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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 1997-01-08, Page 5THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 8,1997 PAGE 5. Don’t you just love conspiracy theories? Conspiracy theories - doncha just love them? It iriakes life so simple once you realize that the Masons are really a secret society of extraterrestrials responsible for the assassination of JFK, the Oklahoma bombing, World War Two and jock itch. The only downside of conspiracy theories is that to swallow them, you have to be a card-carrying cretin with the gullibility of a Gumby doll. So. You want to hear my conspiracy theory? Computers. I believe computers are the devil's spawn. An evil plot hatched by interplanetary villains to drive us all stark, staring bonkers. And it's working. I'm certainly a lot loopier than I was in those innocent, pre-Pentium days. If you don't believe me, ask my wife. On second thought, don't ask her. We're not speaking. She's still miffed because I suggested we call our next kid Website. Or maybe it was the plane trip we took to Winnipeg. I spent the whole flight pecking away on my laptop with my files spread all over her seat. Inconsiderate, sure - but you can't tell me she was THAT uncomfortable in the International Scene Sffiffll Germans shop slightly longer A few months ago I wrote about what might be considered by Canadians as very limited shopping hours in Germany under the rules of what is called the Ladenschlussgesetz. Of course you remember that word but, if you don't, it means literally the store closing law, which regulates how long stores may stay open in Germany and under what conditions. If you have ever had to spend a weekend in a small place in Germany or in many places not so small, you will vouch for the fact that it is shut down almost entirely from about noon Saturday until Monday morning. There are a few exceptions but not many, certainly not enough to make any difference. Needless to say Saturday morning is a pretty busy time as everyone scurries around to get enough supplies for the weekend. As Germans leam more about practices in other countries, there has been increasing pressure for longer hours. Finally the federal government had to give in and agree to reconsider. After what seemed to be a considerable length of time, new regulations were announced. Shops will now be able to stay open until 8 p.m., and until 4 p.m. on Saturdays. I burst out laughing when I found this out since the weekend will still basically be one of closed doors. I wonder just how many of the small shopkeepers will bother staying open for the extra hours. I made a quick call to the grocer I interviewed for my previous article and he said that he might stay open on Thursdays or overhead luggage compartment. Yeah, I confess, I am a computer junkie - but that doesn't mean I have to like it. Doesn't mean I'm good at it either. I'm about as hapless a hack as ever vaporized a working file. But I'm learning, byte by byte. And I'm not as dumb as some "newbies". Such as the guy who called up on a computer hotline to complain that his computer refused to "read" word processing files from his old diskettes. "Were the old diskettes near a source of heat?" asked the troubleshooter. "Nope." "How about magnets?" "Nope again." "Well," said the troubleshooter, "what about the labels on the old diskettes? Were they written in ball-point? Magic Marker?" "Neither," said the customer. He explained that he rolled the diskettes right into his old Olivetti to type the labels. Then there was the customer who couldn't get his computer's "fax" function to work. The technical troubleshooters asked him to describe his attempts to send faxes through his computer. "Well," said the caller, "I hold the sheet of paper to be faxed in front of the monitor screen and press the SEND key - but nothing happens." Sometimes the technical troubleshooters have to be half psychiatrist. One customer called up to complain that his computer kept calling him "bad and an invalid". The By Raymond Canon Fridays but probably not earlier in the week. He didn't seem too disturbed by the new laws, which means that he believes that he can continue to earn his living. Given that the new laws took an unbelievable six years to determine, he is hardly living in fear of new, more relaxed opening hours for the time being, say, another decade. Chancellor Helmut Kohl’s government has far more pressing matters to think about. But store hours are not the only thing that Germans have to contend with. No store can make a direct comparison in prices with a competitor while rebates, either in cash or merchandise, cannot exceed three per cent of the total price. I told this to my Korean dry cleaner who gives out coupons for up to 35 per cent. He thought I was kidding and when I assured him that I was not; he replied this was another reason why he came to Canada. If you have ever been in a train station in Germany, you will know that there are a number of stores in the building itself and, when all else fails, you can get some of the things you need there. However, this is only the case in the larger cities unless it is, of course, a magazine stand. With longer hours some of the business the stations enjoy now may disappear. We will know better a year from now. If the German stores have one thing to be afraid of, it is foreign competition, not the longer store hours. I can honestly say that walking into a German store is, for the most part, not a joyful experience. Staff, although they are more plentiful than is the case in many Canadian stores, are no more cheerful. Indifference seems to be a way of life. This is, by and large, not the case