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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 1995-12-06, Page 9Dm et 141166 Ow Atutittenawuj Safe vermin 9f I, Microsoft Demo Dti FREE GIVEAWAYS! /35 lame Ae. 7l. - Lead - d72 - It- Ptige (519)291-9633 Brian's in Wingham December 2 to December 9 Microman,„ Cite& Out Owt, Ibutivenawuj Special! MAGITRONIC DX4/1 00 Product of USA #1 Grade l JUMBO HARTLEY WALNUTS $4.39/kg 1 .99 /lb. In-Store Baked ASSORTED VARIETIES DINNER ROLLS Pkg. of 12 1.19 THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 6, 1995. PAGE 9. Women tell horror stories of abuse aty Christrni:i 'MA List... Dec. 6 is national day of remembrance and action on violence against women. A candlelight vigil, to commemorate the anniversary of 14 women murdered in 1989 at Ecole Polytechnique in Montreal, will also remind people of the countless acts of violence against women and chil- dren. Though the two women in the following story were not victims of blatant violence they were victims nonetheless, and share their stories in the hopes of bringing attention to the need for awareness, education and assistance. Their names have been changed to proP ct their anonymity. By Bonnie Gropp "Everything loving becomes vio- lent." Thus describes the turmoil faced by Leah, a victim of childhood sex- ual abuse, when she tries to enjoy normal intimacy with her husband of 28 years. Sexually plundered by her father when she was between the years of eight and 10, Leah describes her wedding night as unpleasant. "I was terrified. I cried like a baby. My husband, who knew about the abuse, held me and said we didn't have to go through with it, but I knew if I didn't that night I never would." Though Leah, now 46, has blocked some of the abuse out of her mind, and cannot therefore, recall whether there was actually penetration involved, she does know that when she and her hus- band have intercourse, she becomes a different person, one who knows violence. "The violence that we heard in the Bernardo case is noth- ing new to me. As this other person I am raped, tortured. I live through all these terrors in my mind. I am no longer who I am. It's horrible." While Leah and her husband obviously recognized there was a problem, it wasn't until their youngest daughter, who resembles her mother, turned 10, that things reached a peak. "I looked at her, saw me and experienced my first flashback. It was the beginning of the end or the beginning of the beginning, however you want to look at it. Even though I had talked about it with my husband, I real- ized I had never really dealt with it. ft Leah visited a doctor, then after one year on the waiting list got into the Sexual Abuse Centre in Lon- don. She also began seeing a thera- pist. When the London group closed Leah found herself at loose ends. "There was nowhere else to go. I phoned everywhere and there are other groups for counselling if you're wealthy, but I don't know of any on-going support group in the London area. The inability of other people to relate to the abuse "makes you feel like a fish out of water," says Leah. "When you're with other women, or men, who have been abused you don't have to explain anything. They know what you're feeling, what you're going through." Though she lives out of Huron County, Leah contacted the Goderich support group and is now attending there every Saturday. *** Susan, a 36-year-old Huron County resident, says she was abused by two siblings during her teens, then later by a stranger. The first incident which occurred at the age of 12, Susan refers to as having been perpetrated "in a nice way. I was not raped, there was inappropriate touching. It was very scary and being raised in a religious home the double standard made it very confusing." Susan, who grew up in a large family said she was incredibly naive about such things. "I buried it. I acted as if nothing had happened." But in hiding the truth, Susan says, she displayed a lot of anger and depression, a fact she believes contributed to the end of her mar- riage. "The abuse had taken away anything positive for me. I was fighting tooth and nail to get over it. I know there's a lot of good men, but I've put up a wall, one that I've been taking down with help from sexual assault support groups." Presently being counselled in Goderich, Susan says, that as diffi- cult as it has been to confront the past, I don't know what I would have done if the group hadn't been there. "They have helped me under- stand the dynamics of my family and of my role for so many years as its scapegoat." "With their help, I no longer feel so isolated. I don't let people dump on me and I'm starting to feel in control of my life. Getting support from people who are like me is fan- tastic and I'm finally looking for- ward." With the provincial government cutbacks, both Leah and Susan are concerned about the future. "If we lose these services it's going to be a huge problem," says Susan. Leah believes that these support groups actually save the govern- ment money. "There is the cost of one counsellor for these groups. Without help for people there will be major expenses to the health system because of increases in alcohol and drug abuse and in the suicide rate. These support groups are vital to abuse victims, to know you're not crazy or alone." "Hearing people talk about vic- tim's rights makes me angry. I've had to fight for help. If I had been the perpetrator, I'd have all kinds of support, legal and psychological," says Leah. "If there are cuts to the services available for victims of abuse, I'm very concerned for the children and for the men who are now starting to come forward. "What if they can't get help. I don't want anyone to go through the hell I have." Leah is also upset by the people who feel that speaking tip as a vic- tim of abuse is the "90's thing to do." "If anybody thinks this is a band- wagon that anyone would want to be on, they should try it. This is not something new, it's just that people have found their voices." The funding cuts promised, have given people like Leah and Susan a strength they had forgotten they had. "I am furious with the Harris government. The groups have given me back my self-esteem, my sanity. I will be vocal in my sup- port of them. I can now redirect my anger in a positive manner. The child I was, was not in control, but let me tell you, the adult is," said Leah. *** Michele Hanson, executive director of Survival Through Friendship House, says that with the five per cent cuts projected for the next year, the board will be looking at setting priorities. Obviously, she says, more cuts will mean layoffs and restructuring, which will directly affect the people who seek counselling and refuge. "Any further demand on our resources will clearly have an effect on what we can do," says Hanson. Dear Grandma: Please, no socks, mittens or underwear this year. I'd Ilk, a gift certificate for a week at Bernard's Computer Camp for Kids, either for March break or In the summer, or a computer game (SimLife, SimAnt, Simaty, Math Blaster), yeah they're educational, but fun too. Love, Billy... P.S. You can get me all (or some) of these by calling Pat at Bernard Computer Training Centre, 523-9441. * 420MB Hard Drive * 14" Monitor (SVGA Colour) * Vesa Local-Bus Motherboard 159 L ,mited Quontoes Avaloble 'I no longer feel so isolated." * 4MB RAM Easily Upgradeable * Windows 3.11/DOS 6.22 * Star 24-pin Printer * Mouse/Keyboard * Desktop Style Case Prce Subject to Change Deli Sliced or Shaved MONTREAL • STYLE SMOKED MEATS President's ChoiceTM Regular or Diet Selected Varieties, SOFT DRINKS 24 x 355 mL tins 4199 5.92 /100 mL 7=11111111111111 Large size 48s Florida product of USA Red or White GRAPEFRUIT ".99 Cut From Canada A, AA, MA Grades of Beef BONELESS BLADE ROAST $4.39/kg ,99 /lb. .88/100 g 3 ,99 /lb. Brian's Bird on the street Children received many treats from some colourful characters who came to town to march in the annual Brussels Santa Claus parade on Saturday. 111 Josephine Street WINGHAM, Ontario 357-3771 5% Seniors' Discount Wednesdays: Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays 8 a.m. - 6 p.m.; Fridays 8 a.m. - 9 p.m.; Saturdays 8 a.m. - 6 p.m.; Sundays 12 noon - 5 p.m.