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The Citizen, 1994-05-25, Page 12PAGE 12. THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, MAY 25,1994. Violence and sexual assault Expert says youth violence on the rise By Shelley McPhee Haist It's happening in the communities that we call home. It's happening in our schools. It's happening to our children. It's violence and sexual aggression, and it's not just a large urban phenomena, says Dr. Fred Matthews. Dr. Matthews, a community psychologist from Toronto, has spent his career studying violence and sexual aggression, from the North West Territories to South America. In the last decade he has seen the patterns of violence move from large urban centres to small communities, from remote northern settlements to downtown Toronto. Dr. Matthews was in Clinton on May 18 to lead a workshop on Sexual Assault - A Community Issue. The seminar was sponsored by SWAN - Stop Woman Abuse Now, and the Ontario Women's Directorate. It was held to bring educators, parents, teenagers, social workers, counsellors and community representatives together to talk about sexual violence in the local community, and particularly in the schools. "There's a lot of sexual assault going on in the schools and we're not talking about it," Dr. Matthews said. Statistics Canada reports that youth violence and the seriousness of offenses is increasing. There are more incidents involving knives, homemade weapons, more group sexual assaults and racial violence. "There are enough red flags to show that the seriousness ha.s escalated," Dr. Matthews said. It begins in part with the message Must move beyond ‘boys will be boys’ that young boys learn - the message about women, about sex, about what they can get away with. Dr. Matthews said that we must move beyond the "boys will be boys" explanation of youth actions. The typical sexual offender commits an average of 360 offenses in his lifetime. Often these offenses begin around the age of 10 or 11. Twenty-five per cent of the sexual offenders in Canada are teenagers. "We can't prosecute kids under the age of 12 even though a great deal of sexual offenses are happening in schools. We minimize these kind of offenses. "They commit this violence because they think they can get away with it. "Boys under the age of 12 get a clear message about the accepta­ bility of sexual assault," Dr. Matthews said. It often begins with sexual harassment - teasing a girl about her looks, or snapping her bra strap. There's sexing, or rushing, where a group of boys will move in on a girl as a group and touch her body. Often these actions are called kid's play, Dr. Matthews said, and the pattern for violence continues. He asked the audience how they would like to go to work each day and face that kind of sexual harassment - to have to pay somebody a dollar to use a bathroom, to hear comments about your body, to know that the person sitting next to you carries a knife? "As adults we'd go to our boss and want action, but kids are scared to talk, and they don't know whom to go to," Dr. Matthews said. He cited a survey of 850 students - only 30 per cent said they feel safe in their school sometimes or never. Seventy per Cent reported a moderate amount of violence, and 50 per cent of the offenses are not reported. At one time, Dr. Matthews said, educators often claimed there was no violence in their schools, but now they're seeing the statistics and they are aware. "As adults we get preoccupied with paying the bills and looking after the administration and we lose our perception about the world of young kids," Dr. Matthews said. "Young kids' lives are being shaped and molded and we're not paying enough attention to it." It is a community issue, he says. It means that educators must be pro-active in addressing the problems, parents must take a role, police must be involved, victims must be heard, and offenses must be dealt with seriously. While many education systems, including the Huron County Board of Education, have introduced conflict resolution programs, Dr. Matthews said that these only address part of the problem. "Too many of these kids won't mediate or talk or deal with programs. They don't give a damn about programs or the Young Offenders Act. You have to identify the serious offenders and you have to draw the line." Understanding the pattern of youth violence and victimization begins at a young age, Dr. Matthews said. It's founded in the female/male stereotypes and a number of contributing factors, from racial backgrounds to family situations, to poor nutrition and poverty. "Most young men learn sex from pornography, and women learn it from the men," Dr. Matthews said. "We need good sex education; we're a sex-negative society. We still use sex to tease and titillate and sell cars." He showed slides of sex in advertising - from a naked infant girl used to advertise python gloves, to young girls made up in leather and bondage to sell Italian leather. "Images in our culture are like wallpaper," Matthews said, adding young people are molding their images from Playboy, fashion magazines, and television. "Too much violence has been normalized. We need to name it and how it affects our lives." He spoke about the murder of Jamie Bolger, the toddler in England who was killed in 1993 by two young boys. The crime was hideous and so was the fact that the two boys dragged the frightened, crying toddler through