Loading...
HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 1994-11-23, Page 5Arthur Black THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 23,1994. PAGE 5. The perfect honeymoon Niagara Falls. The second greatest disappointment for every American bride. Oscar Wilde Old Oscar was a grouch. Everyone knows that the honeymoon is a magical time. He hasn't yet had the pleasure of walking into a faceful of wet pantyhose on the shower curtain; she doesn't yet know that this slob she married leaves enough whiskers in the sink to stuff a mattress. On the honeymoon, everything is perfect. That's the way it's supposed to work out. Doesn't always. Last year Thrifty Car Rental got a great idea: why not sponsor a "Honeymoon Disasters" contest - give customers a chance to share their tales of newlyweds bliss gone wrong? So they did. Thrifty even offered a first prize package that included a second honeymoon to the city of the winners choice, free airfare, free accommodation... - and of course a free car rental, courtesy of Thrifty. Turns out a lot of people have had bum honeymoons. One of the first entries Thrifty received came from a Doctor Jacqueline Hott of Great Neck, N.Y. Jacqueline's brand new mother-in-law chose the period of the newlyweds' honeymoon to have some surgery done. This meant that Jacqueline and her new groom had to babysit the groom's (International Scene By Raymond Canon Somalia — an un-disaster BY RAYMOND CANON The efforts of the United Nations to restore some semblance of order in the east African country of Somalia leaves a sour taste in the mouths of many people in Canada and elsewhere. The first soldiers, mainly American, arrived in the glare of large-scale publicity. The media were actually the first group of people to meet them when they came ashore. They quickly became bogged down in the politics of the place where the local rules changed almost from town to town and street to street and the soldiers present could be excused from thinking that they had found themselves in a 1990's version of Vietnam. Very little, if anything, went right. The Canadians, who formed part of the UN contingent, came under a considerable cloud for the simple reason that several of our soldiers were charged with the deaths of Somalians and, at the time of writing, one has already been found guilty and sentenced to five years in a military prison plus a dishonourable discharge. Among other questions that were raised during the revelation that some of our troupes had been involved in a killing and the subsequent trial were two important ones. The first was that, on the basis of all the evidence presented, it appears that the soldier found guilty may well have been something of a scapegoat. The most likely suspect for the killings has been declared mentally incompetent and thus unfit to stand trial. Somebody else had to be the fall guy and one was found. The other was the fact that the Canadian nine-year-old brother plus the family dog, name of Poopsie. Poopsie took? to the new member of the family instantly. And seriously. "Poopsie decided he loved me more than my husband did, and didn't allow us to sit next to each other in the car," says Jacqueline. "And as for the bed..." No amorous mutts spoiled the wedding night of Michael J. Gallen of San Diego, California. Only problem was the bridal chamber was a little bright. Mike's new wife took care of that by artfully draping her negligee over the lampshade. What with one thing and another, Mike and the Missus didn't notice the fire until it was burning quite briskly. Which is how they came to be running down the hall naked on their wedding night. Closer to home there was the newlywed nightmare of Thomas Vecchione, who took his new bride rafting in the Grand Canyon. Tom's wife, who sounds higher strung than Steffie Graf's tennis racket, got outraged when Tom grabbed the last chocolate bonbon. Wrenching the wedding band from her finger she shrieked "This marriage will never work!" - and fired it into the night. An elderly fellow rafter found the ring wedged in a crevice. "I can always find a wedding ring," he explained. "I've had to find my wife's six or seven times, just like this." The Vecchione's were 'reunited' in a small impromptu ceremony on the beach. They should be fine from here on in as long as Mrs. Vecchione doesn't hit a crisis. Like running out of milk or something. Ah, but all honeymoon experiences pale beside that of David and Jamie Barber of regiment over in Somalia was not on normal peacekeeping duties. It was on war alert because of all the violence and infiltration going on; this sheds a different light on the reactions of the soldiers to Somali infiltration. However, this is something of a secondary show in the fiasco that is taking place in Somalia. The UN is spending about $2 billion there in trying to restore order and it can be considered as money down the drain since the country has returned to the anarchy that existed when the UN troupes first arrived. One of the main players in this anarchy is General Muhammad Farrah Aideed, whose wife was discovered living in London as a refugee, but who found both time and money to fly back to Somalia to be with her husband when he took time off from running his fiefdom in Mogagishu, the capital. Gen. Aideed may not be responsible for all the attacks on the UN Troupes but let's look at some of the evidence. A Zimbabwean company of 186 men were stripped to their shorts and robbed of all their weapons, uniforms and vehicles. This assault was led, believe it or not, by women and children. The Egyptian soldiers under the UN gained such a reputation for graft that they were moved from the port to the airport. They are reported, for a fee, to look the other way while somebody loots or even steals UN vehicles which are later sold for a goodly sum on the black market. Nigerians have been found selling security passes while the Bangladeshis sell the fuel out of their own vehicles. One private firm which has a large catering contract with the UN in Mogadishu, has twice so far, seen its manager threatened with murder if he did not give in to Somali