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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 1994-12-07, Page 5THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 7, 1994. PAGE 5. Arthur Black I didn’t write the headline So what do you think of that headline? Good? Bad? Ho-hum? Well, don't blame me - I didn't write it. . Headlines are an interesting phenomenon. Imagine you were handed a story of say 750 - 1,000 words by an editor with a cigar butt stuck in his beak, who removed the cigar just long enough to growl "Here, punk - put a headline on this". You know that you've got four, five, maybe half a dozen words to sum up the story. What do you write? If you're like most headline writers, nothing very interesting. New Republic magazine recently asked its readers to submit their idea of the most boring headlines they'd seen. The magazine was inundated. NEW ZEALAND: LABORATORY FOR AIR TRANSPORT DEVELOPMENT read one entry. ASTRONAUT GETS DEAD NEWT OUT OF TANK was another. The Charleston Gazette submitted TOURIST BUREAUS MAY CONSOLIDATE, BUT NOT RIGHT NOW This was challenged by an offering from an Atlanta paper: LOCAL EARTHQUAKES RARELY NOTICED International Scene Laos — almost forgotten One of the things I almost did was get sent off to Indochina. I was working for External Affairs at the time and the rule was that most single Foreign Service Officers were packed off to Indochina for a year to serve with the Canadian contingent of the then current truce commission. If I remember correctly, the other two members were India and Poland. As I read up on the situation, it appeared to be a first-class example of a lesson in frustration because, even if the Canadians did find some example of military equipment being slipped across the border, by the time something was done about it, the equipment was long gone. In addition, it just taught the Chinese or whoever was doing the sneaking to look for another way where there was no inquiring Canadian to foil the plans. At any rate my trip never materialized since I conveniently came down with a recurrence of my jaundice which I had first contracted while living in Spain. Given the number of diseases which you could contract in Vietnam, you had to go out completely healthy and that I was, at the time, most assuredly not. The department found something else for me to do. I ended up in Vienna working with the Hungarian refugees fleeing their country in the wake of the 1956 uprising. But I would like to return to the subject of Vietnam. For those readers whose geography of the area is not particularly good, and I suspect there are a lot of them, the old French colony of Indo-China, located south of China and east of Thailand, was made up of three parts, each with its own The New Haven Register weighed in with STATE MAY ALLOW DRIVERS TO PUT STICKER IN WINDOW - while the New York Times alerted its readers that PROFESSORS IN 14-NATION STUDY SAY THEIR IDEAS ARE IGNORED Chicago readers of the Daily Southtown were no doubt paralyzed to leam that O.J. CASE HINGES ON EVIDENCE Interestingly enough, Canadian entries made up a fair proportion of the submissions. MANY IGNORE CANADA'S DAY OF INDEPENDENCE lamented the Sun-Sentinel, while the Seattle Post-Intelligencer harrumphed CANADIAN WHEAT BLAMED Canada's own Globe and Mail - the newspaper that is pleased to pronounce itself Canada's 'national' newspaper, hastened to inform the world at large: CANADIANS CONTENT, SURVEY FINDS I wish the New Republic survey had acknowledged other headline categories - cleverest headline for example. I've always admired the show business paper Variety for the shrewd conciseness of its headlines. Once when a blizzard paralyzed Buffalo and would-be theatre-goers, Variety summed up the situation with BLIZ BOFFS BUFF BIZ Another time, when surveys indicated that rural audiences did not flock to movies whose themes were rural or agricultural, Variety boiled it down to this headline: By Raymond Canon language and culture. While Vietnam, and to a lesser extent Cambodia, finds its way into the news now and again, the third part of Indo-China, known as Laos, is hardly ever heard from. Laos played very little role in the long civil war in Vietnam, a war that many Americans would like to forget; it did not stop the North Vietnamese from using part of the country as a supply line to the south, nor did the Americans have any qualms about flying over it. When the war ended the Laotians would have liked very much to withdraw into their own little world without any interference from anybody but this was not to be. The 4.4 million Laotians found themselves on the receiving end of no less than thousands of Russian economic advisors, not to mention about 50,000 Vietnamese troops. Given that Laos has very little in the way of military forces, there seemed to be little reason to keep such a large force there; as a result the Vietnamese left, followed at the same time by the Russians in the wake of the collapse of the Soviet Union. The collective sigh of relief on the part of the Laotians could be heard all over southeast Asia. However, the country is moving only with a minimum of speed to a market economy. Projects get approved only to gather dust in some bureaucrat's office. Perhaps the most noticeable sign of progress is the recently completed "Friendship Bridge" (over the Mekong River) between Thailand and Laos. The road in Thailand to the bridge is in good shape but that is more than can be said for the part of Laos between the bridge and Vientiane, the Laotian capital 20 kilometers away. Any tourists who get as far as the bridge, have to leave their comfortable buses and take an antiquated vehicle to the capital. Even trucks carrying