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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 1997-05-28, Page 5I \ J. Arthur Black Oustanding packaging no dairy can equal The British? They don't have sex lives. They have hot water bottles. Milos Foreman Ah, it's a hardy stereotype - the frigid Brits. Nightclub comedians know they can always score a cheap guffaw by making fun of passionless limeys and their prissy, stiff- upper-lippish ways. Anglo-Saxon sang-froid is universally acknowledged, universally disparaged and, as an Englishman himself might say, a load of utter rubbish. The British aren’t passionless, they just have better manners (soccer louts excluded) than the rest of us. As for lacking a sex drive you've got to be wondering what bushel basket Milos Forman has been living under for the past quarter of a century. Did he miss the Profumo Scandal? Fergie, Duchess of Toes? Prince Charles and Lady Tampon? The veritable daisy chain of British Members of Parliament who get caught - at a rate of about once a fortnight - with their Oxfords under the wrong beds? Near as I can tell, the British are about as randy a lot as this hormonally overcharged planet has ever spawned. Consider the news from Exeter College at Oxford University, where undergraduates have voted to ban International Scene By Raymond Canon France, Canada marching in step I have to wonder whether President Jacques Chirac of France and our Prime Minister Jean Chrdtien had a long conversation recently about elections. Whether they did or not, the fact remains that both countries found themselves in an election which was much sooner than it had to be. Although Mr. Chirac must envy the ratings enjoyed by Jean Chretien, he has called the election for somewhat the same reason. Polls done recently show that he is enjoying more popularity than he has in some time and during the next year it may get worse before it gets better. Certainly Mr. Chretien has been inking along the same lines and, while this is certainly the way that a lot of politicians rationalize their action, somebody might tell both men what happened to Ontario's David Peterson when he followed that path. Both France and Canada have unacceptably high levels of unemployment and for this reason the elections in both countries are going to be fought to a certain degree on the old slogan "Jobs, jobs, jobs!" France is, admittedly, in worse shape than Canada; the official rate there is 13 per cent, while ours is hovering about nine and a half per cent. France's rate has gotten worsen over the past year and, even though there has been a light improvement of late, it is too soon to heavy petting. In the dining room. They also voted in favour of splitting the junior common room into two areas: one for heavy petting, and one for light petting. Oh yes, and they also supported a motion banning intercourse in the library between 3 a.m. and 8 a.m. One has to assume that for the other 19 hours of the day, boffing in the books enjoys the Exeter College Seal of Approval. Doesn't sound like a sex-drive-challenged nation to me. The Norwegians - there's another group that gets held up to ridicule in the Sexier Than Thou Department. The Norse are cold, the cliche goes. Distant. Aloof. They got no rhythm. Well, you couldn't prove it by the story that’s rocking Norway right now. Norwegian media are busy chronicling the ongoing public quarrel between two women over just exactly whose breasts appeared in a Norwegian magazine recently. Seems an enterprising photographer snapped a picture of a Norwegian lass strolling along a Canary Island beach with only the bottom part of her bikini performing its function. When the photo appeared in a weekly magazine back home, a distraught woman named Aud Sto sued the publisher for 150,000 kroner, claiming she was the woman who belonged to those breasts, and the publication of the photo had subjected see in it anything like a trend downward. As for Canada, we will be lucky to see anything below nine per cent. Frankly, I wish governments on both sides of the ocean would stop acting as if they were responsible for any job creation. If there is a net increase in jobs in any one month, the government in office latches on to this improvement in the same manner as a drowning man clutching a lifebuoy. One would think, by listening to the French politicians on the government side, that they had been primarily responsible for any job creation that takes place. "We are going to create x number of jobs," they confidently claim and you can be sure that this sort of statement will be routinely proclaimed in Canada, as well as anywhere else there happens to be an election. As they downsize the civil service, governments are directly causing the loss of more jobs than they are creating even indirectly. I wish there was some way that we could keep such rhetoric out of election campaigns. Messrs Chirac and Chrdtien also have a major project on the horizon. For the French it is entry into the single currency club which is due to take place in 1999 and into which France has said many times over that it will enter with the necessary economic achievements. For Mr. Chretien it is the future of Quebec in our federation, but our prime minister lacks the assurances that seem to be commonplace with Mr. Chirac. However, just as Canadian voters are extremely puzzled by what lies behind Mr. Chretien's her to ridicule in her rural home town. Whereupon a second Norse nymph by the name of Inger Marie Maylam surfaced to say that her's, not Ms Sto's, were the breasts that graced the photo in question. Ms Maylam