HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 1993-12-08, Page 8Don't forget
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Lacing up
Katie Clark laces up her skates to participate in the
Skate-a-thon held this past Sunday as a fundraiser
for the new Children's Aid Society facility in
Goderich. Accomplished local skater Kevin Wheeler
made a guest appearance at the event.
It won't be Cong...
Why shovel your snow This
winter, Dave Lee is ready
with 3 radio equipped
tractors and blowers.
Routes will soon be
arranged, so please
call Dave today at
523-4343 if you
would like to be
included on a route.
We are still oiling cars
while weather permits.
Protect your car!
IOW
Dave Lee .
Blyth 523-4343
PROPOSED CHANGES TO OHIP
A review panel will study insured services that could be removed from OHIP coverage next year.
Only some of the services under consideration will be removed.
All medically necessary services will continue to be covered by OHIP. You are invited to send your
views to the panel.
THE JOINT REVIEW PANEL
Dorothy Pringle, Dean, Faculty of Nursing, University of Toronto will chair the newly created
Joint Review Panel. The seven-member panel has representatives from the public, physicians and
government. They will review those services submitted by the Ministry of Health and the Ontario
Medical Association. The panel's deliberations will depend heavily on public input received
during the review process.
PUBLIC INPUT
The proposed changes being reviewed by the panel can be obtained by calling
1-800-461-2036. TDD: 1-800-387-5559.
The deadline for receipt of submissions is January 10, 1994.
The panel will also hear oral submissions. When you send in your submission let us know if you
would like to make an oral presentation. The panel will contact you regarding your request.
Oral presentations will be heard in Toronto on Wednesday, January 19, and, if needed, on the
following day as well.
Send your submission, in English or French, to:
Dean Dorothy Pringle,
Faculty of Nursing
University of Toronto
50 St. George Street
Toronto, Ontario M5S 1A1
JMC
JOINT MANAGEMENT COMMITTEE
PAGE 8. THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 8, 1993.
Parents hear ideas for handling misbehaviour
By Janice Becker
In an effort to deal with a misbe-
having child or one that simply
won't listen, anger is not the best
response for a parent, says Don
Keillor, CEO of the Huron-Perth
Centres for Children and Youth.
This was the message presented
to a small group of concerned and
motivated parents at Blyth Public
School on Nov. 30.
Mr. Keillor has worked with chil-
dren and families for 30 years, in
several capacities and has been
with the centre for 16 years.
He was asked by the Blyth Par-
ents' Association to speak to them
about disciplining children.
Mr. Keillor says, "Kids' problems
are the same everywhere. On a help
line, 45 percent of the calls pertain
to either parent/child or child/child
conflicts."
When confronted with a problem,
it must be worked on or it will get
worse and this may include talking
to an outside person to get a better
perspective on the problem, he
says. When looking from the
inside, it is difficult to see the
whole situation.
A child's changes can be com-
pared to the growth of a lobster,
says Mr. Keillor. "In order for the
lobster to increase in size, it must
break out of its shell to give itself
room to grow. A child is the same.
She must break out of the old
behaviour patterns to be able to
develop new, more mature ways of
dealing with the world.
This process is often painful and
disorienting for the child so there is
a period of adjustment; a phase.
This is the time when
behavioural problems, which are
normal, can develop, he says.
"It is in these periods when a par-
ent must take control. There is no
choice between friendship with the
child and parental control when a
problem begins," Mr. Keillor says.
"Children know instinctively that
the parent is in charge and they
need to know they can always
depend on the parent."
So, how does a parent deal with a
child when they try to push the lim-
its?
Mr. Keillor says, "A systematic
use of anger does not work. The
child becomes defensive and reacts
with worse behaviour to show he
can't be controlled. Consequences
work better to stop the behaviour."
The use of consequences takes
longer and requires patience but, it
will work, he says.
"If the anger has reached the
point where the parent cannot be in
the room with the child, it has gone
too far. It is time the parent made
changes to the pattern of punish-
ment. This, in turn, will bring a
change in the child's reaction to
discipline."
Mr. Keillor says it is better to
think of a way to stop the
behaviour in the future than to
punish for the past action.
He gave a very good example by
telling a story about two siblings,
Billy and Judy.
The children's mother was very
worried that five-year-old Billy
would seriously hurt his three-year-
old sister. Anytime mother was not
watching, Billy would hit his sister,
sometimes very hard. Anger and
standard punishments had not
worked. Mother needed help.
After talking to a councillor,
Mom learned a new way to react.
She asked a trusted friend to help
around the house for one day and
she devoted all her time to watch-
ing Billy.
Each time he hit Judy, Mom
would hold him for two or three
minutes as he struggled to get
loose. Billy was at the age where he
did not like to have his freedom
restricted. He soon realized that
Mom was not going to forget and
wasn't going to get too busy to
watch.
That first day, Mom held Billy
eight times, the following day was
three, then once, and the behaviour
stopped.
This reaction was dramatic and
quick, says Mr. Keillor, but it was a
consequence which Billy under-
stood.
A parent in attendance, John Bat-
tye asked when children first begin
to go through these difficult stages.
There are two main periods, says
Mr. Keillor. The first is known as
the terrible twos. The child begins
to understand language by thinking
of opposites. In order for them to
know what "sit down" means, they
have to understand "stand up".
Because the opposite comes to
mind, that may be how they
respond.
As teenagers, there is peer pres-
sure to deal with. Friends are now
the most important part of the
child's life. The teenager is looking
for independence and trying to
grow into an individual. They will
fight parental control.
Mr. Keillor stressed it is also
important to re-enforce good
behaviour. Children get much of
their self-esteem in the beginning,
from the approval of parents.
If the parent has to deal with
other sources of stress, such as
financial, the child can see the
change in the face arid will think he
has done something wrong. The
child then responds by changing his
behaviour to make the parent
alright; to get the parent to react
normally to silly antics. "This is
often why a child acts up during a
stressful family time," says Mr.
Keillor.
Family interaction is very impor-
tant for the child to learn
behaviour. If children fight with
siblings or classmates, it is best for
the parent to give support, not
advice. A child may see this as
telling her she should have acted
differently to avoid the fight even if
she was the victim. Children need
help understanding their actions
and the choices they have to
achieve the results they want.
Within a family, a child must
know they will still be loved and
forgiven even if they don't do what
is right all the time, Mr. Keillor
says.
Children love to have approval
and they should receive simple
praise for good behaviour.
"We don't express love and affec-
tion easily, even within a family,
and simply asking how the other is
doing is a good way to show we
care," he says.
He summed up parenting by say-
ing, "If you are doing a good job,
your child will be happy some of
the time and will not lik6 you at all,
at other times."
Mr. Keillor received his Master
of Education from the University of
Toronto then taught for four years
• in both urban and rural settings.
He spent 12 years as a Special
Education Consultant in Toronto
and was then the head of the Etobi-
coke Learning Centre.
After three years on the Faculty
of Education at York University
designing and implementing teach-
er education programs, he became
the CEO of Huron-Perth Centres in
1977.
Anyone wishing information on
family or individual counselling
can contact the Huron-Perth Cen-
tres for Children and Youth, in
Stratford at 519-273-3373 or your
local principal.
Call 887-9114 or
523-4792 for de-
tails on our Chris-
tmas essay contest
or check page 1 of
Lthe Nov. 17 issue