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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 1995-08-02, Page 5Arthur Black International Scene aYttid an THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 2, 1995. PAGE 5. Poor old lawyers First Scientist: We've decided to stop using rats in our experiments. We're switching to lawyers instead. Second Scientist: Why is that? First Scientist: Well, you know how it is — you get so attached to rats. Besides there are some things rats just won't do. Poor old lawyers. Ever since Shakespeare's time they've been taking in the shots from the rest of society. To paraphrase Rodney Dangerfield, they just can't get no respect. All our money, yes. But no respect. But then they bring it on themselves, don't they. There was a story in the paper last week about a skating party in Hamilton held by the Young Lawyers and Articling Students Committee. All the local up and coming legal types got together at a city arena to skate a few laps and get to know one another. Aw, but one of them fell down. Broke his hip, as a matter of fact. So what did he do? Why, he sued, of course. He was a lawyer, after all. Harris meet Chirac I'm not sure whether Michael Harris knows who Jacques Chirac is; for that matter I don't think many politicians in Ontario do, but no matter. It would, however, be nice if the two could meet some time if only to compare notes on their recent election. Mr. Chirac, who was recently (May 7 to be exact) elected as president of France, found himself winning under somewhat the same circumstances as Mr. Harris. Both can be considered as right-wing politicians and both defeated a Socialist to get to power. To carry the parallel a bit further, both made promises during the election campaign that they are going to find hard to keep. This should not be taken as a criticism of either Mr. Harris or Mr. Chirac. Rare indeed is the politician these days who is able to keep his promises once he is in power. It is just too easy to promise something and hope that the electorate have short memories, which many of them do. However, both winners have found themselves under something of a political microscope as they contemplate the best way of getting as many of their promises as possible carried out. Let's take a look at Mr. Chirac and you can make up your own mind just how close he comes to Mr. Harris. He based his campaign on a promise to carry out "profound change" and to "break with the past." This attracted a lot of French voters who might normally have ignored the right wing. Welfare is not yet the bone of contention in France that it is in Ontario so Mr. Chirac had to concentrate on such things as bringing down the rate of unemployment which is currently at 12.2 per cent and which has barely budged during the "I was just protecting my interests" the equilibrium-challenged weasel explained, "I was injured." A local alderman took a more astringent view of the situation. "It's a sad commentary on the legal profession" grumbled Alderman Henry Merling. "I would have thought that any solicitor...would find it beneath their dignity to attempt to sue a city for their own inability to skate." Admirable sentiments, Alderman, but you obviously don't know lawyers. They are the last gunslingers — except that unlike gunslingers, lawyers never risk their own lives — never risk anything, really. You got a Manson, an 0.J., a Bernardo or an Oklahoma Bomber needs a mouthpiece? The legal beagle line-up will be three-deep. A few years back, Edward Greenspan, one of the best (and most expensive) criminal lawyers this country ever produced — agreed to represent Helmut Buxbaum, the sad, cocaine-addled schlemiel who put out a contract on his own wife. Everybody in the western world knew Buxbaum was guilty. Greenspan said he'd defend him. For a million bucks. Up front. Win or lose. Fast Eddy got his million. Helmut, to absolutely no one's surprise, got life. past 12 months. It is, by the way, the highest in the Big seven countries, whose leaders met recently in Halifax, and is some three per cent higher than in Canada. All this in spite of the fact that the French economy has grown 3.6 per cent in the past year. In short, the second industrial revolution has hit France just as it has Ontario. Of the 12.2 per cent unemployed, over a million of them have been out of work for a year or more. Mr. Chirac would reduce the employers' social security contributions and carry out "special financial relations". These measures are supposed to be financed by spending cuts. (Maybe Mr. Harris has talked to Mr. Chirac after all). It may surprise some readers to learn that there are a number of industrialized countries which have a higher tax burden than we do; quite a few in fact. Of the G-7 countries (the Halifax gang), France has the highest, at 44 per cent of GDP and for this reason the French were perhaps even more delighted to hear of a tax cut than the Ontario voters were. They are wondering, just as we are, how this is all going to come about. Mr. Chirac did not stop there. He also promised to raise public sector wages and boost pensions. Perhaps, before the end of his seven-year term, he will have to give Bob Rae a call and find out just how the social contract was engineered and how much political fall-out there was. Like Mr. Harris, he also promised to cut the budgetary deficit