also said, "The breasts are mine and they are for free. It is wrong for somebody else to try to make 150,000 kroner on them." Sounds pretty sexually well-adjusted to me. Nope, if you want to see sexual uptightness in action, you don't have to leave home. Pecksniffian prudery is alive and well here in the Great White North. Just last month, some upright citizens in Toronto tried to have a woman arrested for breast feeding her child in public. What is the problem here? Why is it I can turn on my TV and see severed heads, full- frontal NHL punch-ups and bullet-riddled bodies on channel after channel, but something as beautiful, unthreatening and utterly healthy as human female breasts instantly tighten the spinchters of Canada's self-appointed censors? Maybe it's not the breasts at all - maybe it's the idea of breast milk that offends them. Dunno why. We are talking literally about the staff of life here. Besides, human breast milk enjoys one advantage that the stuff our dairies sell us will never be able to equal. Outstanding packaging. vagueness, French voters are not at all certain that they share their leader's optimism that all will be ready when the time comes. One thing that both countries can brag about is their record level of exports. Canada outshines France in this respect; its trade surplus is $36 billion to France's $27 billion, but both lighten up a less than spectacular performance. One can only wonder what the unemployment levels would be like if it were not for all that foreign trade going on. But in one area France and Canada are totally different - their manner in electing their politicians. Canada uses what is called "first past the post" system where the candidate with the highest number of votes wins regardless of the percentage. In France it is somewhat more complicated. There are two rounds of voting. If a candidate wins 50 per cent plus in a riding, he automatically becomes the winner. If the leading candidate has less than 50 per cent, there is a run-off where only the leading candidates take part. The winner in the second round goes off to parliament. For Canadians who do not like the idea of candidates winning with less than 50 per cent of the vote, this is a system which they might consider. It has been talked about at times but so far, warts and all, we prefer to stick with the British system. A Final Thought You need to do your own growing, no matter how tall your grandfather was. — Irish proverb THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, MAY 28,1997 PAGE 5. The Short of it If elected we.,. "If elected my party will..." Oh, really? Sitting at the Huron County Federation of Agriculture's all-candidates meeting last Wednesday night, I heard those first words repeated on several occasions by each of the candidates. And each time my cynicism barometre seemed to rise a little higher. Each time an answer began with "If elected my party will...", a peevish whisper intruded at the back of my mind, chanting "... do whatever it pleases." I wasn't always so bitter. Until recently if anyone had asked me I would have described myself as an ardent ideallist. I remember not that awfully long ago, grasping enthusiastically onto the lifeline of optimism thrown to me by politicians. They would represent the feelings, the views of the majority. They would share a common vision and together we would work toward the same goal. The promises they made were as good as kept. Unfortunately, it's not that simple. Many have discovered that some promises uttered during campaigning quickly lose their priority once power is assured. As an acquaintance of mine said recently, "Why is it they only really seem to give a rat's ?!# about job creation when there's an election?" I believe at the onset that candidates want to go in and make a difference. I believe NDP Jan Johnstone wants to create jobs. I believe Liberal MP Paul Steckle wants to reduce the deficit and PC Colleen Schenk hopes to improve the health care and education systems. I'm certain the Christian Heritage Party's Dave Joslin believes government can go back to the basic principles this country was founded on and that Reform's Doug Fines wants to ensure a market-driven economy. And perhaps they would succeed, but usually when it comes to government, promises tend to be easier made than kept. They must generally go with the flow. Certainly, there are those who are less 'party' people than others. They stand for the principles of their constituents and behind their own, which, while it gets them the respect of the voters, usually means a falling from grace with the party faithful. Remember that Huron-Bruce MP Paul Steckle lost his committee post after opposing the Liberals' gun control bill? Our candidate is to be our voice, but too often it seems they get caught in the power trip of the ruling government that dictates what it believes to be best for us and forgets to actually listen. We are treated instead as recalcitrant children who made the mess and must take the punishment without question. I tried to recapture a bit of my former ideallism the other night. When Steckle said he was optimistic about this country I wanted to be too. When he noted that Canadians seem to be the only people who don’t think this is the best place to live, I had to admit he was right. But then I had to wonder why. Canada does seem to be moving forward away from, at least in some areas, dark times. But there are still big issues to address. Canadians need to believe government is listening. They need to believe that the policies they elect their government on will be promises kept.