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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 1995-11-08, Page 5International Scene Rayriiond 'Canon THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 8, 1995. PAGE 5. Some people will do anything for recognition A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well-known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. Fred Allen Ah, the things a guy will do to get his name in the papers. I have a nephew who made it into The National Enquirer by donning a bathing suit, diving into a dumpster full of manure and coming up with an apple in his teeth. My nephew could go on to win the Nobel Prize for Physics, invent a cure for baldness, even come up with a formula that would stop Quebec yapping about separate bedrooms. Wouldn't matter. He'd still be the guy that did a one and a half gainer into a dumpster full of pig doo-doo. There is a bible for fame-cravers and it is called The Guinness Book of Records. Every year, people around the globe come up with unbelievable schemes to get their name within its hallowed covers. David Huxley made it this year. His feat? Pulling a Boeing 767 a distance of 203 feet, 10 inches along the tarmac at an airbase in Sydney, Australia. With his bare hands. Canada, not the only country with 'huzzanga' The story is told that a group of explorers, trying to find their way in the darkest part of Africa, came upon a primitive tribe and, not sure whether they were maneaters or not, tried everything they could think of not to offend the natives. The conversation got around to what it was like in the civilized world. "Back home," said the leader of the explorers, "we love our fellow men." This was greeted by the natives with a loud cry of "Huzzanga." The leader, encouraged by this reception, continued, "We treat others as we want them to treat us." A louder cry of "Huzzanga" greeted this comment. "We are totally peaceful," exclaimed the leader to which the natives replied with two "Huzzangas". Finally the leader pulled out all the stops. "We come to you as friends and brothers. Open your hearts to us and trust us." The natives responded by one prolonged, stormy "Huzzanga." The leader, totally heartened by this reception, turned to the chief of the tribe and thanked him, then looked about. "I see" he commented, that you have some Mark Kenny of Norwood, Massachusetts used his hands to get into Guinness too. He drag raced on them. Kenny scampered 164 feet on his hands in just under 17 seconds. The entire town of Hamar, Norway has a moment of glory in the 1995 record book. Hamarians made it by mobilizing the largest marching band in the world — 6,017 members strong, including 927 majorettes. Ashrita Furman of Jamaica, New York holds the ultimate in Guinness Honours: the record of holding the most records. His name has been in Guinness 30 times, all told. His latest "accomplishments": jogging 70.16 miles while balancing a milk bottle on his head, and also dribbling a basketball 83 miles in 24 hours. You think I'm pulling your leg? You could look it up. Then, at the other end of the personal achievement scale, there is R. Parthasarthy. He too, would dearly love to be in Guinness — and he's tried. Eighty-flVe times. Swallowing 36 raw eggs wasn't enough to win him immortality in print. Neither was pushing a mustard seed backwards with his nose for 1,650 feet. "The chaps at Guinness have certain standards you know. His last attempt involved eating two rose bushes in 90 minutes. Weird, but not weird enough for Guinness. Undaunted, Parthasarthy announced plans for his 86th assault, promising to eat 625 chilies. really fine cattle here, but I don't know the breed. May I have a look at them?" "Certainly," replied the chief, "but when you get close, be careful that you don't step into any of the huzzanga." In the course of going over the comments of leaders and assorted politicians in other countries, it is easy to see that Canada is not the only country that has its quota of huzzanga. Following are a few of the best examples and you can rest assured that there are a considerable quantity more where those came from. When I was in Europe, I saw in a number of publications a large ad paid for by the government of Saudi Arabia. It was an extremely congratulatory piece of writing, extolling all the virtues of the country formed 63 years ago by King Ibn Saud. The impression given is that all the fine things that had happened there and which are still happening are due to the diligence of the king's successors and to their adherence to the Koran. There is not a single word about the fact that Saudi Arabia might not even exist today if it were not for the military might of such non-Islamic countries such as France, Britain, Italy, Canada and especially the United States. One might have thought that some mention should have been made of such a contribution but apparently not. I wonder what the Arabic word is for Huzzanga. Moving south of the border, the Lockheed Corp. is trying to get the U.S. government to buy more of the Y-22 fighter aircraft which the company is building. Among the inducements was the mention of the Don't give up your day job, Mr. Parthasarthy. It's kind of sad how some people will do anything to get recognized while others are practically born with their name in the limelight. Take William Sidis. He was the child of a turn-of-the-century Harvard professor of psychology who opted to turn'his son into living proof that geniuses