which is about the same as that in Ontario when looked at as a percentage of the Gross Domestic Product (GDP). It is obvious that, unless he has a theory of Economics that I have yet to encounter in my readings, he is not going to be able to do all of the things he has promised. Yet by even promising them, he has, like Mike They just don't get it, the big-name lawyers. They don't understand why, no matter how much money they make, a significant portion of society will always regard them as pond scum. And they're a little touchy about it, too. Recently, the Law Society of Upper Canada, which is the governing body for Ontario's lawyers, hosted an auction to raise money for charity. Eighty-eight art works created by lawyers and judges went under the gavel. Twenty-four thousand dollars was raised. But one sculpture wouldn't sell for love, money or litigation. It was a work by Fran Cudlipp, an amateur artist and former criminal lawyer. A six-foot high, paper-mache, jet black rat dressed in legal robes, clutching a book of statutes in one paw and its own tail in the other. Title: Lawyer/Rat. The Law Society was not amused. "There was a lack of any sense of humour about the piece" sniffed auction organizer Geraldine Sharpe. Well, I've seen the Lawyer/Rat sculpture and I think it's hilarious. If you don't happen to be a lawyer. Or a rat. Harris, elevated expectations. There is a lesson to be kept in mind from all this. The political economic pendulum swings back and forth. When the Left fails to find the answers for everything that ails us, the voters turn to the theories of the Right for solace. Sooner or later it becomes obvious that there isn't much more there in the way of answers and so back we go in the other direction. The length of the swing from left to right and back again is just enough for the same voters to forget the lessons they thought they had learned. I wish both Mr. Chirac and Mr. Harris good luck. They will need it. The comparisons are so interesting I thought I would keep a score card to see which one sticks to his guns more. In a couple of years I may just issue a report card. We love to hear from you The Citizen welcomes letters to the editor. They must be signed and should be accompanied by a telephone number should we need to clarify any information. Letters may be edited for content and space. The Short of it By Bonnie Gropp Filling summer hours I'm not fond of commercials; as a matter of fact they annoy me so much they almost keep me away from the television entirely. The other day, however, I happened to catch one that I found rather amusing. It shows a father who, while trying to relax, is interrupted by his kids. The voice-over explains, "It's their summer vacation." Parents on the other hand get to coach their teams, chauffeur them around, etc, etc. etc. I don't recall what the point of the commercial was or what it was selling but I certainly could commiserate with the exhausted father. Since becoming a parent, I have never really been bothered (well, not all the time anyway) by the constant running; after all, there have been occasions when the pastimes my children are involved in started out as my choice. For example, one of my most enlightening recollections is of a bright and early stormy Saturday morning, when I was bucking snowdrifts to get my little tyke to a hockey game in Huron Park. Just as I was feeling quite sorry for my martyred self, thoroughly convinced that I, along with every other parent on the road that day, should be deemed for sainthood, a tiny voice from the backseat put it into perspective. "Why do you make me do this?" Needless to say we took a break from hockey for awhile until playing it became his idea. No, I knew when I had kids, that I wanted them to pursue as many interests as possible, especially in the idle months of summer, when long hot days and boredom can result in less than satisfactory conclusions. But maybe I'm getting cranky in my old age, because this year I've just been feeling a little put upon trying to meet all the demands. I have decided to publicly admit this obvious character flaw because I have talked to a lot of other adults who are feeling the same way. And we all know that misery loves company, so parents need to know they're not alone. Sunday, with a week's whining behind me, some greatly appreciated moments of solitude led to pleasant retrospection. As I looked back upon my childhood summers, I realized that I and my friends had never been entertained by our parents. I was not shuttled from one place to another, nor chauffeured from game to game. Yet, I don't remember a dull moment. We'd hold impromptu ball games in an empty lot, play tag and chase until dark, hike to the bush or swim with the leeches at Gilly's. Now, it's possible that Mom and Dad would have different memories of summer. If so, then apparently all their self-sacrifice was for naught, because I don't recall it, which is probably reflective of the self- centredness of youth. Irregardless, it's made me wonder if perhaps, in pursuit of their happiness, we have taken from our kids some of life's spontaneous fun, the ability to make adventure from nothing and enjoy simple pleasures. This week, my family begins holidays. I won't mind playing 'Jeeves' for them, but I hope we can spend more time driving to places we want to be rather than those where we have to be.