HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 1996-06-26, Page 5THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, JUNE 26, 1996 PAGE 5.
What's left
to flog?
Advertising may be described as the
science of arresting human intelligence'
long enough to get money from it.
Stephen Leacock
They're running out of things to sell us,
folks.
They've managed to convince us that we
can't live without Stair Masters, aviator
sunglasses, hot tubs, and 86-speed titanium-
molded mountain bikes.
They've sold us on the idea that we are
somehow 'lacking' without our personal
quOta of GAP shirts, Birkenstock sandals,
Egg McMuffins and wristwatches that keep
correct time even at 300 fathoms.
We've been inundated with the notion that
we are unfulfilled beings unless we possess a
state-of-the-art laptop, a registered
Rottweiler and a blood-red Porsche that'll do
zero-to-180 faster than the click of our Cross
SlimLine ball-point.
What's left to flog?
Well...how about water?
Not just water of course...designer water.
I thought we'd reached some kind of
consumer point of no return when I saw
yuppies walking down the street clutching a
plastic bottle of water.
I remember saying to myself - you paid
for thai?
Water? The stuff that comes out of your
tap for free?
Silly me. The water merchants were way
ahead of me. Even then, entrepreneurs were
finalizing plans to - I am not making this up
- lasso an Arctic iceberg and tow it down to
California, there to chip it off into plastic
bottles and market it as 'heritage' designer
water.
Just last month, Evian, one of the designer
water giants, issued a breathless press
release announcing "one 'of the most
significant packaging renovations ever seen
in the beverage industry".
Evian is (you may want to sit down before
you read this) redesigning its trademark
water bottle. The new container will reflect
the shape of the French Alps, whence
cometh the sparkly that Evian's been selling
us all these years.
The new bottle is also 'compactible', says
By Raymond Canon
For years the Italian government has
attempted to develop as much new industry
in the south as possible, but with mixed
success. A trip from north to south through
Italy, shows there really are two countries
from an economic point of view - the busy
north and the languid south.
People everywhere, not just Italians,
grumble at the thought of having to shell out
large amounts of money to help poorer
sections of the country.
Mr. Bossi's idea is to form a new nation of
the north and for this he does not really need
the German-speaking Italians, since there is
no indication that they would be any happier
in Nordnazione than they are now in Italy.
Bossi has given them no sign that he
would grant special privileges to this
minority. His main ploy, therefore, is to
work on the feelings of those who see the
south as a millstone around the north's neck.
It is one thing to grumble; it is another to
opt for outright separation and for this
reason there is little likelihood that Italy will
soon find itself two nations.
One of the problems of Italy, and any
number of countries in Europe, that can lead
to separatist tendencies is that the political
maps of the continent are seldom drawn
according to linguistic boundaries. To cite a
few examples, there is a large Hungarian
minority in Romania, a similar German one
in France and a Swedish one in Finland.
Switzerland has sizeable French and
Italian ones while the Basques are to be
found in both France and Spain. If there is a
separatist movement in Switzerland I have
yet to hear about it, while the same can be
said for Finland. •
On the other hand the Hungarians arc not
happy in ROmania and the Basques would
like nothing better than to have a country of
their own.
Perhaps the chief criterium is the manner
in which the central government looks after
these minorities. I cited Finland as a prime
example of maintaining the status quo since
the press release. Same amount of non-bio-
degradable plastic, but it takes up less space.
Meaning, I guess, that more of them will fit
into our garbage dumps.
One giant step for mankind.
Not silly enough for you? Thcn try this
one on: a midwestern American company is
poised to put Water Joe on the market.
Water Joe? Well, it's water ... with
caffeine added. Coffee without the coffee.
For folks who like their water with a little
'kick'.
P.T. Barnum once observed "no one ever
went broke underestimating the intelligence
of the public." P.T. Barnum would know. He
was one of the great hucksters of history. As
a circus-master-cum-carnival showman
Barnum displayed fake mermaids, pseudo-
giants and falsified artifacts - all to, as
Leacock would say "arrest human
intelligence long enough to get money from
it."
Poor Barnum. His heyday was many long
decades ago - long before the advent of
designer water.
Back then, folks got their drinking water
the hard way.
From a tap.
Helsinki has gone so far as to make Swedish
a second national language although the
Swedes make up only a small percentage of
the population. There is no way that German
is going to become a national language of
Italy nor Hungarian of Romania.