with foreign owned businesses. I find the latter to technician had to explain that "bad command" wasn't a value judgement and that the computer really had no way of knowing if the user was an invalid or not. Then there is this story, a verbatim transcript of a call to a Novell Network technician: CALLER: "Hello, is this Tech Support?" TECH: "Yes, it is. How can I help you?" CALLER: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and my warranty is still good. How do I go about getting it fixed?" TECH: "I'm sorry, but did you say...'cup holder'?" CALLER: "Yes, it’s attached to the front of my computer." TECH: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped. It's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?" CALLER: "It came with my computer. I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' printed on it." And that's when the tech had to, with a straight face, inform the caller that he had been using the load drawer of his CD-ROM drive to hold his coffee cup. I tell ya, some people. There ought to be an IQ test for prospective computer geeks. Gotta run now. I'm checking the Internet to see if anybody knows how to get Nescafe stains off a CD-ROM drawer. be more helpful and the decor is more cheerful to match the mood of the staff. I'm sure that you have all had similar experiences in Canada and will know what I mean. Even McDonald's, which is becoming more and more frequent in Germany, has a hard time equalling the eprit de corps displayed here in Canada. I must admit, however, that it is above the average to be found over there. Germans are also having a harder time coming to grips with credit cards. If it were not for foreign users, I doubt that they would be nearly as widespread as they are in that country. All in all, I do not expect to see any great changes the next time when I am over there. I would imagine that they will discover the same thing that businesses have discovered elsewhere; longer hours are more likely to drive up costs than sales. Letter to the editor Continued from page 4 scheduled for Monday, Jan. 13, 1997. The Royal Commission on Learning called for upgraded JK taught by specially trained teachers. A mountain of research makes overwhelmingly clear, that children who have had the benefit of early childhood education gain superior academic, social and psychological skills that improve their chances for success both in school and in life. There are currently 228 junior kinder­ garten students enrolled in the Consolidated JK/SK Program in the Huron Public Education System. We encourage all who support the program to contact their trustee(s), the Board Office, 482-3498 or the Federation offices at the numbers listed below: Will Laurie, Pres., HWTA 482-7360 Paul Dyck, Pres. OPSTF-Huron District 233-7523 My resolution.:. ...and yours? There's only one small problem with getting better as you get older. It's much more difficult to come up with an obvious resolution for each new year. When confronted with the question at our annual party, I realized that I am essentially viceless. I gave up smoking in 1972 — then again in 1974, 1976 and finally in 1977. I stopped guzzling beer a decade later. I don't do drugs and pretty much travel the moral highroad through areas of promiscuity. However, I am not so sanctimonious as to presume that there are no alterations needed in the pattern of my personality to improve its design. Therefore, my response to the question of my resolution was the same as it has been the past several years. I just want to try and be a little more... A little more conscious of what I eat, and exercise a little more. Be a little more tolerant, a little more kind, a little more content. Ironically, the people with me who had made resolutions were all striving for the same thing in one form or another. They were going to try a little harder, work a little harder, reach a little further. They were going to eat a little less, fight a little less, push a little less. It was with no small degree of humour that we recognized we were all resolving for several different changes, not just one. The consensus we decided, therefore, must be that when younger, while the imperfections may have been more obvious we had lime to fix them one by one. Now, though the blemishes may be less noticeable, we're going to ipy to clear them up while we can. When you think about it, this might be an easier, yet more effective way of keeping the New Year's resolution. It has become a frivilous habit, ludicrous in its impossibility to achieve. Typically, we set a standard too high to reach, which then becomes an excuse for failure. Thus, there is less pressure with the concept of not trying to be perfect, just more so than before. Also, just imagine what could happen if everyone agreed to give it a try, improving minutely year after year. Imagine if Mike Harris promised to be a little less arrogant. Or if bigots promised to be a little more liberal. What if parents became a little more understanding and spouses a little more patient? As Johr, Irving wrote in his novel, A Prayer for Owen Meany, young people — even young people on drugs — are not the ones responsible for the major problems besetting the world. If everyone, even those of us who believe we have conquered the real demons, would admit their failings, if they could resolve to find in their hearts a way to be just a little more charitable, it may not be the solution, but it could certainly be a start. And how am / doing so far? That's hard to say, really, as my perception may not necessarily be the reality. However, I maintain that if I can cut some of the negative threads of my life, even a bit, every year, the finished product can only be better.