HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 1994-12-14, Page 21THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 14, 1994. PAGE 21.
Stalking victim tells story at workshop
By Janice Becker
For most, once the decision has
been made that the marriage is not
working and a divorce settlement is
reached, the experience can be put
in the past. However for some, the
trauma may never end.
So goes the story of "Terri", a
young woman from Southern
Ontario who was swept into a mar
riage to an older, apparently charm
ing man.
Terri presented her story as part
of a workshop held at the Maitland
golf Course in Goderich on Dec. 6
and 7 for the benefit of police and
community workers. The confer
ence was supported by Huron
County Stop Women Abuse Now
(SWAN) group, the Huron County
Domestic Assault Review Team
(DART), Community Initiatives
Unit and the Ministry of the Solici
tor General and Correctional Ser
vices.
Terri's story begins more than 10
years ago when she was just 19.
She grew up in a small town sup
ported by blue-collar industries and
was looking for a way out.
Her family, particularly her
mother, had never been supportive
of Terri, constantly belittling her
and comparing her to her brighter
and prettier (Terri later worked as a
model) sisters. Her mother told her
she should have had an abortion
when she was carrying Terri. She
was convinced her only hope was
to find someone to marry her
instead of being branded an old
maid at 20.
"Joe" was a very charming, good
looking man who was liked by all
he met. He showered Terri with
gifts and attention, something she
had lacked earlier in life. Terri
admits to being swept off her feet.
Within a short time, Joe had
conned Terri into sharing an apart
ment with him, temporarily (his
was been renovated).
Soon the control began.The
apartment was in another city than
her family so she was cut off from
them (phone calls were long dis
tance).
Joe began to visit her workplace.
"First, he just became very edgy if I
was talking to or enjoying a coffee
with a male co-worker when he
arrived. The reaction soon escalat
ed and he would go ballistic," says
Terri. "He would sometimes hit me,
accusing me of infidelity or threat
en to kill my animals, which I
loved."
"My first notion that something
was really wrong involved his wed
ding gift to me. He had given me a
Rolex though I rarely wore it
because it was so expensive. Even
tually, he asked if he could sell my
watch along with his since I never
wore it."
The deal was arranged and Joe
asked Terri to make the exchange
because he was busy doing some
thing else. Terri was arrested for
trying to sell a phony Rolex to an
undercover police officer for
$3,000.
Terri gives evidence
Terri co-operated fully with the
police. She went home to a beating.
As Joe awaited trial on fraud
charges, Terri's home life became
increasing difficult to bear. Joe
would erupt if dinner was late, if
she prepared the wrong food or was
late returning from work.
"Socially, our friends never saw
what was happening. This was
done in the privacy of our home.
Bruises were placed where they
were not easily seen," she says.
Through all of this observers may
wonder why Terri stayed, but she
received no support from her fami
ly. They really liked Joe and agreed
she should stay with him. "In those
days, here were no shelters for
women to go to," says Terri. "Even
after calls to the police regarding
the abuse, I was told there was
nothing they could do because I
hadn't left. I had no where to go."
The beatings only stopped when
Terri took a stand. She retaliated by
hitting him with a 2x4, but this was
not the end. The abuse became
mental cruelty.
"Instead of being beat once a
week, I was now being attacked
every time Joe opened his mouth. I
was a lard ass or my hair was a
mess. This hurt much more than the
physical abuse," she says.
Joe's hold on Terri tightened as
she became more isolated from any
means of support. She was forced
to give up a night class, visits to the
family were prohibited, phone calls
were monitored and the resulting
abuse was not worth the effort of
the call, her clothes were bought
for her so she wouldn't look like a
'whore' and she was no longer
employed.
"Joe's favourite threat was to say
I own you, I have the papers (wed
ding licence)," she says.
Eighteen months passed between
the time of the fraud charges and
the trial. Even though Terri had
never been left alone to speak with
her attorney, Joe used him as an
excuse to go over the edge.
In court, he became very angry
with Terri and faked a heart attack,
resulting in a trip to the hospital.
Coincidentally, this turned out to
be a huge break for Terri. It gave
her and the crown attorney several
hours to discuss the case and other
matters of importance. They were
able to search Joe's locked home
office. They discovered informa
tion on a huge stolen car stash.
Abuse from behind bars
Once jailed, Joe began speaking
to her parents, the jail psychologist
and inmates, telling them how terri
ble Terri was. Terri's mother read
her the 'riot act' about turning in her
husband.
Soon, Terri's numerous small ani
mals began turning up dead on her
doorstep in the morning and items
in the house were destroyed. Terri
believed Joe was encouraging
released cellmates to seek revenge
for him.
Terri moved and tried to hide her
whereabouts, but once released, Joe
tracked her down. The threats on
her life continued.
After several moves, Terri began
to wonder how Joe was always able
to track her down. He had kept in
constant contact with Terri's moth
er who was feeding him the infor
mation. Terri was told by her
mother that she should return to Joe
because she would never find any
one who was as good to her as he
was. Her mother's other motivation
was that by the couple getting back
together, the parents might be able
to recover some of the $60,000
they had lost to Joe in a 'Florida
swamp land' real estate deal.
Terri had to cut herself off com
pletely from her family.
During this time, Joe was
charged several times with 'Prowl
by Night' and minor vandalism
offenses. It was not enough to keep
him out of Terri's life.
Eventually, Sergeant Lome
Moore of the OPP, was assigned to
the case. "Joe was very charming
and I liked him immediately. I had
to determine who was telling the
truth with regards to harassment.
Both people had very believable
stories. Joe convinced me Terri was
just a crazy ex-wife seeking
revenge. He even tried to be my
good buddy, calling three times a
day and sending gifts. "As I spent
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more time with Terri working on
the case and being a one-man
surveillance team, I saw the truth in
her stories."
Terri finally had to tape all con
versations with Joe, trying to draw
a threat out of him, so there was
substantial evidence.
Joe skips out on charges
Just before Joe was to appear in
court on all outstanding charges he
skipped to British Columbia, where
he started more scams.
It had been many years since
Terri received letters or heard from
Joe, until recently. After spending
four months in jail in B.C., Joe was
picked up in Wawa on the many
charges waiting for him in Ontario.
Sgt. Moore suspects he was return
ing to invade Terri's life again.
Locked up
Joe is once again in jail, but Terri
fears for not long enough. "I just
want him to stay away from me. I
will always be looking over my
shoulder, hearing his words, 'One
day when you least expect it.'
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