HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 1995-11-01, Page 5International Scene
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THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 1, 1995. PAGE 5.
Earthly stupidities
don't worry
animals
Walt Whitman, the American poet, said
one of the wisest things about animals I ever
read.
I think I could turn and live with animals
They are so placid and self-contained
I often think of Whitman's words when I'm
lined up like a sheep at a cash register
getting ready to pay for something I don't
really need, or when I fmd myself enmeshed
like a maze rat in the twice-a-day March of
Chrome that constitutes what we so
laughably call ''rush-hour" traffic.
It doesn't rush and it's seldom over in an
hour.
Animals don't have to worry about earthly
stupidities like that. Deer browse. Robins
look for nice fat earthworms. Rabbits nibble
and crickets chirp. They did it when we pink
and hairless interlopers hunched naked and
shivering in caves and they do it today when
we sit draped in polyester, hunched over
computer terminals and steering wheels.
Animals just mind their own business.
Except when we humans horn in.
Take the case of the Beast of Bodwin
Moor.
For decades now, Britons living in the
southwest corner of England have muttered
about the strange goings on in the Moor, a
So you want
to drive
in Europe
Every once in a while I get asked what it is
like to drive in Europe. The person in
question has heard about the speeding on the
German autobahn or the rude drivers and
wonders how true it is. All this leads up to
the question regarding the feasibility of
getting a car while over there or going on a
guided tour.
I am not going to tell anybody not to drive
over there, but I would like to point out a
few things that you will encounter if you
decide to do so. There is no doubt that
driving is a bit different the other side of the
ocean and forewarned is forearmed.
First of all there is no doubt that on
average they do drive faster there than here.
In Germany you have probably heard that
there is no speed limit on the four lane
highways or autobahn as they are called, and
this is very true. It is nothing to see cars
moving along in the left lane at speeds up to
200 kilometres per hour.
If you handle this properly, it should not
intimidate you or terrify you too much. Just
remember that you have to look more
frequently in your rear-view mirror to see
what traffic is catching up to you. Keep in
the right lanes as much as possible and, if
you do get an obscene gesture from one of
the speed demons, just ignore him. There are
some people who think they own the road.
As far as politeness is concerned, just
remember that each country has its own
desolate area not far from Cornwall.
People had "seen things". Strange things.
Things not normally seen in the docile and
bucolic environs of gentle England.
Farmers spoke of unearthly screeches in
the night. Disappearing pets. Huge shadows
flashing through the underbrush. Shadows
that looked like, well ... cats.
But massive cats. Cats as big as mountain
lions or panthers.
Finally, last spring — conclusive proof. A
pair of hikers stumbled across a large feline
skull with two prominent fangs in the mud
of a river bank on the edge of Bodwin Moor.
At last something for the scientists to work
with. Experts knew that DNA testing on the
skull would identify the origins of The Beast
of Bodwin Moor and pinpoint where the
animal originated. The skull was shipped off
to the National History Museum in London,
where a team of entomologists and
zoologists cranked up their microscopes and
conducted a battery of tests.
In the end it wasn't DNA testing or any
other newfangled forensic detective work
that pinned down the Beast of Bodwin
Moor.
It was a cockroach.
They identified the skull, all right. It
belonged to a black leopard.
But it was the presence of a cockroach egg
case inside the skull that revealed the Beast
of Bodwin Moor to be a hoax. The egg case
came from a tropical cockroach that does not
and cannot exist in England. The
concept of what constitutes polite, probably
because they are more impatient drivers.
Over there, there is simply not the space that
there is here. This means that such things as
turning lanes are shorter and come on you
more quickly. Streets come into each other
at all angles. Traffic light patterns are
therefore difficult and the amber light is
opposite to what it is here, which means it
comes after the red, not before it.
As if you were not busy enough, looking
into your rear-view mirror with increased
frequency, you have to be more alert to
where you are going, especially if you are
not quite sure of the roads on which you are
driving. It would help to do a bit more
preparatory work before you set out or
preferably to have someone along with you
who knows the territory.
One of the biggest shocks you will
encounter in Europe has nothing to do with
road patterns or less than courteous drivers.
It is nothing less than the price of gas for
Biggest shock
has nothing
to do with driving
Canadians who have exchanged their dollars
for the local currency. This fall I paid about
$1.40 - $1.50 a litre which results in you
having to pay more than $50 when you fill
up your tank.
The biggest cause of all this has nothing to
microscopes also revealed fine cut marks on
the skull made by a knife.
"The conclusion is that this particular
leopard skull came to Cornwall only by
human agency," said the official report.
If the sensational British tabloids were
shaken by the revelation, it didn't show. But
then, they had other things to worry about.
The croaking raven of London Tower, for
instance.
