HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 1995-02-08, Page 15Smiling through change
Rev. Cameron McMillan and,wife Ms Barb Barton-McMillan
of Brussels, have kept smiling through more than 30 years
of marriage because they say they have been able to
accept the individuality of each other and the changes
which occur over time.
By Janice Becker
If there is a recipe for maintaining a long-term marriage, some of the key
ingredients appear to be a sense of humour, enjoyment of each other's
company, not going to bed mad, having respect for the individuality of each
person and family.
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THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 8, 1995. PAGE 15.
Acceptance brings happiness
A Brussels couple, Rev.
Cameron McMillan and wife Barb
Barton-McMillan, may typify many
of these attributes as they were
married in 1963, and dealt with the
changing roles of women through
the 70s and 80s.
Married in a time when many
wives held "typical" roles, Rev.
McMillan chuckles now when he
describes the woman he wed. "Barb
was a home economist, skilled in
things such as cooking and sewing.
She even made her own wedding
gown."
Because of his occupation as a
minister, the couple moved several
times throughout their marriage,
often to country locations, which
Ms Barton-McMillan says was very
difficult. It was not easy to meet
people, but the arrival of the
children helped make the
connections, she says.
The McMillans have four
children, Trish, Bob, Kathy and
Susan, as well as providing a home
for numerous foster children
through the years.
Rev. McMillan says couples
today have other options and may
feel marriage is not the right one
for them, though there are specific
behaviours to remember when
involved in a long-term
relationship.
"The most important element is
the acceptance of each other as an
indiyidual. Barb and I are quite
different people, but that is what
drew us together."
"We rejoice in each other's
strengths and take interest in areas
of concern for the other. We should
accept our partner's weaknesses
without complaining and compli-
ment them for their strengths," he
says. "Don't waste time arguing
things should be done my way."
For Ms Barton-McMillan, there
arc three keys to a good marriage:
love God, love each other and get a
university education.
The couple met in Ottawa and
then continued their courtship after
Rev. McMillan returned to school
in Kingston and Ms Barton-
McMillan worked in Toronto.
"For me, the letter writing helped
her to get to know me better,
the tolerance for and the acceptance
for change is important."
"Her university education has
allowed Barb to grow and express
her views as a Christian feminist."
We now have a different relation-
ship, the traditional expectations
have changed. I do my share of the
housework," he says.
Though his wife smiles at the
comment that he does a lot of
cooking, he says he does love
doing the dishes and cleaning.
As a family the McMillans have
maintained several activities which
have provided family time. When
the children were only one, three
five and seven, they took a trip
around the world, stopping in
Australia for several months to
work.
On a smaller scale, they reserved
Friday nights for the family, going
swimming or finding another
activity for all.
For the past nine years, they have
taken a week's vacation with
friends, which is time just for them.
As a confirmation of their vows,
the McMillans renewed their
wedding vows last summer, with
all their children present as well as
many of the original wedding party.
Both believe there have been
positive changes with regards to
marriage in recent years. "People
aren't getting married just to be
married. Personalities change a lot
between the ages of 18 and 25.
Choices may be made with a better
sense of where one wishes to go.
There are not the societal pressures
so other options, such as education,
may be pursued."
Respect for one's partner is an
important factor in the McMillans'
suggestions for a long- and healthy
marriage. Some of the advice
includes saying something
appreciative to each other every
day, don't yell at each other, never
be too busy for your mate and don't
sell yourself short when choosing a
spouse.
Question: After the engagement is
announced, does bride's or groom's
family make the first contact?
Answer: The groom's family calls
on the bride's first.
***
though Barb is more verbal," he
says.
"I would much rather have been
able to see him more often," Ms
Barton-McMillan adds.
Her pursuit of higher education
has led to several changes which
the couple have adapted to and
found strength in. She explains,
"Early in our marriage, I taught,
was involved in community
volunteer work and eventually
obtained four university degrees in
education and social work (the area
in which she is now employed).
"We are much different people
than we were 30 years ago," says
Rev. McMillan, "but that is where