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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 1995-02-08, Page 15Smiling through change Rev. Cameron McMillan and,wife Ms Barb Barton-McMillan of Brussels, have kept smiling through more than 30 years of marriage because they say they have been able to accept the individuality of each other and the changes which occur over time. By Janice Becker If there is a recipe for maintaining a long-term marriage, some of the key ingredients appear to be a sense of humour, enjoyment of each other's company, not going to bed mad, having respect for the individuality of each person and family. 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PAGE 15. Acceptance brings happiness A Brussels couple, Rev. Cameron McMillan and wife Barb Barton-McMillan, may typify many of these attributes as they were married in 1963, and dealt with the changing roles of women through the 70s and 80s. Married in a time when many wives held "typical" roles, Rev. McMillan chuckles now when he describes the woman he wed. "Barb was a home economist, skilled in things such as cooking and sewing. She even made her own wedding gown." Because of his occupation as a minister, the couple moved several times throughout their marriage, often to country locations, which Ms Barton-McMillan says was very difficult. It was not easy to meet people, but the arrival of the children helped make the connections, she says. The McMillans have four children, Trish, Bob, Kathy and Susan, as well as providing a home for numerous foster children through the years. Rev. McMillan says couples today have other options and may feel marriage is not the right one for them, though there are specific behaviours to remember when involved in a long-term relationship. "The most important element is the acceptance of each other as an indiyidual. Barb and I are quite different people, but that is what drew us together." "We rejoice in each other's strengths and take interest in areas of concern for the other. We should accept our partner's weaknesses without complaining and compli- ment them for their strengths," he says. "Don't waste time arguing things should be done my way." For Ms Barton-McMillan, there arc three keys to a good marriage: love God, love each other and get a university education. The couple met in Ottawa and then continued their courtship after Rev. McMillan returned to school in Kingston and Ms Barton- McMillan worked in Toronto. "For me, the letter writing helped her to get to know me better, the tolerance for and the acceptance for change is important." "Her university education has allowed Barb to grow and express her views as a Christian feminist." We now have a different relation- ship, the traditional expectations have changed. I do my share of the housework," he says. Though his wife smiles at the comment that he does a lot of cooking, he says he does love doing the dishes and cleaning. As a family the McMillans have maintained several activities which have provided family time. When the children were only one, three five and seven, they took a trip around the world, stopping in Australia for several months to work. On a smaller scale, they reserved Friday nights for the family, going swimming or finding another activity for all. For the past nine years, they have taken a week's vacation with friends, which is time just for them. As a confirmation of their vows, the McMillans renewed their wedding vows last summer, with all their children present as well as many of the original wedding party. Both believe there have been positive changes with regards to marriage in recent years. "People aren't getting married just to be married. Personalities change a lot between the ages of 18 and 25. Choices may be made with a better sense of where one wishes to go. There are not the societal pressures so other options, such as education, may be pursued." Respect for one's partner is an important factor in the McMillans' suggestions for a long- and healthy marriage. Some of the advice includes saying something appreciative to each other every day, don't yell at each other, never be too busy for your mate and don't sell yourself short when choosing a spouse. Question: After the engagement is announced, does bride's or groom's family make the first contact? Answer: The groom's family calls on the bride's first. *** though Barb is more verbal," he says. "I would much rather have been able to see him more often," Ms Barton-McMillan adds. Her pursuit of higher education has led to several changes which the couple have adapted to and found strength in. She explains, "Early in our marriage, I taught, was involved in community volunteer work and eventually obtained four university degrees in education and social work (the area in which she is now employed). "We are much different people than we were 30 years ago," says Rev. McMillan, "but that is where