That's croaking as in dead, defunct, bereft
of life. Just like the Monty Python parrot.
The raven, named Charlie, was k-o'ed by a
hungry police sniffer dog. That's when the
tabloids got hold of the story — and reminded
their readers what Charlie's death meant.
Charlie, you see, was a member of the
elite raven platoon that's been guarding
London Tower for the past 335 years — by
appointment of His Majesty King Charles II.
Legend has it that the monarchy will
crumble if the ravens ever leave the tower.
And now there are only five left.
And the Queen is reduced to charging
admission to tourists and Diana's running
around with rock stars and Charles is caught
in 8 by 10 glossies skinny dipping in
Portugal
And who knows what Princess Margaret is
doing these days?
So is the monarchy safe?
Well, there's only one other world famous
raven. The one invented by Edgar Allan Poe.
And you know what he was fond of
saying.
do with gas companies in Europe. It is
simply that the dollar's exchange rate is the
pits. The main reason is all those years of
deficit financing that both Canada and the
United States have been resorting to.
Be sure to factor this high price into any
calculations you make on what your trip is
likely to cost.
In addition, some of the roads in countries
such as Italy are toll roads, which adds to the
cost. Switzerland does not have toll roads
but it does charge $50 for every car using the
four-lane highways. It doesn't matter how
long you are in the country, it is a flat rate
and you cannot pass on your sticker to a
friend coming later.
I frequently get asked what it is like
driving through the mountain passes. Not as
bad as you might think but you must
remember that, while the view may be
spectacular, you have to keep your eye on
the road. Let somebody else drive if you
want to look at the scenery.
The best thing to do is not to let the mere
thought of going up or down a pass frighten
you; just handle one switchback at a time
and gear ahead rather than react to a
situation. Stalling is not recommended!
Last of all my secret weapon. I always
buy, before I leave Canada, a good sized
Canadian sticker which I put on the back of
the car. This serves to diffuse a lot of
criticism since it marks you as a foreigner
and a Canadian to boot.
I can honestly say that it is one of the
smartest things I can do when driving over
there, even with my knowledge of the roads
and the customs. Don't leave home without
it!
The
Short
of it
By Bonnie Gropp
Can't we be friends?
You've always known her, but she has
been around for so long that you have often
taken her presence for granted.You are
acquainted with her differences, have
admired her for some of them, failed to
understand others.
Yes, you've always known her, but you
suddenly realize perhaps not as well as you
could have. Though you share a common
bond, your distinctive personalities have
made each of you a little uncertain of the
other.
Then you discover that your relationship is
being sabotaged. A mutual acquaintance has
been leading her to believe that you're not a
friend, but rather someone who is callously
uninterested in her wellbeing, who does not,
nor will not try to understand her feelings
and needs. The scoundrel casts aspersions on
your overtures of friendship and questions
your motives, saying they have come too
late.
Sadly, you reach out only to discover her
all too willing to accept his machinations,
with seemingly little concern for the pain her
rejection will cause. Sadder yet, is that now
spurned, it will not be easy for you to extend
the hand of friendship to her again.
This past weekend, Canadians travelled by
the thousands to show Quebecers how much
they do care. Lucien Bouchard, a man whom
centuries ago, and even in some countries
today, would have been sent to the gallows
as a traitor, is quick to warn Quebecers that
this is too little too late, that the rest of
Canada is trying to coax them back with
false promises.
The irony is that Anglo-Canadians spoke
not of promises on this pilgrimage, but
rather of the opportunity to come to an
understanding through time. It was an
expression of good faith, a statement that
while we may not be the same we do have
something to care about, we do want to get
along.
No, the promises are coming from the
Separatists, from the foul-weather friends
trying to drive a wedge between us and our
Francophone neighbours. Monday, Premier
Jacques Parizeau expressed exuberance
when he suggested that Quebec would be
independent by the end of the day. But at
what price? Both he and Bouchard have
painted a glorious picture, but are the true
colours shining through?
As of this writing, the outcome of
Monday's referendum is unknown. But one
thing seems certain — nothing will ever be
the same. If the Nons win, Bouchard has
promised he will not stop. There will be
another and another vote until the result is
the one he wants.
If the Yes side wins, it is a rejection to the
display of affection and friendship shown by
Canada last week, an affront I would think
that won't be easily forgotten. They will
have turned their backs on us and on being
part of the best country in the world.
While a Non victory would in all
probability rejuvenate the separatists efforts,
my sympathies lie with the Quebec
federalists, who love Canada as we do, but
will inevitably be considered in general
terms with those who chose not to.
Regardless of Monday's outcome these are
the ones who will need to continue seeing
how much we value the friendship between
Anglophones and Francophones.
Let's hope we are in a position to extend it.
Arthur Black