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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 1995-03-15, Page 5Arthur Black International Scene ymond Canon THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, MARCH 15, 1995. PAGE 5. Not tonight, dear I have a penthouse I am a Radio Person. Every week I put on my cleanest T-shirt, stumble down to my radio studio and babble for an hour and a half in between spinning discs. Allow me to enumerate some of the great benefits of being a Radio Person. 1: You don't have to dress up. I mean... look at this T-shirt. 2: You don't need a strong back. Even your heaviest script couldn't weigh in at more than one, one and a half kilos, tops. 3: It's not a dangerous job. What are the hazards? Microphonelash? Scriptburn? 4: Your mother won't give you a hard time about being a Radio Person. True, she'd rather you had a trade, like plumbing or beating up Somalis, but at least you're warm and dry. And you're not consorting with those brazen TV hussys. 5: It's a job. Moms forgive anything that yields a regular paycheque. There are innumerable benefits in being a Radio Person, but there are hazards too. More to the point, there is one hazard. The Blooper. The wild west and Germany When I was going to school in Germany after the end of World War II, I was frequently asked questions about the Indians in Canada. What were they like? Did they actually speak the way they were presented in the movies? Did they live in wigwams...the questions were endless. I must confess that I didn't really know a great deal about them at that time but I tried to answer the questions as best I could. However, I couldn't help but wonder just where this interest in Indians originated. It was a parent of one of my German student friends who finally gave me the answer. It seems that early in the century a German writer, Karl May, had portrayed in his writings an idealized vision of Indian life in Canada and, much to his surprise and to that of many others, it would seem, the stories caught the public's fancy. Nor was there any lack of material. May wrote over 60 stories about the cowboy hero Old Shatterhand and his trusty Indian helper, Winnetou (shades of Tonto!). It didn't matter that May had never been to Canada or even that he wrote many of these 60 stories while in jail; he became the rage in German reading circles and the sagas have been handed down, as it were, from generation to generation. If my friends were interested in them, their children certainly arc too and for many of them they currently have the opportunity of a lifetime to relive the Karl May sagas. Would-be German cowboys and Indians are corning to Western Canada in droves to book holidays on ranches in the prairie provinces. On these ranches these tourists Bloopers are to Kaoto Persons wnat motes is to foxes; Parizeau is to Chretien and Roseanne is to good taste. Bloopers are the Herpes of radio broadcasting. Worst blooper ever? Well, I'm certainly glad that I'm not Harry Von Zell. Mister Von Zell was a great American radio broadcaster. Right up the time he had to introduce the president of the United States, live on national radio. Von Zell intoned sonorously: "Ladies and gentlemen, may I present the president of the United States, Mister Hoobert Heever." Mery Griffin, the game show host, once all but scuppered his TV career by beginning an Exlax-sponsored show with the introduction "Well, we're off and running..." Canadian radio types seem to have a curious affinity for the blooper. I remember listening, slack-jawed, to the CBC announcer who encouraged his listeners to "stay stewed for the nudes". Then there was the Ottawa correspondent who attributed a rumoured Cabinet shuffle to "high Parliament Hill souses". And the CBC news reader (alas, no longer with us) who signed off for the night, saying "THIS...IS THE CANADIAN BROAD- CORPING CASTRATION!" I always wondered where the Blooper came from. And thanks to a writer named Richard Lederer, I finally have the answer. Lederer is the author of a number of books — his latest is called Classroom Classics — More Anguished English. It's a compilation are able to fit themselves out in authentic cowboy gear to ride the range. They learn how to rope cattle, fire a few rounds with a six-shooter, attend rodeos and see all the moose, buffalo and deer roaming free on the ranges. If the Indian lifestyle tickles your fancy more, there is something for everybody. Some of the Indian reserves out west have recreated typical villages where the tourists can relive Indian culture. One of the most successful ones is to be found at the Piapot Reserve near Regina. Visitors from Europe are able to dress in buckskins and feathers, live in teepees, learn to skin muskrats, take part in pow-wows and ceremonials. Who knows? Someday, on one of my trips back to Germany, I may see Germans greet each other on the street by a raised hand and the traditional "How!" (For German speakers the Hollywood dubbed in version is "Wie geht's?".) If you think that this is far fetched, let me tell you that there are no less than close to a 100,000 Germans who are members of 850 Indian clubs; many of these members have adopted Indian names and get together for periodical pow-wows. Instructions are to be found in "The Handbook for Indians". One such pow-wow drew more than 6,000 participants. With interest at such a high pitch and the German mark at an all-time high against the Canadian dollar, we should expect tosee many more visitors. While tourist officials in western Canada are undoubtedly happy about all the money coming in from would-be cowboys; some other Canadians are not so happy. More affluent Germans are buying up property along lakes, in the wilderness and ranches in general and, if there is any development going on it looks more like the typical German spread in the Alps