HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 1994-11-02, Page 5Arthur Black
THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 2, 1994. PAGE 5.
English, world’s
most confusing
language
Bear with me, folks. I've come up with a
brand new theory that explains Quebec's
perpetual skittishness when it comes to
accepting the familial Canadian embrace.
I think they're scared of us.
Not physically - after all they now have
Wendell Clark in a Nordiques uniform. No, I
believe the Quebecois feel unequal to the
challenge of English. They're afraid of our
language.
Well, think about it. The French speak (as
the French never tire of pointing out to us)
the world's most beautiful language.
Whereas the rest of us in Canada speak the
world's most...well, confusing language.
You think I exaggerate? Is there another
language on the planet that allows its
practitioners to pronounce the letters ough
six, count 'em six, different ways?
English does. We have tough, through,
thorough, cough, hiccough and bough.
English must be a nightmare to learn when
it's not your first language. And that's never
ri
£ i
ii International Scene
More doom
and gloom
BY RAYMOND CANON
Every once in a while I get sent to me free
of charge a book predicting a coming
financial depression. It is sent to me either
by the author himself or his publisher;
hoping perhaps that I will either order
additional copies, which are not free, or
some ancillary, also not free or, failing that, I
will tell all my friends about it so that they
will rush out with their money and more
than make up for my failure to recognize a
bargain when I see one.
At any rate I had been thinking that the
world was in pretty good financial shape
since I had not been sent anything of a
gloomy nature. I should have kept my
thoughts to myself since it was only shortly
afterwards that in the mail came a book
entitled The Plague of the Black Debt. Right
under that is the punch line: "How to survive
the coming depression." The author, James
Dale Davidson, is unknown to me but his co
worker, Lord Rees-Moog, certainly is.
Mr. Davidson, it says, is an Advisor on
Economic Reform to one of the former
Soviet Republics (it doesn't say which one)
but that is nothing to brag about. Most of
these republics would not know good
economic advice if their lives depended on
it. However, I have much more respect for
Lord Rees-Moog who is the former editor-
in-chief of the excellent Times of London
(England, that is), a member of the House of
Lords, vice chairman of the BBC and
probably as well informed as most pundits.
He certainly has enough intelligence for me
to put the book aside for careful reading.
This book has a great deal in common
with books that I have already read on the
subject; they all start out with statements that
arc hard to refute. In this case it is the fact
that history repeats itself and since we had a
great depression in the 1930s, it is going to
happen again. In fact, it is about to happen, a
supposition that is based on the 60 year debt
more apparent than when you travel abroad
and encounter non-English speakers who try
to get a grip on our language...and don't
quite manage it.
Sometimes the language gets more than
mangled - it becomes unintentionally
X-rated.
It's enough to bring a blush to the cheeks
of Anglophone and Anglophobe alike.
There is for instance, the chic boutique in
Paris that enthusiastically advertised
"dresses for street walking."
And the hotel in Tokyo that advised its
English speaking clientele "You are invited
to take advantage of the chambermaid."
There's a sign in front of a shop in
Bangkok that reads "Drop your trousers here
for best results."
Don't get yourself excited - the shop is a
dry cleaning establishment.
Then there's the hotel in Zurich which tells
its guests "Because of the impropriety of
entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the
bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be
used for this purpose."
And there's a doctor in Rome who
probably can't understand why English-
speaking patients stay away from his clinic
in droves. His business card states that he
specializes in "women and other diseases."
A Swedish furrier in Stockholm is also no
By RaymondCanon
cycle.
This sounds suspiciously like the one
created by the Russian economist
Kondratieff, which gets dragged out now
and again to prove a point. If I remember
correctly, the Russian's was 55 years but no
matter.
It becomes obvious that the theories in this
book are monetary in nature, in that they
take as one of their premises the assertion of
Milton Friedman, the most famous of
monetarist economists that too much growth
in the money supply is the ONLY thing that
causes inflation.
It is right there that I start to get a bit
suspicious. I don't doubt that it is one of the
main causes, but the only cause? Given that
currency flows across borders as freely as
air, it is hard to accept that it has as much
validity as it used to.
It is difficult to discuss things such as
inflation or money supply without getting
into some economic jargon and I want to
avoid that if at all possible. Even the last
paragraph may have lost a few people along
the way and my desire is not to impress you
with what appears to be erudite explanations.
Let's move over into the political scene
where the two authors also make some scary
predictions. They believe that we are in for
another and more violent wave of terrorism.
This, they argue, will be more successful as
far as the terrorists are concerned since new
technologies have altered the balance of
power, making it cheaper for acts of
violence to be carried out. The bomb that put
a real dent in the World Trade Centre in
New York was built with material that you
or I could buy off the shelf.
That we are living in something less than
stable limes should come as no surprise. I
would imagine that those who believed that
all our troubles were behind us when the
Soviet Union fell apart and Saddam Hussein
was defeated should have come to their
senses by now and realized that there are
both economic and political dragons ready to
provide us with a big scare. What Messrs.
Davidson and Rees-Moog are doing is trying
to persuade us that these dragons are ready
to leap at any time.
doubt driving tourists away with his
advertising. He offers "high style coats made
for ladies from their own skin." Ouch.
And there's the ultimate safe-sex tour
offered by a tourist agency in Prague,
Czechoslovakia. "Take one of our all-day
horse-driven city tours" purrs the brochure.
"We guarantee no miscarriages."