merchandise have to STIX NIX HIX PIX Remember when Washington announced it would no longer bail out New York city financially? The New York Post summed up the situation pithily with the headline: FEDS TO NEW YORK: DROP DEAD There are a lot of headline categories New Republic could have honoured - how about "Most Unintentionally Hilarious Headline"? There's a paper bagful of entries in this department - how about FATHER OF NINE FINED $100 FOR FAILURE TO STOP or this headline in the New York Herald: DEAD POLICEMAN ON FORCE 23 YEARS The Baltimore editor that OK'd this headline may never live it down: FLORIST ASKS GIRLS TO DROP STRAPLESS GOWNS And how would you like to be an editor on the San Francisco newspaper that ran this headline: ESCAPED LEOPARD BELIEVED SPOTTED Dullest headline? Well, according to the arbiters of the New Republic contest, the honour goes to the editorial department of the Huntsville Alabama Courier which ran a story under this flag: LOCAL WOMAN, 82, CLEANS OUT DESK Personally, I can think of a half dozen stories that bubble up from six poignant words like that. But then, I don't write headlines for a living. unload on the Laotian side so that it can either be stored in a warehouse or carted off to the capital in an equally antiquated truck. Nor is the government in a hurry to do business with Thailand which looks longingly at the country's plentiful natural resources. In order to prevent the Thais from getting too firm a hold on the Laotian economy, the government is encouraging investment from elsewhere, even Canada, should any Canadian with a bit of spare cash take a liking to the potential. Some Americans are already there but not for economic reasons. They are part of the MIA teams (Missing In Action) which are looking for Americans captured or killed in the Vietnam war. There is one small economic benefit: the Americans pay about $20 a day to any Laotians helping in the digging of potential graves. Since that is far more than the average wage for a day's work, the government keeps three-quarters of it and gives the rest to the worker. With the current attitude of the government and the people, don’t expect to see ads in the paper promoting the beauties of Laos. It is not going to happen soon and most Laotians prefer it that way. DEADLINE FOR CHRISTMAS STORIES THIS FRIDAY Share your Christmas memories with us The Short of it By Bonnie Gropp Where’s the spirit? Where is our Christmas spirit? Just when I thought it was a failing in myself of late, humankind has proven that it's in the air. While I'll admit to a degree of disgruntled attitude in my own personality, over the course of this past few weeks, I have seen and heard enough childish pettiness to make me believe there is more than one Grinch at work this season. Last week for example a relative of mine was told by a neighbour that they should take down the flag (a Canadian one, I might add) that was flying in their yard. "I'm sick of it!" the neighbour boldly spat. You can see her point of course. After all, she said, it's been there since July and it's the first thing she sees in the morning and the last thing at night. Honest. And this was only the curdled top of what seemed to be one sour week. Though I could regale you with other such anecdotes, I really believe one is definitely enough. Suffice it to say that there have been enough of this ilk to have had me contemplating the whereabouts of the Christmas spirit. I have always before taken great delight in the way the festive season takes hold of our personalities, softening up even the most die-hard Scrooges. It's always seemed easier to smile, easier to care. For a society too often caught up in a "what's in it for me?" attitude, the benevolence and generosity at Christmas seems to be infectious. Though it would be good to see it carried the year through, it's always been nice to know that at least once a year, the needs of others and respect for them and their feelings is a consideration of most. Even with all its commercialization, the goodwill and glad tidings of Christmas are universal. At least that's what I used to think, but this year I was beginning to wonder. I knew that personally, I was finding it more difficult to get into the spirit of things, to forget me, me me for awhile. But then, as I listened to and enjoyed a chuckle over the story of the neighbour, her total selfishness (and folks I think we'll all admit she's not alone; we've all had our moments) reminded me that we can occasionally be a little too self-absorbed. In a world where a woman can not stand to look out her window and see the Canadian flag flying in the yard next door, there also lives a woman watching her child die of AIDS. In a world where one woman complains about her husband's inability to put his clothes in the hamper, used to live another woman, who died this week during a domestic dispute. In a world where the successful complain about paying higher taxes, live those who pay none because they have nothing. Part of being human is to feel for others and ourselves. It wouldn't be natural to not indulge in some moments of self-pity or sanctimoniousness. I know there are days when I am going to feel sorry for myself and there's not a thing you can do about it. But maybe, at least at this time of year, we could stop and think for a while to see if it's really important before we recriminate. Perhaps we could try not to assume the worst in others and respond to their comments or actions, rather than react to them. Finally, let's think not of what is missing in ovr lives, but in how blessed we are compared to some, and in the true spirit of Christmas give to them what we can, even if it's only the warmth of a smile.