will be
spent fondly recalling yesterdays. Hagar
Shipley, the 90-year-old hero of Margaret
Laurence's The Stone Angel, describes her
twilight self as being "rampant with
memory". A proud woman with no patience
for those who live in the past, she found
herself often unwittingly returning there.
So, alas, I have reached the point where
I'm not in such a hurry for tomorrow. But
neither am I done making memories.
However, I recognize the joke is on me and
the situation is out of my control, so what
seemed to be happening to me in recent days
is probably the best way to see the humour.
Minute by minute the present isn't a bad
place to be.
That's not an opinion, remember — it's
just a thought.
Arthur Black