The Citizen, 1994-07-13, Page 16PAGE 16. THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, JULY 13,1994.
From the Minister’s Study
Outgoing messages with a Biblical theme
By Randy Banks
The telephone answering
machine is, for some, one of the
many banes of contemporary
human civilization. Some choose to
hang up the very second the
recorded message begins playing.
Others will comply with the
recorded voice's instructions and
will leave a message after the tone,
sometimes becoming tongue-tied or
forgetting what to say in the
process.
These machines, although
admittedly impersonal, prove to be
invaluable to the minister, who has
no secretarial assistance, and will
continue to be so until
technological progress renders
them obsolete. People who
cooperate by leaving a message on
my machine find that I am able to
respond to their concerns much
more expeditiously than those who
leave me wondering with a dial
tone or click - both of which my
machine record with great
proficiency.
Telephone companies will advise
you to keep your outgoing message
simple and succinct. It is obviously
unwise to provide details as to your
whereabouts and how long you will
be away. I suspect that my
outgoing message is difficult to
surpass in terms of blandness and
straightforwardness.
It is tempting to be cute and
facetious with outgoing messages
and I have certainly heard some
wisecracking efforts of sometimes
questionable taste. I myself
considered making a statement
about the view some people have of
the church as a marrying, burying,
baptizing service by devising an
irreverent message such as this:
Hatched, matched, and despatched.
If this is hatched, how would you
like your infant 'done': rare,
medium rare or well done.
Or, how about this one to help
account for the difficulty tracking
me down:
Hello! I know I should be in my
study right now to answer your
call. You may be saying: 'Isn't he
ever in his study? On the other
hand, if I were here, you would
probably say: 'Doesn't he ever get
out of his study to make parish
calls or hospital and nursing home
visits?'
So whether I am here or not, I am
in the wrong place. Then again,
how do you know, whether or not
after the beep, 1 am listening to you
and trying to decide whether to
pick up the phone and talk to you.
By the way, why are you calling
today anyway when you know that I
only work one day a week?
A little wordy perhaps. I could be
more to the point:
Hello. God has called me to be
somewhere else. When he calls me
back here, I'll call you back.
Imagine the outgoing messages
that might have been created by
biblical personages; Jonah for
example:
Hello, this is Jonah speaking. I've
gone overboard a little but am
having a whale of a time. I'll be
able to call you back in about three
days when I'm back on land.
Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep.
John the Baptist:
The voice you are now hearing has
been pre-recorded. My live voice is
presently crying in the wilderness.
Beep!
The prophet Isaiah:
Thus saith the Lord God who
created the heavens and the earth:
'Isaiah!' And I said: 'Here am I,
Lord.'Thus saith the Lord: 'I am
sending you to speak to my people.'
Therefore, thus saith the Lord:
Take thy answering machine and
recordest thou there a message
upon it so that when thou dost
return, thou mayest hearken to the
voices of the people who have
called unto thee, lo these many
days. Therefore, saith I; 'Woe to
those who will not wait for the
beeping tone.' BEEEEEP.
And, finally Paul who because of
his extensive travelling through
Asia Minor would certainly have
benefitted from the following
recorded message:
This is Paul, called by the will of
God to be an apostle of Christ
Jesus. I am in Ephesus for a few
months and unfortunately neither I
nor Timothy, Barnabas, nor Silas
can lake your call at this time. If
you have a touch-tone phone press
T 'for the Greek language.
If you are concerned about food
offered to idols, press '310'.
For translated portions of the letter
to the Romans, press '410.'
To hear how to deal with pesky
Gnostic Christians who go door-to-
door, press '510.'
For a complete listing of all the
spiritual gifts, press '610.'
Grace to you and peace from God
our Father and the Lord Jesus
Christ. Beep! Beep!