Escondido, California. They might have known it was going to get rough when the septic line ruptured right beside the buffet table at their outdoor wedding ceremony. They persisted, got hitched while the guests gagged and retched, and then the Barbers hied off to honeymoon in San Francisco. Where they ran into a riot by radical activists. To cheer up his wife, David ordered 96 long stem American Beauties and had them delivered to their hotel room while they were out. The hotel maid promptly threw the flowers out. On the last day of their honeymoon David broke his video camera and cut his wrist badly enough to require stitches.. He sat bleeding quietly in a hospital emergency ward for several hours, which meant that he and his wife missed their return flight home. And of course when he tried to buy a new pair of tickets, he discovered his credit card was overdrawn. And then... No. Let's draw the curtain on the Barbers' barbarous honeymoon right here. On the bright side, their nuptial reign of terror did win them first prize in the Thrifty contest. They chose to spend a weekend at beautiful Hilton Head, South Carolina. I couldn't resist. I phoned David Barber up in Escondido to find out how his second honeymoon went. "Well...he said ruefully, "I probably shouldn't say this because Thrifty's been so good to us but... "When we got to South Carolina, they didn't have any rental cars left on the lot for us." demands for half of the profit from his enterprise, threats made in front of two Egyptian officers. This took place at the port of the city where the company is located and it should not come as any surprise since, as I indicated above, it was the Egyptians who were involved in graft at the port. Perhaps the most telling comment came from one of the senior officials of the UN in Somalia who stated that what the organization was trying to do there was "install the short of junta that the Americans got rid of in Haiti and then run like hell." With comments like that, it should come as no surprise that the poor Somalians will end up having to endure the same miserable conditions which brought the UN to the country in the first place. The first book to be written on this mission should be entitled "Somalia, A Lesson in Utter Frustration." As for the Americans who were the first to arrive with such fanfare, they left long ago, having realized that the only smart thing to do was cut their losses and run. Letter to the editor THE EDITOR, Let Your Light So Shine Here's to the glow that does not gleam With bright and dazzling rays. Illumination, it would seem Is not a prime these days. That soft glow really emanates A warm and cosy lustre; A calm serene initiates; After the day's last fluster. One point of two time has to meet - potential for a scrimmage - An adequately lighted street Or a tender, soulful image. Clare Vincent The Short of it By Bonnie Gropp Sometimes you can see black and white This is not a black and white world. Those of us who have spent any time here at all developing some common sense must, in all honesty, acknowledge that most issues are coloured with grey. But not everything needs to be that difficult. There are limes when facts just lead you on a natural course. It is unfortunate then that when presented with a black or white choice, there are some who still choose to muddy it with grey. Last week I wrote a column about drunk driving, after which I covered provincial court, where there were several impaired driving cases on the docket that day. They all pled guilty and they all paid the piper. During their appearances the words impaired and judgement popped up several times. Obviously, since the reason these individuals are charged is that their judgement was impaired. The fact that they got behind the wheel of a car when that judgement was impaired made them guilty of a crime because they were in essence not acting consciously. Sounds fairly black and white to me. However, there was a new twist to this, last week when a news item indicated that if you're drunk and commit other crimes, apparently the colours begin to mix. I was appalled to hear that for a second time, a judge has dismissed charges of assault against a person on the grounds that he was drunk. (The defendant that is, though I did wonder.) A Quebec judge determined that the defendant was not guilty of beating his wife because he was intoxicated and therefore not conscious of his actions. Had they said the attack had not been severe, had they said there had been provocation, I might have gone along, but because he was drunk! I sat waiting for the punch line, but it never came. Doesn't this set a rather dangerous precedent? The more I thought about it the scarier the answers became. Now, admittedly when people know only half the story before saddling up and getting on their high horse, it can be a fatal ride, but I just couldn't think of any details that would possibly alter the fact that while booze may be an excuse it shouldn't be a defense. To me, (and I can't be alone on this, can I?) it seems that if you drink and drive possibly causing injury or death you are guilty of a crime, but this ruling says that to break another crime while drunk, you can't be held responsible. When a car becomes a weapon because of the driver's inability to function he is responsible for his irresponsiblity, yet if that same person gets drunk and uses his hands to hurt someone, we have to let him go because he didn't know what he was doing? Giving benefit to His Honour, it can't be easy to sit and listen to both sides of a depressing story with objectivity, being fair to all parties and unbiased toward all. After all judges are only human. But, how anyone with any conscience, let alone brains, could in all seriousness, provide an out for accountability through alcohol is beyond me. While all the groups fighting drug abuse work to leach people that alcohol and drugs may put them out of control, causing them to act out of character, this judge sent a dangerous message — if you’re under the influence you might gel away with .... Let's hope there aren't loo many judges who can't see black and while.