were made, not born. He gave it a good shot. By the age of two, young Willie could not only read and write English and French, he could type in both languages as well. He wrote a treatise on anatomy at the age of five. At 11, he was admitted to Harvard and delivered a lecture concerning the Fourth Dimension that was 'way over the heads of most of his audience. Then William Sidis turned 12. And dropped out of Harvard — dropped out of life, essentially. He spent the rest of his years working as a janitor, devoting his spare time to collecting streetcar transfers. Moral of the story? I don't really know. Unless it's that celebrityhood isn't all it's cooked up to be. Remember the four most famous words spoken by one of the centuries biggest celebrities? Marlene Dietrich had it all. Fame, wealth, beauty, the adoration of any man (or woman) she gave the nod to. And what did she crave most? "I want to be alone." she said. potential threat from the north where, it was pointed out, Canada possesses modern jets and well trained flyers. A threat you say! I couldn't believe this. Did Preston Manning make some threat while I was away to invade the United States? I know that the Y-22 is ahead of anything else flying but to induce Congress to purchase more of them because of some perceived threat from Canada defies belief. Maybe Congressmen are even more ignorant about us than is generally believed. I recently commented on the similarities between the elections in France and Ontario; in the former country Jacques Chirac told the voters what he would do for them if they elected him president. At that time his popularity rating was 59 per cent; you will have some idea of how well he has kept his promises when I tell you it is now (five months later) at only 33 per cent. One thing he said was that too much tax kills; subsequently the French learned that their tax burden would go up 0.5 per cent next year to make it a record 44.7 per cent of GDP. Another of his gems was to the effect that by blocking wages, you end up creating unemployment. Next year public sector workers will undergo a pay freeze. There was to be no political interference but a leading judge was forced to resign as anti- corruption head after he said that the prime minister could be prosecuted for having had his son's rent reduced. La politique a la huzzanga, it would appear. Huzzanga is obviously alive and well on all fronts. The Short of ►t By Bonnie Gropp Arthur Black The whining society Seldom a day goes by that I don't find myself thinking what a society of whiners we have become. We work too hard for too little money. Nobody seems to realize, but us, how important something we're doing really is. We have too many pressures, too little time. Our kids don't appreciate us, our parents never did. We are guided by the adage of the other person's grass being greener, discovering even better the wisdom of the axiom, "Be careful what you ask for, you just might get it." The whining I hear, and do, comes primarily from disillusionment. The children of the 60s, who envisioned a utopia, have found themselves in a turbulent tide of dissatisfaction and disappointment. Our young are facing a future of professional insecurity. And we all are searching for ... something. This Saturday is Remembrance Day, and it is, of course, a time for us to honour the people who fought for freedom, justice and truth. It does, however, also give us an opportunity to remember an era and its people, who took the challenges and adversities the war brought to their peaceful insular world, and survived them. People learned to keep going when husbands, fathers and sons were ripped from their lives, questioning not, "why me?", but rather, and bravely, "why not me?" There was little time and patience for self- pity as most families came to know hardship, suffering and endurance in their own way. While it may have been an unequal burden in some cases, it was a common one. I wonder what the tiny child of 1943, who never knew his father, must think of today's spoiled rebels. I wonder what the women who did housework without the time saving conveniences of today and stepped into the labour force to fill the empty spots vacated by the men, think of today's harried working mom. And I wonder what the dead soldier thinks of the people who rape and cheat the system, who contribute nothing, believing instead that this country owes them a living. We are obsessed with personal pleasure. We immerse ourselves in our work and in our relationships, then when they fail to satisfy our drive for contentment we move on. In our pursuit of happiness we have made things expendable, then seek guidance through counselling, and self-help seminars to help us find what we're looking for. Certainly the 90s have put unique pressures on us, but through all time it has been the adversities that challenge and strengthen. While there are those today who are exceptional, many would do well this Remembrance Day to think of life as it was then, to look more to the people who did what was asked of them without question, who worked hard because the values and beliefs that shaped them stood for nothing less. It's human to feel burdened occassionally, but perhaps the next time we find ourselves worrying about if we're really happy or what we're missing, we should try to reflect upon a generation that didn't often ponder that question, but rather fought emotionally and physically for family, God and country and by surviving, just assumed it was so.