Mr. Bossi may, therefore, attract votes in
northern Italy for his separatist stance, but it
is likely to remain just a vote catching ploy.
On the other hand he cannot help but notice
that the Czechs and Slovaks agreed to
separate even though their two languages are
remarkably close.
As Lucien Bouchard could tell his
European counterparts, hope does spring
eternal.
Letters
to the
editor
policy
The Citizen welcomes
letters to the editor.
They must be signed and
should be accompanied by a
telephone number should
we need to clarify any
information. Letters may be
edited for content and
space.
The Citizen reserves the
right to edit or not print
letters.
The
Short
of it
By Bonnie Gropp
I made no promises
I have been duly warned — there will be
no tears.
This week, along with many other excited
Grade 8 students, my "baby" (Sorry, Bud)
graduated from elementary school. And
knowing what a sentimental sap his mom
can be, he anticipated the worst case
scenario for potential embarrassment at the
annual graduation banquet. "Don't you dare
cry, Mom."
I made no promises.
There's no way for our children to ever
fully understand the pride we feel in every
one of their accomplishments, or the
bittersweet feelings that are stored away
with the memory of each milestone.
From the anticipation of their first steps, to
the moment when those steps take them
away on adventures as young adults, the
heartbeat of our anticipation is punctured by
nostalgia, our delight in their success, made
weaker by an underlying sadness that each
step to independence takes them further
from us.
This growth is to be expected, this is as
life intended. But one thing parents discover
early is that the older our little ones become,
the less influence, the less protection, we can
offer or provide. The first indication we
usually have of this is when they begin
kindergarten. For a few, too short years,
parents are their child's world. We shelter
them from hurt, yet on the occasions that
pain does touch them, it is to us they come
for comfort which we capably provide. We
hide them from negative forces and the more
unkind elements of the world whenever it is
within our capability. They come to us for
security and we lock away the bogeyman.
When they begin school, mixed with the
sense of satisfaction it brings, is
apprehension. They now belong not just to
you but to the world, a world that can be
cruel, one that will hurt them from time to
time, and you cannot stop it. There will be
people to remind you your little angel isn't
always. Almost perfect strangers will point
out weaknesses, failings in your always
before perfect child. And there will be
bullies who will physically hurt them or chip
away at their self-esteem through words and
actions.
But we adjust to their introduction to
public school. We even learn new methods
to deal with the harvest of new trials and
errors that crop up.
And then, before we know it, the
excitement of high school looms before
them. We, their parents are unquestionably
proud. They have stepped forward to attain
the first of many of their goals. But our
pleasure carries with it a whole new bag of
worries. Are they ready for the many
challenges and temptations they will
encounter?
There is no question, unfortunately, that
for some that answer will be no. There will
be any number of things which we have
come to realize will divide the leaders from
the losers. But the majority will be wise
enough to let adversity make them stronger,
to see peer pressure as the influence of the
infantile and will rely once again on the
support, love and guidance they ( in most
cases) receive at home. The direction of their
next step depends on it.
Separatism
in Italy
The urge to separate from a country
springs up in the most unexpected of places.
The latest of these places is Italy where a
surprising number of people in the north or
the country want to create a nation totally
separate from the one directed from Rome.
The name of the proposed entity is
Nordnazione, translated as the Nation of the
North.
In the recent national elections, the
separatist move was championed by one of
the new political parties in Italy, the
Northern League, and the leader of such a
move is a man by the name of Umberto
Bossi, whose inspiration for the departure is,
believe it or not, based on the Hollywood
film Braveheart, which is a fictionalized
version of a Scottish rebellion against the
English in 1297.
The Scots, it seems, have wanted to
separate from Britain for quite a while, but
• since modern Italy is just a little older than
Canada, there is little in the way of
inspiration within the country. If anybody
were prepared to separate, it would likely be
the German-speaking Italians in the north
who used to belong to the Austro-Hungarian
Empire.
This brings up a very interesting situation.
Not only does the north of the country
contain the German-speaking Italians, who
would prefer to belong to a country like
Austria where they speak the same language,
it is also the home of the most efficient part
of the Italian economy. Also, there are
many who think that the standard of living in
that part of the country could be even higher
than it currently is if it did not have to
subsidize the southern part, not to mention
the islands of Sicily and Sardinia.
Arthur Black
International Scene