Oh, it's a tricky and bushwhacking
language, this mother tongue of ours.
Reminds me of the story I heard from a
nurse about a doctor she once worked for.
He was a Haitian and he spoke several
languages, but not altogether fluently.
English was one of the tongues he was still
working on. "What I want to know" said the
doctor to the nurse one day, "is the meaning
of this English expression 'having sex'".
With no little embarrassment, the nurse
explained your basic Birds 'n Bees to the
doctor. He was still mystified.
"That's all it means?" he said. "Then why
do you say it to people when you're
surprised to see them?"
The nurse was buffaloed. She didn't know
what the Haitian was talking about.
"You know" explained the doctor, "You
run into an old field and say 'oh, for having
sex, it's so good to see you again.' "
I hope she straightened him out, for
heaven's sake.
I am not easily persuaded although I agree
with a considerable amount of what they are
trying to say; in fact, I have, at times, written
along somewhat the same lines.
However, I get a bit cynical when I read in
their book that I can only be saved if I agree
to hand over about $100 for a year's
subscription to their newsletter, the Strategic
Newsletter. I would have thought that, if
they were so concerned about our future,
they would have laid it right out for all to see
instead of attaching a price to it.
True, there is a money back guarantee but
that is par for the course.
My second objection is that I have heard
in the past a number of equally plausible
predictions of doom written by equally
capable men and the predictions just didn't
end up being realistic. If they want us to sit
up and take notice, they are going to have to
find a different way of going about it.
I agree that we are in bad shape; that it is
going to result in a total collapse is
somewhat harder to take.
Letter to editor
Continued from page 4
drilling procedures. MNR Inspectors are
supposed to ensure their guidelines are
adhered to.
* MNR and the well drillers are
responsible for the wells.
However, events in this province and
across Canada regarding gas/oil drilling and
its supervision are proving very costly to
average Canadians.
Getting back to our original statement "A
Gas/Oil Well in Every Back Yard" - think
twice about the price you settle for when
leasing. Experience has shown that problems
caused by MNR and Gas/Oil Drillers will
cost you! Do your homework concerning
liability, drilling guidelines, historical data
on water quality, etc.
"Beware" - Protect yourself and your
neighbours!
With Concern, Sincerely
Jim Field, Port Dover
519-428-9925
Bill Getty, Wheatley
519-825-7077
Perry Pearce, Wheatley
519-825-7706
The
Short
of it
By Bonnie Gropp
‘Tis the season
to be stressed out
Thanksgiving and Halloween of 1994 are
now history. November is upon us and, it is
my sadistic delight to remind you, that from
here on in, our busy lives just keep getting
busier.
This past spring I was invited to speak at a
meeting on Nov. 1. Plenty of warning; not a
problem, right? However, typically as the
day drew nearer I found myself with two
places to be that night, and though the one
had been booked much earlier it was
unfortunately the one I had to cancel.
Though I did manage a brief epistle to be
delivered in absentia, I felt terrible that I had
gone back on a promise. Though I have
learned I can't be all things to all people, I'm
still uncomfortable when I fail.
This time of year, life is back in full swing
— the kids are in school and involved in
various activities and Mom and Dad just try
to keep up. Add to that the upcoming festive
season's many commitments and we will
probably again spread ourselves a little thin.
We'll try to do more and, stressed out, will
enjoy less.
Dr. Richard Earle, a president of the
Canadian Institute of Stress and consultant
to the IOFF Family Stress program said that
two-income families being the norm these
days there is more pressure on families,
particularly mothers. Career-oriented women
feel guilt, worrying that perhaps they aren't
spending enough time with their children. At
the same time, they are wondering how
dedicated they are to their jobs.
Personally, I know that juggling my career
with family obligations is a daily challenge,
one that I share with a vast majority of
women. As a self-confessed 'control freak' it
is extremely difficult for me to work all day
then come home to a mess. Prior to full-time
employment I was always able to keep on
top of the chores, maintaining the order in
my home that means too much. Now, I must
reconcile myself not only to living with the
damage school age children can manage in
just brief minutes, but to leaving it alone
long enough to spend time with them.
One of the first rules of thumb for working
moms, Dr. Earle suggests, is to not be
Wonder Mom. Let the kids (and, hopefully
not inadvertently the neighbours as well)
know when you've had more than you can
take. I did and now, our household chores
are divided. (They still don't get done, but at
least I'm not responsible for that.)
Stress, however, is by no means exclusive
to the working mom. Male, female, young
and old fall victim at various times. We live
in a stressful society, where old-world values
seem to be dying while violence and
narcissism seem to be taking on new life.
Stress needs to be dealt with. It can affect
us physically, mentally and emotionally.
Learn to control the anger and frustration
that can sometimes overtake an otherwise
normal day. A mere 10 minutes of brisk
walking puls you back in control and does
wonders to boost a mood.
Another method of gaining control; and
it's one of my favourites; is to take a few
breathers. After years of listening to mother
tell us to suck in our tummies, most of us
have forgotten how to breathe. A good deep
breath lets it all hang out, but as your
muscles relax your stress will fade.
Set priorities for getting things done and
leave what you can't finish for another time.
The more we learn about stress, the better
equipped we are to recognize our own stress
triggers. Though you may think you don't
have time, find a few minutes each day to
discover your triggers and workable
preventative steps to make life easier to
manage, and healthier, too.
And over the next few months as you're
rushing here and there, remember the best
time Jo take a break is when you don't have
the time.