than it does the wild west of Canada. One rather unique outcome of all this is of linguistic bloopers committed by students at the junior high, high school and college levels. And it proves conclusively that Bloopers have their roots in our school system. For instance, the science student who wrote on an exam:,"when you smell an odourless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide." Or the student who advised: "There are three kinds of blood vessels: arteries, vanes and caterpillars." Or the astronomical jade who observed: "The moon is a planet just like the earth, only deader." And how about the biology student who asserted: "The body consists of three parts — the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abominable cavity contains the vowels, of which there are five — a, e, i, o and u." Just think...that student might be doing your hernia operation next spring. And judging from Lederer's book, I don't think students are as sexually sophisticated as we've been led to believe. Witness the agricultural scholar who wrote: "artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull." Or the undergraduate who opined: "to prevent conception, always wear condominium." Which I suppose could only lead to the ultimate sexual avoidance excuse: "Not tonight dear. I have a penthouse." that it is resented as much, if not more, by other Germans who have come over here to take part in the real thing, not witness the growth of yet another "little Germany." Perhaps in time the German purists and the Canadians will be able to bring the "spit and polish" Germans around to a more relaxed way of life. In the meantime Karl May is alive and well in Germany and Canada is benefitting from it. Writers don't want to see relationship hurt Continued from page 4 McCaffrey) and Blyth Village Reeve (Dave Lee) and Memorial Hall Board members (Councillors Shirley Fyfe and Eugene Coburn), the matter of the outstanding $6,000 was discussed. The Festival representatives were to review their files for clarification and arrange a further meeting. No reply was received from the Festival representatives. Village Council and the Festival have worked together during the past 20 years to everyone's mutual satisfaction and benefit. It would be a shame to see this relationship damaged. Shirley Fyfe E. D. Coburn David Lee. THE EDITOR, I would like to extend an invitation to some of your readers who arc Port Credit High/ Secondary School alumni. On May 4- 6 we are celebrating our 75th reunion. Many activities have been planned to ensure that registration packages are still available from: PCSS Reunion, 70 Mineola Rd. East, Mississauga, On. L5G 2E5. Telephone: 905- 278-3594, Fax: 905-278-8936. Thank you, FeterToller Co-chair. The Short of it By Bonnie Gropp For the kids' sakes listen to the experts When making a decision that Vvill affect the future of another person, I have always been more comfortable leaving it to the experts. For example, having once been a child I often presume to know what they feel and what is best for them all the time. Unfortunately, experience has shown me that I can learn a lot about growing up and being a kid from a kid. Last year the provincial government, presumably after doing some homework, made the move to destreaming in the secondary schools. While once Grade 8 pupils were asked to consider what direction they wanted their future to take by choosing advanced, general and basic levels of education for Grade 9, it was felt that this added too much pressure to what is already a transition year. While I don't think anyone would disagree that it would be better if these choices could be made less stressful for young students, few educators spoke favourably with regards to destreaming. Now after its first year in the works the voices have become a little more vehement on the subject. Last week Ontario Secondary School Teachers' Federation President Liz Barkley announced that a 3,000 teacher survey on destreaming had just been released. The results were overwhelming opposition. "Three thousand of our members have told us that destreaming is a disaster. Destreaming is hurting, not helping, students across Ontario," she said. When discussions regarding destreaming were just getting started, I was regularly covering the board of education meetings where I occasionally overheard trustees express their opposition towards the move, some diplomatically, some more dramatically. Recently, while attending an information night at a local secondary school which my daughter will be attending this fall, a teacher remarked in answer to a parent's question regarding destreaming that he did have a concern for the students who are academically challenged, while another teacher was quick to point out that destreaming was not what the educators wanted. While I must assume that these feelings from the experts in the field were presented to the bureaucrats at Queen's Park when the topic of change first came up, I must then also assume that, they, in turn and with arrogant omnipotence, chose to ignore the advice. Personally, I couldn't understand what they hoped the benefits would be and how they could believe that destreaming wouldn't result in bored or frustrated students. What would have made me secure would have been to hear those who teach the students tell me it was a good thing. Maybe I've been in all the wrong places, but that's yet to happen. Generally people working in or around a situation on a day to day basis have a greater understanding of what it takes to improve upon it, than those who sit and make decisions from above. Members of the OSSTF arc now asking government to co- operate with them in "reforming and renewing education." It takes a big person to admit they've made a mistake. If the experts are right, for the sake of our children I hope the government has it in them.