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The Citizen, 1999-01-06, Page 5Arthur Black Disorder in the court I spotted a sad story in the newspaper this week. It concerns a court case in Stockholm, Sweden, where lawyer Mats Bjorgen has been tossed in the slammer by an irate judge. "I warned him that that sort of behaviour would not be tolerated in my courtroom" fulminated the Judge, Sven Jaryd. Bjorgen's crime? It wasn't his courtroom behaviour - it was his courtroom appearance. The judge took exception to the fact that lawyer Bjorgen showed up to try a case ... dressed as a large, homed owl. Bjorgen never did explain the rationale behind his sartorial choice of pinfeathers over pinstripes, but frankly, I'm not surprised. What surprises me is that more lawyers don’t go off the deep end more often. I know that sympathy for lawyers doesn't come naturally to the average citizen, but think for a moment of what these people face every day of their working lives. They've got it tough. It's not all tumblers of single malt scotch and limo rides to the courtroom, you know. How, for instance, would you like to be in the position of the defence attorney for Doug Brightmoser? Mister Brightmoser was What is the Russian for Chaos'? The Czech economy is not in the best of shape. The unholy alliance of the banks, investment trusts and government, which plagued the country the last time I was there, have still not been corrected. Unemployment is eight per cent and still rising. There is no growth to speak of in the economy, and inflation is still close to double-digit figures. The Czechs fret a lot and wonder what the future, in the form of the European Union, will bring. Yet, the country is a sea of stability when you compare it to Russia. You have probably read something about the Russian banks defaulting on their domestic debts but that is only part of the calamity that has beset the average Russian. There was a time, only a few short months ago, when Russians could go shopping and find just about anything they wanted. When it came time to pay for their purchases, they could use the automatic teller to get cash, or offer one of their credit cards. Jobs were plentiful and job switching was, understandably, common. Foreign holidays were possible for many recently arrested by the Nashville police, who charged him with causing a disturbance by wilfully discharging his 12-gauge shotgun into the air. Against his lawyer's advice, Brightmoser took the stand and eagerly told the courtroom that he was not blasting away to disturb his neighbours, but that he was "shooting at a snake that was trying to suck the nipples" of a goat in his yard. Brightmoser did not significantly impress the judge during his trial either. Perhaps it was his habit of answering "Yeah, Bubba" instead of "Yes, your Honour" each time the judge addressed him. Or how would you like to be standing in the Guccis of the lawyer representing accused murderer Thomas Marston in Mendocino, California back in 1985? Marston lost his case, and was convicted, but he appealed on the grounds that, his attorney's mind was not on his job because said attorney had fathered the child of the then-district attorney, who was chasing Marston’s attorney for child support during the trial. When that line of pursuit crashed and burned, Marston went on to announce that he'd just discovered the real errant father was not his lawyer after all - it was the judge who was trying the case. Marston lost that one, too - but not before his attorney chewed up an awful lot of Tylenols. By Raymond Canon workers. All that is now in the past. The present is nothing less than horrendous! The ruble was devalued at the same time as the banks defaulted on their domestic debt, and the system all but collapsed. Imports are down by 50 per cent, credit cards work only occasionally and bank accounts have been frozen, which means that the banks do not even have the money. In Moscow alone, several hundred thousand have lost their jobs. Need I say more? Businesses are no better. One study of the country estimates that 75 per cent of all transactions done between Russian firms are carried out by barter. One firm has wisely developed four rules that it follows: Sell some output to the central government. This can be used to cover your taxes. Export something to earn hard currency in order to get cash to run your company. Set up barter arrangements for the rest of your production. Provide managerial services to the local government to be used to offset their taxes. Finally, the golden rule is not to take too much profit, otherwise the government will find ways to take it away from you. One Canadian firm that is feeling the pinch is McDonald's. A Canadian firm? Well, yes! Then there's the poor sap who got lumbered with the case of Herbert Freels of Georgia. Freels was accused of rape. His lawyer thought he had the case wrapped up when his client produced a signed note from the alleged victim that read, "I was not raped. I did it under my own free will." Open and shut case, right? Well, it might have been if, under cross- examination, Freels had not confessed to the court that he "always" has his sexual partners write and sign such notes. And if you need one last reason to stay as far from the legal profession as you can get, think for a moment of the great love and respect the average citizen feels towards lawyers. It was never better displayed than in a lawsuit in Houston, where relatives of a man who had died during a construction accident, unanimously agreed to forego their claim for a $75,000 settlement from the defendant, Derr Construction Company, on one condition. They would give up the money if Derr's lawyer (a particularly aggressive and nasty courtroom battler) would agree to allow each of them to punch him in the face. To paraphrase Willy Nelson, "Ladies, don't let your kids grow up to be lawyers". Alligator wrestling ... hang gliding over active volcanoes ... becoming the first member of the Reform Party Gay/Lesbian Coalition ... there are lots of easier ways to make a buck. It was the Canadian branch of this company that was asked to set up operations in Russia and they have done a very good job of providing Olga and Ivan with Big Macksis. It is helping them now that right at the beginning they had the foresight to set up their own suppliers; at least the latter know they will be paid. However, customers that formerly had lots of money for such things as western hamburgers and french fries are now having to think twice. It would help, of course, if the central government were taking steps to clear up the mess, but it is doing next to nothing. Taxes are not collected, corruption is rife, and organized crime rivals anything we know in the western world. Under such conditions it is difficult for any firm, or any citizen, for that matter, to be more than a tiny bit optimistic. Any small ray of sunshine is covered over by dark, ominous clouds. A Final Thought Be advised that all flatterers live at the expense of those who listen to them. - Jean de La Fontaine THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 6,1999. PAGE 5. The Short of it By Bonnie Gropp A new year can really get you thinking The march of Father Time? It's alright if you don't actually think about it - I mean really think about it. As the end of another year approaches, it would be unlikely for the milestone to not cross your mind from time to lime. We anticipate it, we plan for it, and await it. But seldom do we have or take the moments to really pay serious attention to its swift passage. Perhaps, the fact that time isn't waiting for any of us just makes us move with it. Keep looking ahead. But, if you do give pause to what has been, you have to recognise that the pace at which the days, months and years are spinning ahead is mind-boggling. I seem to be thinking less these days about how I got to this point and more about how quickly. I find it difficult as the old year fades into the new to not spend al least a few minutes in introspection or to wax nostalgic. New Year's Eve is a time of sentiment, after all, typically spent in the company of those we have known and loved for some lime making the opportunity for such pursuits all the more likely. For my husband and I the New Year's celebration has been one of longstanding tradition. And each year I have found myself amidst the revelry and camaraderie, recalling wistfully moments of the times past. As this happened last Thursday night, I was awed when contemplating how many New Year's Eves I have spent in the company of this dear group of friends. And thal we have been together at this significant time every year since 1977 brought a billersweet taste to me. The less appealing flavour here meant I had to acknowledge, of course, lhe markings of time, and recognised how the rest of them had aged. Also, there was no denying, as we together recalled moments from earlier parties, that our enjoyment of lhe festivities has taken on a decidedly calmer demeanour in recent years. We still have a good time, but it's always with an eye to the morning after. Gone too, is any pretence of making a New Year's resolution. At this age, why set ourselves up for failure? Yet, while certain realities reminded me that we are indeed getting older, there is satisfaction in knowing we have done it together. We know each other so well, from our worth to our warts. None of us knows what the next year will bring, when fate will alter us forever. But for now I am blessed with another year of good memories that ended as I have come to expect, in the company of people who mean a good deal to me. It can't help but get you thinking, right?