the town, past more than 130 people, and no one stepped in to help. "It's time to draw the line in the sand for serious sexual offenders,” Wingham & District Hospital Board of Governors NOMINATIONS FOR NEW BOARD MEMBERS The Board of Governors of the Wingham and District Hospital requests that persons interested in joining the Board as a new Trustee and residing in Wingham or the surrounding area within 40 kilometres, send their name and a brief description of their experience to: Ms. Bev Brown Chairman, Nominating Committee c/o Wing ham & District Hospital 270 Carling Terrace Wingham, Ontario NOG 2W0 Dr. Matthews said. "If you slap the wrist of the offender, then the victim says the risk of coming forward is too high." He said that adults have to step in too, to get involved. "You have so much power and impact in your schools and communities." Communities must take victims seriously, take offenders seriously, lobby against pornography and boycott products that use women, children or men as sexual objects. Dr. Matthews said that we need to teach our children about sex, not by analyzing a large drawing of a penis in health class, but by role playing and giving teenagers situations that they can reason out. "We need to put that boy in the back of the Chevy after he's had Girls need to know they can say ‘no’ four beers or a joint, with a girl, and we need to teach him how to roll on a condom." "We have to teach girls that they have a right to say no to sex. They have a right to feel safe." Dr. Matthews asked why, at this stage in history, with the work of the women's movement, with knowledge and technology, are we at the place where women are still afraid? "When women aren't well, communities aren't well." Women's peace is slipping away, from the Northwest Territories to South America. Dr. Matthews said, "That sense of peace and wellness is missing in young women's lives." Men are afraid too, he said, and they are paying the price for the violent actions of some men. Dr. Matthews spoke about an incident in a grocery store where he tried to help a young child who was about to fall from a cart. When he went out to grab the child so she wouldn't fall, the mother snatched the youngster away and glared at him. "We're paying the price. We're in the circle with women. The price our daughters pay, women pay. We're all living in fear." Dr. Matthews said change begins in our communities when people draw a circle that encompasses men and women. "It's not about us and them, it's about us. It's about hearing each other's pains, issues, concerns. It's listening to children and teens. It's understanding boys' expression of violence and sex as not being normal." Reaching out to men may be one of the most difficult first steps. The predominance of women at the workshop (only three out of more than 50 participants were men) spoke to the work to be done. Dr. Matthews recognized this, and noted, "It's not a woman's job, or only half the healing is done. We have to be pro-active, pro-male, pro-community, pro-child/youth." It's about breaking down the barriers about men and women, recognizing negative sexual images and taking action against violent behaviours. Dr. Matthews spent time in Inuvik and part of his work was to set up a women's group. The women wanted to bring men into the dialogue but didn't know how to do this. Dr. Matthews observed that it was the role of women to invite the men to dance the traditional dances, and he used this technique to involve men in the LANDSCAPE PLANS available. TOMATOES ARE READY! OUR ASPARAGUS IS READY, y Come and Visit the area's ARGEST SELECTION gjfe OF PLANTS IN 30,000 sq. ft. ’ ~'A including 25 colours of Geraniums, Petunias in ragfe 25 Colours, 25 Colours of Impatients, 10 Varieties of Fuschia Hanging Baskets, 150 Varieties of Perennials, 30 Varieties of Herbs, 30 Varieties of Vegetable Plants, ./ 16 Varieties of Tomato Plants. PLUS MUCH MORE NURSERY STOCK • WINDBREAK TREES POTTED CONTAINERS & COLOUR BOWLS Wholesale and Retail 'peet frtee to vtoit atieftune! "Beautifying Huron County Since 1981" INVEST IN YOUR CREDIT UNION Spring is here and loan demand is high! Personal, Farm, Business and Mortgages. Your deposits are needed to keep up with the high demand. Your friends and neighbours in your community are counting on your investments. * Deposits Insured by Ontario Share and Deposit Insurance Corporation. * All Rates Subject To Change Without Notice RRSP, RRIF TERM DEPOSITS, SIX MONTH 5,/2% ONE YEAR g*/2% TWO YEAR P% THREE YEAR y/2% FOUR YEAR FIVE YEAR Q% CLINTON COMMUNITY CREDIT UNION 48 Ontario Street, 118 Main Street North CLINTON, 482-3467 EXETER, 235-0640 OPEN: Mon. to Thurs 9:00 am - 5:00 pm FRI. 9:00 am - 8:00 pm SERVING THE COMMUNITY SINCE 1952 women's group. "We need to regain our trust in men," he said. "Men are very afraid of women's righteous anger. They hear it as male bashing. "But there are men who want to dance and they're just shy or a bit scared. You have to ask them." He said that women must show a generosity of spirit, to let men into the circle, to talk about how they raise young boys, about how we treat women. "It took us thousands of years to get here, and you won't solve the world problems. Bite off little pieces and you can chew. "Every small victory against sexuality, racism and homophobia will affect your children and their values. They will influence our children and pass the vision and passion on."