Answering machines have been
an asset to my ministry. Many
unnecessary trips have been saved
by messages that I have received or
relayed. Much important
HURON CHAPEL MISSIONARY
CHURCH
PASTOR JAMES H. CARNE AUBURN 526-7515
Sunday 10 a.m. * Family Bible Hour
11 a.m. - Morning Service
8 p.m. - Evening Service
Wednesday 8 p.m. - Prayer & Bible Study
Friday 7:30 p.m. - Youth - Pastor Bob Lewis, 526-7441
BLYTH UNITED
CHURCH
During July Rev. Jock Tolmay will conduct services
Services begin at 10:00 a.m.
Services return to 11:00 - Sept. 11
Rev. Stephen Huntley will begin August 7
THE ANGLICAN CHURCH OF CANADA
You are welcome this Sunday
July 17- Pentecost 8
Morning Prayer
Trinity, Blyth St. John's, Brussels
9:30 a.m. 11:15 a.m.
Rector, The Rev. E. Paul Acton, 887-9273
. BRUSSELS UNITED CHURCH
Rev. Cameron McMillan
Church Office 887-6259 Manse 887-9313
11:00 a.m. - Morning Worship Service
Welcome to members of Melville
Presbyterian Church who will worship
with us for the month of July.
************
9:30 a.m. - Ethel Morning Worship Service
The summer days are come again - We lift our song to Him
Welcome
information has been conveyed to
me and some misinformation
corrected. Mine will stay hooked to
my telephone for a while yet.
Now, if God should happen to
reach me by telephone, I do not
want the Almighty to be greeted
with: 'Hello, I am not here at the
moment, but if you leave your
name...'
I definitely want that one to be a
live conversation.
Jimmy Lee Fuller and his band entertained concert goers with their special brand of gospel
music at a performance on the lawn of the Brussels Mennonite Fellowship hall on Sunday
evening. The event was part of several activities in the village over the past weekend
MELVILLE
New pastor at Belgrave
By Janice Becker
A new pastor who will be minis
tering to Knox United and Calvin-
Brick United congregations as her
first charge has arrived in Belgrave.
Rev. Mary Jane Hobden gave her
first service on July 3 and says she
was very pleased with the atten
dance.
"The church was filled to the
front," she says.
Rev. Hobden says she is thankful
to the congregations of the two
churches for giving her the oppor
tunity to minister. "Today, minis
ters are not ordained until there is a
parish for them. I was informed on
Mother's Day that I would be
ordained at the end of May," she
says.
"The parishes were willing lo
give a young, woman minister on
her first charge, a chance. They are
open and willing lo give anything a
chance. They accepted me unseen."
"The two churches have a com-
Continued on page 19
‘y'ou are ‘Welcome at
the
BLYTH CHURCH OF GOD
9:45 a.m. - Sunday School for Children and Adults
11 -12:15 - Morning Worship
Bible Studies - Wednesday 10 a.m. & 7:30 p.m.
Phone 523-4590 McConnell St., Blyth
A BLYTH CHRISTIAN
REFORMED CHURCH
HIGHWAY 4, BLYTH-523-9233
Sunday 10:00 a.m. & 7:30 p.m.
Rev. A. Van Geest
The Church of the "Back to God Hour" and "Faith 20"
Back to God Hour 10:30 a.m. CKNX Sunday
Faith 20 5:30 a.m. Weekdays, Global T V.
All Visitors ‘Welcome ‘Wheelchair accessible
PRESBYTERIAN CHURCH
BRUSSELS
Rev. Carolyn McAvoy
- Morning Service
- Sunday School
- Belgrave Service
We welcome you to come and worship with us.
11:00 a.m.
9:30 a.m.
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Please join us at....
BRUSSELS
MENNONITE
FELLOWSHIP JOIN US!
Sunday, July 17: Singing Tune-Up Time 9:15 a.m.
WORSHIP SERVICE 9:30 a.m.
Sunday School For All Ages 10:30 a.m.
Elder This is the day which p
Linda Campbell ,fi‘ Tom Warner
357-1648 887-6388‘Psalm 118:24
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